Chapter 16: The End?
(Coyler's Note: Gonna be honest,I'm guessing you guys all forgot about Not-Stars. With all the work I've been doing on other projects,I kinda forgot to return to this. However,I've got plans to continue "Coyler Continuity Number One",which involves more of these fanfics. And by the way,hate to say it,but despite his ending coming out second,Trent will be the canon winner in this timeline. I figured Zeke essentially getting all the glory was kinda bad writing,so Trenty Boi is gonna be reffered to as the winner for Not-Stars from here on out. Hopefully you'll all understand. Coyler,out!)
Chris kicked back in a recliner in his mansion, "Last time on Total Drama Not-Stars;
Zeke and Trent were left as the last men standing and battled it out in a one on one boxing match to see who would be the biggest loser,though biggest winner,of them all! In the end it was former Drama Brother member Trent who walked away a richer man,leaving everyone else surprised that Zeke's gary-stu powers didn't pull him through. The campers believe they'll be going home and returning to their old lives with some slight changes,since some are back to being kinda famous. However,I've got something else in mind that will surely bring me amusement and them pain and suffering,haha. What is the epic thing I've got in mind? And will the campers go home today? Find out tonight on a very special episode of Total! Drama! Not-Stars!"
*At Playa Des Losers*
The campers were seemingly living their best lives,chilling out,maxing,relaxing and being cool while chilling out by the pool. Trent and Zeke were both sharing drinks at the bar,holding raw meat to their busted up faces. In the end,Trent had ended up winning the big bucks and seemed to think that having a busted face was a small price to pay. "I'm telling you man,that's gotta be the best fight I've ever had" Trent laughed, "Then again it's the only fight I've ever had so I guess it's also the best?". Ezekiel thought for a moment and then nodded, "Yeah that would make a lotta sense,eh". He turned to Bridgette, "What do you think Bridge?" he asked. Bridgette seemed lost in a world of her own,staring off into space. Trent and Ezekiel glanced at each,with Ezekiel snapping his fingers in front of her face, "Yo Bridgette,you alright,eh?" he asked. She blinked and shook her head, "Hmm? Oh,yeah,sure" she muttered.
CONFESSIONAL START
Bridgette: I know I'm meant to be the nice girl and everything,buuuuuuuuuut...I wanna break it off with Zeke. It's not like I hate him,he's fine,but I was only really going on with him for a tactical advantage. The whole 'I love you' shtick was just a bunch of acting for the cameras,y'know?
Ezekiel: I think something's up with Bridgette,she doesn't seem like her usual self. Maybe she's planning on breaking up with me or something,eh?
CONFESSIONAL END
Bridgette turned and looked at Ezekiel. "Hey Zeke,can we go and talk somewhere more...private?" she asked. Ezekiel raised an eyebrow but shook his head, "Sure,eh. Let's go" he said. Bridgette and Ezekiel walked off inside the main resort building. Tyler,who was basking in the sun,raised his sunglasses and gave a thumbs up to Ezekiel. Unlike the supposed lovers,Tyler and Ezekiel had managed to maintain their friendship after the finale and had spent their time relaxing and doing nothing. Tyler lowered his glasses and turned to Eva, "Think those two are gonna make out?" he asked. Eva shrugged her shoulders, "I dunno babe,who knows at this point. I'd say she's gonna break up with him". Tyler laughed, "What? Nah,those two are closer than Michael Scott and Dwight Schrute".
The rest of the former campers were lounging around,some at the buffet and some in the pool. Harold was demonstrating his 'mad nunchuck skills' to Topher and Ella. "And now I'm gonna perform the super awesome triple spin" Harold rasped,spinning round in circles and attempting a back flip. Topher laughed when Harold crumpled to the ground. "Oh no,are you alright?" Ella asked,helping Harold to his feet. Harold rubbed his neck, "Yep,I'm fine,I'm fine". Topher stopped laughing and put his hands on his hips, "Aw man,I wish someone recorded that for that show on the biggest fails" he explained. Ella shook her head, "That doesn't sound like a very nice show". "No shit Sherlock,that's kinda the point" said Topher,rolling his eyes. "My cousin Sam was once on that show,he plugged in all of his game systems at once and electrocuted himself. Apparently he got paid a thousand bones just for the clip alone,not to mention all the sponsors he got from game companies to review their products online" Harold rasped,recounting the events. Brick looked up from over at the buffet, "That wouldn't happen to be Private Pudding from Season 4,would it?" he asked. Harold nodded, "Yeah,that's the guy. Came back for Season 5 too,though why they chose him over me I'll never know" he said,shaking his head.
In the pool,Katie,Sadie and Rodney were lounging about,the girls in the rubber rings and Rodney on a lilo. "Hey guys,you ever accidentally masturbated at your grandmother's funeral out of boredom?" Rodney asked staring up. "Who the fuck starts a conversation like that?" Sadie asked,as Katie flipped te farm boy into the water. A noise could be heard from the loudspeakers as Chris entered the poolside area. The campers all looked over,and Bridgette and Ezekiel had left the main building. However,Ezekiel didn't look the happiest. He sat down next Tyler and Eva,staring ahead. Tyler seemed confused, "So how'd the make out session go bro?" he asked. "she dumped me" Ezekiel whispered, "she took me in there and dumped me". Tyler and Eva both looked at each other.
CONFESSIONAL START
Tyler: Wow,nice one Bridgette. What happened to all that lovy-dovy stuff? I thought we were the three best friends!
Eva: Wow,nice one Bridgette. I was sick of that attention hog always hanging out with us.
Ezekiel: I can't believe it. All that talking and kissing and stuff was a lie,eh! Well,I should've suspected something after she told me the reason she broke up with Geoff,eh.
Bridgette: Well,I think that went well.
CONFESSIONAL END
"Afternoon campers" Chris grinned as he stopped with Chef in the middle of the pool area. DJ and Dakota scoffed from the hot tub, "You mean former campers,right?" Dakota asked,as she rubbed DJ's chest. Chris laughed, "On the contrary,I suppose it could be either. For I have come to say a few words". "And what may I ask are those?" Noah asked,sticking his head out of the pool. "Well to start off,I wanna say another congrats to Trent. You may be leaving with a busted face but at least you've got your singing and the fact you're a millionaire now" he laughed, "Anyway,me and Chef have come up with one final challenge before you all go home,just something for a bit of fun,y'know?" he explained. "Negative sir,our tour of duty is up and we've all prepared for our return missions homeward" said Brick. "Yeah,what the army guy said,we don't have to stay another second here if the show is over" said Blainley,pouting. "I promise,it's just one more challenge before most of you can head back home to your incredibly boring and mundane lives" Chris protested,putting his hands up. "I doubt anyone would want to partake in more physical abuse" said Max,biting into a burger. Chris rolled his eyes, "Well here's the thing,whether you guys want to do this or not,you all signed contracts stating I essentially have strict ownership of you until you all return home. And as such,we're gonna do this final challenge anyway" he laughed,causing Chef to then roll his eyes. The campers of course weren't happy to hear this and vocalized it to the two men. "Blow the horn man" said Chris,as Chef pulled out a megaphone and air horn. He blew the airhorn into the megaphone,sending a deafening shriek across the resort and making everyone cover their ears. Eventually Chris relented and gave the signal for Chef to stop. "Now where was I? Oh right! I was about to get you all on the boat and helicopter back to the island for this last challenge of the season" Chris grinned,as everyone grumbled to their modes of transport back to Camp Wawanakwa.
After arriving back at the island,the campers were brought to a make-shift stage area with twenty seats set up in a bleachers fashion. After everyone took their seats,Chris explained the challenge, "Alright campers,for this final challenge you'll be taking a trip down memory lane and take turns partaking in mini challenges by spinning 'the wheel of doom'!" he laughed. "You had me at doom" Max smiled. "What exactly do you mean by 'doom'?" Justin asked, "Are we talking full doomsday with nukes and stuff?". "No,he means doom as in natural elements hurting us,GOSH!" Harold rasped. Chris tapped his chin, "Y'know,it's probably time we got started. So,who's up first?" he asked. The contestants sat in silence,glancing at each other. Eventually one sighed and raised their hand, "I don't mind going first" said Dawn. Chris grinned, "Excellent,time to spin the wheel of doom". Dawn stood up and spun as hard as she could. Granted it wasn't very hard at all,but the thought was there. It landed on 'Triple Dog Dare',which made Chris and the Season 1 contestants laugh and cringe. "Um,what is my challenge? Hopefully something easy to start with" Dawn asked,sounding doubtful. "Ooh,you're not gonna like this one" said Chris, "Give a purple-nurple to a sleeping bear". "Man,who's dare was that?" Tyler asked Eva. Eva scratched her chin, "I think it was one of Izzy's?".
CONFESSIONAL START
Dawn: I'm not sure I can do this,I'd never want to intentionally hurt one of mother earth's creatures.
CONFESSIONAL END
Dawn made her to a cave where the bears of the island normally slept. Creeping in,she saw one sleeping and closed in. After closing her eyes,she certainly 'purple-nurpled' that bear,though not without any damage. After returning she looked like she had been in a bomb blast. Her clothes were torn and shredded,her tights and shoes were gone and blood was dripping down her right arm and forehead. "Please forgive my appearance" she whispered. Chris winced, "Oh jesus,that doesn't look good. Uh,Chef? Take the Ultimate Breeder to the medical tent right away before she dies on us" he said. Chef nodded, "Aight,let's go creepy girl" he ordered,as he marched Dawn off to be patched up. Chris pulled out a clipboard and ticked something off,before turning to the campers. "So,who wants to go next?" he asked. Trent shrugged, "I'll take a whack at it". He spun the wheel until it landed on a picture of a skull and crossbones. Trent raised an eyebrow, "What does that mean?" he asked. Chris flipped through his clipboard, "Hmm,it's here somewhere...ah! Battle a sea monster with a shopping trolley pirate ship". Wearing a black hat,grabbing a golf club with a paint brush clipped on and climbing into his 'ship',Trent was sent out on the water. Once he reached the middle of the lake he came face to face with an enormous octopus with glowing yellow eyes. While most would normally be terrified of such a creature,Trent showed no surrender. He stood up,puffed out his chest and yelled, "HAVE AT THEE! SWING YER SWORDS!" as he whirled his golf club around in circles. Oddly enough,the octopus seemed confused at this act of...pirate bravery. After ten minutes of Trent swinging his club around,he eventually made contact when the driver part slammed into the eye of the octopus,which proceeded to retreat. Trent began to cheer and yelled, "THAT'S RIGHT! SCORE 1 TO COOPER,SCORE 0 TO THE VAST SEA!". He returned to shore,but insisted on keeping his pirate hat as a sign of,what he called,his 'piratey greatness'. Once again,Chris made a note on his clipboard as the next few contestants took their turns. The campers saw what happened if they failed a challenge when Katie,Sadie and Topher failed their challenges,losing their seats and being put into stocks.
Luckily for the others,things went much more smoothly. Tyler successfully managed to sit in a packed chicken coop,which he claimed was easy after conquering his fear in the Saw themed challenge of the season. Rodney had to kiss a fish which was easy enough and Justin barely survived a game of snapping turtle hockey. Once again,Chris was seemingly writing down the results of the contestants challenges onto his clipboard. Unbeknownst to the others,he had something planned.
Brick was next up to attempt a challenge,and was the first to land on 'Jackass Injury'. "Hmm,and what might this entail?" he asked. Chris laughed, "For the Jackass Injury category,you'll have to perform a stunt pulled by the Jackass guys. For those who weren't eliminated,you'll remember we had a similar challenge earlier in the season. Now for you Brick,for your challenge you'll be helping out with a little Riot Control Test" he chuckled. Brick's face dropped while everyone else looked.
CONFESSIONAL START
Justin: *sighs* Thank god I didn't land on that one. I'm assuming this test involves math,which I'm not good at because math is for ugly people.
Brick: I won't lie when I say I'm nervous about this. These tests are no joke,you can DIE if you get hit in the wrong place. Not get hurt,you DIE!
CONFESSIONAL END
Brick stood against a wall with a target drawn on his bare chest. Chef took aim and hovered his finger over the button to launch the sack of lead. "Do us all a favour and don't move boy,I don't fancy cleaning your insides up" Chef muttered. Brick cringed and per-pared himself, "Just make it quick sir". Everyone covered their ears as Chef pressed the button. A huge bang exploded across the area,with clouds of smoke spewing into the cold,Canadian air. "Well,I think it's safe to say that he's dead" Chris coughed,as he waved his hand to clear away the smoke covering his face. Suffice to say,everyone was astounded when they saw Brick wearily standing up,a ginormous red and black spot covering his chest as spots of blood seeped out. His face was white as paper as he tried to catch his breath,but yet he was still staying up. Chris's eyes widened with both the feelings of shock and being impressed,while he wrote down something longer than usual on his clipboard. Brick stumbled and shook back to his chair,getting some light claps from the others. "Woah,you took that like a champ" said Noah. Brick nodded, "Yes. Yes I did" he said,wearily. Noah was next to take a spin at the wheel,and it again landed on the Jackass category. "What've you got this time?" Noah asked. "Hill surf down the 1,000 foot cliff" Chris grinned.
After being given some planks of wood that were nailed together,Noah put on some safety goggles and took off down the hill. Unlike what the others expected,it took him an hour and a half before he eventually reached the bottom. He shrugged his shoulders and made his way back,sitting with the others. "I'm confused,was I meant to be doing a challenge?" he asked. "Gonna be honest,I kinda expected that to be more interesting" Chris sulked, "Oh well,techincally you did complete your challenge,so it doesn't really matter". More of the campers took their turns completing challenges,with Ezekiel having to jump over skunks,Harold was forced to beat a russian bear at log rolling,Eva had a reunion with the sasquatchanakwa and once again fashioned a new set of boots and a hat and lastly Bridgette had to drink wine from the toilet. They all completed their challenges and sat down again in their seats.
More of the contestants took their challenges as time went by. Ella was faced with the lie detector electric chair which she obviously managed to survive,much to Chris's disappointment. Max sat in a barrel of leeches for one minute and only barely got threw when he jumped out as the timer expired,and while he was told he would've failed,Chris revealed he was feeling generous and allowed him to pass. "Excellent,I could only expect such greatness from a man such as myself" Max boasted. Excellence was sadly not granted for Blainley or B,who both failed their challenges,Blainly being put up against an army of raccoons and B having to run through a mine field. "Uh,don't you think that was a bit harsh?" Trent asked, "I mean,putting someone as... 'bulky' as B in such a challenge? No offence dude". B shook his hand and laughed,showing that no offence had been taken. "Eh,doesn't really affect me" Chris shrugged,finishing some notes on his clipboard. "Permission to speak sir?" Brick asked,raising a hand. "Sure,go nuts" said Chris. "I'm curious in the purpose of your clipboard,it seems you've been writing something important" said Brick. Chris waved his hands, "Fear not my good man,for all will be explained in due time,if I remember".
CONFESSIONAL START
Brick: There's most certainly something odd going on with General McLean. With how things are going,maybe he's writing down who to bring for another season,HAHA! Yeah right,like that's going to happen.
CONFESSIONAL END
Dakota and DJ were the last who needed to complete challenges. The two had basically spent the entire day making out and ignoring everyone,and were upset to hear they couldn't do challenges together. DJ stood up and spun the wheel with all his might. It stopped on 'greatest fears',which made the brickhouse nervous. Chris laughed reading his clipboard, "DJ my man,for your greatest fears challenge,you'll have to spend one minute in this glass coffin filled with snakes". DJ gulped nervously after hearing what his challenge would be. Dakota rubbed his back to comfort him, "Don't worry love,I'm sure it'll just be either really small or rubber snakes". Chris began to laugh before pulling out a walkie-talkie, "Yo Chef,bring 'em out!" he yelled. Chef walked over holding an open box,dumping it's contents into the glass coffin. Soon the coffin was filled to the brim with pythons,rattlesnakes and corn snakes. DJ's eyes quickly retracted so far into the back of his head that he later claimed he saw his own brain. "Nuh uh,no no no no way!" he yelled,diving back to his seat and setting himself up in the stocks. "Ha! Absolutely pathetic!" Max chortled. "Shut up man,no one asked" said Harold.
CONFESSIONAL START
DJ: Aw man,I feel really bad that I couldn't even conquer my fears in front of my girlfriend. Maybe I'm just a big wimp after all.
Harold: DJ had every right to duck outta there while he could. I've actually done a fair amount of research in zoology that shows how deadly pythons,rattlesnakes,corn snakes,boaconstrictors and the rest can be. I wrote down a full need-to-know basis on rattlesnakes in one of journals,which helps out a bunch whenever I travel.
Dawn: Sometimes I worry about how much Harold knows about pointless facts,and that's coming from a girl who adores animals more than herself!
CONFESSIONAL END
Chris tapped a pen against his chin and scratched the back of his neck, "Alrighty dudes and dudettes,unless I'm hugely mistaken I believe Dakota is the only one who hasn't completed her epic potentially last challenge". "Potentially last challenge?" Bridgette asked. "Please save all questions until the end" Chris quickly replied. Chris then turned back to Dakota, "Now madame,if you would please spin the wheel?" he asked. Dakota shrugged, "If it'll get this finished faster". She grabbed the wheel and whirled around as hard as she could. It eventually landed on a season challenge,and so Dakota was given a marshmallow face wax. "This isn't gonna hurt,is it?" Dakota asked,nervously. "Nah,not if forget about the pain" Chef grunted. "Well it's just that I've done waxing before but nev - mph!" Dakota had began before her face was covered with boiling,melted marshmallows. Everyone winced and cringed as they watched Dakota's hands ball up into tight fists,so tight in fact that they were certain her bones were breaking through the skin. "How long does she gotta wear that thing?" Chef asked Chris. "Eh,let's give it another minute" he shrugged. "Can't you die if your air circulation is cut off for long enough?" Noah asked,turning to Harold. Harold scratched his soul patch, "The average human body can survive around four to four and a half minutes,so I'd say she'll most likely be fine" he explained. Eventually Chris gave the word and Chef ripped the mask off of Dakota's face,it being scalded red with light blisters appearing. "Ow ow ow! That stings like a bitch!" she squealed, "You've burned my face off!". "Hmm,survived longer than usual with minimal burns,interesting" Chris muttered to himself,writing down some final notes. After he checked his list once and then checked it twice,the host seemed satisfied. "Okay,looks like I have everything I need. Campers,make your way to the main lodge where I can make a very special announcement" he chuckled. "What do you think is up?" Tyler asked. Ezekiel shook his head, "No idea,probably just seeing who won or something,eh".
CONFESSIONAL START
Dakota: *massaging her face* Aw this stings. Chris is by far the meanest host ever!
Justin: Apart from the fact I got bitten on my Mom and Dad Button,I'd say that went pretty well. I only hope my modelling will keep up with my deformities.
Tyler: Sitting in a chicken coop full of chickens? Pfft,EASY! I ate an entire bucket of dead chicken when I thought it was the end of the road for me,pure bliss.
Ella: My challenge was by far the easiest. Everybody knows that lying is immoral and causes others to frown,so it's best to always tell the truth.
Katie and Sadie: *katie -* oh my god,I can't believe we lost our challenges. *sadie -* like don't worry about it,it isn't your fault you weren't able to stomach dog food. *katie -* yeah I guess that's true,I mean,you couldn't even eat your own toenails. *sadie -* oh my god of course I couldn't,that's disgusting!
Eva: Why is everyone complaining like little kids? That was easy as watching the Rocky series in one sitting while pumping iron and running on a treadmill uphill all at once.
CONFESSIONAL END
*Main Lodge*
As the campers sat down in the main lodge,Chris waited outside as he chatted with someone on the phone. "Ayo Mr Coyle,I did it! I found the ones!" Chris cheered down the phone. "Ah,very nice!" came a Borat-like voice from the other end of the phone, "They better be the ones that I like!" it laughed. Chris put down the phone and entered the lodge. "Yo Chris,we've been here way longer than we shoud've,what's the deal?" Harold asked the host. "Yeah,I got a train to catch to get home man" said Trent. Chris put his hands up, "Relax guys and gals,relax. I shall now reveal the purpose of the challenges just completed". "It's about time" said Rodney,crossing his giant arms. Chris pulled out his clipboard and cleared his throat, "Ladies and Gentlemen,the reason you just completed more painful and hilarious challenges was because I was testing you. 'Why test us?' you may ask? Well,I was given the word by our lead producer,Mr Coyle,to test you all to see who should return for another season. Please hold back your shouting and yelling,which I can already tell is coming. Anyway,the following campers will be joining us for our next wonderful excursion for a slightly lower prize pool of just $1,000,000;
Zeke,
Bridgette,
Trent,
Tyler,
Dakota,
Noah,
Harold,
Ella,
Brick,
Eva,
Justin,
Rodney,
Max
and Dawn" Chris finished,worn out from all the explaining. He looked at the campers,who's faces held multiple emotions of confusion,rage,sadness and exhaustion. He looked at his clipboard, "Now,as for the rest of you who failed your challenges,
Topher,
Blainley,
DJ,
B,
Katie
and Sadie. You guys will not compete on our next adventure,and will instead watch all of the action,pain and humility unfold from the sidelines!" he laughed. The cast all groaned after hearing they would have to deal with another season of Chris and his bullshit.
CONFESSIONAL START
Trent: Aw man,not another season of dealing with Chris and his bullshit.
Rodney: Think I could just not show up? Is that allowed?
Dawn: I do not fear returning. After all,I am certain I can win for nature this time around.
Bridgette: Wow,things are probably gonna get awkward if I gotta spend another season with Zeke. *shrugs* Eh,I'm sure it'll be fine.
Brick: Looks like my tour of duty has not yet been completed. While I look forward to what could be considered more training,maybe I'll act upset and stuff to fit in.
Topher: This is just perfect,I don't get to compete again,DAM IT!
Ezekiel: Another season? SWEET! I'm not gonna hold back this time and trip at the finish line,eh. This time I'll win for sure!
Noah: Suffice to say,my disappointment is...immeasurable. And my day...is ruined.
B: *shrugs and smiles,knowing he isn't coming back again*
DJ: Y'know,Dakota might be upset,but I'm sure she'll be just fine without me.
Dakota: Oh no,not another season here at this dump. And without DJ to help me win? This sucks! *sobs*
CONFESSIONAL END
Chris was sitting in a limo as it drove through a city. He watched the confessional footage with Chef on a laptop and laughed. "Huh,they sure seem happy to have more fun with us" Chris chuckled. "Really? They looked sad to me boy" Chef muttered. Chris rolled his eyes, "I was being sarcastic dude,learn the lingo". The limo stopped outside an abandoned film-studio. They both climbed out and took a deep breath of the musky city air. "Ah,I almost forgot how shit this old place was" Chef sighed. "Yep,it's gonna be a good season for sure" said Chris,who then turned to a camera, "And a good season for not just me,but you viewers at home too! Fourteen cast mates,one shit film-studio and a shit load of cash! We're saving a front row theatre seat for you to soak up all the action here next time! on Total! Drama! Take 2" he cheered.
(Coyler's note: and with that,Total Drama Not-Stars is finally completed! Hopefully you've all enjoyed reading this,I sure did enjoy writing it. I also hope you all like some changes I made for this chapter that will carry over into Take 2,such as the Bridgekiel break up. Can you guys and gals guess who the main protagonists of the next season will be? Make sure to leave reviews and thoughts,I love reading them! But for now and for the last time,this is TheCoyler signing off on Total Drama Not-Stars. Coyler,out!)