Note: Hey everyone, this is Latias425 here with another new story. I've been trying to focus on my current stories, mostly Smashed Together, but ideas for a modern Golden Sun AU fanfic wouldn't stop popping up in my head so I had to get it out there. This is just going to be a series of random one-shots with the Golden Sun gang if they all lived together in the modern world.
As a side note, I've bumped up the characters' ages in this, so Felix is 22, Isaac, Garet, Jenna, and Mia are 21, Ivan is 19, and Sheba is 18. Piers's age will remain ambiguous, but he'll be the oldest of the group.
So with that out of the way, let's jump right into the beginning of the insanity, shall we?
Adepts of the Modern Age
Chapter 1: A Not So Pleasant Morning
It was a beautiful morning in a small little town, the kind of morning where the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and the bees were buzzing, just absolutely pleasant weather that was sure to put a smile on anyone's face.
Unless your name was Felix, that is. The 22-year-old awoke with a groan as the bright sunlight shone through the window of the room that he shared with his sister Jenna. The two of them lived together in a decently-sized two-story mansion with six other people, and as you can well imagine, pretty much nothing that happened in this house could ever be considered normal.
Anyway, Felix was never a morning person, and the fact that he had to get up every morning at 7:00 really didn't put him in the best mood. In fact, he was barely ever in a good mood at all.
"Morning, bro." greeted Jenna, and Felix just grunted in response as he wordlessly slumped out of bed and headed out of the room and to the bathroom, only to find that it was already occupied, and he knew who it probably was in there.
"Garet, you better hurry up in there. Some of us need to use the bathroom too."
"Okay, hold on, Felix, I'll be out in a minute." Garet called from behind the door.
Fifteen minutes passed, and Felix was still waiting by the door, his patience really wearing thin. "Garet, get your ass out here! What the hell are you doing in there?!"
"I'm just brushing my hair. Don't worry, I'm almost done." Garet answered, and Felix just groaned. Typical of that oaf to spend more than fifteen minutes in the bathroom tending to that outlandishly tall hair he had.
"Bro, why don't you just go use the downstairs bathroom?" Jenna asked.
"It's too far of a walk and all my bathroom stuff is up here."
After several more minutes of waiting, the bathroom door finally opened and the resident idiot, Garet, came walking out, looking super peppy on this fine morning as he was singing some annoyingly catchy song, and it greatly irritated Felix as he grabbed a nearby vase and chucked it at the lovable oaf's head, shattering once it collided with his cranium and knocking him out as he tumbled all the way down the stairs.
Jenna shot a glare at her brother. "Bro, was that really necessary?"
"He already pissed me off by making me wait, the very last thing I need is his ear-rapingly bad singing." Felix grumbled as he walked in the bathroom. After taking care of his business, he headed downstairs, walking by Garet who was lying at the bottom of the stairs and still out cold, and to the living room where Jenna was sitting on the couch and watching the morning news.
"Hey bro, I made you your coffee." she said, holding out a mug, and Felix took it and sat down beside her, silently sipping his cup of joe and enjoying the peace and quiet that obviously wasn't going to last for very long.
A few minutes later, another one of the housemates whose room was downstairs, Sheba, came into the room, looking at something on her phone when she noticed Garet lying unconscious on the floor. "What freak accident happened to him this time?"
"Felix threw a vase at his head." Jenna answered. "You know Isaac's not gonna be very happy when he finds out you did that."
Felix scoffed. "Like I care. Why he's still best friends with that bumbling idiot is way beyond me."
Speaking of the devil, Isaac, Garet's best bud whom he could never live without, came walking out of their room with a wide smile. "Good morning, people! It's a beautiful day today with the beautiful sun and beautiful-" His joy would be cut short, however, when he ended up stepping on a piece of the broken vase, emitting a loud scream that echoed through the entire house before tumbling down the stairs and landing beside his unconscious buddy. He groaned in pain and held his foot, which had been cut by the glass and was starting to bleed. "What the hell was that for?! Who's responsible for this?!"
"Felix is." answered Sheba, not looking up from her phone.
"Felix!" Isaac shouted, angrily limping over to the brunette. "Why the hell did you leave broken glass on top of the stairs?! And why is Garet out cold on the floor?!"
"Because that moron you call your best friend was making my ears bleed with his joyous singing! And don't come to me to bitch about your injuries either, 'cause I'm not listening."
"Seriously, dude?! I just fell down the stairs and my foot is bleeding and you don't care?!"
"Why should I care? I'm not the idiot that didn't see where he was stepping."
"Well, how do you feel about this?!" Isaac asked as he grabbed a nearby chair and bashed Felix over the head with it, hard enough that it broke into pieces as Jenna gasped.
Felix barely even flinched from that assault as he stared at Isaac dead in the eyes and said coldly, "You have just made the biggest mistake of your life." He lunged at the other guy and within seconds it escalated into an all-out brawl between the two as Jenna tried to break it up, but to no avail, Garet still lay on the floor unconscious, and Sheba just sat back and began to record the scene on her phone.
The fighting caused a lot of noise and disruption as two more of the housemates walked out of their rooms, hair a complete mess and bags under their eyes as they had been rudely woken up by the loud ruckus.
"Do I even want to know what's going on?" Mia asked.
"I think it would be much better if we didn't." replied Ivan as the two walked back in their rooms, wanting nothing to do with the ensuing chaos.
The fight between Isaac and Felix continued, and they eventually took it to the kitchen, throwing whatever was within their arms reach, from food to eating utensils, at each other and making quite a mess.
"Woah, woah, woah, what's going on in here?!" exclaimed the final housemate and owner of the house, Piers, who was less than pleased to see the kitchen a complete wreck with two of the guys duking it out right in the middle of it. "Isaac, Felix, STOP!" he shouted, and that made the two freeze in their tracks, with the former weidling a frying pan and the latter a kitchen knife. "What the hell are you two doing?!"
"It's Felix's fault! He made me fall down the stairs and cut my foot!"
"Well, he bashed me over the head with a chair!"
"Are you two telling the truth?"
"Yes, they are, I saw the whole thing." Jenna said, coming into the scene.
"Yeah, and I recorded it." Sheba added, showing Piers the video she recorded on her phone to confirm it.
Garet, having come back to his senses, also walked into the kitchen. "Hey guys, what did I miss?" He looked around at the mess in the kitchen and gasped. "You guys had a food fight without me?!"
"Anyway, this all happened because my brother threw a vase at Garet's head." Jenna explained.
"Wait, Felix threw a vase at me? Is that why I blacked out and my head hurts?"
"Felix, why would you do that?" questioned Piers.
"Because he was annoying me with his horrendous singing!"
"That doesn't give you an excuse! Garet wasn't doing anything wrong, so you had no reason to do what you did!" Jenna scolded her brother.
"Yeah Felix, can't you just let people be happy for once and stop being such a depressed emo?" Isaac asked.
"Shut up, Isaac, I don't need to hear any of your smartass comments!"
"Uh, is no one gonna mention the fact that we got no food for breakfast now?!" Garet spoke up, causing everyone to look at him.
Piers sighed and shook his head. "Felix, apologize to Garet, and you and Isaac can both clean up the mess you two made."
Felix scowled and grumbled a 'sorry' to Garet before helping Isaac clean the mess in the kitchen that resulted from their fighting. Once they were finished, they walked back into the living room where the other housemates were gathered, Ivan and Mia having come out of their rooms seeing the fighting was over.
"So now what are we gonna do about breakfast?" Sheba asked. "Thanks to those two, we don't have anything to eat now."
"Yeah, and I'm so hungry!" Garet added.
"Hey, maybe we can stop by a restaurant on the way to work and pick up some breakfast there." Jenna suggested.
"That doesn't sound like a bad idea, actually." agreed Piers. "What should we get for breakfast?"
Isaac and Garet looked at each other and knew exactly what they wanted. "McDonald's." they both answered.
"Oh, hell no! Anything but that god-awful place." Felix groaned.
"What's wrong with McDonald's?" Isaac asked. "Their food's good."
"No, it isn't! McDonald's is a pure heart attack on a bun, so there's no way in hell I'm eating that shit."
"I think I agree with Felix here." Ivan added. "McDonald's really isn't the best food for you with all that grease and fat."
"Come on, guys, McDonald's ain't that bad. You can't ever go wrong with the good ol' Mickey D's." Garet said.
Felix shot a glare at him. "Garet, say that again and I'll slap you. I mean it."
"For a healthier alternative, I think we should get breakfast from someplace like Denny's." suggested Ivan.
"Denny's is also shit, but it's slightly better than McDonald's." Felix agreed. "Only slightly."
"No way, man, Denny's is trash! McDonald's is a million times better!" Garet protested, and before it could turn into a heated argument over which was the superior restaurant, Piers stepped in.
"Hey, rather than us arguing back and forth, how about we do a vote. Those of you who want McDonald's, raise your hand." he said, and Isaac and Garet raised their hands. "Alright, hands down. Now those who want Denny's, raise your hand." This time Ivan and Felix raised their hands, the latter because there was no way in hell he was having McDonald's. "Girls, what are your opinions?"
"Look, I don't care what we get, just decide on something." Mia sighed.
"Eh, don't really have a preference." Jenna shrugged.
And of course Sheba was too busy being on her phone to pay any attention to the current conversation. "Uh...what are we talking about?"
Piers sighed. "Okay, so between us guys, Isaac and Garet want McDonald's and Ivan and Felix want Denny's, so it looks like it's up to me to break the tie. Let's see, do I want McDonald's or Denny's? Hmm...I think I might choose..."
Moments later, the group was riding in their van. Normally it would be a pleasant ride, but since the van only had room for two people to sit in the front and two to sit in the middle, half of the housemates would have to be squished all the way in the back whenever they all went out, which was almost all the time.
This time the unlucky four were Isaac, Garet, Ivan, and Sheba, all packed back there like canned sardines while Mia and Jenna sat in the middle seats and Piers was driving the car while Felix was slumped in the seat beside him, not looking happy in the slightest. Why, you may ask? Because they were going to McDonald's, one of the worst places in existence, in his personal opinion. Piers had chosen McDonald's over Denny's, so that's why they were going there now.
"Ugh, move!" Sheba groaned, trying to push Garet away from her. "I'm trying to watch another Twitter war go down, and I can't do that with you breathing on me!"
"Hey, it's not my fault I can't move because two other guys are taking up all the space on my other side!"
"Well, you could at least move your fat head so you'll stop breathing down my neck!"
"Ugh, can you guys be quiet back there?" Mia asked.
"Yeah well, maybe I wouldn't be complaining if Garet could move his fat ass!" Sheba snapped.
"Don't call me fat! I much prefer the word 'swole', thank you very much." Garet replied, extending a beefy arm on his left side.
The two blonde boys were squished even more and poor Ivan's face was squished against the window. "I don't think I can deal with this anymore. We really need to get a bigger van." Isaac muttered.
"Well, maybe we would have the money to afford one if you and Garet didn't always go and blow all our budget on useless crap you guys don't need!" Sheba argued.
"Says the girl who eats up the phone bill because she spends all day reading flame comments on Twitter and Reddit." Isaac retorted. "Why do you even do that? What pleasure do you get out of it?"
"Because it's free entertainment to watch brainless morons go at each other's throats over the most trivial stuff while posting the hottest takes that will make you lose what little hope you had left for humanity. In fact, people on social media are so stupid they make Garet look like a genius, and that's really saying something."
"Hey, I'm not stupid!"
"Oh, really? What's two plus two then?"
"Easy, five."
"Wow, my expectations of you were low, but holy crap, dude. I wouldn't be surprised if you failed kindergarten."
"I did pass kindergarten, math was just never my best subject." Garet grumbled as the van pulled into the McDonald's drive-thru.
"Alright, we're here. You sure you don't want anything, Felix?" Piers asked.
"I'd rather starve." answered the emo.
"Well, okay then." Piers shrugged as he rolled down the window.
"Welcome to McDonald's. Can I help you on this fine morning?" asked the voice on the intercom.
"No!" Felix answered, and Piers shot him a glare before turning to the window.
"Yes, we would like to order breakfast, if that's okay."
"Oh, of course, sir. What would you like?"
"Can I get some pancakes with a side of-"
"Death." Felix interjected.
"Eggs and sausage, and then a McGriddle along with a cup of-"
"Needles."
"Bro, shut up, he's trying to order!" Jenna whispered harshly.
"Like I care. He brought us to this shithole, so the least I can do is express my true feelings at this very moment, which is nothing but hatred."
"Why do you always have to be so negative?"
"Because this place is worse than a dumpster fire and I bet the sad sack at the window doesn't want to be here either!"
Trying to ignore the arguing going on in the car, Piers continued, "And after that can I get two McMuffins with bacon and-"
"Wait Piers, I want mine with sausage!" Isaac shouted from the back.
"You should've told him that before he started ordering!" sighed Mia.
"Scratch that, make one bacon and the other sausage, and then a McSkillet with-"
"Hey Piers, can you also ask them if they have any Szechuan sauce?" Garet asked.
Piers completely lost his patience at that point. "How about you all shut up SO I CAN ORDER OUR GODDAMN FOOD?!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.
"Hey, what are you yelling at me for? I wasn't doing anything, they're the ones who won't shut up!" Ivan protested.
"I don't care who was doing what! If any of you interrupt me one more time, I'm pulling the car out of this drive-thru and you all can go to work with no breakfast! Does anyone want that?!"
"I do." Felix muttered to himself as the rest shook their heads.
"Okay, now let me finish ordering and don't any of you say another word!" Piers turned back to the window and apologized to the poor employee, who wasn't getting paid enough to deal with people like this, and was able to repeat their order without any more interruptions. A few minutes later, everyone (besides Felix) got their food and ate as they would now all drive to their respective jobs.
For any other family, it would've been a truly miserable morning, but for this group of oddballs, it was just another typical Monday.