p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';"When I wake later that evening morning Tobias is already looking down at me, his eyes stained on mine as though he's trying to ask a silent question. I'm not a mind reader, and I'm honestly exhausted, so I turn class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p
p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; min-height: 15px;" /p
p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';""Tris" he reaches out for me and I shrug him off, sitting class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p
p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; min-height: 15px;" /p
p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';"I can't mask the embarrassment. I wish he hadn't seen me like that last night, reduced to a blubbering mess over a boy. I wish I hadn't felt that way in the first class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p
p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';"br /"Tris you have to know I didn't kiss her" he pleads. I realize that I do, and I'm suddenly searching for why I'm so upset if I know he didn't class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p
p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; min-height: 15px;" /p
p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';""I know," I murmur. He nods a class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p
p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; min-height: 15px;" /p
p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';""I'm sorry I didn't push her off sooner, I was surprised she had the audacity to kiss me in the first place. I've never met anyone who was so blatantly disrespectful" he amends, but his focus is entirely class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p
p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; min-height: 15px;" /p
p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';""Four," I start. He flinches, and I continue, "if you say you didn't kiss back, I believe you. I'm not upset about that. I'm sorry for how I reacted yesterday, it was far more dramatic than necessary, but the way I feel is valid. Why were you even touching her like that, and smiling like that? You never acted that way with anyone in my initiate class. Hell, you barely acted that way with me!"span class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p
p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';"br /I'm exasperated by the time I finish, both with the topic and the fact that I've let my insecurities get the best of class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p
p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; min-height: 15px;" /p
p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';"He pauses before he answers, processing my questions, "I shouldn't have touched her. You're right. I'm not even sure why I did, I certainly didn't feel comfortable with it. But her stance was off and I didn't know how to explain the way she needed to adjust"span class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p
p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; min-height: 15px;" /p
p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';"He stops again, and he seems to notice that his response both relaxed and frustrated me, so he immediately backpedals./p
p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; min-height: 15px;" /p
p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';""I'm not trying to make excuses! I didn't even realize I smiled at her in a particular way, she had asked me about her corrected posture. She said something about trying to mimic you. I guess that's when I smiled. God, I don't even know how this turned into such a mess. I'm so sorry"span class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p
p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; min-height: 15px;" /p
p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';"I look at him for a moment, calculating. "Alright," I say, and begin to get class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p
p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; min-height: 15px;" /p
p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';""Alright?" He class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p
p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; min-height: 15px;" /p
p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';""I have no reason not to trust you, Tobias" he lets out a breath when I say his name, "Don't give me one."span class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p
p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; min-height: 15px;" /p
p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';"Later, we walk down towards the dining hall for class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p
p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; min-height: 15px;" /p
p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';"When we get to the table, Zeke is the first to speak, "I've heard something troubling."span class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p
p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; min-height: 15px;" /p
p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';"I class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p
p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; min-height: 15px;" /p
p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';""Four, were you sexually assaulted by one of your initiates?" I can't help the laugh that escapes me. Tobias lets out a gruff "yes" and focuses on his class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p
p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; min-height: 15px;" /p
p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';""How did you take that, Tris?" Uriah asks. I think for a moment, recounting my display of class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p
p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; min-height: 15px;" /p
p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';""I didn't. I left" It's clear to my friends what I thought I was witnessing. It's silent for a second before Uriah breaks the class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p
p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; min-height: 15px;" /p
p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';""In his moment of need?!" He exclaims dramatically, and just like that, things are back to class="Apple-converted-space" /span/p
p class="p2" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; min-height: 15px;" /p
p class="p1" style="margin: 0px; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue';"I lean into Tobias's side and find myself amused that the way public displays of affection now soothe me, despite my Abnegation upbringing./p