Gohan was disappointed.
He'd really expected Vegeta to be able to help him, but instead-he'd let him down.
Gohan was tired-so very tired of the pain, the lies, the fact that he had to hide away from his beloved Piccolo. It made him sick to think about how close they once were to one another, but now Gohan was reduced to lying and stalking the beautiful namekian like some obsessive creep!
He wanted to forget that today ever happened, he didn't even care that today was his birthday-all he wanted to do was be with Piccolo, but he couldn't, and it killed him!
Gohan had a long way to go before this day was over, and for once-Gohan didn't give a fuck about it!
He flew back to his home on Mount Paozu, utterly depressed and defeated.
The earth was teeming with life all around him as he flew, but all Gohan could see was the endless grey void that threatened to consume him.
It didn't matter that today was his birthday or that he was another year older, if he couldn't talk to Piccolo or even be near him safely, Gohan would rather not even have a birthday party.
All Gohan could think about was the fact that he was a danger to Piccolo.
It killed him, ripped him apart that he was so out of control, that he was a danger to the one he loved most in the entire world.
Piccolo did not deserve this, he was the innocent one in the situation they'd found themselves in, it wasn't Piccolo's fault that Gohan had such perverted and lewd feelings for his naïve Master that he barley knew what to do with himself.
From day one, Piccolo had done nothing but try to help him, even when Gohan lied to him Piccolo still came around, willingly braving Chichi's anger and displeasure just to talk to Gohan, it shamed him greatly that he was hurting his love and putting him through this, but Piccolo's quiet devotion and kindness only made Gohan fall even more desperately in love with the wise and cunning warrior.
The sun was high in the sky, shining cheerfully, but all Gohan wanted to do was destroy it like Piccolo did the moon all those years ago, as his dark thoughts consumed his mind.
Gohan knew that his mother was probably already up moving around, the woman had been nearly obsessed with planning his birthday party-Hell, she was more excited than he was!
He could sense her ki moving around in the kitchen, it was still early morning but his mother had always been an early bird as she prepared food for his party, Gohan thought unenthusiastically.
He hovered outside his window, the desire to turn around and fly away from everything in his life, was nearly a physical thing.
He was so tired of being strong-of pretending everything was alright, all he wanted to do was turn back time and stop his father from ever dying and go back to the days when his life was simple, and wasn't the unmitigated nightmare it'd become.
This thing with Piccolo though, was taking a harsh toll on his mental and physical heath.
Gohan was breaking apart at the seams and it seemed as if no one noticed or cared except for his beloved Piccolo!
Nothing he did ever worked!
Hell, Vegeta had been a total let down, and now Gohan was once again on his own.
He wanted to be the Gohan that didn't have sick, perverted fantasies about his own Sensei-to be that strong, bright-eyed kid he once was, but as he stared at his troubled reflection, Gohan knew he would never be that innocent boy again!
Despair burned in his heart.
If he wasn't so shattered, and totally not in the mood for his annoying mother's mouth-Gohan would have smashed his window into pieces, the weight of his own defeated gaze staring back at him in the mirrored surface of the window was almost to much to bare!
The situation was clearly taking a toll on him, Gohan was slowly breaking down as the situation pressed down around him.
He opened his window and stepped inside, glancing around his room feeling like a stranger in his own house.
He stumbled to his bed, absolutely exhausted.
Today had been such a waste of time-scratch that, Vegeta had been such a waste of time! It wasn't supposed to end like this, Vegeta was supposed to help, to have the answer Gohan needed, but all the idiot wanted to do was fight-like always, thinking everything could be fix with a good fight! Gohan thought disgustedly.
He resented the fact that the only person who had an inkling of what Gohan was going through was so caught up in his stupid rivalry with his dead father, that the baka dared to call Gohan "Goku" it was so humiliating and so enraging that Gohan had to fight his Saiyan instincts that begged him to show Vegeta why he would never confuse Gohan for his father again!
Gohan laid face down in his bed, groaning in agony at the very thought of suffering through his own birthday party, it made him want to throw a destructo-disk at his own head!
He wanted to cancel the whole event-but for one, he knew his loud, overbearing mother would not go for that. And two, The rest of the Z-Fights were already invited and expected to be there, which meant that if he was unlucky-and Gohan was very unlucky, then Piccolo would more than likely be there too.
Gohan would be forced to do everything in his power to avoid him-it wouldn't do for the birthday boy to ravish one of the guests!
It would be the height of rudeness for good, polite Gohan to fuck his former master right there at his birthday party in front of everyone!
And Gohan was anything but rude! He thought sardonically.
Gohan rolled his eyes at the irony, If only they knew how...polite... Gohan could get when it came to the green-skinned namekian then they would really lose their shit, he snickered to himself.
If he didn't have such rigid, iron control of himself, Gohan would probably give all the Z-Fighters a free show!
But luckily, he did have such iron control, because Gohan didn't think his mother or the Z-Fighters were quite ready to see him tongue-fuck the hell out of Piccolo, devour his lips or suck on his sexy antenna.
But hey, what can you do?
Gohan had been holding back his rather aggressive Saiyan instincts for a while now-but fighting Vegeta had not helped at all, to be honest, it had only made things worse!
His primal saiyan instincts were at an all time high, and it was taking everything in him not to lock on Piccolo's location and go get his namek!
Gohan at this point was ready to say "Fuck it!"
For the first time in his life, he actually hoped that Piccolo wouldn't come to his party.
All these years of begging his mother to invite Piccolo to his birthday party-waiting anxiously for the peaceful and powerful Namek to show up, ignoring everyone else-just for a glimpse of the elegant and beautiful being, all gone in an instant because he couldn't control his dick!
Well, this time he had another reason to be anxious and it wasn't because he wanted to play pin-the-tail-on-the-primate. He thought, grimacing at the raunchy direction his thoughts had taken.
It was pathetic-no, more than pathetic, it was absolutely disgusting and dishonorable!
He was disgusting and dishonorable! Gohan hated that he was ruled by such perverse feelings and emotions that had him unable to even be near his best friend.
His mind contained so much filth, that he couldn't even look anybody in the eye, the feeling of shame that he wrestled with daily was so powerful that it was almost too hard to overcome.
If anyone looked inside his mind they would be absolutely horrified and disgusted by the constant images and dirty thoughts about Piccolo.
Thank Kami, Piccolo was too respectful and honorable to ever enter his mind without permission, because if he did, Gohan was sure the shy and innocent namek would never want to talk to Gohan again!
To be honest, Gohan didn't know if he would be able to control himself if Piccolo did show up to his party? Honestly, Gohan was tired of fighting his instincts, he just wanted his friend back-was that too much to ask?!
Gohan turned over on his bed, he knew his mother would never let him ditch his own birthday party but he was really contemplating hiding out at Kami's lookout until this horrible day was over.
"Gohan-chaaaaa!" Chichi screamed out.
His mother's shout was so loud that it nearly rattled the walls, Chichi may not have been much of a fighter these days, but she still had quite the set of pipes on her.
"Gohan, come down stairs, we need to get to Bulma's to help set up!" she shouted up the stairs.
Gohan groaned in annoyance, he wanted to pretend his mom had never spoken so that he could continue his pity party in peace, but Gohan knew that if he ignored her it would only make it worse and cause his mother to enter his room-being her loud, overbearing self which Gohan just couldn't deal with today.
Gohan sighed tiredly, rolling off the bed wishing he'd never agreed to have the stupid party in the first place!
"Coming mom!" he called out, hoping it would keep her from invading his privacy-again!
His mom had a tendency to barge right into his room when she felt he was hiding something or when her overprotective nature caused her to check in on him every hour of the day.
But after a few screaming matches and an embarrassing incident in which she walked in on him masturbating, his mother finally learned to leave him alone and knock before entering his room, at least part of the time-it was still a work in progress.
Gohan walked down the stairs, still dressed in a pair of purple sweat pants and white T-shirt from earlier.
Chichi took one look at her oldest child and nearly burst a blood vessel!
"Gohan-chaaa! That is not the clothing of a respectable young man! You will change into the suit I picked out for you this instant, young man!" Chichi screeched.
Gohan rolled his eyes in annoyance, "Listen mom, I'm not wearing a monkey-suit to my party, that is most definitely not happening, I barely even want go to this stupid thing, don't push your luck mom, I am not in the mood." Gohan replied sternly, irritated that once again his mother was trying to control his life.
Chichi gasped in shock, stumbling back at his words, "Gohan!...what has gotten into you?! This can not possibly be my baby boy behaving like this?! I'm going to assume this is just birthday nerves and puberty talking. If only your father were still here you wouldn't be behaving like this. Its that damn demon and his ugly attitude rubbing off on you!"
Gohan clenched his fists tight, grinding his teeth in frustration at the very mention of his father.
He hated when his mother did this-brought up his father and insulted Piccolo. She really saw his dad as some type of saint, treating Goku as if he was father and husband of the year-despite the fact that the man didn't give two shits about her when he chose to stay in Otherworld! It was so fucking irritating correcting her again and again, just for her to ignore him and continue to bash Piccolo and pretend his father actually gave a damn about them.
Gohan was tired of biting his tongue, it was his birthday today so he decided right then and there to stop giving a fuck! He was going to say what the fuck he wanted, even if that meant hurting peoples feelings.
"Well mom, to bad for you-he's not here because he's dead! He's dead mom, and its time for you to acknowledge it!"
"I'm tired of pretending dad gave a shit about us-he didn't, mom. He happily went on to Otherworld-fighting and eating to his hearts content without another thought to what would happen to us. That's your so-called husband mom, that's Goku, a man that left you a single mother without a backwards glance." Gohan stated ruthlessly.
Chichi trembled, covering her face in embarrassment as her entire body frozen in horror.
Gohan's words had ripped through her as effortlessly as paper- hearing the truth spoken so bluntly, out loud-by her own son, was nearly her undoing! She'd tried her hardest to pretend that everything was alright, that Goku's abandonment hadn't destroyed her and sent her spiraling into a depression, but looking at the evidence of her son's rage filled eyes and hearing his cutting words made her realize that her attempt had failed.
Gohan didn't like hurting his mother, he never wanted to be the cause of her tears, but enough was enough! They couldn't keep living like this, bottling their emotions about his father under a veneer of cheerfulness! He was sick and tired of having to bare the brunt of his mother's emotions and it was time to end it.
Piccolo had made him realize that the only way to move forward was to confront and deal with things directly.
Gohan hadn't intended for this to come to a head on his birthday, but hell, it was already a shit day might as well go all out.
"G-gohan" Chichi whispered, barely able to gather her wits together, her shame so great. She sighed, lowering her head in sorrow and pain unable to even look at him.
Gohan didn't move an inch, standing there waiting for her to speak, Chichi seemed to have aged a thousand years in an instant.
"I didn't want to do this here Gohan-today on your birthday. If I could, I would have never addressed this, but you've forced me to face it-to acknowledge a truth I would have happily ignored for the rest of my life!" Chichi stated quietly, turning away.
"But I am still your mother" She said, looking him dead in the eye. "I will be respected no matter what!"
"I loved your father Gohan, with everything in me, but...he loved the earth more, loved fighting more, loved everything more than he could ever love me. You don't think I know that if he had a choice between training and saving the world or being with me and his own children that he would choose training every damn time!" She hissed furiously.
"I lived with that reality long before he ever went to Namek!"
"But today-today on my son's thirteenth birthday, I wanted to pretend that if he were here-that maybe for once, he would forgo training and actually choose us for the first time in his stupid life!" She jerked forward, poking Gohan in the chest as she released all her pent up rage, anger, and resentment.
"But I am a mother first, with a teenager and a baby who doesn't need the anger and resentment I feel poisoning them against their father."
"Yes, I feel cheated-yes I feel rejected after everything I've done and all the years I've given him."
"I feel the disapproving glares tossed at me from all your father's friends-friends who from the very beginning resented me and badmouth me to your father and you, but I stayed, I endured, and fought for a love that might have been a waste of time-but what I will never regret is the fact that you and Goten are my son's, and that is the greatest gift your father ever gave me!"
"Everything I've done, has been because I love hard-maybe to my own detriment..." She trailed off sadly, holding herself protectively as she stared off into the distance, gaze unseeing while silent tears fell from her eyes. She continued to speak, her words were quiet, yet shattering as Gohan watched his strong mother fall apart.
"So yeah, I might seem foolish and out of touch to you- even overbearing and overprotective at times, but everything I am- I give to you both, because you're all I have left in this world." She explained firmly, her dark brown eyes fierce, but they couldn't hide the small trace of vulnerability hidden in them.
Gohan took a tentive step forward-but Chichi flinched away, the pain in her eyes an arrow to his heart. It hurt him to see her like this, but even worse was the fact that she flinched away from him as if afraid he would cause her harm. Gohan felt terrible, he was not this person, but once again his crazy hormones had him acting insane.
He took in his mother's trembling small form, and felt like a dick for pushing her like this. Gohan didn't know what had come over him, it was like after she insulted Piccolo and brought up his father again he'd lost it.
Gohan had always hated the fact that his mother seemed to be living in a fantasy world when it came to his father's callous actions, but to hear what she really felt and see the devastation she always pretended wasn't there-expressed freely, made him realized just how much his mother had been protecting him from, he watched helplessly, unable to do anything as she cried, weeping bitterly in front of him.
Big, fat tear drops dripped down her pale face, as guilt ate away at him, squeezing his heart in agony for the suffering he'd caused her.
He regretted ever going there, for forcing his mother to relive all her pain.
Gohan had just been so angry-at Vegeta, at himself, at the very thought of having to go to this stupid party and pretend he was normal when he'd never been normal in his life!
But he was wrong, none of this was her fault. His messed up saiyan instincts had nothing to do with his mother and gave him no right to take his bad mood out on her.
All she'd ever done was try to celebrate his birthday, its not her fault her son was a dick. Gohan thought, feeling remorseful.
Her words had broken his heart, he loved his mother and it angered him greatly that she truly felt she had no one else in the world. His father had let her down, it didn't matter if his mother could be a little loud or excessive, the Z-Fighters had no right to badmouth her and Gohan felt shame for the many times he'd stood by and allowed them to do so, joining in as his mother was made the butt of their jokes.
"I'm sorry mom, I was wrong. I was frustrated and I took it out on you, I just get so tired of you insulting Piccolo and acting like dad was a saint! You have been the only one who has ever put our needs first. Saving the world may be all well and good, but I know if their was a choice between us and the world you would choose me and Goten." Gohan said softly, his dark brown eyes so like his mothers, were filled with remorse.
"You are a great mother, and atleast we know that no matter what happens you will never abandon us. Mom, I care about Piccolo, he is not a demon. When you call him that it hurts me, it makes me feel as if my own mother is against someone who has always had my back. Piccolo is my friend, and you don't have to like him mom but please stop being so hateful towards him, he's done nothing to deserve it."
"But-" Chichi started to say, but Gohan cut her off sharply. "-No buts, mom. Yeah Piccolo kidnapped me, but that was a long time ago, he also died for me, but you never remember that part either!" Gohan reminded her.
"Give him a chance mom, I just need you to do this one thing for me, ok. He's the most innocent, shy, and sweet person I have ever met, he is not the monster you imagine him to be, mom." Gohan stated earnestly, eyes tender, a small smile on his handsome face as a blush bloomed, staining his cheeks.
Chichi stared at her son in resignation,"He means that much to you huh, Gohan?" She asked, already knowing the answer. Her son was besotted with the green alien, she thought with a sigh. She knew that if she wanted to have any relationship with this assertive version of her newly teenage son she needed to deal with her issues with Piccolo. Chichi was not willing to lose her son, and from that determined glint in his eye, Gohan was not changing his mind or budging on the issue.
Chichi sighed in defeat, she would learn to accept the namek as Gohan's friend, but she couldn't wait till he got a girlfriend and outgrew this childish infatuation. It wasn't normal, and Chichi had a feeling of foreboding when she thought about how intense her son behaved when it came to the demo-I mean alien!
"Ok Gohan, I'll try. I'm not perfect, I will make mistakes-but I will try." Chichi promised, she turned to her oldest son, he was so different from his father and her, but she was starting to see the man he would become, see the impact that a life lived fighting for his life and losing his father had on her son.
Chichi could now see the pain her son carried and the resentment, she had been wrapped up in her grief that she had been blind to it.
But now she was thankful for Gohan's outburst, thankful they'd finally cleared the air-they needed to put her husband's ghost to rest, to finally let Goku go, Chichi realized that it had been slowly poisoning them, turning them into people they didn't want to be.
"Thank you for confronting me, Gohan. I didn't realize how bottling it all in was hurting not only me but you too, When did you get so wise?" She asked in wonder, feeling as if she was seeing him for the first time.
"Piccolo, mom."
"It was actually him who sat me down and made me face my feelings about Father. He educated me about depression, taught me some meditation techniques, allowed me to vent with no judgement, and gave me a journal to express my feelings in a safe, controlled way. He's awesome mom! I'm slowly getting better because of him." Gohan said excitedly, eyes sparkling the more he talked about Piccolo.
"...or atleast I was." He mumbled to himself.
Chichi watched her son, his smile lighting up the room as he babble about how great Piccolo was, the jealousy that usually rose up at just the mention of her green-skinned enemy did not come, but a deep seated understanding that her son would never stop gushing about Piccolo, would always have that light in his eyes when he was brought up, took root.
Chichi shook her head, feeling conflicted-it galled her that the namekian had been there for her son when she couldn't, that her boy had confided in a creature she considered a monster, but she was happy and relieved that her son had had somebody there for him in his time of need. Maybe it was time to see what the Namek was all about, he had helped her son when even Chichi had failed him, so she would atleast try to reign in her instinctive reaction to insult and fight the Alien. It was the best she could do for now, baby steps-these things took baby steps.
"...As for dad, I've come to turns with my feeling for him, I have a lot of anger and resentment towards him that I'm working through. I've learned to forgive myself, and to take each day at a time. That's what you gotta do too mom, forgive yourself and move on."
Chichi gave him a teary smile, her son was really growing up!
"But enough about that, let's head to Bulma's. It was good talking to you mom, about everything. I didn't know I needed that."
Chichi felt overwhelmed with love for her son, she rushed into his arms-giving him a tight hug. She was so proud of her boy, "I didn't know I needed it either, but I'm glad it happened. I want to talk about this again-when we have more time, is that ok?" She asked, this time not forcing her son to do what she wanted.
Gohan smiled gently, hugging his mother tight, "I would like that mom, I would like that a lot." He answered.