I do not own Carnival.
Still love Ben tho.
Ben and Sofie
"Hawkins! Batten down!"
He jumps out of the truck . . .
"I'm sorry. I gotta go."
. . . and runs into the rain.
Sweet, cooling rain.
And stops.
Turns.
And stares back.
At the truck.
Her in the truck.
Her waiting in the truck.
And walks back.
Slow.
Deliberate.
She watches him come.
Watches his approach.
Raindrops bouncing off his gleaming, pale, boney shoulders.
And then he reaches the driver's window.
Inches from her.
Her.
Face still asheen with sweat, their sweat together.
And him.
That face. Soaked with rain.
To the bone.
Gazing at her.
And speaks.
"You still gonna go?"
She doesn't say anything, just looks at him.
Nods.
He nods back.
Glances to left, the hubbub of the carnivale.
"Okay. We'll go. Together. I'll help them pack up. And then we'll go. Get ready."
He pauses, looks over.
The distant them.
Back to her.
The clear and present her.
"We'll just let them go. Like you said."
She furrows her brow.
"What about Damascus? What about your pa? Your lot?"
She doesn't want him making some rash decision on her account that he'll regret later. She's got enough of that to carry already.
Ben stands, he stands, cleansing in the rain.
Upturns his face, takes the battering, washing of the rain he has forgotten.
Holds.
And then comes back to her.
"I changed my mind. I want to be done with it. And I . . . I don't think it ever will be this way."
Another pause.
"I mean, I can't keep doin' this, Sof."
Then he stops, eyes glittering.
"I mean, I guess I could. But I think I'd die. And I don't want to die anymore."
She shrugs.
"You don't have to, Ben. Go on like this, I mean. You can stop. You can just come with me. We can go away."
They gaze at each other a moment longer.
"Hawkins! Shake a leg!"
He glances over, raises a hand nobody but her pays attention to.
"Okay!"
Looks back at her.
"Be ready."
And he goes.
When he comes back, she's dressed again.
Man pants. Man shirt.
Man boots.
Woman.
Sofie.
"Hey."
"Hey."
Hobo bag at her feet, lumpy and stuffed.
"What's in that?"
"Stuff. You have anything you want to pick up?"
He shrugs, hint of wit in his eye.
"You."
The corner of her mouth curls.
"Well, here I am."
He nods.
"Let's go."
Her relieved smile grows toothily bigger.
"Okay. You drive."
And he gets in.
"Think they'll miss the truck?"
"Not until we're gone."
They both half-expect something to stop them as they rumble out.
A person.
An animal.
A bolt of lightening.
Sofie has stopped trying to keep track of how many times she's tried, in vain, to leave.
And Ben's always found himself clumping back to his fate anyway.
It's truly seemed inevitable.
But as they pull onto the road, old truck springs creaking in protest in the dark night, the headlights reveal nothing untoward.
"Left or right?" Ben asks, the first of many.
Sofie instinctively twitches her dominant right hand.
And chooses . . .
"Left."
. . . differently.
"Okay."
We're leavin', Samson. Me and Sofie. Don't look for us. I'm sorry.
What?
They drive for hours, nearly in silence.
Save for the creaking and groaning . . .
"You don't want to listen to the radio?"
"No. I'm not going to be afraid of the quiet anymore, Ben."
. . . of the ancient land conveyance.
Sitting still, gazing out at the dark night.
Wind blowing in her face.
Hot wind, dry and dusty.
The Great Deluge seeming to have not reached past . . .
"That's odd. I thought for sure it had rained all the way to the Atlantic."
. . . a ten mile radius.
They eventually stop.
"Okay. I'm gonna fall asleep and drive us into a tree if we don't stop. You wanna drive?"
"No. I wanna sleep."
And they do. Curled up with each other. Not exactly comfortable.
But comfort never really had been part of the deal of either of their lives anyway.
So they didn't count it as worry.
They drive and drive and drive.
Days driving. The sun. The dust.
They drive and sit and drive and talk.
"I'm just tired, Sofie. I'm not a coward. I just want some damn peace."
Sofie's smile is sweet and sad and crooked.
Her singular voice quiet when she speaks.
"You don't have to defend yourself to me, Ben. I've spent my entire life with my mother's voice in my head. All the time. Every second. It was maddening. Even when I'd never known anything different."
A hard swallow, bitterness rising.
"Then when she . . . died, she was still there. Staring at me with those screaming eyes. Making me go mad."
Then dropping away as she turns and looks at him.
"You're the first one to make her leave me alone, Ben. The first one to give me any peace."
No response. She hadn't half expect there to be.
"Besides, I've done things in the carnival. Bad things. I just wanted to get away. Be something different. Do something different."
More quiet. Something she's still getting used to.
"Thank you for coming with me. It would have been lonely alone."
He cuts his eyes just a little, another little smile she didn't know he even had in him there on his lips.
"That the only reason?"
And she grins.
"You know it's not."
He nods, glances at her, fondness in his eyes.
"Yeah, I know."
And they keep driving.
I cannot express how much I despised everything after Ben and Sofie's 'skin time' episode. And how much I love everything before it.
So, in the true nature of fanfic, I'm changing it. To make me happy.
Thanks for reading.
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