I'm on summer break, so, my brain works in a weird way that is slow but also creative. To the ones who read Forgiven, orConstantly you: I'm working on updates. I watched that movie that everyone is falling in love with (Probably because Scarjo is pretty amazing) and got pretty inspired to write this. Probably will end up being a fanfic (as it usually happens with my fanfics), but right now it's just a one shot. I just imagined addek going to the marriage counselor and having to do activities similar as in the movie Marriage story.
This one-shot is really strange to understand, it's based on some sort of mix i made up between season 2 and 3, i needed someone for Addison to share gossip with, so I obviously added Callie to the mix. Hopefully you won't get that confused.
Also, the first text talks about day 3, you're probably gonna be kinda confused tho… JUST READ AND ENJOY!
ps: i added poetry in a part and pls don't copy that bc i actually wrote that myself, so it's my poetry oops.
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
They had one simple thing to do: write the things that they loved the most about each other.
Probably ten years ago this would have been a simple and fun assignment to accomplish, they both noticed this as they worked on their papers. It's not some sort of tesis or complicated trick to solve, but they wish it kind of would. It's hard enough to face this man on his chair who seems to know every answer to every marital problem, which does make Derek feel less confident about this experiment their marriage is going through.
He's a quack, Addison. Derek said more than a couple times, maybe too many times. Maybe that many times that Addison is starting to believe so. But they do as the quack requests and write pages about each other.
It feels strange to write so many words and realize they still have value and meaning.
Addison wrote the first twenty lines the third night after their session. She felt cheesy about most of the things she wrote so she kept on throwing paper balls towards the trash can, her office's trash can. Yes, she owns an office now and has plenty of time inside of it when she's not making the interns feel terrorized by her, following her husband, and obviously, cutting and drinking coffee, in and out of the OR.
It's now the tenth ball of paper and the sentence that keeps repeating is: I love him.
As for Derek? Meanwhile his wife tosses paper into the garbage he rides home and gives Doc his food, brushes his teeth. He finds a medical journal in bed and reads a couple pages until he realizes this is all about obstetrics and he hates himself for even finding it a little entertaining even if the word placenta makes him shake a little.
Obstetrics… Addison! She's not here, that is clear. The quiet and peaceful space screams no Addison around. Unless she got lost in the woods again, but her rented car is not outside either, so she must have gotten back to the hospital. He could call, he could text or ask someone on call if they have seen her. Maybe Richard knows if she's still over there!
No. He better keep his mouth shut.
Derek stands up from bed, looking for a notebook he knows he has somewhere around. Doc, in the other hand, runs around Derek and does not let him walk around in peace, the creature of course wants to have some fun with his human.
"Doc, stop it. Alright?" He says, pointing at the dog with his index finger, "We'll play later." There was no cure to the animal's euphoria, not at all. As soon as he found the notebook he was looking for, he went outside with Doc and grabbed a stick nearby.
He wrote two lines meanwhile he threw the stick to the dog, Doc would run back and forth, entertaining himself. With all the hateful thoughts on his mind it was difficult for him to find things that he actually loved about Addison. I mean, she did sleep with his best friend, so, that was still the main idea on his head.
It's a little chilly outside, but he doesn't really mind. You know who would mind? Addison. She always complains about the cold but surprisingly she always has warm skin. He used to tease her about that back in New York, she could always find something to complain about even if it was only to break the silence.
Derek kind of loved that about her, didn't he? Well, he loves that… except now he realizes she hasn't complained that much lately.
-Constantly has warm skin.
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
Of course he's still up when she comes back to the trailer. Addison parks, noticing how he hides the piece of paper he had on his hands. As she opens the door of her rented car, a happy Doc jumps on her, greeting her happily. "Hey you!" She greets the beast, smiling a little. It's nice to feel wanted.
Addison had nothing against dogs, except their horrible habit to bite and chew whatever they find, (specially her shoes) she was actually very pleasant by Doc and his way of being. As she approaches Derek she feels shy, surprisingly and oddly shy.
"Hey." She says.
"Hey." He says back.
Addison sits next to him on the porch, caressing Doc, "I got paged, the ER. Braxton Hicks." She's not sure why she explains this exactly, it might be because she's not a good friend of awkward silences or because she wants to start a small talk.
"I figured." He nods.
"You figured?" She tries to catch his eyes with her look, but nothing.
"I mean, I figured you were paged." Derek explains. She doesn't know what she expected to be honest, maybe she wanted him to call to the hospital and check if she was fine, but then she remembers all those caring actions vanished as soon as she slept with his best friend.
She sighs, "You were writing the list, weren't you?" Breaking the silence again. The wind feels cool on her bare neck, and she wishes she would have not left her coat at the trailer when she was paged. So many regrets.
Derek nodded, looking down at Doc, who seems pleased by Addison's hands. "Did you start yours?"
"Kind of… I'm very sorry for all those trees." She laughs a little at this.
"How many pages have you written?" Derek looks a little surprised, he knows Addison can be exaggerated, but this is the new Addison, the Addison who flew all the way to a rainy place that ruins her hair to be around him.
"Like one hundred and twenty four? How many pages does an office pack contain?" She does that thing, tucks a strand of hair behind her ears and fights a sad smile.
"A hundred."
"Then a hundred."
"Is it a joke?" He catches her looking at him.
"I tossed ninety-nine pages to the garbage."
Now he nods and doesn't hide his smile, "That makes more sense."
"I have two sentences." She states.
"I have one." He says, maybe that will make her feel better and less insecure about her list, unless she feels less loved by him.
"Well, at least we've started it." She says.
"Yeah." He says, "We're not supposed to read each other's, right?"
"No, we're not."
"Good." He says, as he caresses Doc's fur and touches her hand by accident. To this, the vibe changes, she steps up and walks inside of the trailer, leaving him alone sitting on the porch, petting their guest.
Derek wishes things could get better sometimes, he also wishes she could move out of the trailer so he could leave his medical journals inside of here and not have to bother to read Obstetrics ones by mistake, even if it was his fault he didn't check the cover page.
She's tired. It's been a long day. For God's sakes, she's exhausted. Addison flops in bed before she can even get to take her shoes off or anything at all. For her surprise, suddenly she feels someone's touch, her eyes open widely, a little surprised. She fell asleep for less than ten minutes, she is not quite certain of that, but suspects it. Derek is taking her heels off, he looks tired too.
"You don't have to do that." She says with a sleepy voice, apparently she slept longer than just ten minutes, "It's fine, Derek."
"You're tired, I get it."
"But you don't have to do it. I'll do it." She tries to sit up and accidentally collides with Derek's head.
"Ow!" They exclame in unison.
"I'm sorry." She says rubbing her husband's forehead.
"God, Addison." He wants to rub his forehead himself, so he rests one of his hands over hers not realizing. No movement comes from either of them, they look at each other in the eye. She's offering an apologetic smile and he gives her one in return. Her cheeks are a little flushed, she feels far too silly, clumsy even.
"I didn't mean to hurt you." Addison says.
He doesn't know if she's talking about his head, or if she's talking about everything. Her sad smile disappears, leaving her with a sad face instead, she looks down, a little terrified of facing him right now. "It was just a mistake." He says.
"Hmm?" She looks up, she did hear him, she just needs to hear that again to know she did not make that up.
"It was a mistake, that we… you know…" He does a gesture with his free hand, talking about their heads crashing. As he stops gesturing, he grabs her hand softly and gives it a gentle squeeze.
"Okay."
He was also speaking in two ways, meaning he was sorry their heads hit, but also sorry about what he has pushed her through. Sorry about everything.
Their faces are a few inches away from each other, that close they can feel each other's breath. There's a delicate shake on their hands, their touch is something they mutually miss.
Addison closes her eyes. Their lips are closer, that is for sure. He presses his lips against hers, it's a simple peck, but for them it's not really.
They know each other too well, this is another kind of peck. That kind of peck that is meaningful of something. Suddenly he deepens the kiss, she breathes against his lips, muttering his name.
She lets him keep kissing her lips, she participates too, but eventually she pulls away and stares into his eyes, a worried expression on her face.
"I… I can't. I'm sorry." Addison says in a soft tone, getting off of the bed and walking into the bathroom.
She closes the door, leaving Derek behind, still sitting in bed, not quite sure of what just happened. He stands up and knocks on the bathrooms door. "Addison…" There is no response, "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah." she says, sniffing loudly. The door opens and she almost crashes her head against his again, "Um, I'll go have some air." Addison walks passed him and exits the trailer.
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
Burke stares at Shepherd, "So… how's counseling going?"
Derek shakes his head as he dries his hands before scrubbing in, "You're asking me as a friend or my wife's friend?"
"I don't know, you tell me." Burke smiles at this.
"It's going fine."
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
day 1
As they enter the trailer that night after therapy, she already knows he'll explode soon. "It's stupid, Addison."Ok, too soon. "That's what it is. We're not kids, we're grownups, we shouldn't have to do homework." He says, angrily.
"It's not homework, it's fixing our marriage, Derek!" Addison says, sighing, her hands on her hips as she watches him run his hands through his hair.
"Whatever. I'm a surgeon I don't have time for that." He says, doing gestures with his hands. Addison is still watching him, trying not to roll her eyes.
"You never have time for anything, don't you?" Addison snaps, taking a step closer.
"Well, if I had free time, I could have used it to do something else than write a stupid paper."
She cannot keep fighting it, she rolls her eyes and sighs, "It's not like you've been asked to write a book, Derek."
"It's not like I asked for you to sleep with my best friend."
There's a silence. She's clearly hurt, but he doesn't apologize, he only stares with a mixture of frustration and furiousness into her eyes.
"I'm taking a walk." She speaks finally.
Derek is the one rolling his eyes now. "Of course you are."
"Hopefully I'll be back when your attitude improves." With those last words she left the trailer. Doc walked next to her so she felt she wasn't completely alone.
Luckily, she did grab her coat before leaving the trailer, so she didn't have any motives to come back to the trailer in a while, but she also didn't know where to go exactly. She didn't know this land at all, although she at least had boots that knew how to wash from the mud she expected to walk on.
Addison feels like a fool. In which direction should she walk to? Somehow she ended up following Doc to wherever he wanted to go, he once got lost and came back to the trailer perfectly, she could follow him somewhere far enough from Derek and his fisherman dream and come back later.
A Forbes in the middle of the woods being guided by a dog, oh dear God, her mother would laugh at her. Actually anyone could laugh at her, she's wearing high boots and jeans, a comfortable coat that hides a white blouse. Derek used to love that blouse, he said he liked how it looked like when she wore a black bra under it. Derek used to say a lot of things.
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
His wife left more than twenty minutes ago. She's nowhere near and he knows she doesn't know this place. Suddenly, panic grows on him. What if she's injured? What if she's lost? He calls her cell phone, finding it buzzing inside of her purse. This is just great.
He mutters a small dammit and stands up from the bed.
Derek knows Addison, she couldn't have gone too far.
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
Suddenly she's seeing a bright figure and she's not surrounded by that many trees. The bright figure is the moon reflecting on the lake, a gorgeous lake. She has seen this lake before, but not this close and not at this hours.
There's a big rock nearby, which she uses to sit down and stare at how beautiful it looks like. Doc is smelling the ground and running around meanwhile she stares at so much preciousness with a sad smile on her lips.
They will go through this eventually, right? Most people do. They've been a long time together, and she might have screwed up, but love is always stronger… or at least that's what depressed people say.
She's tired of walking and of overthinking, maybe it's time she comes back to the trailer and goes to bed. She's certainly not in the mood to deal with Derek's rage.
Their counselor said they had to practice on telling each other their feelings, or if something the other said hurt them or made them feel good. Which feels weird. And scary. Scary because she might get yelled at and she knows Derek when he's mad. She knows exactly he's good at snapping and yelling and finding hurtful sentences, he's also good at apologizing, but she doesn't expect any of those.
For her surprise she doesn't see Doc around.
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
He's surprised by their dog running back into the trailer. Derek has been out in the porch thinking exactly what to do. Call 911? He's happy as his canine friend approaches shaking his tail energetically.
Addison was with Doc, and he came back alone, so that means she is alone. Alone somewhere.
As to him? God, he was just fine in the trailer, but now he's freaking out. Coat in hand still, he starts walking towards the woods, being strangely leaded by his furry friend, it's like Doc understood his worries somehow and decided to give Derek a hand.. or a paw? Whatever.
As they walked through the old woods, Derek called Addison's name but he didn't find any response or signs of her. She was probably not only worried about herself being lost but also being eaten by some beast or her boots getting ruined. Well, it didn't matter what she was thinking, it only mattered that Derek had to find her before something happened to her.
He's been living not that much time in here to be certain if there's creeps around or bears or pumas or any kind of carnivorous animal that could attack his wife. Jesus Christ, he's worried and pissed at himself for not investigating the creatures that might live in these mountains. Isn't Seattle near California? Isn't the grizzly a symbol on the California flag?
For a moment he's distracted by the sound of an owl. He read a couple of years ago that Seattle had nine owl species, that he was certain. Doc barked and made the owls make another strange sound. The woods were suddenly feeling kind of scary. Then he hears her, a known female voice shouting 'Oh my God!'. She probably heard the bird too and is now creeped out by it.
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
"Addison?!" Derek yells.
His voice sounds near, she knows it is his husband's voice and she feels relieved about that. Some sort of strange animal noise scared her, she didn't know what to do and she was starting to feel a little chilly, there was some wind against her, making her feel useless about wearing a coat.
"Derek?!"
Doc shows up, running. Behind the dog an exhausted Derek walked quickly. "Thank God, there you are. What were you thinking?! You don't know this land, you could have gotten kidnapped or something." He lectures her a little and approaches her, grabbing her by the small of her back.
They walk slowly together into the woods. "I'm sorry. I just wanted some air, I didn't mean to go this far." She says with a sad tone.
"It's fine just… don't scare the hell out of me again doing something like this." Derek says, sighing. He cared, of course.
She takes a deep breath, turns out some of his old habits haven't vanished completely, "The view was lovely tonight, we could have stayed a little while." She says, just to annoy him hiding a smile he can't see because there's barely enough moonlight to guide them properly.
"Addison, I know it's lovely out here, but you're cold. And you were terrified out there."
"How do you even know that?" Addison gives him a questionable look, he may not see her right now but he knows her good enough to know she's making that face.
"I heard you scream, that's how we found you." As we he means their furry friend and himself. He knows she's annoyed because he has always teased her because she could be such a screamer, or also that she usually got scared and made a big deal out of it, you could also say exaggerated, yes that was the right word.
They (miraculously) found their way back to the trailer. She flopped on bed as soon as she was inside of the trailer, she took her left boot off as she was still lying on bed. "Ugh." She muttered.
"Your boots are injured?" He asks, teasing her. "Mud disease?"
Immediately after hearing his comment she rolled her eyes and removed the other boot from her right foot. "You're such a comedian, Derek. You're unbelievable, for real." She says, full of sarcasm. She sits on bed and takes off her coat and her blouse.
"Are you trying to seduce me? Did you feel on the verge of death while watching the moon over the lake?"
"I just want to change into pajamas, what's the big deal?" She says annoyed, standing up.
He's holding both of his hand in the air, like he's innocent while being pointed by a gun, "Whatever you say, sweetheart." Doc tilts his head to the side confused meanwhile he lies on the floor near the couch.
"You're really not funny." She said as she unzipped her skirt and caught him staring, "Stop looking at me. I'm not some sort of art exhibition."
"Addison! You enjoyed being watched by my eyes before." He says in a teasing tone she doesn't appreciate.
"Enough." She grabbed a pillow from the bed and threw it at him. "Let me undress in peace."
He laughs as her palms hit his strong arms after the pillow flops on the floor. She laughs along. "Stop it, okay?" She says stopping from attacking him.
"Whatever you say, Catherine Deneuve."
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
day 2
She swallows a bite of salad, "Have you written anything yet?"
"I'm trying to have lunch here, Addison." He rolls his eyes before taking a sip from his water bottle.
"Have you?" She insists.
He shakes his head, "No."
"Me neither." She says, sighing, taking another bite of her salad.
"I thought you started it, you were writing something on your phone last night."
As soon as she swallows, "I was replying emails." Addison says, grabbing her napkin and cleaning her lips, in case there's a tomato seed in there or anything that could make her look stupid in front of the hospital.
"You seemed very busy replying emails." Derek says, taking a bite of his own salad. It's crazy how after all these years they keep ordering the same.
"Just offers I had to decline and advertisements and uninteresting things, usual emails." She says.
"Huh? Offers?"
"I mean, not offers, I meant to say invitation. That's what it was." She explains, grabbing his bottle of water and taking a sip from it.
"Like to some kind of convention?"
"Yeah, in New Jersey next sunday."
He swallows his bite quicker than he wanted, "You declined?!" he sounds surprised, maybe because he knows Addison and she would never decline such invitations.
"Well, yeah. I don't know if you remember Derek, but New Jersey is at the other side of the country." She smiles at him, trying to annoy him or trying to be funny.
He smiles back at her, "You shouldn't have said no."
"We live in Seattle, may I bring you a map too?"
"Oh, so you get to be the comedian?"
"No, I'm just saying… I would have said no either way, even if I wanted to go, you know I hate being jetlag." She says, looking down to her plate of salad. "And I also hate New Jersey."
"I know you do." He knows. "Do you think you'll start your list today?"
She shakes her head, "Not today, today I'm full."
"Full of food or full of work?"
"Both. And hair frizz. This weather sucks."
He doesn't look at her right now, he just stares at the right hand holding her fork, moving some lettuce leaves, "It's a nice weather, you love rainy days", Derek breaks the silence.
"Yes, in winter." She says, inhaling sharply, rolling her eyes.
"I think your hair looks nice." He says with no special tone, it's just his bored voice.
"That's because I had to straight it." She sighs, already tired of this day, "Anyway, I gotta go check on Danielle."
Now he's confused, he could swear she had a patient named Nicole at the moment, "Danielle?"
"The triplets mom, remember I told you last night?"
"Oh yes, her." He doesn't remember at all.
"Anyway it's the second time she gets admitted for Braxton Hicks, so I gotta go check her out." She says, standing up and grabbing her tray, "See you later, alright?" Addison asks offering a small smile.
He smiles a bit at her and nods.
Now that he sees she's completely gone, his smile disappears fast. He enjoyed bothering her last night, he enjoyed staring at her attractive self, he even enjoyed a kick from her in the middle of the night meanwhile she was still asleep, he laughed so hard Addison woke up and laughed along even if she wasn't certain of the situation. Geez, he had fun with her.
Even if things were different and their relationship was not the same, he did have fun around her sometimes. And then there's days like this… boring, slow, tiring. Days that make you wonder why you haven't gave up yet, you can keep fighting, but the motivations are not as powerful as they could have been in another time.
He's certain of one thing, she's trying. He's trying. But he's not working with a 100%, not like Addison does. He's just receiving the packages that Addison is packing.
Yes, awful metaphor.
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
"Hey!" The blonde woman walks closer to the neuro attending who is charting meanwhile he drinks coffee, warm coffee, not hot, just warm.
Derek smiles as he usually does, "Hey." His tone is soft and smooth, different from earlier when he was having lunch with Addison.
"Is strange to not be on your services today… How is your day going?"
"Good, slow but good. Apparently people have forgotten about brains for today, just a little. You're not missing anything, Doctor Grey." He replies nicely. It was, a slow day. It was a thinking day for him maybe. "So… You're with Burke today."
"Yeah. Cristina is pissed, they have her working for the vagina squad."
"The- what?!" He laughs a little, taking a sip of coffee.
"I meant to say OB…" Meredith looks down a little embarrassed.
He shakes his head slightly and laughs a little, "I had no idea you guys called it that way." Derek replies.
"We do, but you're not supposed to know that. If anyone asks I didn't say a word."
"It's okay. Oh, do you know Doctor Montgomery - Shepherd's case?"
"Which one? The one with Nicole or Danielle?"
Yes! THERE WAS A NICOLE.
"Danielle. Nicole is the mom that has a girl with an omphalocele, right?"
"Yes, that's Nicole. Danielle has triplets, two boys and a girl." Meredith explains.
Oh God, he's gone frustrated about his marriage to the point he's asking his ex-mistress about his own wife cases. But Grey doesn't seem to bother and just explains everything, this way he's catched up and has everything to talk about with Addison when they come back home after work.
"Thank you, Meredith. Your help is very appreciated." Derek says politely, realizing he sounds like an old librarian talking to a kid that returned a book after a long period of time or something like that.
Meredith Grey nods, still feeling a little awkward around him. She smiles widely at the attending.
Addison surprises the not lovers by clearing her throat, "Hey." She says, directing her tone to Derek who now feels a little alarmed by her, looking upset. "Doctor Grey." The redhead OB/GYN nods towards Meredith.
"Doctor Shepherd." The intern nods back and leaves seconds later, leaving the Shepherds alone.
"So… you were talking to her." Addison says, a little upset, tucking some hair behind her ear.
"I was just asking her about a case Burke is working on." He's lying and hopes Addison didn't notice, he doesn't want to hurt her.
She tilts her head a little, she still has that expression that screams angry, "Since when are you so invested in cardiothoracic surgery? You hated it when we were in med school."
"I was just curious about the procedure."
"Really? What was it about?" His wife asks, crossing her arms above her chest, looking at him, expecting an answer.
"Addison…"
"Fine." She says, sighing, walking away.
He follows behind her until he catches her arm, "I was asking about you."
"What?" She looks at him, trying to let her arm free from his strong hand.
"I was asking about you." He repeats.
"I mean, why? Why were you asking her about me?"
Thank God there was an on-call room nearby, because he didn't want the whole hospital to hear his cheesy explanation. Addison gasped, exaggerating, for sure. He wasn't holding her too tight, that's for sure.
He left her be free when they were already inside of the on-call room, she was looking pissed, also angry and jealous. Very jealous. "Well?"
"I was asking Meredith about Denise's case." He explains simply. She looks at him oddly, confused.
"You mean Danielle?"
"Yeah, her." He nods, sitting down on a free bed.
"Why were you asking about her? I told you about her, it was a simple case…" His guilty expression says it all, "Oh… you didn't hear me." She looks down at him, he seems to be regretting about not hearing her last night before they fell asleep, she was explaining him why she was so preoccupied.
"I'm sorry. I was distracted."
"By what? And please don't answer with a dirty joke about my body, i'm getting tired of those." Addison says, both hands on her hips. His joking was a thing he had a lost a while ago, it could turn an argument into a fun conversation or in some occasions, sex.
"I was thinking that I missed your birthday." He says, sad tone playing on his voice. Actually it's not sad, it's dry, it's an i'm sorry kind of tone. This time he is not lying.
She looks confused again, "You didn't miss my birthday, my birthday is in five months or something."
"I did miss your birthday, three years ago."
"Oh… well, yeah. You were working." She says calmly, sitting next to him.
She can recall that day perfectly, Derek left early that morning and was impossible to find at the hospital, she remembers paging him after lunch time to see if he was available, after all holidays and birthdays are days to spend with your loved ones, if not everyday.
Derek found her on the elevator later that day, he apologized about not kissing her good morning and about not wishing her a happy birthday yet. She said it was fine and he promised trying to leave earlier so they could go to that restaurant she loved accompanied by Savvy and Weiss, maybe Nancy and Amy would join them.
But he didn't show up.
"I'm sorry." Derek says, looking at her shiny blue greenish eyes.
"It's fine, it's past now. Why didn't you say something last night?"
"You seemed very into telling me about your case, I didn't want to stop you." He says, with that charm he has. Her cheeks flush to his words, a small smile on her lips.
She rests an arm on his shoulder, staring at his gorgeous eyes, "Next time stop me, I don't want to talk about things you don't care."
"I did care… I was just…"
"Distracted." She finishes the sentence for him.
"Yeah."
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
day 3
"Yeah." she says, sniffing loudly. The door opens and she almost crashes her head against his again, "Um, I'll go have some air." Addison walks passed him and exits the trailer.
He followed behind her, quickly. She wasn't going to get lost in the woods again, not today. Two nights in a row doesn't sound amazing.
"Addison..." He watches her sit down on the porch.
"Don't worry I'm not running away." She says in a small voice, that he can barely listen to her.
"Good." He says, sitting next to her. Addison looks down, trying not to face him. "What happened?"
"We…"
"Almost kissed?"
"We kissed." She says, as a matter of fact, they did kiss.
"You don't like my kisses anymore?"
She laughs a little, knowing that's absurd. "No, no. It's not that…" She says, facing him, "You know it's not that."
He notices her glassy eyes and wraps an arm around her, pulling her closer. "Addie, what is it?" Addison allows him to let her rest against his shoulder.
"I don't know, Derek. I'm just… Ugh never mind, let's go back inside." She says, removing her head from his shoulder, shaking her head slightly.
"No, talk to me." He insists.
"I don't feel like talking to you." She starts standing up.
"Addison…" He stands up too.
"What, Derek? I don't feel like talking to you, I'm… I feel weak by you. I'm tired. I don't want to keep working when all you do is watch me burn in flames of regret."
"What?"
"Come on, today? I heard you chat in the hallway."
"Were you spying on me?"
"What?! No. I wanted to go find some labs that were delayed and I heard your voice, so I just stood there." She says, raising her voice, "You shouldn't be yelling at me, I'm not the one who keeps on cheating on my spouse."
"I'm not cheating on you."
"Then what on earth was your twelve year old lover talking about, huh?"
"She was talking about a kiss that happened a couple of days after you showed up. And she was the one who kissed me."
"I've been the whole day wondering what I did wrong to make you do that to me again, I've been nice, have I been a bitch today to you? No, I haven't because I'm trying to be better for you."
"Addison!"
"I lost Nicole's baby today, you and Meredith keep dating, I found Doc eating my pradas this morning and I fell and now I have a bruise on my leg that hurts like hell."
"You could have told me it had been a bad day, I could have told you about Meredith. You didn't ask!"
"I didn't want to tell you anything because I was afraid you weren't going to listen to me." Her rbe is shaky, and her eyes are glassy from holding tears.
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
day 4
"Addison…" He's sorry. He knows she's hurting. He knows he hasn't been giving his best efforts into their relationship, he knows this, he is certain, but he is also certain he doesn't exactly know why.
He's known Addison for years, decades. He has loved her and hated her in so many different ways it's impossible to say that their relationship is not complicated. A part of him still sees her as the girl who impressed him in front of a stinky cadaver, but another part of him tries to push that sweet thought away and focus on her and Mark on his bed.
Maybe just maybe, he should be thinking about the woman who flew across the country for him, not the one who slept with his best friend.
Now he's looking at her hopeful she'll turn around and stop ignoring him. "Addison." He tries again, stronger tone. She's sitting on bed, her back facing him, she's caressing Doc's fur and is silent.
He gets closer to her. "I apologize." He says, softly.
She sighs a little as she lets his words turn in. "No." She mutters.
"No what? No I can't apologize or no I'm not forgiven?"
"No you don't have to. I… I misunderstood the situation."
"Addison…"
She stands up from the bed, "Go back to sleep." She had woken him up ten minutes ago, she sneezed and woke him up immediately, her eyes had swollen eyebags underneath, she wasn't sleeping before.
"That's all I get? You don't talk to me for twelve hours and you just say go back to sleep?!"
"It's not like you pay attention when I talk to you, Derek. Why do you protest?!" She rests both of her hands on her hips and doesn't bother to face him yet, she's staring at his hand, expecting to see his wedding band in there, but it's just a naked finger.
He sits up in bed, "Because I want to talk to you and fix this." He says raising his voice a little too much, making her shiver a bit.
By now Addison has started her list again and Derek has written four more sentences. She hates herself for acting like such an ass with Derek, but she always ends up remembering he did the same to her, (avoided her, ignored her, ran away from her… except she's not running away, at least not yet.) it's been a day but she still cannot believe how hard it has been. She realized she had rage towards him, she had sadness inside of her (rage and sadness the table at the attendings lounge and her louboutins had to witness.)
"Talk then. Don't worry, I will hear you, at least I do listen."
"Addison…"
"Talk." She insists, folding her arms, now facing him.
"I apologize for acting like that with you."
"Like what?" She asks, challenging him, basically loving the way his hopeful look turns into an annoyed one.
"Addison…"
She shakes her head slightly with a serious expression on her face, "Like what?!"
"Cut me some slack." He says, looking up to her greenish eyes. He does know she won't give up that easily, his eyes could charm her completely, but she was too pissed. Still he tried.
"I want you to admit it." She says, taking a step closer to the bed.
"I'm sorry I acted like a douchebag with you, you deserve better."
"Good." She nods.
"Am I forgiven yet?"
She laughs, "Of course not."
"Addison!" he looks more than annoyed now.
"Fine, I'll give it a thought." Addison says, sitting on the edge of the bed.
He stands up from bed and sits next to her, "I really am sorry." Now Derek sounds sincere, which scares her a little. Is her Derek back?
"You know I forgive you." She's clearly weak, she regrets falling that easy for him, she really does. "I felt bad towards your behavior." God, she doesn't like admitting it, to be honest, the assigned homeworks by the quack do kind of suck.
"I'm sorry." Derek repeats.
"You've been forgiven."
He smiles at her, content, satisfied maybe. "Good."
"I started my list again." She shares.
"Oh. That's interesting." He says, not really knowing what to reply to that.
"Have you kept working on it?"
"Yeah… I'm probably way behind than you."
'I've written five things now, I keep feeling… stuck." She says, sighing, looking down.
He caresses her shoulder, "You still have a couple more of days, take it easy hun."
"Did you just call me hun?" Addison said, facing him, laughing a little, bright smile on her lips. "You know I hated that nickname."
"It was involuntary." He says, his hand falling away from her shoulder, "You're having trouble with you list, huh?"
"Yeah. It's not that I don't know what I love about you… It's just… everything is in past tense."
"How come?"
"Well, we're not supposed to tell each other what we wrote."
"Come on, the quack won't find out."
"I won't tell you, I'm sorry."
"My feelings hurt." He says, dramatically.
"Ugh, fine." She sighed.
Derek smiled, "Tell me the past tense crap then."
"I had to re-start it again because I wrote things that we used to do, things that used to make me love you even more."
"Now you lost me." He does look confused.
"I mean, I wrote cooked, helped… words like that. Things you don't do for or with me anymore." She says, sighing harshly.
"What exactly?" He insists, regretting it immediately, knowing the answer would be tricky or sad.
"A lot of things… when you used to attack me with kisses every time I felt down and unhappy about… about anything…"
Derek notices the word used in that sentence and he feels that word shouldn't belong into that sentence. For sure, things aren't as they used to be and that does hurt him sometimes. Even if things weren't good before Mark and Meredith, he wishes he could come back to those times, maybe try to… attack her with kisses more often.
"...when you used to pour me a drink and hold me when I had a bad day at work… all those times you cooked for me and you would tease me about my horrible cooking skills…"
They both laugh.
"...I wrote about those kind of things. Those kind of moments we used to share and smile about. I wrote about the past." She says, tears forming into her big shiny eyes.
"Oh, Addison…" He muttered.
"Anyway… what did you write?" She forces a cheeky smile, but still her expression shows pure sadness.
"It's confidential."
"Hey!" She smiled, "I shared, now you share." Her glassy eyes seem more 'happy' now.
"Fine." He laughs a little too, happy his joking around would make her cheer up a little, "I wrote that I love your smile, um… the way you snap at me when you're mad, I have to admit you look cute when your cheeks flush when I say something that ends your arguments…"
"Okay, that's not love, that's you being mean."
Derek shook his head, "I also wrote I love how much you care for your patients and… well I better not tell you more."
"Hey! No! I wanna hear it." She says with that squeaky tone she usually adquires.
"You'll hear it on monday." He says calmly.
She shook her head, "Still!"
"Fine, one more." Derek says, allowing himself to surrender to her requests.
"Go on, I'm listening." Addison says.
"I love that you came to Seattle looking for me." There's a giant silence in which he looks into her eyes with a little bit of embarrassment, and she replies with a hopeful look. Yes, he was happy she came back for him, somehow. It was like one of those Nicholas Sparks novels she loved, all romantic and cheesy, even if things weren't exactly that way at first.
"You wrote that?" She asks, touched.
"No… but I might add it."
She laughed softly, "You know what else I love about you?"
"Hmm?" He encourages her to continue.
"I love how you hold me when we're in bed."
"You naughty woman! Did you really write that on your list?!" He says, his eyes a little widen.
"I did." They both laugh at that. Bed she totally meant the dirty stuff.
"Oh my God, Addison. The quack is going to think we're perverts." Derek says, resting a hand on her lap.
"He is not!" She laughs softly again, "He's probably heard everything by now."
"Ew, Addison!'
"I mean because he's been a marriage counselor for almost twenty years."
He makes a funny face, "How do you even know that?"
"I mean, I did the math once I saw his diplomas hanging on the wall of his office."
"You really are smart, huh?"
"I couldn't help it." She shrugs a little, right now realizing his hand has been on her lap for a while now, she was distracted with the topic of the conversation, that much she didn't feel his warm palm arrive on her skin.
Her eyes darkened a little, look up searching for his.
He kissed her last night and made her feel like an idiot, but he apologized, right?
"Do you still have feelings for her?" Oh crap, she regrets this so fast, incredibly fast.
"I don't know what I feel for her these days, Addison."
"Do you… do you still desire her?"
"Desire her? I've never… well, I don't desire her… you on the other hand." He said all playful and charming.
"Hey, you stop that. Your McDreamy looks won't work on me."
"Wasn't I Russell Crowe?" He's flirty, he's fun, he's what she's been missing for some time now.
She reacts to his head getting closer, she looks down, "No, you're Derek my awfully hot husband." She shakes her head a little, holding a laugh.
"I am?" He asked, with his free hand lifting her chin up.
"You're flirting." She smiles softly at him. "You used to flirt."
"No, I flirt. That's present, that's now." He says, "You'll add it to the list?"
"Probably. He'll be thrilled to hear you seduced me."
"So it worked?"
"Not really." Addison said playfully, one hand on his jaw, pulling him closer enough their lips collided.
"Ok maybe it did work." She said pulling away.
"Shut up." He almost begged, taking a deep breath before kissing her lips and letting her fall on top of him in bed. She at first felt shy to unite her lips with his, but eventually relaxed and felt right.
"Take off your pants." She said between kisses, kind of gasping for air.
He did as told. It was two in the morning but it was never too late to do each other. They turned over, her legs clinging around him. They looked at each other for a couple of seconds before he sucked lightly on the sensitive skin behind her ear, meanwhile his hands took off her buttoned pajama shirt, finding free and warm skin underneath.
Addison stared into his eyes for a moment, she smiled slightly, his desire for her was clear on his look, she knew she was being wanted, she felt good by being wanted. Derek on the other hand felt very attracted to her, he could tell this is the most attracted he has felt for Addison in a long time.
He helped her out of her pajamas, just as she did with the rest of his. There was touching, there was exploring, almost like they were welcoming each other again, just as they did all those years ago for the first time.
They sent each other over the edge, more than once.
They missed each other.
Her moans and gasps for air were all he needed to hear. Their rhythm felt like reminism of all the past years, their hurting and problems vanished for long moments of pleasure. Until they both flopped in bed with smiles on their faces, both trying to catch their breath, neither of them sure if this was good, if this meant healing or if it was a mistake.
Derek got closer to Addison and encouraged her to rest on his chest, they had their doubts about the meaning of this… reckless night, but they would have to leave those doubts to think about for later, now they just concentrated on catching their breath and enjoying their closeness. It felt good.
It felt like they were okay.
Like everything was just… okay.
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
day 5
"Busy day?" Callie Torres is usually one of the people that cheer her up, except that she doesn't seem that cheerful today. She sat next to the redhead woman.
"Yeah…" Addison said, sipping her coffee. It's the first time she sits at this bench. It's calm here, you watch people come in and out of the hospital, the wind, the birds, it's sunny today… it feels a little like Manhattan. "I mean, actually not that much. Just a regular day."
She nodded, "Good. You look defeated though." Callie observes.
"I got laid, last night." Addison says with a sigh.
"Good for you!" The orthopedic surgeon sounded cheerful now, "You did sleep with your husband, right?"
"Yes, of course it was with Derek. It just felt… It felt good, but I don't know what it meant."
"If it makes you feel any better he didn't let Grey into his OR today."
"I heard that… do you know what happened?" Addison faces her friend (?) or well, her usual company. She took another sip of her coffee as she expected Callie to reply to her.
Callie nods, "Grey wanted in on Mr. Mulligan surgery, you know the case, right?"
"Yeah, it's a big tumor."
"Yeah well, Derek didn't want anyone in the room with him even if he had already promised Grey in. He yelled at her, it was very dramatic, you know?"
"When Derek gets mad he really gets mad." Addison laughs a little at this. "What is up with you?"
Callie talks to her about something Addison doesn't really pay attention to, she just nods and thinks about the gossip Callie just spilled. Derek yelling at Meredith in the middle of the hospital, in front of everyone but her because she was doing a procedure, but still, he did yell and she did get hurt by him. So now Addison wonders if their mind blowing sex last night changed anything into Derek's mind.
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
"How's Mr. Mulligan?!" Addison asked as she ran into Derek in the hallway. She smiled a little at him, tucking her hair behind her ears.
"He's good, had a small bleeding, but I got it all." He says, running a hand through his hair, he seems a little tired.
"That's great." Addison says supportive.
Derek smiles a little, "How about the triplets mom?"
"Danielle." Addison says.
"Right."
"I managed to deliver her two boys and a girl successfully."
Derek rested his elbow against the nurses' station, "She must have been tired of Braxton Hicks."
"Yes she was. She smiled at me and thanked me with a big smile." Addison said, smiling herself.
"Seems like we both had great days, right?"
"Well the day is not over yet." Addison said, shrugging a little, "Actually I was hoping we could talk."
"About last night?" Derek guessed right.
"About last night." She says, confirming his suspects.
"You think it was boring?"
"Do you?" She asks right away.
"No." His voice sound truthful.
"Good. Me neither." She says, with a small smile that is contagious enough Derek smiles at her too. "I still wanna talk to you 'bout it."
"I still have some paperwork to do, but I'll see you at home, alright?"
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
She goes home, she showers, she takes her list and stares at it, not sure what to write, she waits for him in bed staring at the ceiling.
He gets home, smiley. Cheerful.
"Hungry?" He greets her.
"Yeah, kinda. What do you have in mind?" She asks, standing up from bed.
"Food." He says, taking off his coat.
"Ha-ha you're so funny." She rolls her eyes.
He walks towards her and kisses her cheek, "How about trout?"
"You're not funny." Addison says, biting her upper lip.
"I'm just joking, laugh a little."
"Are you going to cook for me or not?"
"I am. I'm positive we have something in here." He says, turning around and opening a cabinet. "We have pancake mix… We could eat that."
"Derek, it's eleven pm." She tilts her head, "It's not breakfast time."
"We could starve." He says, with a tone that says he's mocking her.
"Okay fine, let's make those pancakes." She gives in, patting his back.
"You wanted to talk." He says, grabbing the pancake mix and looking for a cup.
She stared at him, "I did."
"About sex?" He looks at her for a moment before taking some water out of the refrigerator.
"About… us." That seems coherent.
Derek smiles at her, "Something happened with Meredith today." He says in a calm tone as he pours the pancake mix on the cup.
"Yeah?"
He nods, "Derek, I don't think you should be doing that on a cup…"
"Who are you to judge my cooking skills." He teases her, which obligates her to take the past tense out of some thing… he cooks for me and teases me about my horrible cooking skills.
"What happened with Meredith?"
Derek takes a fork out of a drawer. She didn't even know they had a drawer with forks inside of it. She did know about the coffee cups and… well she only knew about them.
"She disrespected me and my wife, not to mention my patient."
"How come?" She's curious as to why she is involved.
Derek pours water into the cup with pancake mix and mixes it with the fork, "She… well, you left a hickey on me."
"Wait, really?!"
"And she saw it somehow, and commented about it in front of my patient and his family."
"That's why you kicked her out of the OR?"
"So, you heard." He says as he keeps mixing, focusing on the thick dough.
Addison moves the collar of his shirt, "Oh God, I did leave a hickey." She feels a little embarrassed.
"It's fine."
"I hadn't done that since med school." They laugh at that, both remembering all those times their faces were filled with embarrassment in front of their attendings.
When they were younger they were savage, creative and fun all the time, they had millions of ideas and they were way more innocent than now. Back then they had barely tasted what the real world was, they were too young and naive to even identify themselves as adults. They were kids who thought they had everything covered, everything figured out.
They did for some time, until the real world started to kick in and things just… changed.
They changed.
Suddenly they were workaholics, suddenly they were blind.
Suddenly being Addison and Derek wasn't as exciting as it sounded.
"You know who called today?" He asks.
She rests an elbow on the kitchen aisle, looking up to him, "Who?"
"Nancy."
"Oh. I didn't expect that."
"You didn't? Who were you expecting to call me?"
"Maybe Savvy or Weiss." Addison says, her tone sounds heartless, maybe because she's probably stressed.
"You miss New York."
"No. I mean, yeah… I miss them." She says. "Anyway, what did Nancy tell you?" Addison asks. She's been homesick, but she's been trying her best to work things out in this rainy place.
"She lectured me about the ass I am for not taking you back." Derek laughed a little, "You haven't talked to her, huh?"
"No. I've been… ignoring."
"They're your family, you don't have to ignore them."
"You did ignore me though." She says unintentionally, repenting severely.
"Addison…"
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to be rude, I just… It just scaped my mouth." Addison apologizes, "It was not my intention."
He doesn't reply he just mixes whatever that is and looks for a pan and cooking oil to finally make these pancakes. She looks at him meanwhile he does so, in silence, he doesn't comment or do anything, he's just… silent.
They eat.
They drink beer, something that neither Addison nor Derek have ever taken to accompany a meal, at least not in a very long time.
"Derek." She says his name, expecting him to say something in return, maybe snap at her. She's ready for whatever.
"Addison." Derek sounds sympathetic. Is that something good? "It's fine."
She smiles shyly.
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
day 6
"Good morning, Abigail!" Addison said, entering the room of her new patient, Abigail Johnson. Addison rarely wore a smile to work since she first got here, but things were starting to change now. She was blonde and had green eyes, always cheerful apparently. "I'm Doctor Montgomery-Shepherd and I'll be the one assisting your case."
"You can call me Abby. I'm sorry, if you don't mind me asking what's your first name?" Abigail asks. She's young, 28 years old as her chart says so.
"It's okay, Abby." She offers a friendly smile, "I'm Addison."
Abby stretches a hand, waiting for Addison to shake it, apparently. The redhead woman walked closer to the bed and shaked hands with her pregnant patient. "I was asking your name because it seems we're going to get to see each other a lot, huh?"
"It's fine, you can ask me whatever you want." Addison says. Maybe that was ultra friendly, she knows she shouldn't get too involved with her patients, she has known the consequences and dealing with them is not… easy.
"You look too young to be a doctor, do I have to google you just to make sure you're trustworthy?" Abigail jokes, smiling brightly at her new doctor.
"I can assure you I'm trustworthy." Addison nods, already loving this new patient of hers, she called her young (!).
"You may ask why I'm wearing a candy ring." Abigail says as Addison studies her chart before examining her, she first went in to meet her and create a trust bond, of course, that's usually what she does.
"Oh, I didn't even notice it." Addison says, smiling a little at her, closing her chart just to pay attention to her.
"I know it sounds silly, it's my engagement ring… My fiance, he's a bit of a sweet pie, sometimes he's too sweet." Abby giggles.
Addison nods, "I see."
"Are you married?"
Addison nods, "I am."
"How is it?"
She could say great. Or complicated. It is hard. It's not that easy.
Instead she puts on her best face like her marriage is just fine and says: "Wonderful."
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
"She came in with a premature detachment of the placenta, and she's sweet and needs to be in bed rest and it's my job to monitor her." Addison shares her case with Callie, who seems to understand.
"Why don't you ask Karev, he's a suckup, right?" Callie says, half joking.
"Of course he is, but she trusts me and I'm afraid I'll have to keep an extra eye on her. You have no idea how bright her eyes are. No idea." Addison says, "I just came in to greet her, it was going to be quick, fifteen minutes maximum, I talked with her for an hour. An hour, Callie."
Addison knew captivating people like that, people you could talk to for hours and don't not even bothering to take a pause. Abigail was like this, sort of. Her kindness, sweetness and positivism was all over her face, you could tell she was happy.
You could always tell.
"What's the big deal? You think Derek is gonna get jealous?"
"No, well… maybe? I don't know. She asked me about how marriage is and I said wonderful."
Callie shooks her head, "It is wonderful."
"No, it isn't. It's finding each others defects and having to deal with the things you love the most and hate the most about each other, you have to listen to the same sweet voice every morning and hope he's not going to get home late again, time passes and you sleep with his best friend…"
"You didn't tell that to your patient, right?" Callie asks sarcastically, raising her eyebrows.
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
"Do you have any doubts at all?" Addison asks. She finally examined Abby and told her all about her case. Her patient seemed to understand and was willing to wait a couple more weeks in that bed so Addison could perform a c-section and take her baby out.
"No, not at all." Her patient smiled.
Suddenly there's a knock on the door, which makes Addison shiver a little and turn around, "Doctor Shepherd?" Addison looked at Derek with a surprised look on her face.
"Hey, do you need anything?" Addison said in a friendly tone, just not piss off her patient.
"Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt." He says, stepping in, incorporating a charming smile.
"It's fine." Abigail cuts in.
"You must be Abigail!" He heard of Addison's case, for sure.
"Call me Abby." The pregnant woman smiled at him.
Addison looks at him expectantly, "Did you need anything?"
"I need to talk to you, actually." Derek says, growing serious.
"Oh, I'll be out in a minute." Addison said, smiling softly at him.
"You're McDreamy, aren't you?" Abigail cuts in again.
Addison makes a big effort not to roll her eyes. "I'll see you right away." Addison says, looking at her husband.
"Nice." He smiled at Addison and turned to Abby, "Great meeting you, Abby."
He left.
"I'll have nurse Rose monitoring you overnight and you can page me for any kid of emergency, alright?"
"Alright." Abby nodded, "He was McDreamy, am I right?"
"Apparently that's how they call him, yes." Addison said, forcing a nice smile.
"He has a charm."
"He does." Now she smiles and can't help it but giggle a little. It's true, her husband has a charm. "The nurses telling you stories to keep you entertained?"
"Not really, just heard a little about him from some young blonde and her asian friend. I mean, I suppose they are friends. They were discussing if the blonde girl still had feelings for McDreamy…"
"Yeah, I'm familiar with the subject."
"The blonde girl seemed upset, she said the charming doctor old her he loved his wife."
"He did?!"
"Yeah." Abigail nodded, "I thought hospital gossip was just cliche."
"Yeah… well… Thank you for that information, Abby. I'll see you tomorrow morning, have a good night." Addison smiled at Abigail and stepped out of the room, finding Derek standing there, just… checking his blackberry.
"Hey… needed to talk?"
"Yes!" He said, leaving his phone on his pocket and walking closer to Addison, "We're going to Joe's and I wanted to know if you wanted to go or if you needed anything."
"God, I thought something serious happened." Addison said, running her hand through her hair, "Let's go, I think I'd use a drink."
They start walking away together.
"Abby seems nice." He says.
Addison shakes her head slightly, "She's too much sunrise for your liking."
"You're a sunshine too!" Derek says, smiling at her.
"Yeah, but she's the kind of sunshine that watched Dora The Explorer as an adult kind of sunshine."
He hisses, "Oh God."
"Yup."
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
Addison had to listen to Abigail for hours before and couldn't help but think of Derek each time she mentioned her amazing fiance. Addison once had that, an amazing fiance. She had a fairytale.
She remembers their wedding night. She hated her stretch marks, who doesn't? Well, Derek thought they were beautiful and wrote a part of the song to tribute one of her biggest insecurities, but no one ever heard it except for Addison when they found themselves alone and married.
The shooting stars that never fade away,
All over your beautiful self,
You have nothing to be ashamed.
When someone you love deeply loves something you don't, it makes you want to love it. Derek loved motorcycles, she loved riding one with him even if she was scared as hell. Derek loved her eyelids and thought they were perfect on her, Addison started to accept her eyelids to the point she truly accepted them. He said her stretch marks were shooting stars that never vanished, she started to hate them less.
Things changed because of their love for each other.
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
"It was amazing, Preston." Addison says, taking a sip of her martini.
"What was amazing?" Derek asks joining them at the bar, taking a sit next to Addison. "Burke." That's how they greet each other apparently.
"Shepherd." Preston greets back, "We were discussing a procedure."
"Cardio procedure?" Derek seems confused, and a little jealous. He got out a little late, had to check on some patients after he went to find Addison.
Addison nods, all smiley, "Yeah!"
"Your wife told me she used to be pretty interested on cardiothoracic surgery before even considering gynecology." Burke says, sipping his vodka soda.
"And neonatal. Oh, and fetal surgery." She clarifies. Of course she does. "What took you so long?"
"Had to check on some patients." Derek says, ordering his typical malt scotch. "What are you drinking?" He asked gesturing towards Addison's drink.
"Oh… it's called Martinez. You won't like it, too bitter for your taste."
"I like bitter, I married you."
Preston laughs, of course. "That's going to cost you." Preston said, noticing Addison's serious face.
"I bet you won't like it."
"I bet I will, come on let me try it."
"Ugh fine…" Addison says.
"I would really like to stay and see how your husband makes a face after trying that, but I'm afraid I gotta go." He says as he starts to stand up, putting his coat on.
"No, come on Preston, you just got here." Addison says, her drink on her hand, keeping it far from Derek's access.
The cardiothoracic surgeon shrugs a little, "I'm sorry, we'll talk tomorrow. Good night."
"Good night." Derek says back.
"Sleep well!" Addison raises her voice a little as he goes away.
"I wanna try your… whatever that is."
"Fine." She says, giving the glass to him.
He took a sip and made a weird face that made Addison laugh, "This is awful." He said, giving the glass back to his wife. "How come you drink that?!"
"I told you, didn't I?" She laughs a little more, staring at his disgusted expression. He could be so exaggerated sometimes.
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
"Hey, Doc!" Addison said cheerfully as she opened the trailer's door, she sat on the floor and caressed the animal's fur, Derek closer the door and joined Addison too.
"Who's a good boy!" Derek said, caressing the animal too.
Maybe they had a couple of extra drinks and will probably hate themselves tomorrow morning. Once back in New York they got so drunk they even sang karaoke in front of complete strangers and Savvy had to go pick them up in the middle of the night. Surprisingly they didn't have sex that night, they just snuggled on the couch and drifted off to sleep.
Doc's tail bounces as the two adults keep on giving him some love, Addison's head drops on Derek's shoulder. They're tired and feel fuzzy. "We should get a kid." She mumbles, Addison chuckles softly.
"Get a kid?" Derek might be drunk but he did hear her.
"Yeah."
"From who?" He teases her, just as he did on their way back home, telling her their almost out of gas and that they probably wouldn't make it home, which was a lie but Addison didn't know that at first.
"From us." Addison says, another soft chuckle coming from her lips.
He rests his head on hers, "Oh, that would be fun."
Addison sighs, that kind of sigh that means she's remembering something that disappoints her somehow, "We haven't tried in so long."
"We were busy." He says. He got so used to be saying that word for so many years…
Mom, we're busy, we're still working on our careers.
We've thought about children, but we're too busy for that right now.
If we weren't too busy, we could try again.
"Maybe we should slow down." Addison says after a long silence.
"I haven't even touched you yet." He says, smiling, taking it as joke.
She shakes her head slightly, as much as she can while her head is still resting on his shoulder, "I mean, we should take a sabbatical year or something, no work for some time."
"That would be fun too." He agrees easily, well he's more than just tipsy, "Go to some island could be interesting."
"Drinking champagne sitting on a warm bubble bath 'til dawn." She proposes, finalizing his 'island' idea.
"Until dawn? But your skin would get all… weird."
She giggles, "I wouldn't mind if you're there and a bottle of champagne."
"I guess I wouldn't mind either."
"Okay, and after that we make kids." Addison proposes.
"What if we try to make one now?"
She laughs, "You're drunk!"
"You are too."
"I guess I wouldn't mind that now." She repeats his earlier words and raises her head now facing his wonderful blue eyes.
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
day 7
"Jesus Christ what did we drink last night?" She knew it was going to be this awful when she ordered herself the first drink of the night. Addison is sitting on bed, she's holding the cover up to her breasts, with her other hand she's touching her temple, a headache starting to grow.
"I don't think it matters what we ordered, I think it matters how many drinks we ordered." He says sitting up in bed, too. Doc is lying at the end of the bed, tilting their head at his humans. "You look like crap."
"You look like crap." She says, looking at him.
He shakes his head, chuckling a bit, "I may not remember what we drank, but I do remember you falling on the floor when you tried to take your skirt off." He laughs.
"That's gonna leave a bruise."
"I think I haven't feel this hungover since…"
"Nancy's 40th birthday party, I know, me neither." She says finishing his sentence, laughing a little. "I swear to God that if Doc did something with my underwear I'll go live at the Archfield permanently." She says as she stands up from bed to reach for her robe.
"You can always get new underwear, you know?"
"I know, I just don't want to."
"You love to go shopping, there's malls in Seattle, people in Seattle wear underwear too."
"Derek, I know that." She says, grabbing her lace panties up from the floor. As she hoped, they don't seem vandalized by the living animal. "What hour is it anyway?"
"Dammit, we're late!" He says standing up from bed as well, "It's 6:34."
Addison is fast and gets inside the shower first.
"That's not fair." Derek raises his voice from the outside of the shower.
"It is for me!" She says back, taking off her robe.
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
They make it to the hospital, there's no chaos, nobody is dying, not yet at least. He heads to his office, she heads to her office, everything is fine. Except nothing's that fine, because when Addison finds Richard on her chair, apparently waiting for her, she doesn't feel calm anymore about coming in late.
"Richard. What are you doing here?" She prompts, looking confused. Addison walks in, she knows how not to show her concern about her bosses visit.
"Addison… We need to talk."
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
"I'm sorry, what?" Addison is confused and surprised at the same time, "We did drink but I don't remember anything about…"
"Aha!" Richard points a finger at her, "So you admit you were drunk."
"Not drunk, just barely tipsy. But I didn't come here last night-"
"Addison, I saw you myself." Richard cutts her off before she can keep talking.
She shakes her head, now remembering. "Oh my god." She did come to the hospital last night, it was when Derek said he forgot his wallet at the locker room and she told him she was going to get that taken care of. O'Malley was near there and had to deal with a very drunk Addison. "Richard…"
"Now you remember?"
"Richard? Why is your intern waiting for me inside of my office?" Derek shows up at Addison's office, George O'Malley behind him, with that innocent face.
"Chief I told him to come as you asked me." The intern says in a small voice.
"You could have paged me, you know?" Derek says, sitting on the chair next to Addison.
Richard shakes his head, "O'Malley, you can go now."
"Yes Sir." The intern said walking away.
"What is this?" Derek mumbles to Addison.
"Apparently we're in trouble." She mumbles back, folding her arms over her chest.
Derek sighs, "What did she do now?"
"What did I do now?!" Addison says, surprised by Derek's reaction.
"I didn't do anything."
"Actually you did, Derek." Richard says, serious. "The cameras show how you guys started making out in the middle of the hallway." The chief shakes his head, "That was incredibly unprofessional."
"I'm sorry, Richard, but you must be confused. I did come here last night, for Derek's wallet, but he didn't come over here."
"You must be really hungover."
"Richard, this is ridiculous, there's plenty other people that could have been making out in the middle of the hallway." Derek says, rolling his eyes dramatically. "We were at Joe's the entire time. At least I was."
"Don't do that, don't blame this on me."
"I'm not saying anything!" Derek says, holding up both of his hand, like he's innocent.
She does that face at him, the one that says she's getting annoyed, "Well then stop staring at me like I did something bad, you participated too."
"Addison, you don't even remember."
"You don't either, but if that's us, you were there too."
"Maybe you seduced me."
She gasps, "I didn't do such thing!" Addison says raising her voice.
"How do you know? You were drunk, we do stupid things when we're drunk."
"Ha! You used we and we're. You admit it's your fault too." She points at him with her index finger.
"Addison…"
"What? Do you feel sorry because you know I'm right?"
"Enough, you two." Richard says, his patience scarce.
Their arguing made Richard excuse himself and leave the room, adding an advertance in case anything like what happened would happen again. He leaves The Shepherds in there alone.
Derek shooks his head, "Do you remember making out?"
"I do remember that, but at the trailer, not here." She says, sighing a little.
"Me neither. We must have been so wasted." He laughs a little, running a hand through his curled hairs.
She giggled, "I'm going to get some coffee, want some?"
"Yeah, I need some black coffee." He says, as he is also being affected by a headache. Hangover sucks.
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
They drink coffee.
Based on the hospital staff's glances at them, maybe they did make out in that hallway.
They look at each other and try not to laugh.
"And I thought we were done being gossip material." She says, sipping her coffee, walking next to her husband. "Why don't you seem embarrassed?!" She asks, noticing his smirk.
"It's not a big deal."
"It is."
"Addison, Richard has seen us half naked hooking up inside of supply closets, on-call rooms, nurse stations-"
"Okay, Derek. I understood. We have done worst things."
"My point is, you don't need to overthink this, you know. Just relax about it." Derek says, as if it isn't a big deal. Which is kind of true. Addison always worried about what would people think about her or what people would say. "Sometimes you have to chill about somethings."
"Okay Doctor Phil, I'll give it a thought. Gotta go check on Abby, see you later before we leave for… therapy." Addison says, still feeling awkward about the fact that they go to therapy, she will probably never get over that, when she married Derek she was too young and happy to imagine being in front of a shrink and sitting next to him on a diminute room.
"Right. We have that today."
"We do. I'll see you at four… the lobby?"
"Yeah, see you."
"Okay, bye." She said, offering a cheek for him to kiss.
He kisses her cheek and starts walking away, "Bye!"
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
Abby's husband is here when she gets to the room.
Well, fiance.
Whatever, the guy that gave her that candy jewel is here, and he's sitting on a chair next to her.
"Oh, Addison, this is Nash, my fiancee." Abigail says with a brilliant smile on her face.
Nash stands up and shakes Addison's hand, "I've heard a lot about you, Doctor Shepherd."
"Nice to finally meet you, Nash." Addison smiles friendly. "So… how are we doing today?"
"We're fine, kind of. I don't want to keep waiting in here…" Abby says, her mood is still cheered up as usual, but she does seem a little tired.
"I know, but we're just waiting one more week so I can perform the c-section…"
"Good. Just a week from now, right?" Nash asks, taking a seat next to Abigail's bed, on a chair of course.
"Yes, seven days." Addison says, reassuring her patient and her fiance, Nash, who looks concerned. "I'll come back in an hour to check on you, alright?"
"Okay, thank you Doctor." It's probably the first time Abby has called Addison 'doctor', which means the worry has kicked her, like Addison suspected it was going to happen.
Addison exits her patient's room, walks through the hallway to the elevator and pushes the button to the lobby floor, she needs caffeine. Yes, more caffeine. Her hangover is still present and she feels more than grateful for the existence of makeup and beauty products, knowing she would look like crap otherwise.
She takes a cup of coffee and goes back to her office, she flops on the small couch and sighs.
A knock on the door surprises her.
"Doctor Grey…" Addison was certainly not waiting for the blonde intern to show up at her door.
Meredith has widen eyes, "I need to talk to you."
Addison stands up, still holding her paper cup filled with coffee, "About?"
"Your husband… um… I just need you to know I'm not flirting with him...we… we don't do that anymore." The blonde woman looks so tiny standing in there.
"I'm sorry, Doctor Grey, why are you telling me this?" Addison says, walking towards the coffee table and leaving the paper cup on it.
"Well, Doctor Stevens… she… never mind I just needed to let you know." Grey is about to turn around and walk away, but...
"Meredith… wait." Addison stops her, meeting her eyes.
"Yes?"
"What did Izzie Stevens say?"
"She… she made me realize how bad the situation must have been to you, you know, having to see me around you and your husband and the… Doc…"
"Right." Montgomery nodded.
"So I thought about it."
"And you came here to let me know." Addison says, already knowing that is what happening, but still putting the pieces together in her head.
"Yes, and I came here." Grey seems a little shy.
"Good." The redhead woman nods.
"Okay, good. Um, I gotta go before Doctor Bailey sees me around doing nothing that involves becoming a surgeon."
"Yeah, um, Meredith…."
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
The time has come. It's almost the time for them to meet up and drive to the shrink's appointment. Derek is not exactly thrilled about it, but at least there's some excitement in his thoughts, wanting to hear what Addison had written about him.
It's three fifty seven.
Her heels clicking against the floor make her entrance even more dramatic, she looks tired.
He smirks, "Still hangover?"
"Oh, shut up." She says, shaking her head slightly, noticing his teasing tone immediately, "You're hangover too, don't deny it."
He won't deny it.
"Are you ready to go?"
"Yeah, are you?" Addison asks, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
He nods, "I am." They walk to the parking lot, until they find Derek's car.
"You know who visited my office today?" Addison asks casually.
"Brad Pitt?" Derek jokes.
"No, I wish." She laughs a little as they climb inside his jeep.
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
They get to therapy, surprisingly in time, even if there was traffic and some rain drops started to fall. Addison of course volunteers to start first, but Derek also wants to start first, so their… their 'quack' lets Derek begin.
"I don't need to start, I mean, I want to but if Addison…"
"It's okay." She says quickly, cutting him off.
"Alright." Derek says, unfolding the paper on his hands.
"What I love about Addison… she makes people feel comfortable about embarrassing things, she has constantly has warm skin. She is caring. She's good at paying attention. She always knows what to do when I argue with my sisters, she's great at making me try to fix things with them." He glances up at their therapist, who looks pleased with himself.
"Is that all?" The quack asks.
"No, not really." He sighs, "I love Addison's smile, um… Her hair is soft, all the time. I love it when she snaps at me when we are arguing or when she is mad, she's so cute when she does that. I love how much she cares for her patients. She's great at finding missing stuff. She came over here looking for me. She's great at nagging me, which I oddly find sexy sometimes, if not annoying. I have fun with her. She's competitive and sensible. Stubborn. She's my personal fashion stylist. Her sarcasm. I love Addison for always being there for me, when I was down and I needed someone to cheer me up and remind me my values." He takes a deep breath.
He looks at her for a second, she seems touched by his words, so he keeps reading, "She's strong. She's the worst at cooking." That makes them both chuckle a little, "She has supported all my dreams. She has those big eyes that calm me down in the worst times. Addison gives great presents, and she never forgets birthdays. She's my favorite person."
"Derek…" Addison says softly, a small smile curling her lips.
"Well, I think that was actually great Derek. What if we hear you now, Addison?"
"Oh, yeah, sure." Addison says, taking the piece of paper out of her purse, taking a deep breathe before starting to read. "What I love about Derek...he's great at multitasking, he can be cooking, feeding the dog, trying to clean the kitchen, all at the same time." (She doesn't mention that he can also be making out with her meanwhile he tries to paint a wall, just like five years ago.) "...he's a great uncle, always knows how to entertain the kids. He's my favorite comedian even if I find it annoying sometimes. He can lie just to make you feel better or less hurt. Derek's the worst at acknowledging his mistakes, but he eventually knows how to accept them. He makes me love parts of myself that I didn't before. I love Derek because he is stubborn, but at least he is less stubborn than I am."
"You didn't just say that!" Derek exclaims from his seat.
"What is it?" The quack asks.
"Addison has never said that before, ever." Derek finds it amusing and funny, even.
"Could you let me finish?" Addison asks, a little irritated.
"Continue." Their therapist says, still with that pleased expression on his face.
"I love Derek because he is smart and the best neurosurgeon I've ever met. He's caring about his patients. It's annoying how much he loves camping and doing boys scout things, but I love to see how he's filled with joy after doing these things. I love how he holds me in bed." They both chuckle, remembering their conversation not too long ago, " when you attack me with kisses every time I feel down and unhappy, when you pour me a drink and hold me…"
They both stare at each other, for some seconds, until she decides to continue.
"I love it when he cooks for me and teases me about my horrible cooking skills… He flirts with me after all these years and he's great at flirting. Derek's a good man, he helps people with stuff, not just inside the hospital, also outside of the hospital. He's a very brave and strong person. He's resilient."
She takes a deep breath, "He's compassionate." She says, remembering that one time when Savvy and Weiss visited and he was mad at her for doing the surgery, but eventually gave in and talked to Weiss. "He's the only person I feel like I can be my real self with. He's caring and knows me well… He's the best husband a woman could ask for. I love him."
Silence fills the room for a couple of minutes.
"That wasn't so difficult, huh?!" Their therapist says, cheerful.
"About that, we won't be needing your services anymore." Derek says.
Their therapist looks surprised, "Excuse me?"
"We're healed." Derek says.
"How come?" Their therapist asks something again.
"Derek…" Addison sighs, wondering where he is going with this.
"We are. This experiment proved it. We love each other, we just need to remember that and stop making each other crazy." Derek says, grabbing Addison's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.
"Derek…" Her eyes soften.
Derek looks at her in the eye, "I'll build you a house, I'll go shopping with you since Doc ruined your shoes, hell, I will get you a present for the birthday I missed."
"You don't have to do that." She says, shaking her head slightly, looking right into his gorgeous blue eyes.
Derek smiles at her, "I want to do that. We failed each other, I want built things up again."
"Okay." She nods then, and softly smiles at him.
"Okay." He says, squeezing his hand gently again.
"I love you." She almost whispers.
"Me too." He says.
˚✧₊⁎⁺˳✧༚
YAS. I DID IT! I FINISHED THIS ONE SHOT. ok, pls review and lemme know what you think. I know it was a messy one shot and i know i could have made it 'fluffier', but well this is what it ended up like. thank you for your constant support on my stories. love u all. also, i think i will keep this "fanfic" as a one shot "folder".