Chapter 12

We ran into a few men Michael knows. He whispered as we encountered each man. I found it strange hearing everyone call him Ram. To me he will always be Michael. "They don't know me as Michael," he whispered. "You should start calling me Ram so they don't get too confused." I squeezed his hand instead of verbalizing my answer.

A few of the guys noticed our entwined fingers, but didn't comment. They all knew my late husband Jeremy Richards. We all experienced a bit of awkwardness when we first started working together. Several men were confused to learn I was Ace's wife but my last name was Romano. I gave up attempting to explain. If they couldn't understand after the first explanation, it wasn't worth wasting my breath.

I held tight onto Ram's hand as we walked into the break room. Hal and Mateo were in the room grabbing lunch. Mateo smiled when he notice my fingers entwined in Michael's hand. We discussed my dreams about Jeremy and his message to start dating Michael Ramsey. My hand was electrically charged. Our connection was sending an electric current between our joined hands. I knew he could feel it too. He would run his thumb over my hand as we experienced the exchange.

"Hi Hal, Teo," I greeted the men. I noticed the brief nod between Hal and Ram. They obviously know each other. Teo obviously knows I'm holding Michael's hand, but they don't know each other. "Mateo Manoso this is Michael Ramsey. Ram, Teo."

"Nice to meet you Michael," Teo acknowledged and shook his hand. I was holding his left hand so he didn't have to let me go.

"Please call me Ram. Nice to meet you too." He glanced at me before asking, "Steph said you may have a spare room for me?" I really wanted him to stay with me. With the kids visiting for a week, I didn't think it was appropriate to have a man spend the night. They have never seen me date anyone. I never found a man worthy enough to date. Besides, I refuse to go against what I know Jeremy wanted for me. Some people may find it odd that I'm listening to the Jeremy in my dreams, but history proved he was watching out for me.

"We do have a spare room. Meet me at 1400 hours and we'll discuss your options with Rangeman." Ram looked surprised until Mateo added, "You're an investor in Rangeman. All branch managers are to offer you a job should you wish to work for us."

"I appreciate the consideration." We helped ourselves to the tantalizing chicken stew located in the crock pot. I notice another 3 crock pots filled with stew. Rangeman had a strange policy of eating healthy and exercising.

I've been training hard to pass my qualification tests. Passing my shot accuracy last week felt amazing. All my energy was being used to train. In order to pass my 3 month qualifiers, I had to take Mateo to the mats. I've been given 6 months to pass my physical strength tests. Since I've trained with him for many years, he's familiar with my moves. Marcus assured me his son Lester training me would be my best chance to beat Teo.

We ate as we discussed various parts of our recent past. The men were respectful and maintained their distance as we took the time to talk. I always found him to be an amazing conversationalist. In a lot of ways he reminded me of Jeremy.

When we finished eating, Ram rinsed our bowls and loaded them into the dishwasher. There wasn't any point to causing Ella more work. I noticed the other men quickly followed suit. Junior went a step further and moved the dirty dishes from the sink to the dishwasher. I have a feeling the guys will be more helpful from now on. None of them followed suit whenever I loaded the dishes. Seeing one of their own stepping up to keep the break room clean was obviously enough motivation.

I shook my head as I watched Junior wipe down the counters. Ram caught my eye and winked at me. He knew exactly what he was doing. Jeremy was right, Michael is just like him. My heart beat sped up as he grabbed my hand. As usual, electricity pulsed between our joined hands.

We returned to my apartment until he had his meeting with Mateo. I knew he was going to take the job offer. As we sat facing each other on my sofa, I took in his features. His eyes were a deeper blue than mine. I could easily get lost in them. He had a few days of growth on his face. My fingers brushed over his face, feeling the softness from the growth. "I know Mateo will recommend I speak to a therapist. After my debrief I talked to the therapist at Fort Benning. They don't offer nearly enough time to talk through your emotions."

It was a complaint I also heard from Jeremy. He'd seen so much before he joined the Rangers. Unlike many of his troop, he visited another military cleared therapist to talk out his feelings.

Michael and I talked and quickly lost track of time. My alarm beeped, indicating it was time for him to leave. I went to kiss his cheek, but he turned at the last second. Our lips touched and I felt the same spark I felt with Jeremy. He moved his hand up, pulling my head closer to his to deepen the kiss.

I broke the kiss and rested my forehead against his. "Michael, you need to meet with Mateo," I whispered.

He nodded and said, "We'll continue this later." His thumb stroked down my cheek to my bottom lip. Lifting my chin, he gave me a quick kiss before leaving my apartment.

"Jeremy I love you, but it's time," I whispered into my empty apartment. With spent emotions, I lay on my bed and cried. I don't want to rush into a relationship with Michael, but I'm finding my resolve quickly weakening.

My late husband visited me as I slept. "Stephanie my love. I want you to be with Ram. You have a stronger connection with him than we shared. Open your heart and let him in. He will love you and our children," he said while holding my hands.

"I feel like I'm betraying our relationship," I confessed.

"Sweetheart, he will respect what we shared. You are not betraying us. I want you to move on with him. Give yourself to him and be happy. I need to go now. Goodbye my love," he said as I was startled awake by my phone ringing.

"Hey sweet girl. What's wrong?" I asked Lory.

"Um… we'll talk when I get home. I'm actually calling about Michael. Curt and I are alright with him living with us. Don't send him to his own apartment at Rangeman. Promise me mom," she begged.

"Lory, this isn't your decision," I reminded her.

"Please," Lory pulled out the big guns. I heard Curtis echo in the background.

"Okay," I caved. My children wouldn't be asking if it wasn't important.

As I was preparing dinner, a heard a knock on my door. I opened it to find Michael standing on the other side, a bag in his hand. "Can I stay with you?" he shyly asked.

"Of course," I answered while opening the door wide. He entered my apartment, closed the door and dropped his bag. When I turned to face the kitchen, he pulled me into his arms and gave me a panty destroying kiss.

In this moment I wanted nothing more than to feel his naked body pressed against mine. I reluctantly broke the kiss to turn off the stove. He held my hand as I led him to the kitchen then towards the bedroom.

Michael was gentle but cautious. His kisses heated my body in ways I haven't felt for many years when Jeremy and I were together. I needed this physical connection. He quickly removed my clothes as I removed his. His body was muscular and smooth. Feeling his muscles twitch under my fingers gave me goosebumps.

"Stephanie, may I?" he asked as I felt the heat of his hand near my breast.

As much as I wanted to feel him touch me, we needed to wait. Jeremy wants me to move on with Michael, but we just met face to face. The connection between us is very strong and I knew he would be patient if I asked. His mental health was also important.

"Michael, I want you. I truly do, but I think we should get to know each other better," I admitted, sadness was thick in my voice.

"I understand, Anie," he said before pulling his hand away from my naked body. He stroked my face and gave me a gentle, yet heated, kiss. It made me want to press myself against him, but we couldn't move this relationship at warp speed.

"We should get dinner ready," I said as my stomach grumbled. We quickly dressed so we could prepare dinner together.

I giggled before moving towards the kitchen to finish cooking. While I sautéed onions and garlic, Ram cut the chicken into thin strips. I emptied the skillet to cook the chicken. He grabbed the fresh Asiago cheese to grate.

"Low fat or full flavour?" I asked while holding the milk and heavy cream.

"Full flavour," he replied and put the milk back into the refrigerator. He measured the heavy cream and added it to the sautéed onions and garlic. Before I could ask, he added a liberal amount of pepper to the mix. "What type of pasta?" he asked while holding out the linguine, fusilli and penne."

"Surprise me," I replied. I laughed as he added a bit of each to the boiling water. "It's exactly what Lory and Curt would do."

"Sounds like my kind of people," he joked. I had a feeling my children would love him.

He watched the sauce as I cooked the chicken. Grabbing a spoon from the drawer, he took a taste of the sauce. I watched his face as he tried to figure out what he needed to add. Reaching into the cabinet above me, I grabbed a spice and added a bit before giving the sauce a good stir. "Try again in a few minutes."

Michael tasted the sauce after it had time to cook for a few minutes. "Wow, it tastes amazing. What did you add?" he asked. I showed him the spice bottle. "Nutmeg?"

"Yup. Just a little makes a huge difference," I replied.

He strained the pasta over the sink. When he returned it to the pot, I stirred in the sauce and hesitated to add the chicken. Michael added his hand to the handle and tipped the chicken into the pot.

I grabbed a couple of plates while Michael transferred the pasta to a serving dish. Serving it from the pot would've been fine with me too.

"This is very good," Michael said as he took the last bite. He quickly served more onto his plate, wisely leaving some for me to have an additional serving.

When I loaded the remaining portion on my plate, he smiled. I was trying very hard not to moan throughout the meal, but when I took another bite, it slipped out. His hand froze halfway to his mouth as I loudly moaned. "Sorry, I really tried to suppress them."

"Please don't. I find it very… arousing," his voice deepened and his pupils dilated. He watched me eat every last bite before he grabbed the dishes to wash.

We worked together to clean the kitchen as I told him more about my children. He already knows they're away for university and living with Ranger's sister in California.

"They never met their dad while he was alive. Although I suspect he's been visiting them in their dreams," I confessed.

"Jeremy has visited me too," he admitted. He gently kissed me before saying, "I'm still going to speak to someone about my mission."

"If you feel it's necessary, but I have big shoulders," I offered. If anyone could get him past the grief, it would be me. I've been through more than anyone else I know.

"I appreciate the offer, but you have enough on your plate at the moment. I've already told you everything and it made me feel better, but I need to do this for myself." He lifted me into his arms after the last dish was washed and put away.

We watched some mindless television as we cuddled on the sofa. His warm hand was stroking my side, sending an electrical charge throughout my body. My panties were completely damp. I resisted the urge to climb him like a tree and rub myself against him. Can someone please explain why I said we should wait?