Three Months - December
Outside, it's hailing. Pellets of ice hit the windows, followed by ricocheting rain. The wind beats against the glass. Inside, Dr. Edward Cullen curls his body around the bassinet, afraid that if he moves, the baby will be vulnerable to the elements.
The baby is such a beauty. She has a pert little nose, blonde fuzzy hair and enormous eyes. Edward is fascinated by her little lashes, by the dimples on her little fists. He is as terrified that she will stop breathing as he is that his breaths will wake her.
His blood boils when he hears something louder.
The roar of an engine announces somebody's presence. Edward stills, then stiffens. His head whips to the left. His head whips to the right. He probably looks like a neurotic meerkat.
He trusts somebody else will deal with the commotion. For the past month or so, since the baby was released from the hospital, his entire family's life has grounded to a halt. Alice, Emmett and Jasper have been keeping vigil around him, coordinated by his mother. They are terrified of leaving him alone with the baby.
Then he tilts his head towards the baby. She is still sleeping soundly, a gorgeous little bean with both of her little fists by her head. Gingerly, he brushes his fingers along the bridge of her nose. Tears sting his eyes as he is overcome by humility and anxiety that squeeze his stomach violently. I always wanted you to be the father, Isabella had stressed, so intensely and with such certainty that he never doubts it happened. I want you to be her father, Edward. Thinking about those words, both poignant and crippling, he has to bite down on his fist. He cries.
Promise me.
When he hears the commotion; thundering up the stairs, both Emmett and Jasper's raised voices, blood starts to pound in his ears. His heart is beating so intensely he fears he'll vomit.
"Bro, you need to come downstairs right now," Emmett huffs breathlessly.
Furious, Edward hisses at his brother, gesturing at the baby. "I'm not leaving her," he affirms, unsettled by the pleading undercurrent of his voice. "I can't leave her."
Emmett, for the first time in weeks, looks aggressively impatient. "Ed, I'm not fucking around," he says seriously. "Use the baby monitor. She'll be fine."
It's the first time he leaves the baby of his own volition; he turns on the baby monitor and places it a few inches from her fist, afraid the baby will stop breathing. Heart pounding, he inches away from the bassinet. Emmett, despite everything, looks sympathetic. "She's a little trooper," he says reverently. "She'll be fine."
15 Months - December
Not long after what they'll call the February incident, the entire family leaves Seattle for Chicago. Edward settled into his old apartment with the baby, Elizabeth.
The winter in Chicago, Edward finds, is more aggressive than the winter in Seattle. Though the distance comforts him, he worries about the effect of the cold on the baby. In fact, Edward worries about the baby relentlessly. Just a week earlier, the smell of Pinol and Mr. Muscle triggered an asthma attack on the baby; he fired the maid almost immediately. He's terrified that spring will hurt her - more than he did just by meeting her mother.
The idea of exposing the baby, even for a second, to the elements, gives Edward anxiety. He's preparing like a soldier to carry her out the Volvo, through his parents driveway, and into their home to celebrate Christmas. He rather hoped they would celebrate inside the apartment, but his mother insists on forcing Edward and Elizabeth out of their apartment at every opportunity. After all the ways his family have adjusted their lives, after the ways they have sacrificed, Edward finds he cannot self-isolate. The baby needs a family.
"We're alright, aren't we, darling?" Edward mumbles peeking at the baby through the rearview mirror once he has parked.
He enjoys dressing his little girl. Alice enjoys 'pushing his credit card to its full potential', buying things that even Edward admits are cute as all fuck. Today, she wears a peach-pink curduroy romper with a thick white cardigan and little suede boots. Edward's become adroit at combing her hair, and the little ribbons on both her pigtails look precious.
With obsessive care, and studies the ice on the ground before exiting the car. He leaves the heater on; unstraps the baby and lifts her to his chest, nuzzling her cheek. "It's a little cold, sweetheart," he coos apologetically. Taking measured steps, he stuffs her Michelin arms into a thick winter coat and covers her little shell ears with a hat.
Cradling the baby, he walks gingerly up the step and knocks. He doesn't quite give a fuck that he sounds like he's been lost in the Alaskan wilderness.
"There she is!" Esme cries happily when she opens the door. Though she glares at Edward from the corner of her eye, she only has eyes for Elizabeth. She pries the baby, who is just as happy to see her, from Edward's arms."There's my baby!"
Once the best part of the reunion between grandmother and granddaughter is over, Esme looks at Edward. Her second son breaks her heart. It's been such a struggle with Edward since he let Isabella Swan into his life. "Hello, darling," she says, kissing his cheek.
"Mother," Edward manages. He is aware that his voice has acquired a rasp, coarse quality to it. He sounds, unfortunately, like Darth Vader without James Earl Jones' deep baritone. He smokes like a chimney whenever his mother takes care of the baby, trying to curtail his anxiety, and sleeps very little.
That he has turned into a bit of a sociopath is mostly a side-effect of the year he's had. Edward walks around like a zombie, eyes deep inside his purpled sockets, invariably with a three-day-old stubble carpeting gaunt cheeks. As if inversely matching her father's physical decline, Elizabeth thrives despite everything. She's all smiles, pearly little teeth, peachy cheeks.
Edward is happy to hand the baby off to his mother; he returns to turn off the car completely and bring out a diaper bag. By the time he walks back into the house, his mother has snatched the baby away and is showing her off to Rosalie fucking Hale.
Elizabeth studies Rosalie with muted fascination, hiding behind Esme's caramel-colored locks. Rosalie is smiling dotingly at the baby, offering her hand. Edward stiffens like a Rottweiler and marches over to his mother. Rosalie has the decency to cower.
Like a petulant child, Esme swings the baby away from Edward. "I'm spending time with my baby," she says, like a child sharing a toy. Edward scoffs but turns to Rosalie, glowering.
"What are you doing here, Rosalie?" Edward sneers. The memory of the third-to-last encounter between Isabella and Rosalie prickles in his skin. Rosalie, however, has the decency to look ashamed. Unlike last time, she seems to shrink into her self and looks up at Edward almost imploringly. Emmett lumbers towards the two of them and wraps his arm around Rosalie, looking at Edward warningly.
"Rosalie and I are back together, Edward," he says. "We've been together for a while now."
Edward takes several beats to process the information. Edward is reminded of the all that Emmett — and Jasper, and Alice — did for him last year. Lifting into the back of the Jeep and out into the river; buying camping gear…Being complicit out of love. The maelstrom of emotion rages; Emmett watches it carefully.
"Edward," Rosalie says. "I was so sorry to hear about Isabella. She —" Edward hisses in a breath of air, as if in pain, stiffening.
Noticing, Rosalie shrunk visibly into Emmett.
"Is," Edward supplies acidly, softening at the compliment for the mother of his only looks to be on the verge of tears, which Edward finds strangely satisfying.
"— a beautiful person, in every way," she finishes meekly. "And I was so glad she forgave me the last —"
"Though you don't deserve it," he spits through gritted teeth.
"I don't," she agrees.
Emmett is hovering by protectively, and Edward feels nothing but gratitude for Emmett. Emmett, who has been complicit in everything. He owes Emmett this much.
"I'm glad you agree," Edward tells Rosalie, so politely it hurts. Grimacing, Edward turns on his heel and stomps away, surprised to find ... Alice strewn across Jasper's lap, cradling a mug of Christmas nearly chokes on his own saliva.
"Jasper?" Edward wonders out loud.
"Dude, you look like shit," Jasper says, managing to sound joking, sympathetic and sad. That being said, he walks over and pulls Edward into a one-armed hug.
"You still look like shit, man," Edward croaks back, smiling. It feels strange to smile at anybody but his baby.
"Seriously, though, Ed, you need to reconsider your —" Edward's attention, however, has drifted to the baby. He nearly chokes on his own saliva a bit later, when he finds Rosalie bouncing Elizabeth up and down on her knee an hour later. Emmett looks on gratefully when Edward huffs his agreement and sits across from them.
He does choke on his own saliva when Alice kisses Jasper, Spider-man style, right after dinner.
18 Months - June
Without fail, his parents spend Sunday afternoons with Edward and his daughter. Carlisle is playing with Elizabeth on the floor. The baby, the littler of the blondes, is sitting, propped up by a support ring, giggling at motorized dog that barks and sings. The older of the two blondes sits cross-legged in front of her, happy to turn it on and off relentlessly. Though everything from light to temperature irritates Edward lately, he loves the puppy just because the baby does. Esme is sitting on the armchair.
"We need a nanny," his mother announces. Suddenly, the fact that his father is nearby, playing with the baby, feels like an ambush to Edward.
As is second nature now, Edward stiffens. "Why?" he demands. "There's no need for you to come by every day if you find it so exhausting," he adds nastily.
Unfortunately, he knows his mother has all the leverage in this situation. He trusts nobody but Carlisle and Esme with his child; if they were to stop coming by, he'd likely stop showering or sleeping altogether. Alice, Emmett and Jasper he trusts theoretically, in small bursts.
Used to his nasty little barbs, Esme is relatively unfazed. She takes a deep, sobering breath. "You need to get your life back, Edward."
"This is my life," he retorts, gesturing towards the baby. Knowing that he's exaggerating, purposefully misreading her, Edward continues spewing vitriol. "Would you rather I dump her off with that white trash in Florida? With that obese cop and alcoholic redskin in middle-of-nowhere?"
"You know exactly what I mean, Edward. Most single parents rely on nannies," Esme half-snaps, half-begs.
"So what then? Leave her with some horny seventeen-year-old looking to earn ten bucks an hour?" Edward says rhetorically, barking out a frosty laugh that has the baby gazing at him curiously, eyes crossing.
"Edward," Carlisle cautions sharply. Despite everything, Edward stops spitting out venomous insults. He knows he's turned into a vitriolic version of himself. He takes a deep breath and walks towards his baby.
Soothed by the idea of having her near, Edward smiles brightly at Elizabeth, warmed all over as she reaches for him automatically. Cooing, he lifts her up and cuddles her to his chest. As though she does not recognize him, Elizabeth grabs his lips with a starfish hand. Edward presses a kiss to the little digits, then pretends to nibble at them. The baby squeals with delight.
In a gentler voice, Edward continues. "Why don't we just throw her into a pile of glass, mother?"
Esme shakes her head with disappointment, reaching for her purse. To Edward's horror, she pulls out a manilla envelope. Edward's face must look somewhat comical; his mouth drops and he gapes like a goldfish. The baby lets out a peal of laughter that breaks the tension; all three adults gaze at her.
"We've both been thinking about this, Edward," Carlisle says, rising to his feet. He takes the envelope from his wife. "These are all pediatric nurses looking for a slightly less — " at this, both he and Esme exchange a dubious look, "demanding job."
"Why would I hire some lazy c-u-n -" Edward begins immediately - but at Carlisle's piercing look, even at thirty-two, he shuts up fast.
"You are going to hire a 'nanny' because it is deeply unhealthy for a 32-year-old man to limit all his interactions to a two-year-old and his sixty-year-old parents," Carlisle says crisply and sharply, teeming with authority. "And because it's also deeply unhealthy for your baby to grow up with a father with separation anxiety that is literally devoted to her. This isn't sustainable, Edward."
"And because your father and I have other things that need our attention," Esme says. "You didn't even go to your sister's engagement party. I almost didn't go to your sister's engagement party."
"There's nothing to celebrate about Whitlock joining the family," Edward jeers jokingly. His joke falls flat, even on Carlisle, whose eyes twitch at the mention of Jasper Whitlock. The seconds stretch as Esme looks at him imploringly and almost tearfully.
Stressed, addicted and traumatized, Edward is unwilling to let go of the argument. "I am sorry you to feel burdened by my baby," Edward seethes nastily.
Esme sucks in a breath; a mother bear, insulted. "You know that almost nobody on this planet loves this baby as much as I do," she says evenly, steel in her voice, though her eyes water. Edward does know, and he feels remorseful. The emotion stings. "You have forty-eight hours to read their files. The first interviewee is coming at four on Wednesday."
Zafrina is the third interviewee. She is in her mid-forties, slim but not delicate, grey around the temple and wrinkled around the eyes. There is something almost regal about her bearing. Against his better judgment, Edward finds he trusts her. She answers his incisive questions with poise. She tells him she quit for a year to care for her partner, who died of breast cancer two months ago. She doesn't crumble under the nastily, purposefully rude questions Edward asks on the subject.
"Dr. Cullen," she says, pinning him with her eerie, amber eyes. "I'm actually curious. Have you been caring for the baby in this state, all this time?"
She asks incisive questions of him in return. He scolds him at the way he bottle feeds the baby. Edward hires her immediately. For the twenty-one years that follow, he never once finds a reason to scold her, despite his best efforts.