As they fell from the sky, the two warriors viewed the ground below. Already there was a city. A city of weaklings.
"Nappa, introduce the Earthlings to us." The city exploded, leaving only a news story and a mystery.
"Yo, Gohan! That was amazing!" Goku had watched Gohan use his stand to copy X Survivor and punched Raditz in offense for the first time: leading to Gohan finally winning a bout. Goku really was amazed, too: Raditz had only a week ago put 5000 kg of weights on Gohan. His hair was tied up with a 500 kg band to build up resistance to head and neck blows, his shirt and both boots had 500 kg each as well to train core and leg muscles, and both arms had 1500 kg each so that Gohan would not only learn how to punch with that, but so that when he took them off he'd be able to block and kick extremely swiftly. Of course, Goku and Raditz had 2000 kg on each of their arms, legs, and in their shirts, but they were adults. Gohan was 5.
"Goku. Vegeta is here. He landed in East City, close to where you are. We're sending everyone."
Jotaro was at Bulma's. "Excuse me, I'm here for the improved scouters. Then I'm leaving."
"Wow, you're hot!"
"Shut up. I don't like being around flirty women. You're too bubbly and annoying."
"So you're gay?"
"Yare, yare daze." Jotaro heard three facepalms. One was his own. The second was Star Platinum's. And the third was Star Platinum's. Wait.
"Wait, why do you have the same stand as me?"
"What? Wow, I do! Can you stop time for a couple seconds too?"
"Okay. What's your real stand?" Jotaro wasn't buying that she had the same stand.
"Ora. Ora ora."
The Star Platinums started conversing.
"Ora, ora ora." Simultaneously, both Stars mocked Jotaro's favorite pose.
Bulma held in a chuckle.
"Now I'm definitely leaving."
"You're gonna want these at least." Jotaro's Star Platinum took the box and gave a thumbs up.
"Dio, head for Goku's house. Vegeta is here. And stop flirting with the robot."
"Geez, are your mental DMs a megaphone?" Lapis had been preparing this date and day off from lab work for a month. Now some space alien barges in and ruins it. Wish someone would just go murder the doc already. Too bad that's not happening for at least ten chapters.
"Are your mental DMs a megaphone?" Lapis was not happy. He'd been planning this date for a full month, and now some "official" god was asking for help to beat some space pirate. Someone ought to take out the doc, so that Lapis and Lazuli could do what they wanted: they were supposed to be on their gap year, having fun around the world. But no. They were bound to an old man who could blow them up at any time.
"Sorry. I'll be back in an hour. You still have the rest of the day with me, right?
"Yeah." Lapis finished the milkshake, paid, and left. "Shitty protocol."
Piccolo was dead.
"Good Kami!" Raditz was the first one on the scene. Goku was close behind.
"I need three more Saiyans to complete my stand, and it seems you've brought them Raditz. Then we'll wish me immortality and dust off this putrid rock with a couple of energy blasts. How's that sound?"
"Absolutely terrible, considering I actually have a family now."
"Come on, don't you remember dating, destroying planets and eating the inhabitants to Careless Whisper?"
"No idea who that is, but he seems like my kinda guy! Oh, he's the space pirate. Nevermind."
"Yare Yare, DIO." Jotaro and DIO were there too.
"Where's that brat? I'd prefer to leave you alive with that useful stand of yours." Vegeta returned to the topic.
"Goku, let's do it." Raditz brought out his stand, which threw Goku. Goku reset immediately as he hit Vegeta, the damage coming in late enough to cause the reset to not work on Vegeta. Vegeta fell over.
"Watch him closely. Tell me if anything is missing from his body." Raditz remembered Vegeta's deadly Stand well.
"Just two fingers."
"What? GOKU, EXPEL AS MUCH KI AS PO-" Vegeta's detached fingers drilled holes in Goku and Raditz, killing both instantly. Someone yelled in the distance.
"Well, shimata." DIO stopped time. He could see that Vegeta was starting to separate. Whatever his stand was, it could separate his body.
"DIO, let's try to connect our time stops. He can't move right now."
"Good idea. Want to aim for that part that seems to be not moving?"
The time stop switched as Jotaro agreed.
They spent a full five seconds attacking Vegeta in the vulnerable area.
"GAAAAAAAH!" Vegeta yelled in pain. "How dare you! I'll kill you!" Vegeta sent every possible body part on both arms to both of them. They stopped time for a combined ten seconds again, and wailed on Vegeta some more. "You guys are stopping time, aren't you?" Well then, Good Riddance!
Goku and Raditz suddenly reanimated and began attacking Jotaro and DIO. They seemed like they were being controlled like a marionette, however. It was strange. As soon as the two stopped time, they could see that Goku and Raditz were being controlled by some sort of metal skeleton.
"Did you see that?" DIO asked Jotaro.
"Yeah. We can't get hit. Or at least, you can't. I am a vampire. Hue, he, he."
"Come on. Let's keep attacking."
They went on for a while, attacking a lot and dodging while time was not stopped. As this was happening, someone else was watching. "Let's see how this works. Za Warudo!"
Gohan had boiled for a full minute in his rage, but calmed down while keeping his power. He had copied The World, and was able to stop time for about 11 seconds. That added up to 25 second intervals with about 2-3 seconds to cool down.
"Hey kid, are you the one with the stand that copies the powers of another stand?" Jotaro asked during the time stop.
"Yeah. I also have a way to beat him. After the next stopped time, I'll copy his stand. It should work."
"That was what I was about to suggest." DIO wanted to make sure they all knew, even though it didn't matter. "If something fails, you might have to be a vampire for a little while. It won't be too long, you have those Dragon Balls or whatever. Basically, the point is, as long as Vegeta doesn't get your brain, you can tear yourself apart freely and regenerate."
"Eh, as long as we beat this guy."
"Good kid." Vegeta was getting a little tipsy, and that's when Goku and Raditz stopped being suspended by the stand. Vegeta came back together.
"Shoot. I guess I'll skedaddle. His arm shot into the sky."
"What the hell is he doing?" Jotaro had no idea.
A pod came up to where his hand was, and he grabbed on. Gohan launched an arm at Vegeta, and grabbed on.
"Shit, you little brat…" Vegeta fell unconscious as the pod ended up pulling him and Gohan in.
"Welp, I'm screwed." Gohan frowned.
"In the gallows, in the ghetto, in the town or the meadow," Jaco sang. "Shit!" He slammed the brakes as he almost ran into another ship. "Watch where you're going, you prick! I'm a super elite of the Galactic Patrol!"
"Bitch." The other flier backed up and let off a string of cusses as Jaco flew off.
"Some people have no respect for authority." He flew on. He'd heard about Frieza force jackasses on Namek. Probably just a small squad, he could handle that. However, he didn't seem to get a signal out here in the space boonies. He didn't notice the signal from his crewmen, which said this. "TURN BACK. MISSION CANCELLED"
Dio went back to his new castle, a pretty foreboding piece of abandoned territory. "Time to get some remodeling done." He got to work burning away the ragged drapes with his ki. However, the piano was already playing.
Lazuli's Stress: The obligatory gun stand. Comes from the last song of FNF week seven of the same name. It's two guns that can load in her wrists as she's a cyborg. Anyway, it fires a combination of oil and pure energy, creating a superheated bolt of energy. Lazuli can fire about 600 shots per second from a 30,000 round clip with perfect accuracy. If it hits another projectile, it deflects the projectile. Since the user is a cyborg, she can do split-second calculations to get her bullets to graze and bounce off multiple projectiles.
Lapis' You're Welcome: a stand that allows him to go back in time and rescue someone, but if the person doesn't thank Lapis, the change is reset. There are however a couple of drawbacks to spamming this…
Ginyu Force Stands:
Guldo's Stuff is Way (he calls it Asgore until the rest correct him): causes random changes in energy. He'd activate it and all of the energy in an attack might become chemical energy and bond with the air, making the air solid, and as someone breaks it, they get hit with the attack. Then, he'll activate it again, and accidentally turn the thermal energy in the opponent's body into kinetic energy.
Recoome's We Want a Rock: It can shoot out strings. These strings wind around a target as soon as they touch them, then send the target into an "orbit" around the user. He then can pull the strings closer or let them go. He can also tighten the strings and sever limbs. It isn't escapable until the user dies.
Jeice's Particle Man: It can condense energy into a very small particle. This is so dense that it forms a mini black hole.
Burter's Whistler in the Dark; It can temporarily remove all energy from an object. This object becomes an indestructible barrier, and if a person, the person cannot do anything (including die).
Piccolo's Flood: instead of Dog on Fire, it gives Piccolo power over all energy. However, only one thing at a time, and can't just be mercilessly chained. I came up with this rework when I realized that I could make a ton of energy stands and then give Piccolo an actually useful ability
King Cold's Propaganda: a giant metal looking spider that gives his soldiers some of his power. After beating them all, their power returns to the stand.
Jaco's No Time to Die: This stand is able to perfectly protect Jaco's life. Every time he dies, he is reset to one minute earlier. It's like Bites the Dust's time loop, except it happens every time Jaco dies from an injury. I have a great idea for an arc about it. You'll have to wait and see.
Hit's Spectre: ?
Guru's Magical Trevor: It allows him to reset the Dragon Balls at any time, but at a random place on the planet. They can only use one wish at a time.
Gotenks' Ruler of Everything: Incomprehensible for now.