Bout time I got back to ya'll, finally got settled in the new place and so we're able to go back to our usual posting schedule. This is the second to last chapter and then I'll have a small epilogue after once I can sit down and properly get it sorted out. Thank you to those who came along, stuck with us through this whole mess, we've greatly appreciated it. Take care and till next time!
It'd been a week now that he had to wake up to an empty house and an even emptier feeling inside of him as he woke up on the couch in the living room for the eighth night in a row. There weren't the usual sounds of Thomas waking up and storming down the stairs to hound either one of them for a bowl of ice cream for breakfast twenty times. There weren't the usual smells of Ray making them an actual breakfast from inside the kitchen.
It was still just as odd as when he'd walked into the house that night he came home early from the club, and he couldn't say he was a fan of all the silence.
Even the nights he'd been going back to the club, where the loud music blared and the sound of people were talking filled the space, he always found himself blocking it all and staying in a bubble of silence.
Ray hadn't shown back up to work, not that he'd really been expecting him to but a part of him had held out some hope that the other would have at least shown up for a shift during the past week.
Tala wasn't saying much, nor had Kai really been asking either given what Tala had told him to do about leaving the ball on Ray's side of the court for the time being. The last message from Ray had been the one he'd sent their first night apart, and Kai had never messaged him back when he woke up that following Tuesday morning.
He couldn't remember a time they'd gone this long without talking, even when they'd been apart for the snow storm they'd been constantly talking back and forth about one thing or another, but now his phone was void of any messages or calls.
In a weird twist of fate he was almost grateful for the distraction of it being another day for Johnny to show up in court. Would surely keep his mind off what was going on currently and begrudgingly rolled himself off the couch to get ready to leave like he had been since the very first court appearance back on the ninth.
The first hearing had dragged out for as long as it could. Every bit of evidence being brought up against Johnny to the point that half way through, Kai couldn't bear to listen to the rest and put himself back in his silent bubble until the court had been adjourned and they were sent home.
If this was taking steps back from what he'd gone and told Tala that night at the club, where the redhead allowed him to beat on him, he wasn't sure. Then again, he never did say he wasn't going to attend the court hearings either. And now, given what Johnny had told him back at the prison, he was going with a different intent than being his support.
He wanted to see the bastard put away for as long as they could make him. It wouldn't erase what Johnny had done, but to Kai it only felt fair. Ming-Ming deserved justice for all that had happened to her even if it was hard to sit there and listen to it all again.
Taking his time in getting ready, forgoing anything to eat like he had been since Ray left, he'd made it back down the stairs with an hour to spare to reach the courthouse.
Periodically he checked his phone before and after getting out of the shower to see if Ray had messaged him, or even Tala, but no new notifications sat on his screen by the time he reached the Corvette and kicked it on to run the heater before he froze in the seat just like all the other mornings before.
With the way the temperature was dropping again it seemed they were in for another snowfall. Which almost seemed fitting in a morbid way. If he couldn't be happy, then why should the rest of the population around him be?
When he reached the courthouse, strolling up the stairs his phone finally pinged with a message in his back pocket. Pausing on the stairs he glanced at it, was from Ray, but he didn't have time to respond just yet so turned his phone off and slipped it back into his pocket before carrying on inside the warmth of the building.
Finding the appropriate room, the same one he'd been sitting in since Wednesday, he took a seat in the very far back like he always did. Eyes on the side door that Johnny would be coming through as the idle chatter around him turned to white noise.
As the jury entered and took their seats, Kai blinked to clear his vision that he'd let blur over as the door he'd stared at for who knows how long finally opened.
Red hair slicked back in a way that he hadn't seen since Voltaire's funeral appeared along with another male beside him that was Johnny's lawyer. Pixie cut green hair and a short, small stature, but well dressed like everyone else was.
He only very briefly caught Johnny's expression but Kai recognized it, nonetheless. The same look of fear he himself had once possessed drenching his demeanor even if he was sporting a well put together designer suit.
As much as he despised the other male Kai didn't want this for him. Memories of his own trial flooding him and his own heart rate started to pound in his chest on Johnny's behalf as the judge then entered from the door up front a few moments later.
Everybody stood up from their seats in respect, the hard faced older male wordlessly taking his seat upon the podium before giving permission for everyone to sit back down again.
Lowering back into his seat Kai couldn't help but jump a little himself as the gavel slammed down to show that the hearing had commenced. His stomach holding to the tight knots that had formed as once again everything became white noise, barely catching the beginnings of the proceedings.
Although he'd tried to keep his attention anywhere else at the moment, Kai found his eyes drawn back to the same person every time they'd wandered away. He was sure that Johnny hadn't even known he'd been sat there the past week as Kai was sure to get up and leave before Johnny was allowed, nor had the other really ever glanced back at the audience he had whenever he was brought into the room in his shackles.
He managed to catch Johnny placing his hand on the bible to swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth.
Kai was surprised he didn't burst into flames right there. Bible or not, Johnny was never good at telling the truth.
"Jonathan McGregor you stand before me today having being accused of being an accessory in the murder of Ms. Ashley 'Ming' Anderson that took place on the seventh of December." The judge began, and after a brief pause steel grey eyes stared down from the podium into fear laced violet ones before continuing.
"How do you plead?"
Johnny swallowed and cleared his throat, his hands fumbling with the cuffs of his suit jacket before turning to the male beside him for some reassurance on all that they'd discussed earlier that morning and received a simple nod in encouragement.
He couldn't believe what he was about to say. It wasn't him that had dragged her away or tied her up and did whatever happened that ended up killing her... He hadn't done anything!
Though... That was part of the problem wasn't it? He'd seen her that day he was at Robert's when they were snorting lines in the living room. Albeit very briefly, he knew that it was her and he didn't do nothing.
But what was he supposed to do? Honestly?
Call the police and rat on 'em? He was no snitch! Was none of his business! If he'd have gone and done that the bitch still would've ended up dead, but go figure, he would've been joining her!
Whole thing had been a lose/lose situation...
"I plead guilty, your honour..."
From way in the back, much like he had when the judge slammed the gavel down earlier, Kai jolted some in his seat and his eyes snapped back to Johnny clear across the room.
Did he really just say that?!
Damn right he did because he was!
But the admission still didn't settle the knots in Kai's stomach any, nor did it help the way his hands were starting to feel clammy. He could feel his mouth go a little dry, wiping his hands on his slacks some before clenching at the material.
Maybe in the long run Johnny had for once taken his advice and entered a plea deal. Though now, knowing what he did, Kai had wished he never gave him the idea to start with.
The judge nodded, shuffled some paperwork upon his podium and cleared his throat.
"Very well." He accepted. Was going to be an easy morning after all.
"Then on the basis of this, and the information I have been given prior from your advisors, in regards of your willingness to assist with this ongoing case, I grant your plea request and shall take your cooperation into account when making my decision..."
Johnny's heart was racing. That was good right? Right?
"Court is adjourned for a short recess. If everyone could please return in thirty minutes." There was another smack of the gavel and the judge took his leave once again through the back door.
Instantly Johnny turned to his lawyer, he needed clarification on what the hell was happening here.
At seeing the questioning look being sent his way, Johnny's lawyer leaned in some, elbows resting on the top of the table with the files and paper work sitting between his arms.
"This is a good sign; it means they're taking into account your plea deal that you help find the actual murderer in Ms. Anderson's death. If they fully accept your plea deal, which we agreed on for a shorter sentencing with chance of parole, then you can walk away from this compared to a longer sentence." He explained quietly as the people behind shuffled out of the court room.
Kai on the other hand remained right where he was for once, not taking his eyes off the back of Johnny's red head while ignoring the green one sitting right beside it the entire time.
He couldn't hear what was being said but could see Johnny and his lawyer in quiet conversation now that the room was clear aside from two guards still posted at the doors.
"So, this is a good thing." Johnny's lawyer continued in his hushed whispering.
"Nothing to worry about just yet. Okay?"
Johnny released the breath he'd held onto as he explained, nodding to him in understanding before reaching for some water on their table.
"Can tell 'em exactly who it is, it's just a matter of then what happens to me after? If I snitch that's it, I'm a dead man." He took a sip from his plastic cup. His hand noticeably shaking before it rested upon his lips.
His lawyer let out a small chuckle, even though there was nothing to be laughing about at the moment.
"We would ask for protection, for yourself. If that is something you feel you need."
Taking a few pointless sips that didn't settle him at all, Johnny set the cup back down and just nodded. Witness protection program or not, these guys were dangerous and he was convinced that Robert would still get to him somehow...
"I'ma go get some air." He told him, standing up from his seat and heading towards the guard to escort him.
Getting the cuffs slapped back around his wrists, he was led out through the door he'd entered from. Once more, crimson eyes were locked on his person and every move until the door swung close behind him.
Feeling like he needed his own breather, Kai finally rose from his seat in the back and head out himself for some air.
Stepping back outside and down the stairs that led up into the courthouse he fished out a new pack of cigarettes he'd picked up on his way over. Quickly lighting it and reveling in the slow drag as the smoke filled his lungs before releasing it through a slow breath from his nose.
Only fifteen days into the New Year and he'd already broken his resolution but right now he didn't care. He needed something to calm himself down, even if the nicotine began to make his heart race even more than what it already was.
Remembering he'd been messaged when he arrived, he turned his phone back on to three more texts waiting for him below the first Ray had sent him that morning.
He should have known better by now that if he didn't reply right away Ray would freak out about him, and while he appreciated the sentiment and worry, it was the last thing he really needed from him right now. Felt misplaced in way, given what he'd done.
[I'm fine, at the court house though. Will call when I'm done.] He sent back quickly just to keep Ray from creating a rut in Tala's apartment floor.
At the ping of his phone a tanned hand snatched at it from the kitchen counter and threw it up to his face.
"That him?" Tala asked from where he was on the floor, little toy car in hand as he played with Thomas.
"Yeah... Finally..." Ray answered him though saved him a look as he read it over.
Rolling his eyes he set it back down with a heavy sigh having not answered causing Tala to question again.
"Everything alright?"
"Says he's fine, but he's at the courthouse right now and will call me when he gets out." Ray sent back dryly with another eye roll. He couldn't say he was surprised though; he knew Kai would go back, knew why he went back, but he still wished he hadn't. If not just for them, but for Kai's own sake.
"Well it's up to you on whether you answer or not." Tala reminded, "Though might be good to have an actual conversation. If you're ready for one that is."
"Yeah, no... I want him to. We do need to talk about... This." He gestured down at Thomas on the floor.
In all honesty, taking him like he had from Kai scared him a little. He had no official rights to the boy, he was under Kai's guardianship, not his, and by all accounts had no standing if Kai had pursued to fight over him. But he was wholly grateful that Kai too had seen something and agreed, whether it was silently or not, that Thomas was better right now with him and Tala.
Though that didn't mean he wanted to keep Thomas from Kai through it all, the two needed each other. And given the last time Kai had gone a little off-course, Thomas was hurt just as badly as he had been. They didn't need a repeat.
The other male's attention was brought back down to the carpet when his car was smashed into by the one Thomas was speeding around with.
"Why have you stopppeedddd?" He whined, crawling around pushing his little car.
"The lights red!" Tala defended before looking back up to Ray, "I'll take this guy out for a wander later when he calls if you want. Give you some privacy."
"Thanks, I appreciate." Ray smiled back down to him though it fell just as quickly as it appeared.
He would forever be grateful for all Tala had done, before and now, but he couldn't say he was all that impressed when he came walking into the apartment from the club with a busted lip and blackening eye last Tuesday morning.
It'd taken a while to get Tala to spill what had happened, and thankfully Thomas was already passed out beforehand, but it didn't erase the unease he held in the pit of his stomach about it.
He knew Tala had been angry at Kai, but he didn't need the two of them destroying their friendship over his and Kai's relationship. That had never been on the table.
For all he knew though, those two were back to normal when it concerned work seeing as how they were business partners still and had been working alongside each other since then. Though Ray did ask how Kai seemed to be doing every morning when Tala walked back into the apartment, Tala never really answered him aside from the simple 'he's fine'.
How Kai could be 'fine' in a time like this, Ray wasn't sure, feeling slightly guilty for having up and left like he had and then keeping Thomas away from Kai like he had been. Of course in the end he never wanted this, would never want it for their family, but something had to give somewhere when it concerned Kai's rage and temper and how he handled things.
Kai had more of the guilt thrown at his feet for what had happened, as it was his actions and choices that brought them to where they were, but then again Ray also had to bear some of that guilt with him as it was his own inactions that allowed it to happen to start with.
He wasn't even sure if he hated Kai or not for what he'd done. If he pitied him or if he was just disgusted by Kai's behavior and then his own for not stopping it before it got too late. Kai had said that if he said to stop then he would, but those words had never left Ray's mouth and thinking back on it all, he wasn't even sure why he hadn't.
Yet, without a doubt in his mind if he had said to stop, Kai would have.
The angry bruises and teeth indents had just barely started to fade around his neck, along with the nail marks that had been placed upon his chest. Thomas had been spared from seeing those, but the boy had still questioned what had happened to his neck and it took a long time for Ray to come up with a lie good enough until he just diverted the conversation since he hadn't been able to.
Thankfully school was back in session so Thomas wasn't around for half the days as it were, but when he came back to Tala's apartment it was getting harder to dance around the real reason why they were even there to start with which was one reason why Ray had finally decided to reach out.
Back at the courthouse, Johnny had sat down heavily on the steps out front and took in a much needed deep breath. He didn't realise how stuffy it was in there until he'd come outside.
There was an icy chill in the air but he figured he'd may as well enjoy it while he could. The cuffs currently around his wrists a constant reminder every time he glanced down on what was in store for him.
What a fucking mess... He mused, resting his head in his hands.
For as long as he could remember he'd always managed to talk his way out of things, walk away scot-free, but his luck apparently had run out...
Bringing his hands down from his face he watched on as a couple with a stroller leisurely passed by below, laughing about something the male had said.
They looked happy...
He felt a lump form in his throat and covered his face again. Thoughts going to Nicole and what could have been if he'd have just acted right. He'd take it all back given the chance...
"Hey buddy you got a smoke or anything?" He asked the guard, voice cracking on him as he turned to look up to him.
"No." Came the fast and blunt reply from the guard who had been wearing a scowl the entire time he'd escorted Johnny through the halls and outside.
Quickly taking his eyes off him down on the stairs, he shifted his shoulders and settled his hands round his belt and looked around like he was waiting for a sudden surprise attack from around a dark corner.
Kai's heart nearly slipped out of his ass at the voice not even five steps away from him. His head turning so fast his neck cracked to see Johnny higher up on the stairs he was still standing around on and sucking down on another cigarette himself.
If he stayed absolutely still, he wouldn't see him... Fat chance though given he stuck out like a sore thumb at all times with his hair.
Crimson eyes took in the sorry sight that was his brother. All dressed up and if people weren't paying attention he could pass off as some lawyer himself or business man who had a lot going for him if it weren't for those silver cuffs hanging around his wrists.
And there was some truth to it. Johnny did have a lot going for him. Just a shame he decided to flush it all down the toilet...
That goddam tug he always felt when it concerned Johnny hit him in the chest. Move in and pretend everything was fine; that Johnny wasn't standing trial right now for murder. Or stay absolutely still and just ignore him...
The tug won out the longer he stared at the downtrodden look that had come over Johnny's face, feet turning him around and taking the five steps up to get back up to him.
"Hey, back up buddy." The guard warned the moment he saw Kai coming closer, his stance getting wider as he stood over Johnny.
"I'm his brother." Kai sent back in a low, almost warning tone as his eyes narrowed up at the man.
"I just want to talk to him."
The guard sniffed like he wasn't impressed, glancing from one to the next before giving a nod to him.
At the sight of his only remaining family member the lump in Johnny's throat seemed to swell even more, and not that he had anything really to say to Kai anyway but he couldn't speak even if he wanted to.
Those piercing eyes were staring at him just filled with disappointment. The guy was looking more and more like his grandfather each time he saw him. Especially with him towering over how he was now like he was a child.
He forced a nod of his head in acknowledgement though kept both his head and eyes downcast as they watered.
Wordlessly, Kai pulled the carton from his jacket pocket and offered it and the lighter down to Johnny.
Seeing something in his peripheral caused him to glance up and notice. The simple offering having his lower lip wobble though teeth quickly bit into it.
He reached for it, envisioning Kai cruelly snatching it away from him though he realised the elder male had lost all of his playfulness where he was concerned a while ago.
Accepting it way too carefully for a far from fragile pack of smokes, Johnny mumbled something though it was inaudible from the tightness of his throat.
"Thanks..." He tried again after a painful clear of his throat.
"Welcome." Kai got out through his own slowly closing throat, quickly throwing his hands into his jacket pockets after Johnny took the carton from him and shifted where he stood on the step below him.
He didn't really have anything to talk about. The last thing he'd said to the other fresh in his mind now he was face to face with him once more.
Was there even anything to say? To do? Before he always had a slew of things to hurl at Johnny. Whether that was telling him to get his shit together or trying to pick him up from a low point, he was completely wordless now.
Fumbling with the carton with how numb his hands were Johnny finally managed to retrieve one and light it between his lips. He could definitely use something a lot stronger than tobacco but just anything within his system right now would suffice.
He let the silence surround them for a moment as he took a heavy drag. Not even sure if it was awkward or strangely comfortable between them before daring to break it. Was what he did best anyway...
"Surprised you showed..."
"Told you I'd come." Kai replied quietly with a small shrug of his shoulders.
"Yeah but... That was, before..." Came the meek reply.
Kai's body stiffened for a brief moment till he shook it off, keeping his more relaxed composure as he took in a heavy breath of fresh air himself and let it out slowly.
"I'm sorry... For... Attacking you like that." He muttered back.
As barely audible as it was Johnny had heard him loud and clear and his head snapped back up to look at him. Eyes having widened some in their disbelief.
Did Kai just... Apologise? To him? He couldn't ever recall having had an apology from him... Ever.
"It's, fine..." He shrugged off, still clearly taken back though was trying to appear unfazed. If they were perhaps on better terms he'd make some joke or tease him over it but now really wasn't the time.
"Isn't like I didn't deserve it... Or anything else heading my way..."
Kai couldn't disagree with him, but he wasn't about to openly agree with him either. Though, that just left him standing there like some idiot down on the steps in front of him not knowing what else to really do.
He fought himself to keep his hands in the pockets of his jacket despite the urge to rub at the back of his neck or fiddle around to get some of the twitchy nerves to stop making his body tingle the way it was.
"Saw you um... So... Taking the plea deal then?" He redirected, though at the same time questioned why he even asked when he knew the answer.
Johnny slowly nodded as he took another drag, his verbal response then coming paired with a sigh and a streamline of smoke.
"Yeah... After a long ass back and forth with Oli, that seemed the best route to go down all considering."
He still had zero clue on where the hell Robert or Enrique could be but all he could do was work with the authorities and give them all the information he had at this point.
"Guessing Oli's your lawyer?" Kai confirmed, just for something to say at this point.
"Yeah, he's pretty good at his job considering he's French." Johnny obliviously insulted, taking in the last of his cigarette before flicking it away without a second thought.
"Pretty sure he's a fag too- uh, I mean uh... Y'know... Into guys and shit..." He tried to save with a wave of his hand, Kai being the last person he wanted to upset right now.
Kai quirked a brow at him, not sure how to take the backtrack of the other but was clear Johnny still needed a good smack around the head some.
"Gay. Think that's the word you were looking for." He said almost in bored tone, holding a hand out for his pack of smokes and getting them back promptly.
Like Johnny had he quickly lit one between his lips, slipping the carton in his jacket pocket and inhaled deeply before letting the smoke blow out his nose.
"It's not contagious, by the way. Should show him some bit of respect." He lightly scolded.
"No no no I am! Honest!" Johnny desperately blurted out, wanting him to be convinced. "He's been really good to me and definitely knows his shit.. Was just... Saying is all."
Now with a sheepish look on his face he lowered his head again. In the grand scheme of things it didn't matter at all what Kai thought of him yet Johnny always seemed to cling to that childish 'got to impress' trait of his. He didn't want Kai to think bad of him anymore. Not that he ever did but, especially now.
Kai gave a hum in acknowledgement, breathing in the toxic fumes from his smoke silently.
"Right. Well... Good luck." He gave yet continued to stand there like he didn't know where else to go.
He couldn't remember a time he'd been dripping with nerves like he was now, especially around Johnny of all people. Part of him knew he should have stayed home, while the other part had dragged him there even with all their fucked up history together. If he had any comforting words or advice for him, they were long gone before he'd even shown up at all.
His train of thought was broken by the guard clearing his throat, dragging both their attention him.
"C'mon, time to go back in." He beckoned.
Kai wasn't so sure if he was pleased with that or not but snubbed his cigarette out none the less to head back inside with them.
Johnny felt the same reluctance though for once did as he was told without question. His handcuffs rattling some as he stood that didn't match his suited up figure at all.
He dawdled with his steps, feet seeming heavier than before as the same swirl of nauseousness churned in his stomach at what was the inevitable outcome of the day. He could stall all he wanted but it wasn't going to change anything.
Within the next hour, if that, he'd be locked in a cell for who knows how long, and that was it...
"Well... At least one good thing is gonna come from this... You won't have to deal with any of my shit anymore..." He tried to joke though it fell flat, the tone of his voice sounding more than sorry for himself.
A painful lump lodged into Kai's throat, preventing him from saying anything back, nor was he given a choice to as the guard escorted Johnny ahead of him quickly and back into the building.
He couldn't even say if it was a relief in not having to deal with Johnny's shit anymore or not, seeing as how he kept finding himself still walking right towards him right now even with the kid cuffed up. But he did know, without a doubt, he had never wanted any of it to turn into what it had.
Before the two had to part ways, Johnny needing to go through his own separate entrance back into the court room, he'd sent Kai a mere look. It held a small smile but it was clear there was no joy behind it, only remorse and defeat, forced completely for his benefit, before lifeless eyes lowered again and the guard ushered him through a large wooden door.
Kai knew that was his goodbye, words having clearly evaded Johnny just like they had himself, and in an almost mirrored somber display, he walked back through his own entrance, that same tight feeling constricting his throat as he found his seat near the back again and heavily sat down.
The stuffy air of the room felt just as choking as before, Johnny feeling like with every word coming from the judge's mouth he could breathe a little less from where he stood behind his podium. He reached for his water in front with a shaky hand, it barely refreshing him having gone room temperature but he needed something. He could feel his heart start to pound in his chest as the all too familiar set of words were read out, only this was no movie, this was his life.
"Johnathan McGregor... Having considered all factors... The jury find you... Guilty... And I hereby sentence you... To thirteen years imprisonment..."
Johnny's throat closed entirely and spluttered on the water, a chesty cough erupting from him that had his eyes watering not completely from lack of air.
No...
"Thir-Thirteen years?" Desperately his head snapped to his lawyer but of course there was nothing more he could do for him. He'd been sentenced. This was it. It was final.
Kai hadn't even noticed the small trickle of tears that were rolling silently down his cheeks. The last thing he could coherently hear was the judge's final words before the gavel was swung down and echoed through the court's chambers.
Those around him stood, shuffling wordlessly out to go about the rest of their lives like nothing had ever happened.
Like the world suddenly tilted, Kai almost fell over himself the moment he stood, fighting his way against the crowd leaving to get to the front where Johnny was with his head in his hands while his lawyer pat him on the back, whispering consoling words of encouragement that were missing their mark completely.
"Johnny!" He called, getting stopped by a guard who held out his arm just before he catapulted himself over the railing barrier at Johnny's back.
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" He cried at him, the tears now full force down his face.
Johnny remained frozen where he stood, clammy hands keeping himself upright as a tear drop fell to the paperwork in front of him, the ink outlining his defence bleeding and blurring into the white.
Thirteen years... He'd be almost 40 by the time he got out... Thirteen fucking years... For something he didn't even do!
The judge stood from his seat and took his wordless leave. If he pitied the young man before him it wasn't apparent on his stony face and with the close of a door at the back he was gone. Standing by his ruling completely and giving no more thought on it.
Johnny clenched his fists along with his teeth, more angry tears streaming down his cheeks with the grip around his torso providing no comfort at all.
"I didn't even do it!" He yelled through his sobs to anyone who would listen, voice cracking on him as he slapped the wooden podium.
"I didn't fucking do it..."
The lawyer at his side continued to rub at his back, chancing a quick glance to the man who had rushed up over his shoulder behind them and the guard still keeping him at bay.
"Let him through, please."
The guard hesitated for a second before moving and letting Kai through the small gate, eyes on his back like a hawk.
Kai nearly crumbled as he came to stand on the side of the podium where Johnny was stood. If he had no words before he truly didn't now.
He wanted this. He did. Because it had to be better than the alternative. But at the same time he was completely torn and didn't want any of this at all.
The one thing he was sure of. 100% and then some. He wanted his damn brother back!
The little shit who puffed his chest up yet came to hide under the covers in his bed during a thunderstorm. The guy who thought he was tough shit yet turned into a sobbing mess over some TV show he was too into.
As much hope he'd always seem to hold that things would get better, his grip finally let go and he was left with nothing but a cold numbness around him.
"I'm sorry." He choked yet again, fists clenched at his sides and shaking.
Apart from his chest heaving in and out on him trying to suppress his sobs, Johnny didn't move. His head remaining cradled in his hands whilst his fingers gripped into gelled maroon strands.
He knew he was getting time and going away. That much had been obvious and he'd somewhat come to accept it. He'd fucked around with the wrong crowd for far too long and his bullshit had finally caught up with him. Karma or whatever.
But Johnny had not expected to get that long. Not by a long shot. And the judges words and the sound of the gavel was still ringing in his ears so loud it had him feeling sick.
"You're sorry?" He managed to bite, lifting up his head and turning to the fucker who'd called the cops in the first place, eyes puffy and face reddening in his anger.
"You're sorry?!"
Abruptly Johnny stood up from his seat and squared up to him. Kai still having the height advantage though seemed smaller in his remorseful stance.
"You- you've some fucking nerve being sorry, Kai!" His voice cracked on him again, lower lip wobbling uncontrollably and another set of fresh tears trailed down his cheeks as he stared up into watering crimson eyes.
Just like the last time they were face to face like this, tears running down their faces and nothing more to say, Kai moved forward on autopilot closer to him. Arms lifting and wrapping around Johnny's smaller and trembling frame.
He could feel the other tense up for brief second before he relaxed into him, arms snaking around his back. Just like last time. Except this time it really would be the last.
Johnny held on tightly and buried his sniffling face into Kai's shoulder, unable to hold back anymore he just let the sobs shamelessly pour from him.
"I don't- want- to go." He choked out, fingers gripping into Kai's suit jacket tighter like he was his life line.
Kai held him tighter as he saw the guard move, fearing he was coming to rip them apart. For once in his life he wanted to hold onto Johnny for as long as he could, let him know by this how sorry he was for it all coming to this.
He tried to soothe, he knew he sucked at it even on his best of days, but once again there were really no words of comfort sitting on his tongue. As well as nothing he could really do.
Like Kai feared, the guard finally moved as their time was up. When push came to shove, Kai held Johnny tighter as if he were protecting him from the guard but the last thing he really needed was getting thrown back into a holding cell himself where he had to wait for Ray to come pick him up like last time.
Relenting, knowing there really was no other way, his arms loosened their vice like grip around Johnny's body, the other doing the same with a few more sniffles and wiping away the fallen tears that had stained his cheeks.
Crimson and violet eyes locked onto each other, Johnny's arm getting grabbed up by the guard and even when he started getting escorted away his and Kai's gaze never broke until he'd been escorted out of the courtroom behind the back door. The second he was gone Kai took in a shuddering breath since he'd been holding it the entire time Johnny was taken from him.
"I'm very sorry." Johnny's lawyer spoke softly, having stood there beside Kai quietly observing the whole thing.
He briefly rummaged in his brief case, producing a small business card out and holding it up to Kai. "If you ever have any questions or concerns, please don't hesitate to call me and I can see what we can do to make his stay more comfortable." He offered.
Kai stared at the card for a moment, hesitating to take it though eventually caved and pocketed it without looking at it.
"Thank you..." He sent in a whisper, seeing no point in hanging around any longer and took his leave.
Keeping his head down the entire walk back to his car, he slipped in and shut the door where it closed off all the outside noise, finding himself sitting in the welcoming silence for several minutes before he kicked the engine on and took himself home.
The way he felt reminded him of the time he'd just come out of the police station when he'd been called about Ming's body and having to claim it. He was just numb. From the top of his head to the tips of his toes.
He warred with himself over the entire thing on the way home, giving him plenty of time to blame himself for what happened to Johnny and then blaming Johnny for his own actions. He hadn't really been able to sit on one thought, flip flopping back and forth to the point he now had a dull headache throbbing in the side of his temple.
When he reached the house and pulled into the drive, another shuddering breath came out of him at the missing red Jeep in the drive. Although it hadn't been sat there long, only since Christmas three weeks ago, it was still odd having his car being the only one in the drive again despite Ming's car put in the garage at the moment.
The empty driveway and the empty house just reminded him of how shitty he actually was, the events of the last day Ray was there with him flooding right back into him when he stepped foot through the front door.
Maybe it was better this way right now though since he really was in no mood to try and keep Ray and Thomas happy when he couldn't even get a hold of his own emotions and swaying thoughts.
He took himself to the couch to wallow in his self-pity, throwing himself down on it with his shoes and jacket still on him. Feet hanging off the opposite arm rest his head was laid on. His eyes had closed but he was unable to actually fall asleep, his thoughts too loud and noisy that it kept him awake just laying there for another half hour with his eyes closed and the headache in the side of his head throbbing harder.
Before the hour could pass him by, his eyes opened and he finally fished out his phone from his back pocket, turning it back on where slews of messages and missed calls flooded in one after the other; all from Ray.
He didn't even bother going to the messages as he went straight for his call log, pushing the green button under Ray's number and left the phone on speaker as he held it above his head when it began to ring.
Before the second ring could even fully finish, the other line was picked up and Kai held his breath again.
"Are you okay?!" Came Ray's distressed voice through the speaker in an instant.
Part of him wasn't surprised at the clear concern being displayed, but then all considering the other part was a little taken back. He'd pretty much convinced himself Ray was done with the drama and in turn was done with him, so, why the worry? He hadn't been MIA that long had he?
"Yeah? Why wouldn't I be?" He managed once remembering to breathe, clinging to nonchalance even though his uncertainty of how this was going to go had him feeling all kinds of nervous.
"Why wouldn't you be?" Ray repeated in a dull, unimpressed tone and letting it linger for a moment.
"Aside from the fact that it's been, I dunno, three-almost-four hours since the last I heard from you I might be worried about you."
Kai held onto that for a moment. Not that he did anything ever with the intent to hurt the other but Ray admitting he was concerned felt nice.
"Mm, sorry... Just-" He sighed out a little, easing himself to sit up on the couch and run his fingers through his hair. "Been a morning..."
Standing up he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his cigarettes, mind flashing back to the last hand that had grasped them and pulled one out. Johnny had only been officially behind bars barely two hours at most and he was already worried for his well-being. He was gonna have to come to terms with the fact he was going to be gone for a while...
Setting his phone on the counter for a second he sparked up, chucking both the box and the lighter upon the marble before picking Ray back up again, clicking him off of speaker and putting the phone to his ear.
"Are you alright? Well, besides wondering about my whereabouts."
"Yeah. I'm fine." Ray answered in a breath, another silence hanging between them for a while again.
"What happened? At the courthouse, I mean."
It was Kai's turn to bring on the silence. Guilt sitting within him for feeling both glad Johnny had been put away and unbelievably heartbroken at the same time.
He knew of Ray's thoughts on the whole thing; on all he'd kept on doing for him even when Johnny didn't deserve it, and how much of an idiot Ray thought he was for running around how he had, so honestly he'd just rather not talk about it and change the subject. He wasn't quite ready to say it all aloud anyways. That would make it more real...
"A, whole bunch of stuff, I'll tell you later. How's Thomas?"
Ray seemed to get the hint by the tone of his voice, going down the diversion Kai had presented him with.
"Oh he's fine. Been playing with his toys, watching TV. Tala took him outside when you called so he's not in right now, but if you wanna talk to him I'll have him call you back.
"But speaking of Thomas. We should probably figure out what to do with him right now. If you wanted him to come back and live with you, or if you think it's better he stays here with Tala and me."
A low hum in acknowledgement sat in Kai's throat as he exhaled, a long stream of smoke flowing from his nose. He of course hadn't forgotten that he was missing a child.
How could he? The house had never been so quiet, and whilst he longed for peace and quiet most of the time, now that he had it, he wanted nothing more than to hear Thomas shrieking excitedly over his shows on TV or the fact he was getting chicken nuggets for dinner.
Besides what he wanted though, the current situation wasn't about him, and he had to just do as Tala had said and let Ray call the shots for the time being.
"Well, has he said anything about wanting to come back home?"
"Not really, given Julia has come over a few times and he thinks we're all just having one big sleep over at Tala's right now. But, I know he does miss you and he's asked when you'll come by to see him."
Though it wasn't seen Kai forced half a smile. He figured Thomas would be having a blast right now, blissfully unaware of everything going on around him and causing havoc at Tala's.
"Well I've nothing else going on today. I could take him out for dinner or something... If, if that was alright with you? Unless you guys have something planned already?"
"No, not that we've discussed yet. I'm sure he'd like that though." By the sound of Ray's voice, it was apparent he too was now smiling.
"Can get him ready for you before you come, if you wanna let me know when you're on your way and everything." He offered before he chuckled a little.
"Just be prepared for him talking till your ears bleed."
Kai huffed his own laugh, the stick just left burning forgotten about between his fingers, not even needing the slight high it gave as hearing Ray's chuckle right now gave him the lift he'd needed.
"Thanks for the warning." He smiled, "I'll text you when I'm on my way over then?"
"Oh... Okay.." The light, almost playful tone dropped instantly.
"If you could, bring him some extra clothes too. And another one of his books, too, please. My eyes are going to fall out if I have to read Green Eggs and Ham one more time."
Noticing the slight shift in his voice Kai's small smile too faded. Was, was that not the right thing to say? Maybe Ray didn't actually want to see him now and the thought of it had lowered his mood.
"Sure, no problem, I'll pack him a bag... Send Tal down with him and I'll give it to him..."
Another silence passed between them, the only sound coming through was the clinking of a glass and water running soon after.
"If... If you're not busy this Friday... Think we should go out as well. Discuss some things."
The suggestion had Kai's heart skip a beat. He knew they'd have to talk at some point but the way Ray had said that had a negative undertone.
"Uh, y-yeah. Sure. Wherever you want." He stuttered, not even knowing if he was free but he was now.
"Mmmm. Frankie's okay with you? Get a pizza and some beer." Ray suggested after he'd pause to think about it.
"Sounds good." Kai said with a small shrug, the slight uncomfortable silence coming over them once more.
"Guess I'll go sort Thomas's stuff and text you in a little bit?"
"Okay. See you soon then, be careful." Ray sent back before he hung up on him.
With a sad look on his face, he sat his phone down on the counter and took another drink of water he'd gotten during the call. It'd been what, a week, almost two, now since he'd really heard Kai's voice much less talked to him at all. On one hand he had preferred it that way, let Kai deal and cope in his own ways during the entire court process with Johnny, but he wasn't gonna lie and say he hadn't missed him any. If anything, he just missed the other Kai that he knew, not the one he'd been around the day shit seemed to hit the fan again.
With his left hand on the counter, he took a glance at the ring still on his finger. He hadn't had the heart to take it off, nor did he think they were that un-salvageable to do so either, but having it sat there and being a reminder of just how good things had become, it also reminded him of just how quickly things could crumble around them so fast with little to no warning.
He loved Kai, knew that without a doubt, but to say he hadn't been somewhat scared of the other the last time they were around each other would be an understatement. He knew Kai had a temper, sure, had one bad enough he'd gone in a blind rage and murdered someone because of it, but never did he think that he too would have been on the receiving end of that blind rage regardless if it wasn't meant to be thrown at him.
He wouldn't stand for it, that was a given, but that left him without knowing exactly what to do about it. Most people would high tail it and run without looking back, but did he even really want that? Had it even been that bad enough for him to even think that or was this a onetime thing?
He honestly didn't have an answer for himself, and more than likely wouldn't find one if he just kept asking himself the same things he already knew he didn't have an answer for.
The one answer he did have, that he kept coming back to, was that he did want them to keep working to figure this out, like they had been all along. He couldn't recall a time when he'd been swept up by someone else so fast like what had happened between him and Kai. Sure a few random lays here and there just to take an edge off, make him feel wanted when he needed it, but in the end that's all they had ever been. Quick, easy, fast.
This though, what he had with Kai. Sure, it was quick, and fast, but it hadn't been nearly as easy as the other times because he'd actually been trying to make it something more for them and knew Kai had done the same for the two of them to the best of his abilities.
He couldn't fault Kai for that, given what he knew about the other and the fact he was really his first real partner. Still, in the end, Ray was not going to just stand back and let Kai do whatever it was he wanted when things went a way he didn't want them too.
Maybe a few rows of therapy would be good for him. But, that was a whole nother bridge they'd need to even discuss building before crossing it.
Being pulled from his thoughts, the front door opened and Thomas came bounding back into the small apartment with Tala coming in and closing the door behind him. The two shaking off their jackets and hanging them up on the hooks by the door.
"Hey Uncle Ray, I gotta pee!" Thomas announced as he bounced right over to the bathroom, the door slamming shut behind him.
Ray let out a soft chuckle at him. At least, so far, Thomas had been doing just fine with the new arrangement but given the look on Tala's face as he approached the opposite side of the counters outside the kitchen, he wasn't so sure what to expect out of him this time.
It wasn't like Tala made it obvious he was bothered by them staying with him. But, given it was the three of them in a small one-bedroom apartment, as well as dealing with a five year old, he knew it wasn't Tala's cup of tea.
"Want me to get you some water, or you want something stronger?" Ray offered him with a wonky grin.
Tala smirked back though waved him off. "Waters fine, thanks. I don't know where the kid gets his energy from." He said somewhat breathlessly, glancing to the bathroom door before leaning against the counter for a rest.
Clocking Ray's phone left just beside him he treaded carefully with his next words as the glass of cool water was handed over to him.
"So, how did it go? Was he okay with you?"
Ray nodded back to him as he took a sip of his own drink again, "Yeah, seemed well enough with me but wouldn't tell me what happened today at court. Said he's gonna come by and pick Thomas up, take him to dinner or something. But, really beyond that, we didn't say much more." He answered.
Half of him had at least hoped Kai would have tried to hold the conversation longer, then again it wasn't like he couldn't have done the same but right now, even just over the phone, it seemed harder to do than he'd anticipated.
Tala lightly sighed out satisfied from the cool drink, his throat feeling beyond dry from all the running around and how many times he had to call Thomas' name. He wasn't really sure what to have expected from what he'd asked just now. Kai being a man of few words was hardly groundbreaking news but he figured he'd have at least mentioned something from what happened today.
"Wonder why he didn't want to talk about it." He mused aloud, setting his glass down. "Unless he's waiting to talk in person maybe? Are you going with Thomas too?"
"No, let them have their time together. Thomas needs it and so does Kai. Asked him if he'd be free to go to Frankie's with me Friday though and he said yes." Ray explained before his shoulders shrugged, "I dunno why he didn't tell me anything, maybe he'd rather do it in person so see what he has to say Friday I guess."
Tala stared down at his drink, not really knowing what else to offer him but the sound of the bathroom door flying back open would've cut off any form of reassurance he had anyways.
"Can we have pizza for dinner Uncle Ray?" Thomas' voice hopefully asked as he bounded back over to the two of them. "Please please please pleaseeee."
"You'll have to ask Uncle Kai, buddy. He's comin over to get you soon, so should probably get you in a bath, looks like you got mud in your hair." He mused, running his fingers through the blue strands like he was trying to shake the caked in mud out.
He drew his attention back to Tala for a moment, "If you want the place to yourself, I can head out too. Go see Lee or something." He offered.
"Nah you're good, I was thinking of seeing Jules in a bit anyways." He assured, stepping back so both Ray and Thomas could step past to the bathroom.
"Unless you wanted to head out somewhere?"
Ray's shoulders went up a little, guiding Thomas over to the bathroom with a hand on his back. The little boy having started squeaking and squawking the moment Kai's name was mentioned about coming to get him.
"Can figure it out when he gets picked up." He sent back over his shoulder to him before closing the bathroom door behind him and Thomas.
Getting the shower running for him and taking the dirty clothes with him, Ray left Thomas to it just in time for his phone to go off with Kai's message that he was on his way now. He picked it up from the counter top, letting Kai know he got Thomas in the bath and once more telling him to be careful on his way over, taking himself over to the couch beside Tala and slumped down into it with a heavy sigh and ignoring the way his heart had started to kick up on him.
"Thank you, by the way, for taking Thomas out earlier so we could talk."
"Don't worry about it, told you anything you needed I was going to help out with." He reminded, taking a glance over to him and seeing the downcast expression.
"I can take Thomas downstairs too when Kai gets here if you're still not up for seeing him yet."
Ray shook his head back at him, fiddling with his thumbs over his lap when a soft chuckle left him. "He actually requested that you take Thomas down there when he got here, but... I need to see him, even if for just a little bit. Maybe then, I won't be so nervous having to see him for longer on Friday."
"Really? He said that?" Tala asked, half disbelieving half slightly impressed. Seemed like the guy did listen to him on occasion and could do as he was told.
"Well don't take that personally like he doesn't want to see you. He's only doing what I'd suggested for him to do and letting you have your space."
"No, I wasn't. I kinda had a feeling anyways. Which... Think he's done pretty good at listening since it has been a week." He chuckled lightly again.
Tala hummed in agreement, brows lifting again as he nodded showing his surprise too at the fact.
"Yeah, had visions of him coming and kicking the door down by now in the middle of the night to get to you." He laughed out. "He must've finally calmed down with his dramatics."
"Do you... Do you think I was being dramatic leaving the way I did and staying here?" Ray questioned him, though kept his focus ahead at the black screen of the TV.
"I know you already had your opinions on it, and in a way I did allow it to happen... It's not like he just came home and hit me. But... The more I've been able to think about it, maybe I shouldn't have left?"
Tala let the question hang in the air for a moment. There really was no right or wrong way to answer being his own opinion and all but he knew how much Ray valued it so wanted it to at least hold some kind of wisdom.
"There's honestly no telling what would've happened if you'd have stayed. Do I think he'd have beaten you within an inch of your life? No, and I know you think the same. But in the moment Ray you shouldn't blame yourself for that thought having crossed your mind, and you wanting to get the hell out of there." He told him.
"Kai was clearly on some other shit that day, once again letting his temper get the better of him and in turn hurt the closest thing to him. He can't keep doing that and I think you leaving was the best way to show him."
He shrugged his shoulders somewhat apologetically. Kai was his friend of course but he couldn't deny he was an asshole at times and these outbursts of his couldn't be defended forever.
"I don't think you were being dramatic in leaving, but I do think you both need to sort this out and go home... Like damn, I've never gone through so much ketchup in my life..."
A smile curled up the corner of Ray's lips, "Pretty sure we have two extra bottles, can give you one to make up for the three he went through." He joked back before resting more into the back of the couch, letting Tala's words circle his head some.
Tala was right, he didn't nor had he ever been afraid of Kai coming after him to purposely hurt him, not in the sense Tala was talking about.
As much as he hated seeing Kai get to the point he became violent, like that time he destroyed the office, he was somewhat glad Kai had the self-restraint not to take it out on him. Or worse, Thomas.
He found himself nodding to what Tala had said, the things he'd even been trying to convince himself of.
He wanted to go home too.
"See what happens Friday then." He shrugged before Thomas started calling for him from the bathroom now that he was done just in time for his phone to go off with a message.
Checking the phone as he wandered back around the couch for the bathroom, seeing that it was Kai saying he was down in the parking lot, Ray hurried his steps as his heart started to beat faster again while he grabbed a change of clothes for Thomas from his bag.
He snatched the towel hanging in the bathroom, helping Thomas out of the tub and drying him off quickly.
"Uncle Kai is here, you excited to see him?"
Thomas started to bounce as he was dried off, "YES! YES! YESSS!"
"You gonna be good for him?" Ray questioned as he put the towel on the boy's head, drying his hair best he could before he went out into the cold but found it hard to actually dry it properly with the way Thomas went to nodding his head frantically.
"Okay, well if you're not he'll tell me and then I will tell Tala and Tala will tell Julia, don't want her to know you were naughty, do you?"
Thomas' head went side to side just as fast as it'd been going up and down, causing Ray to laugh under his breath.
"Okay, well get dressed, he's waiting for ya."
With that he left him in there, shutting the door behind him again, hearing Thomas fumbled and fall over himself as he wiggled into his clothes.
The door burst open not even a minute later, small arms thrown out to the side of him.
"I'm ready!"
"Jacket, shoes." Ray reminded, pointing at the front door that Thomas bolted towards.
He fumbled to get his shoes on, wrestled with the sleeves of his jacket and then managed to zip his shirt up inside the zipper.
"READY!"
Ray grabbed his own shoes and jacket, slipping them on and leading Thomas down the stairs, the boy bouncing the whole way where once again his heart was doing its best to beat out of his chest.