#20 - Athrun and Cagalli (final)
Part 1 - Cagalli
Cagalli tapped her fingers on her father's desk, then stretched them out long, forcing them to still. A trick she had learned from years in the job to hide her tempestuous nerves. She belatedly hoped the person opposite her wouldn't notice. Fortunately, their attention was fully occupied elsewhere.
In the closing weeks of the parliamentary year, she had achieved her last (insane? reckless? courageous? defining?) act as Chief Representative of Orb – a motion to hold a referendum on the Orb Constitution supported by a voting majority. Now all that remained for Cagalli to do was to make her final speech to the people of Orb as their leader.
What the future held beyond – for Orb and herself – was shrouded in the unknown. She hadn't committed to any course of action yet in her mind. It was like standing on the edge of an inky abyss after being on a well-worn trail, and she wasn't sure whether the breathless feeling hitched to her heart was terror or joy.
"It's wonderful Cagalli," Lacus said, setting the papers she was reading back down on the desk. "The quote at the end is a beautiful touch,".
Cagalli blushed; even she wasn't impervious to butterflies from a compliment from Lacus. "Athrun suggested it. I think he is better read about Orb's history now than myself,".
Lacus nodded, understanding. Orb for Cagalli was an emotion, a feeling, something that surged through her veins, on occasion overtook any logical thought, and tied her intrinsically to the ground she walked on. For Athrun, he needed to find a way to engage with Orb intellectually, find reason in how it came to be, how it worked, where he could fit in.
"Cagalli?" Lacus looked across at her kindly. "Is everything alright?".
Cagalli placed an elbow on the desk and rested her head in the palm of her hand. "I keep thinking, what would my father think," she admitted. She missed him, achingly so. It did not lessen with time.
"I think," Lacus tapped a finger to the side of her face. "He would marvel at how brave you are,".
The tears now came. Cagalli wasn't sure she would ever be able to express in words the gratitude she felt towards the woman in front of her. The universe continued to turn, self-interest persisted in driving the interests of men and nations, and it was difficult to measure their success in being custodians of a new era. Lacus' serene optimism and calm guidance – even where their domestic politics diverged or opposed – had always been something for Cagalli to look up and ahead to.
To her surprise, Lacus' cerulean eyes were also misty. And it dawned on Cagalli for the first time that perhaps this dynamic they shared, which she always assumed to be rather one-sided, wasn't quite that. Lacus was going to have to go on without her.
Lacus reached into her handbag, then slid a large yellow envelope across the desk. "I am sorry to have not given this to you sooner," she said in a quiet voice. "I meant to. But we all became so busy…".
Cagalli watched Lacus with open curiosity. She started to remove the contents of the envelope, but a jolt of frenetic energy made her freeze. She placed the envelope back down on the desk. There would be time to look at it later. She smiled. "Never apologise to me. Thank you, Lacus,".
She waited in the entrance hallway of the main building in the Attha estate, fanning herself with a hand. Her ankles and wrists were swollen in the heat, and she was grateful this was the last time for a long while she would need to dress herself for an official event.
With some trepidation, Cagalli considered her appearance in the full-length mirror in the hallway. The shape of her body was almost unrecognisable. Orb military jacket open, sleeves rolled up, bulging red tunic underneath. Her hair reverted to its usual messy self. She smiled wryly at her reflection – she was leaving the position of Chief Representative as chaotically as she came into it.
The months passed by so quickly, though. Everything was happening so fast, every day so full, she sometimes felt like she was watching it all outside her body. Her ears started to buzz and crackle…
"Cagalli, your car is here," That voice. The white noise in her head cleared out.
"Kira," Cagalli exhaled. She frequently wondered now, as an adult, how it could possibly be that in growing up as Uzumi Nara Attha's only errant child, she never for a moment considered or realised that there was a missing part of her out there. How could she not have known?
Finding him – and not any him, but Kira! – settled a restlessness that characterised her childhood in Orb. She was no longer on the outside looking in, she had her own special something. Finding Kira in some ways solved the mystery of her wayward nature as a teen, but also created many new ones.
Cagalli still only had a bare understanding of how she came to be a natural, while her brother was this so-called Ultimate Coordinator. A conversation for which the 'right moment' never arrived. In the meantime, Terminal's long-term investigation into Mendel continued in the background of their lives. They had received a coded message the other week which suggested Andy was closing in on something of interest…but it, like many other things, would have to wait for another day.
"Cagalli, are you alright?".
"I keep getting asked that," she mused. "Well, it's a big day. And I am very pregnant,".
He grimaced at her, but his eyes were twinkling. "Funny,".
"I have been preparing for this for a while," she offered by way of reassurance, then smiled at him self-depreciatingly "And anyway, burning down the house is something of a family business,".
Kira unexpectedly took her hands into his own and looked at her seriously. "Cagalli, I'm very proud to be your brother,".
Oh Haumea. She was going to be lucky to make it out of the estate with a shred of composure at this rate. Lacus and Kira, honestly. She flung her arms around his neck and was astonished yet again by the fact she ever existed without him in her life.
The streets were packed with crowds; wanting to catch sight of Orb's princess as she passed by in the town car, before watching her farewell address on the large projection screens around the city. Despite the good cheer of her people, it all reminded her of another day Cagalli longed to forget.
Leaning her head against the car window, Orb's Parliament started to come into view – and Cagalli was shocked to realise she didn't feel any sadness or regret. She rested her hand on her belly, and for the first time that day felt calm.
A barrage of camera flashes greeted her as she exited the vehicle, as the world's media sought to capture her image. She would forever be bemused by the level of public interest in her. Supporters and well-wishers lined the halls of the Parliament building, forming an informal guard for her final solo journey to the press room, a route she had traversed many times before.
Her detractors were there, too. She couldn't avoid the fierce looks, for instance, from a Rear Admiral aligned with one of the old Houses – she was quite sure he would spit at her feet if she didn't have the protective cloak of pregnancy around her. Years ago, this level of animosity would have caused her to keel over with shame; but now…she'd long taken on board Kisaka's sensible advice that it would be a fool's errand to try to make everyone happy.
"And you finally bring ruin to Orb". She stopped mid-stride at the Rear Admiral's low, seething, and borderline treasonous words.
Cagalli turned slowly and re-traced her steps until she was level with him. The fight, it was always a fight. How many rounds had she gone with older men who looked down on her, doubted her, infantilised her?
Out of the corner of her eye she caught sight of one of the younger policy advisers stationed further down the hallway. While Cagalli was quite alive to being the centre of everyone's attention, she became hyper-aware of the acute interest from this young woman – who was leaning forward with wide opened-eyes – in how the situation was going to play out.
When Cagalli was still quite small, her father had commissioned the design of her personal insignia – the lion with the rose‑coloured lily in its jaws. Strength and empathy, he had explained. Courage and kindness. These were not qualities, as some would contend, existing in opposition to each other. Value each as much as the other and people will follow your lead.
"No, not all of us get to leave our mark on history," she said finally, looking the Rear Admiral straight in the eye. "I thank you for your service. Now watch,". As she turned back to resume her walk, she gave a discreet wink to the younger woman. Hang in there.
The eyes of the world continued to sear into her back. She started to become a little light‑headed, the clamour and intensity of interest threatening to drag her back to her teenage self. When she reached the press room itself, it was heaving wall to wall with humans. For a moment she was dizzy. But with a determined, steadying breath, she gritted her teeth and forced her feet to move ahead, a slow march.
Please live happily, Cagalli.
And then finally, there he was, waiting for her in a seat behind the podium. Still so stupidly handsome.
Cagalli took her place on the raised stage, then glanced back one more time over her shoulder. Athrun smiled back at her, and she returned it with her own golden one. He was next to her, and she was stronger than she'd ever been. The crowd outside roared as she cleared her voice to speak.
Part 2 - Athrun
Together they watched the little girl lying on her back, cooing at the rotating mobile of the planets around the sun and stars above her head. A handmade gift from her Uncle Mwu and Aunt Murrue. She was a little over four months old now, and just starting to engage with the world around her.
Dappled sunlight gave the nursery a gentle glow, and a soft warm breeze carried the sweet smell of frangipanis through the opened windows.
"She's very small," Kira observed, finally.
"She's a baby, Kira,".
Kira continued undeterred. "Are you enjoying it?". Athrun's eyebrows lifted. After four months of sleepless nights, if it had been anyone else asking – Yzak or Shinn, for example – the question would have been dripping in sarcasm. But with Kira, it was earnest, hopeful, yearning.
Athrun relented, his face softening. "It's pretty special,".
"Via. Where is the sun?" Kira was virtually cooing. Athrun rolled his eyes, but to the unexpected delight of her uncle (and her father, if he was being honest with himself), Via raised a chubby arm to point at the yellow star at the centre of the mobile.
"Wow! That's clever,".
"She seems bright," Athrun agreed, adding "But isn't that what all parents say about their kids?".
Kira inwardly chuckled. Trust Athrun to be modest about everything, including his own child.
Via started to squirm, and Athrun lifted her out of the cot to his chest. The baby reached for the Haumea stone around his neck. The stone which connected her to her ancestors, to her grandfather.
Athrun only ever had one direct conversation with Cagalli's father. During the First War, before the destruction of Orb. The evacuation orders had been issued and the military base was alive with activity – the discipline of having a shared mission to focus on distracting everyone from the helplessness of their situation. Amidst the chaos, Athrun stood alone under the Justice.
He was deep in aching, painful thought; Lacus' words replaying over and over in his head. What is it you're fighting for, Athrun Zala.
"Athrun Zala," a strong voice boomed through the hangar. Athrun turned, startled, to find himself face-to-face with the Chief Representative of Orb. "We haven't had a chance to talk yet,".
Athrun stood straight and bowed respectfully like the soldier he was. He then automatically lifted his hand to salute in the ZAFT-style, but remembering where he was, and who he was standing before, faltered; desperately trying to recall the form used by the Orb soldiers. The result was comedic and pathetic.
The older man smiled at the sight. "Thank you for your assistance on the battlefield. I am not sure what you are planning to do now with this weapon of yours, but you have done Orb a great service,"
Athrun stayed silent and kept his eyes downcast – the image of Heliopolis splitting into two flashing before him. He was no saviour of Orb.
Uzumi continued. "I have met your father a number of times," he said. "As I said earlier, I have grave concerns with the path he is forging for the PLANTS,".
Athrun reddened. He was keenly aware of his father's views on Uzumi Nara Attha. According to Patrick Zala, Orb was a troublesome nation, led by a troublesome man that could not be trusted. These were views he repeated often, and which Athrun's own experiences through the course of the war – the Earth Alliance's secret weapons, Heliopolis – had seemingly confirmed to be true.
"But I do remember how warmly he spoke of your mother,".
An electric shock jolted through Athrun. He fought to find his voice. "Bloody Valentine affected him badly. You see, my mother died,".
"Yes, I met her once too. During a summit on interplanetary food supply. She had some very innovative ideas on astrobotany. Ahead of her time," Uzumi looked ahead into a distant place.
A cacophony of emotions stirred up in Athrun, and he blurted out the dark realisation he had been pondering, coming to terms with, while standing alone. "Sir, Orb is going to fall,".
Uzumi looked at him evenly – as an equal even – acknowledging the appalling fact without words. "There is room in this world, in this future for both naturals and coordinators. I know this is something you want to protect too," Uzumi said instead.
Athrun recalled Uzumi affectionately patting Cagalli's head, love and pride shining in his eyes
"You have seen the destruction intolerance brings…acceptance of each other is not easy, but it is the only way,".
Athrun thought of his many agonising battles with Kira, and wondered where he was. What it would be like to fight together again.
"One final matter. That stone around your neck is a family heirloom," Uzumi left his words hanging in the air, turning to exit. He then said something indistinct, which Athrun could barely hear…
Athrun spent a great deal of time over the years trying to piece together exactly what Orb's Chief Representative had said to him that day.
Athrun's initial reaction at the time was that Uzumi had said "Take care of it,".
He was immediately overcome with anxiety that he had been given something by Cagalli that he had no right to possess. He very nearly raced after the older man to deliver the Haumea stone back to Uzumi and his ancestors, held back only by an unexpected countervailing emotion of attachment to the stone. She gave it to me, she wanted me to have it.
Later on – after Uzumi was destroyed along with most of Orb; and his own feelings for the wayward princess began to crystalise – he thought, on reflection, perhaps, Uzumi had said "Take care of her,".
So, when Athrun told Cagalli that he would protect her, before the final battle of Jachin Due, the promise was not only to Cagalli but also to the memory of her father.
"Honestly, have you ever seen a man more in love with a baby. He can't stop looking at her,".
Athrun snapped out of his reminiscing, greeted by the innocently smiling face of his best friend, joined now by his wife and sister-in-law.
Athrun scowled at Kira, but bit his tongue. Via was asleep now against his chest, her tiny hand limp around the Haumea stone. Cagalli took Via out of his arms to place her back into the cot. "Well, she's pretty adorable," she glanced at Athrun sideways with a smirk. "Who can blame him?".
"Athrun is very kind Kira. Don't make fun of him," Lacus said amiably, while absolutely making fun of him. She closed the curtains to the nursery, then softly directed Mr Pink to sing a lullaby to keep Via company during her sleep.
Athrun watched Kira, Lacus and Cagalli leave the room, happily continuing their merry teasing, then followed, shoving his hands into his pockets and smiling softly to himself. It was hard sometimes to believe this was all real. That he was deserving.
But he was now certain at least of what Uzumi had said to him that day. "Take care of them,".
A/N: It's been fun keeping this going for the last 4/5 years, but time to bring it to an end. There a few threads throughout the chapters (SEED factor, Mendel, the fertility crisis in the PLANTS, Shinn post-destiny) that I wouldn't mind picking up again one day, but we will see :). Wishing you all the best for 2022 and beyond.