Chapter 15: Care?
"Joon, you should call Jungkook and tell him to go home or go to their family hospital because I know by now that most of the hospitals in Seoul are helping everyone that has been injured. It's dangerous for him to stay there, the criminals might still be on the site, we never know what can happen." I say while looking out the window. I'm met with silence and I turn around gazing at my shocked brother.
"What?" I ask.
"Jee- are you worried about Jungkook?" He gives me a cheeky grin and I can only roll my eyes.
"Joon, don't give me that look. Besides, you'd be worried too, I mean he's your best friend and he's at a very dangerous place right now."
"He's going to be fine Jee, he's a good doctor and he knows he shouldn't be risking another patient by getting injured. He's there to save lives so can you stop being so tense and just relax?"
"Who said I was tense? I am so relaxed that I could go to a hundred more surgeries and I wouldn't even break a sweat. Heck I'm so at peace and relaxed I have no worries whatsoever and-"
"Okay okay, I get it. Jeez I hate it when you start rambling like that."
"Wow, thanks brother."
"Anyway, I'll be going now, I have some patients to tend to, you go to your office and rest, please, for me."
"Fine, I'll go, but promise me you'll have dinner with me later? I haven't had a proper meal while being accompanied by someone in a long time,"
"What? Don't you and Jungkook eat together?"
"Joon, this is an arranged marriage, no feelings, no affection, no communication. We're simply doing what our parents asked us to do until the time period ends."
"Jee, can't you two at least work it out? You care about each other, I know you do. Jungkook's a good guy, he's my best friend and I've known him before he was even born, you two are meant to be together."
"Joonie, I love you, but this time, you're wrong. Jungkook and I are completely opposite, we're not meant to be together romantically. We're simply together for a certain amount of time and there are no feelings that can develop between us. We've made it very clear that we are too different from each other and it will never work out, besides, he's in love with somebody else and I'm trying to heal." my brother sighs and takes a seat beside me. He holds my hand and gives me a loving smile.
"Jee, you're my baby sister, my best friend, I love you very much and I know Jungkook can help you heal. Yes you may have some differences, but opposites attract right? Just give it some time." All I can do is smile at him because nodding would just create a lie. He slowly stands up and makes his way out of the room.
I examine the bandage on my arm and pull my sleeve down to cover as much as I can. I stand up sighing, I have been overworking myself for almost two weeks, getting no sleep, not eating proper meals and constantly on edge whenever I get a call from the hospital. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't succeed and all my hard work feels like it's just gone to waste. The hospital has been a mess since I was given the responsibility to take over, the employees were constantly confused and lost due to my incompetence. My parents wanted to take over for the time being so that I'm able to learn the ropes and be ready to handle such a big responsibility, but I refused because my grandfather wanted this for me, he wanted me to inherit the one thing he worked so hard on for years, but I feel like I'm failing him.
I hadn't realized, but I had already started crying. Tears were continuously falling down my cheeks as I sat back down on the bed. I couldn't go out and have my employees and patients see me like this, weak, unorganized, lost and unreliable. Once again I couldn't meet the expectations set out for me, I disappointed everyone again, I overestimated myself thinking I could handle this, but I can't.
As the tears fell, I was engulfed in a warm embrace. I knew the familiar scent of the person, but I had no energy to pull away so I just let my body melt in his arms. He then started caressing my head and tightened the hug as I cried harder, hugging him back, holding on to him and feeling like I could crumble into nothing if I let go.
"It's alright, I'm here, just cry it out." Jungkook softly said. I hugged him tighter and he did the same.
Once I had calmed down some minutes later, I slowly pulled away from him while keeping my head down, letting a few tears fall onto my doctor's coat, soaking the fabric with every little droplet. Jungkook holds my hand and says nothing, comforting me without speaking, letting him know he's by my side and ready to give me a hug or assuring words any second.
I slowly look up at him and meet his worried eyes. For some reason I can't seem to form any words and just gaze at him for the time being. His eyes softened and he gently caressed my cheek using his right hand while wiping my tears away.
"Hey, whenever you're ready okay?" I nod and he sits closer to me, holding my hands and keeping it on my lap. I look down and decide to speak, because I know I wouldn't be able to look at someone in the eyes while I expressed my thoughts and fears to them. I wasn't ready to see the disappointed look they would give me because in their eyes I was the person who was never broken, never lost and always strong. I was the perfect one, the one everyone could count on, the one that had her life together. But I was far from that and nobody knew but me and now Jungkook.
"I-I'm a disappointment," I start off. He stays quiet, patiently waiting for me to express myself.
"I'm unorganized and incapable of taking big responsibilities. The hospital is a mess because of me. The one thing grandfather worked so hard on turned into a mess because of me. The employees are lost on what to do because I can't give proper orders and instructions to keep everything together. I should just give up and let my parents take over instead of me because I am irresponsible. I'm so broken and lost that I can't keep up this facade any longer," I decide to finally look up at him and meet his gaze, but instead of disappointment, I am met with worried but loving eyes.
"So please, Jungkook, don't tell anyone about my current state. I trust you with this and I don't know why, but I do and I hope you know that. I'm sorry you had to see me like this, twice now actually, and I'm sorry you have to deal with me for a year. There may be a way for you to get married to someone you actually want to while keeping the contract for our family businesses before the one year is up. I can talk to my parents about it for you, I'm pretty sure they'll agree-" I am suddenly cut off by a hug and I was way too shaken to realize what was happening.
"Jee, stop it, you're rambling about stuff that isn't true and I hate it. Don't bring yourself down over these things ever again because you are more than suitable enough for this position, your grandfather entrusted you for a reason. He knows you're capable of doing great things Jee, don't think otherwise. There are so many people who look up to you and who are inspired by your abilities and accomplishments. At the young age of 24 you're able to graduate med school, graduate at the top of your class and even run your own hospital. You're doing amazing and you shouldn't look down on yourself like that. Promise me you'll never do it again please." I was at a loss of words. He somehow managed to calm me down with just his caring words, something I didn't expect from Jeon Jungkook.
"I- thank you Jungkook, I really needed that." I smiled at him and he returned the gesture.
"It's alright, I am your husband anyways and I should be more husband material, I might as well start now."
"Oh stop, you already are husband material." Before I could stop myself I managed to blurt out whatever the hell was on my mind. I saw a faint blush appear on his cheeks and his once shocked face turned into a playful smirk. Shit, you've really done it now Jee.
"Is that so?"
"What I meant was-"
"And how exactly am I husband material, my dear wife?" he leaned closer to me, resting his hands beside me, slightly brushing my hand. I quickly pushed him away before he could come any closer and bolted towards the doorway. He still had that stupid smirk on his face and before he could say anything else, I beat him to it.
"Those patients aren't going to help themselves Dr. Jeon, now get going, your pager is going off." with that I quickly headed towards a different ward, the opposite of where he was needed.
Damn that stupid smirk. Jeon Jungkook, how did you manage to make me blush this hard?