The trip from Rio to San Francisco was uneventful. Our plan was to stay in the safety of the city for a few days and make our way down the coast to the home I had abandoned in my foolish attempt at keeping the ones I loved safe. Eric felt, just as I did, that there was safety in the anonymity the big city could provide us with rather than smaller, less secure locations. In being cautious, we had both agreed to forgoing most of the trappings and niceties that city life precluded.
The only nightlife we enjoyed was the lounge bar of the prestigious hotel we stayed at the first few nights. Drinks, over-the-top dinners, an evening with a live band. These were the nicest things we did while planning the next stop, still several hours away from my parents' house in a coastal college town. Eric wanted to spread out the time, stop in several locations and take a week to get to my desert home. I thought we should stop in fewer places, leaving less of a trail to my childhood home and give ourselves a night or two to recover when we reached my hometown.
We compromised and cut some of the stops from our itinerary, staying longer in others than Eric originally planned. The coastal get away was a fun stop, roaming the beach at night and creating sandcastles and ice castles that would be gone long before the morning light would touch them. Passionate embraces and tender moments beneath the wharf kept my anxiety from overwhelming me and driving me into a crippling feeling of uncertainty.
The next stop we made, a short two-hour drive from my hometown held more surprises for us than expected. Not the kind of surprises that make your cheeks heat with joy and excitement, but also not the kind that leave you off-kilter and feeling like the rug's been pulled out from beneath your feet entirely.
Standing just outside the lobby for our designated stop was Irial. Having not seen him since we had left Europe, I was unsure of what this could mean, but when he introduced the man standing beside him as Niall I was thrown for another loop. Evidently Eric was not. This was not the Niall I was familiar with, but he was certainly not someone I would take kindly too unless necessary.
Tall and slender, this man stood only a few inches shorter than Eric. His glamour made him appear as a finely aged gentleman, but all looks could be deceiving. I knew Irial appeared to me as he did to many of the other humans around him, but there were times he slipped, and I saw some of his true appearance leak through. With this man, I couldn't be sure if I were looking at someone who had served in a military or smooth businessman that never lost at poker. Pale blond hair fell below his shoulders and light green eyes roved, catching every movement around him. Keen eyes that looked me over quickly and assessed what I could only assume was everything about me before meeting Eric's gaze and shaking hands as we walked through the doors.
We convened around a small booth in the back corner of the bar after Eric had checked us in and had our luggage taken to the room. I hadn't felt unsure of myself around others since the night we encountered Irial in Stockholm. This was an unusual feeling for me now, to be unable to read the people around me and see what their actions told me. I felt helplessly unprepared.
"Tristan, this is Niall Brigant, Sookie's great-grandfather," Eric told me as he set down several glasses in front of each person at the table. I steadied my hand halfway to my mouth with the liquid, and gave a polite, indifferent nod. I thought Sookie was behind us. In the past, something that we weren't going to focus on until we had taken care of the situation with Kayden. The alcohol that passed my lips burned and helped me bring my attention back to the discussion at hand. I hadn't missed much, it seemed.
"A pleasure to meet you, young Princess," he said to me as a greeting. I wanted to gag at the saccharine intonation.
"Queen." I stated simply, before adding something to take the bite out of my tone and lack of explanation. "The pleasure is mine. We welcome many viewpoints here, a better way to ensure we are looking at all aspects of every situation." A curt smile and batting of my eyelashes helped form the demure façade I tried to put up. I didn't think it would work for a minute, but I needed to know what I was dealing with in this new wildcard. Friends were few and far between, and I couldn't afford to backtrack now that I was getting closer to a workable solution. To being truly free from my brother and from Eric...if that's what I still really wanted.
"My mistake," he said, dipping his head in acknowledgement and said no more regarding me or my title. Irial hid a chuckle behind the glass of Scotch he surreptitiously rose to his lips when I spoke. My eyes told him all he needed to know; I was playing to field to see where I stood here and being catty right off hadn't hurt the newcomer's opinion of me in any way. Yet.
As Niall and Eric talked business, I watched the people around us, and I watched Irial's movements. He didn't give much away, but seeing the people trying to lose themselves in a glass or on the dancefloor was amusing enough. We even met eyes watching a couple trying to meet in secret, an affair almost certainly, but who were we to interfere. I was drawn back to our table by an announcement Niall gave, drawing attention from those near us as well.
"I came here to give a gift to you," Niall soke, staring at Eric first, then turning to include me in his statement, if somewhat after-the-fact. "I want to acknowledge that you having left Sookie has benefitted her immensely. I am grateful that you have found someone to share yourself with, and I want this to be a happy occasion."
He turned to the side, pulling something from his jacket pocket. A small vial with shimmering liquid rested in his open palm. The liquid was iridescent, and I couldn't put an exact color to it, but it reminded me of the obsidian décor I had seen in the fey bars in Huntsdale.
"A gift of fertility, for you, Mr. Northman."
Eric sat up straighter but placed his hand on the table, letting Niall place the vail into his waiting palm. We all stared at it for a moment, waiting for Niall to explain more fully what his gift truly meant. Vampires were, for all intents and purposes, dead. They could not reproduce and their only 'children' were their progeny, made by a vastly different process than normal human babies were. What kind of magic could change that fact and allow Eric to become fertile, to have children? More importantly, did I even want to consider the possibility of having children, having heirs to my kingdom with Eric? This twist was moving far more quickly than I could have anticipated.
"I-What exactly…" I didn't know what to say or to ask about it. Eric stepped in and saved me from myself, which was wonderful except I hadn't needed saving in a conversation for quite some time.
"We are incredibly grateful for this generous gift. It will not be forgotten, Prince Niall. If we could bother you for details of how this gift works?"
With an inclination of his head and a soft smile, Niall obliged.
"Of course, Northman. This is a powerful elixir filled with magic. Its potency is beyond measure and should give you the ability to be fertile and therefore attempt to have children of your own, for close to a year. If it remains unopened until you have decided you are ready, it will remain potent indefinitely. Once opened, it will decrease in potency until you take the elixir, and it becomes less effective. You may drink it alone or mix it with your preferred beverage. If your partner takes it with you, it will allow them to be more fertile for a short period of time as well, allowing for every possible chance of conception."
I struggled to keep the disbelief from showing on my face, and fey gifts are nothing to sneeze at. The amount of power that would go into creating a gift such as this… To make it usable for such a considerable amount of time. It was astonishing. I didn't fully believe we could be so lucky, but I held my tongue and kept my thoughts as much to myself as much as I was able.
Eric behaved similarly, closing our bond slowly and allowing only some of what he was feeling to filter through. There was confusion, surprise, and some doubt there, too. He held himself together much more generously than I felt I could, and silence was my best measure of protection.
"This gift, freely given, is a remarkable sacrifice. Many blessings and happy returns, for you and yours, Prince Niall," I said after a moment had passed, and Eric had still not recovered enough to parry with words. I gave a regal nod across the table and was given the same in return.
Niall clapped his hands together and finished the drink before him. He stood, exiting to the side and we followed suit, our drinks forgotten in the excitement of Niall's proclamation. Eric offered his hand and shook Niall's before following him out of the bar. I looked over to Irial with a raised eyebrow, questioning if he had known any of this would happen.
Met with another quizzically impish grin and lifted shoulders, Irial grabbed his glass and tossed back the rest of his Scotch. After returning the glass to the table he looked at me and offered a hand to me as we walked out together.
"I don't control anyone, anymore love. I've loyal followers, no mistake, but the damn Brigants' have never deigned to associate with anyone beyond the realm of Faery. Even her royal Fairness doesn't put up much, gave them control of their own little pocket dimension of sunshine and happiness. Looks like things are more complicated for you now, Highness." Irial effused. I nodded along and lifted my shoulders, agreeing slightly but unsure of what to add to his assessment.
Eric met us in the lobby, making a face at mine and Irial's arms entwined together, but didn't say anything. Instead, he handed me a room card and pulled out his phone, indicating he was going to call Pamela and talk over what had happened with her. I tried not to be hurt by his choice, but I knew he was closer in a different way to his progeny. I still would have wanted to discuss with him exactly what this gift could mean. If he thought this was a direction we should consider, or instead put aside until we were on more sure footing.
Irial walked me to the door of our room, and stood as I entered, giving a small embrace before taking his leave and walking away as the door closed. This stop wasn't meant to be exciting or have any unexpected things take place. Yet here we were, in different locations of the same space, one inside and one out, sorting through yet another hurdle thrown in our way. I didn't want to see it as an obstacle even when that is exactly what it was. Unlike normal couples, children were never a consideration from the start. Dead is dead, and that rarely changes. Gift horse? Mouth? Still, we were not able to consider this course. Having a child, or multiple children, would not fix anything around us.
The temptation swelled within me, and I understood exactly how people can lose all sense of self, sense of reason and understanding for some fruitlessly cliched picture of happiness and joy. The beaming parents of a proud little baby, the frustration of willful children trying to make their own rules. The ups and downs that made parenting a journey instead of a destination. The realization that I could destroy my child's life simply for not understanding their point of view, or not protecting them from a threat I couldn't see stopped me cold.
My childhood was wrought with trauma, friction and misguided attempts to keep me safe. Was I willing to take that chance, in the hopes I did it better than my own parents? Would Eric? I took a deep breath and let it out, settling into a chair beside the window overlooking the dark city surrounding us. When Eric finally returned, we could discuss this gift, well intended or not, and decide from there. I had no reason to fret or worry.
"I'll just take a quick shower, focus on being calm. That, will help," I said to the room at large, not really expecting an answer. I gathered something to sleep in and laid out what I would wear the next day, and picked out another outfit for the evening, on the off chance we had more to explore if we were interested.
I stepped into the steamy shower, and I let the water wash away the nervousness, unsurety and lack of conviction away. I knew who I was, I knew what I was working toward. Were children in my future? Possibly. That didn't mean I had to race to have them, if I decided I would have any at all. Would what Eric and I had last long enough to see if children were even worth contemplating? I thought we would. That didn't take in to account any number of things and it added more stress to me rather than resolving any, so I set that thought aside.
I sculpted my scepter, my tiara and crown, an elegant bracelet, a necklace laced with giant crystals shaped like diamonds, and finally a crown for Eric. I created a small platform for them to rest on away from the too warm steam and washed my hair and body, contemplating everything that had taken place in my life from the moment I discovered my true origin. My road hadn't been easy, but I had come through and managed to at least keep standing tall. That was important, right?
I knew I wasn't in a healthy place mentally, so when I let out a deep scream that left my ears ringing and I pulled all my creations down to the floor to be dissolved by the running water, I knew I would need more than some alone time to figure out the best direction for me, and if it was still correct to presume, Eric as well. I hadn't noticed Eric entering the room, or his arms coming around me, soaking his clothes with the stream above us. I only registered his presence when I curled into him and sobbed on his shoulder. Heaving breathes that seemed to shake my body and my spirit, eyes puffy and irritated from the assault, even if I was the culprit.
After several long moments, and Eric thoughtfully turning the water off, we sat together. I huddled into the embrace of his strong arms, curled up like something small afraid. I knew I was scared, and Eric could sense it through our bond as well. He took care in drying my body and removing his wet clothes before getting me settled into my sleep ware beside him in the large bed. He tucked a strand of damp hair over my shoulder before planting a kiss in the middle of my forehead, hands cradling my face like a precious jewel.
"I have an idea of what has you so distraught, but I want to know what is happening. In your own words as you understand it, Tristan," he cajoled, taking my hands in his and giving them a light squeeze. A few deep breaths steadied me, and I met his questioning gaze.
"That elixir, that's supposed to make you fertile. Give you the ability to have children. It frightens me because I don't want to bring a child into a world with so much turmoil and confusion, Earth or not, Eric. I don't want to make the mistakes my parents did with me, and I certainly don't know your stance, but I'd just as soon give it to anyone else, because I don't know if there will ever be a right time for this."
I let everything I hadn't been able to explain to myself out in that moment and waited for a response. A warm word or an understanding smile. I didn't expect Eric's grip to loosen, or his eyes to frost over and the bond which we shared to close so abruptly that I was reeling from it when he did choose to form a response. This wasn't something I wanted to drive us apart, especially when we had made so much progress toward making this relationship work. A week may not be long by any stretch, but we had spent time together before that, had been in each other's orbit for near three months from the moment we met. In relative proximity to one another. Not the perfect bedrock for a relationship, but nothing about the relationship's we had in our past's respectively was perfect or normal either.
"Eric?" I pleaded. I couldn't lose his support now. Not when there was still so much more ahead of us to face, even if it wasn't all necessary to face together.
"Eric, please talk to me. Tell me what you're feeling. What you're thinking. That is my knee-jerk reaction to all of this. To Sookie's blood-blessed great-grandfather. I need to know where you are so we can decide what to do with this gift. Together. Will you let me in?" I entreated once more, ducking my head to catch his eyes.
He looked out over the small room we occupied for the night and then brought himself to look at me again. Grim lines etched his face with something I had not seen from him before. There was loss behind it, and for someone as old as he was, there was likely a great deal there to unpack. But none of it could be addressed until he decided to open back up to me, and if we were still going to my parents' house the next evening, then we needed to do this, right now.
"Tristan, this gift means a great deal more to me, it appears, than it means to you. It has been a quite a long time since I was human, and a great deal more since I have fathered real children. Children and a wife who died, without me to care for and protect them," Eric expelled, bitterness and grief mingling with passion and the sobering tone of someone who has lived long enough to watch their only relatives pass into oblivion.
I looked down at his hands, still loosely clasping my own. I gave a gentle squeeze and snuggled down into the bed.
"Tell me about them? Help me understand what this means to you and help me see what I am missing from this equation. I'm not entirely opposed to having children. I just want to know that I won't be left to make mistakes that leave them worse off than I have been. And my life hasn't exactly been a bed of roses to this point," I pried and reminded him. A flash of a smirk rose to his lips, and he rearranged so I could cradle into his body, safe and protected from the monsters of our collective pasts.
He told me of his journeys as a human, and the life he led as a chieftain's son and the woman that became his wife and bore him children, some of which did not survive past infanthood. Others who he did not get to return to but were likely sickened from plague or disease or may have survived, that he did not get to meet again in their lives. He gave me a picture of his joy and strife, the pleasure he took in providing and caring for the people he was responsible for. A pleasure that had led to his position as the Sherriff of Area 5 in Louisiana before going on the run with me.
"I may have jumped to conclusions and had some ideas in my head that aren't even accurate," I admitted softly. "But now may not be the right time for us to consider this course just yet."
"I agree," Eric murmured in my ear. "In time, we can determine what is best in that regard. I want you to know, I have not wanted much in my long existence. I have not desired anything as much as I desire to have and to hold children of my own once more. My progenies are exceptional, and I care for them deeply. But they are not truly from my own flesh and bone and blood."
I looked into his eyes and saw a fierceness there that I had only seen in his protection of both Sookie and myself after Kayden had come and torn up everything they once knew. If I couldn't accept this condition, that we discuss it further in the future with real focus on intentionally trying for and having children of our own, I would lose Eric sooner than later.
"I understand." It was all I could say to not drown in my own tears again.
Would I have been ready to make this jump with Derek if the situation had been different? We had been apart for years, and there was so much that had tried to keep us apart as much as it was my fault. Thinking on it now, though, I would have dived right in and accepted this as part of what would naturally progress for the two of us. Did that mean I didn't feel secure with Eric? Was my own fear of being alone what kept me from wanting to have his children, if it was truly possible like Niall had stated?
For now, that could wait. What I needed was more rest, and to be prepared for the onslaught of questions my parents would have for me, and the impromptu but overdue reunion we would have, however short it may last. I would make the most of this visit. Reconnect with my parents, and my brother. Hopefully get caught up on all their lives and what they had accomplished while I had been living the life only wanted criminals lived. I would not let this keep me from being in the present and being close to the people I loved and cared for, even if it were normally from a distance. I couldn't afford to miss any more moments with them even if Kayden were fast on my trail.