Author's Note: Welcome back to the story, everyone! A couple things before we begin. First, this chapter specifically deals with mental health issues like anxiety and references to self-harm. If you know the episode, you'll get what I'm talking about. I also personally live with an anxiety disorder and have been to therapy for it in the past. What I describe here is how I experience it and relate to it, so not everyone might agree with my interpretation. Writing this story helps me process my anxiety and deal with harder episodes (I'm sure some of you already picked up on the theme). If you feel the need to skip this chapter because of that, please do so. I won't be offended at all.
Second, things have been pretty chaotic this year with the pandemic, getting settled into my new job, etc., so this story is going to be sporadically updated from here on out. I also did the thing you shouldn't do and got another story plot in my head that I just had to write down. I'll be working on each story in large, alternating chunks. Luckily this chapter is extra long to make up for it! As always, constructive feedback is appreciated and remember to take care of your mental health!
This chapter features the episode "The Naked Time."
Stardate 1704.2. I am settling into my new place here with the library and records department. I thought it would take longer to adjust to everything since I've never used these systems before, but Marla has been a great mentor. She trusts me more and more with fetching and creating the record disks now, so I've been spending most of my time doing that. Nyota comes down pretty often to hand off her communications disks personally. She says it's because she wants to make sure all of it gets here properly, but I think it's because she wants to check out what's happening on the ship. Between her and Janice, I'm pretty sure they know everything happening at all times. Of course, that doesn't stop them from getting everything done. I don't think the ship would function half as well without them keeping the rest of the bridge crew in line.
Katherine tapped her stylus against her lips in thought as she wrote, the image of Kirk coming to the front of her mind at her last sentence. She was currently taking the time to finish a journal entry on her PADD. No one had requested anything from her in over an hour and the rest of the department was on break or busy with one of their own tasks, so she felt that no one would mind if she took the time for something else.
Spock might be fine on his own, she continued. Sometimes he seems like more of a computer than anything. I overheard him mentally calculating distances on the bridge the other day when I was delivering some record disks. With how much information is in his head, I'm surprised he needs to come down here as often as he does.
It was true that the Vulcan was down in the records department almost as often as he was on the bridge or in the science department. Katherine's surprise lessened when she learned that he was the Enterprise's science officer in addition to being first officer, but she still couldn't help but admire the dedication and intelligence. He made it all seem so easy. Then again, she mused, his adherence to all things 'logic' made him a bit of a stick in the mud when it came to humor. Katherine always did appreciate a dumb joke here and there.
The sudden whooshing of the opening door drew her from her reverie as someone walked into the room. She looked up from her PADD and saw Spock had once again come down from the bridge. Speak of the devil, and he shall appear. She sniggered at her inside joke as her eyes drifted across his pointed ears. They twitched slightly as Spock's enhanced Vulcan hearing picked up the noise she made; however, his face gave nothing away.
"Good morning, Ms. Katherine. I need information about planet Psi 2000, specifically the scientific party based there and the planet's formation and structure," he said. He barely finished the sentence before the young woman was already clicking away at the computer interface. Spock patiently observed the concentration furrowing her brow as her eyes flicked through the different menus in search of the relevant disks he needed. The same scenario occurred each time he visited and the two had quickly eased into a level of relaxed professionalism. He asked for information and she found it for him. Neither really spoke of anything else aside from questions about their latest work or to clarify what exactly he needed; however, neither of seemed to mind. Katherine herself much preferred it to Marla's prying questions, at least.
"Ok, I think I found the right files for you. I just need a second to pull them off the shelves and check them out," Katherine told him with a small smile. She quickly stood up with a swish of her dress and trotted around the different shelves, plucking disk after colored disk as she went. As she returned to the station and scanned the disk codes into the terminal, her curiosity prompted her to ask, "So, what do you need this for? Is there a new mission?"
Spock nodded as he took the disks from her and nimbly flipped them around in his fingers, looking them over. "Psi 2000 is a very old planet with an atmosphere, size, and structure very similar to your own. However, this solar system's sun died out long ago and the planet has been set to collapse and disintegrate for some time now." Spock held up one of the disks that contained information about the party's first landing. "This expedition was based on the planet's surface to study the process, for future reference due to its similarities to Earth. Our observations have shown that minor fluctuations in the mass and magnetic field have been increasing more rapidly. Starfleet has given us orders to retrieve the team and monitor the rest of the disintegration of the planet from afar. It should be happening between the next twenty-four hours and the next few days."
Katherine tilted her head as she processed the new information. "Would it be alright if I came up to the bridge to watch? I've never seen a planet collapse before." She smiled at the thought. "Actually, I don't think anyone from my time has seen one."
"Unfortunately, the bridge will be on high alert due to the danger of the situation. The Enterprise will have to be in an incredibly tight orbit as the planet condenses from its collapse. We need to be ready for any sudden changes to maneuver the ship out of the way," Spock explained. His eyes narrowed in thought at the soft sound of disappointment Katherine let out. While he was aware of her natural curiosity, he still found himself surprised from time to time at how fascinated she was at what he saw to be standard proceedings. Yet what was familiar to him, he reminded himself, was completely new to her. "If you are interested, the proceedings will be recorded for posterity. I am sure that being part of the records department, you will be one of the first to access it later."
Their conversation was interrupted when his communicator chose that moment to beep. Spock quickly thanked her and excused himself while he left to take the call and head for the bridge. Katherine took the opportunity to check the time on her PADD. With their discussion about dying planets and dangerous expeditions, she had once again lost track of the time. It was something that had been happening frequently lately. She supposed her body still hadn't adjusted to being stuck in what was essentially a glorified tin can. Clearing out her work station and grabbing her belongings, the young woman swept out of the library and made her way down to her room. She had her own meeting to prepare for.
"I'm glad you're adjusting to the new job. It'll be good for you to have something stable to do." McCoy was scribbling notes down onto his PADD as they talked. True to his word, the doctor had made some time for her to visit with him for some therapy sessions. While they had been fairly awkward at first (she had never been good at opening up to strangers), she had begun to look forward to them. Even though he seemed incredibly abrasive, Leonard McCoy was actually a very kind and empathetic man. If you could manage to get past the biting tongue, that is.
"Yeah. It was a bit awkward at first, though. I think Marla means well but she was pretty prying that first week. She always wants to know about what I was doing before I got here. I guess I can't really blame here since I'd be curious too, but I just…" Katherine's voice petered out as she tried to think of the right words.
"You haven't really talked much about yourself while you've been here. Does it cause stress when you talk about it?" McCoy's face was completely open as he waited for her to answer his questions. But she couldn't. Her mouth just opened and closed as her tongue felt like it dried up. Katherine eventually just shook her head and he nodded. "That's alright," the doctor reassured. "No need to say anything until you're ready to. Perhaps we'll talk about it next time after you find the words you want to say?" Katherine thought the idea was good and told him as such.
A loud ping over their heads alerted the pair to an incoming message over the intercom. "Dr. McCoy, the landing party has just returned from the planet's surface. Captain Kirk has ordered for a physical after decontamination. The two of them should be arriving shortly." Both McCoy and Katherine looked at each other in surprise. The landing crew sent down to retrieve the members of the scientific expedition from Psi 2000 had only left a few hours ago. It should have taken much longer to account for each member, pack up the equipment, and get back to the ship. McCoy just huffed in annoyance as he prepared the equipment he needed.
"Katherine, you can wait in here while I finish up these physicals. It shouldn't take long, mostly just taking vitals, and we still need to schedule your next appointment." He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "I won't mention why you're here if they ask." She smiled in thanks at his statement. He already knew what was on her mind before she asked.
"That's fine with me. I'll be over there out of the way," Katherine said and took a seat just outside the examination room. She grabbed her PADD so she could read a new book. She had found an interesting one on the history of space exploration the other day that she had been meaning to catch up on. A few moments after she began reading, Spock and another crewman she had never met before entered the sick back and walked past her.
"Alright gentleman, lose the outer layer and hop up on the table," she heard McCoy order as he directed each of them to an examination table. He quickly hooked up different sensors and cables for the monitoring equipment to different spots on their necks and arms as nurses started jotting down notes. As the doctor and nurses conducted their physicals, Katherine listened while Spock and the crewman (Joe Tormolen she overheard) described what they had seen when they ventured down to the planet's surface. The entirety of the original expedition was found dead with the base wide open to the hazardous conditions. The lone woman was found strangled to death. One man was found frozen upright in the shower with all of his clothes on. Another was found sitting at the terminal with a euphoric look on his face while one more had lost his mind and shot up the place with a phaser. There had been absolutely no sign of what could have caused such a bizarre scenario which left the Enterprise crew only able to speculate.
Time quickly passed and the men finished up their exams. Everything seemed to be normal and accounted for. "Alright Joe, you're done and good to go," McCoy patted Tormolen on the back and handed the young man his blue sweater. The doctor then turned to the first officer as he stepped through the doorway. "Now, your pulse is two hundred and forty-two and your blood pressure is practically non-existent, assuming you call that green stuff in your veins blood," he mocked. Katherine glanced up from her book at that statement to look at the officer standing a short ways from her. Even though she was aware that Spock was Vulcan instead of human, she still found herself surprised about how different their biology was. He looked so much like a human, aside from the pointed ears and green tinge to his skin.
"The readings are perfectly normal for me, doctor, thank you, and as for my anatomy being different from yours, I am delighted," Spock retorted. Katherine couldn't help but snicker at the sharp comment and McCoy's returned glare. She had noticed that they took the opportunity to sass each other every chance they got. It was highly entertaining.
The snicker was finally enough for the two men to notice her sitting out of the way of the nurses hurrying about their work. Spock gave her the side-eye as he grabbed his sweater from McCoy's hands to put back on. Katherine was about to look away, chagrined at getting caught laughing, but she noticed as he lifted the shirt above his head that he had a very fit torso and arms beneath the black undershirt all the crewmen wore. She hadn't noticed it before considering how loose his sweater usually was. Highly intelligent and in shape? Now that's just unfair. She was in the middle of wondering if all Vulcans were naturally like that or if it was just a Spock thing, when she heard a cough from beside her. Her head whipped around to see McCoy giving her a smug look.
"Are you ready to set your next appointment now or are you busy?" McCoy's voice was laced with a teasing tone and she struggled to retain her flush while mustering a glare of her own; however, she could see from the mirth in his eyes that he wasn't intimidated at all.
"Of course," she breathed as she hurriedly stood up and moved over to McCoy so she could see the free times displayed on his PADD calendar. As they scrolled through the dates, she noticed that Tormolen was hovering just behind her. He fidgeted from foot to foot slightly, but he had a smile on his face as he waited for the doctor's attention.
Katherine cleared her throat to catch McCoy's attention. "Oh Joe, have you met Katherine yet? She's Lieutenant McGiver's new assistant down in the records department," he introduced her.
The crewman nodded at her and stuck his hand out to her. "Yeah, I think I've seen you in passing before. But you're the girl that came through that black hole a while ago, right? My bunkmate saw it happen. You weren't hurt too much? Just another strange thing to happen to man out in space," he rushed out in a laugh. Katherine shook his hand but couldn't help but wonder at him. While the smile on his face was pleasant, the laugh seemed strained and his eyes looked like they were out of focus. His hands were also ridiculously sweaty; enough so to make her internally cringe in disgust at the contact. Is he nervous? I guess he's still freaked out about what he saw down there, she thought.
"Yeah, I suppose it is. But everyone has been very nice here on the Enterprise, so I can't really complain about that," she said as she smiled despite the growing unease. Not like you really have a choice but to get along with everyone here. You won't be leaving anytime soon. Besides, you never know what will happen next on this ship, something bad probably. The sudden intrusive thoughts jolted her and she quickly dropped Tormolen's hand to subtly wipe her hand on her dress. She didn't have time to really contemplate where the thoughts came from as Kirk quickly strode into the room.
"How are they Dr. McCoy? Is everything in order?" The captain questioned. McCoy nodded and affirmed the men's health, prompting Kirk's face to settle into a pleased look.
However, it was at that moment that Tormolen spoke up. "Terrible, Captain, it was terrible. They were just sitting, like they didn't care. Whatever was happening, they didn't care. I keep wondering…" The young man looked almost lost as his eyes zoned out, as if he was standing back down on the planet still gazing at the gruesome tableau.
Kirk just gave him a comforting smile and patted him on the back. "You keep wondering why you're out here, and yet you keep signing up!" He joked before turning to Spock who was observing everything with a thoughtful look. "Any ideas of what happened down there, Mr. Spock?"
The first officer just shook his head. "The circumstances were quite bizarre so I could not say. Perhaps the record tapes will show us something we did not see before." Kirk thought about his words for a second before agreeing that it would be best for the senior officers to review the tapes. As they were about to leave, Tormolen spoke up again.
"Six dead. Six people…dead!" His voice was even more strained than before. Everyone just turned to stare at him in surprise at the outburst.
Kirk schooled his expression into a calm façade. "You'd better get some rest. We wouldn't want you to get out of sorts." His tone made it clear that it was an order, and not a suggestion. Kirk and Spock left the room without waiting for a response, leaving Tormolen to shakily trail after them. Katherine and McCoy were just left there looking at each other with the niggling feeling of a bad situation sitting at the pit of their stomachs.
For the eighth time in the last five minutes, Katherine shifted positions on her bed. No matter what she did, she could not get comfortable. She smacked the bed in frustration before jumping up to pace around her quarters. After her meeting with McCoy and the strange encounter with Tormolen, she had been feeling on edge and could not figure out why. She was just concerned at the poor man's apparent anxiety. That's what she thought it was at first. Maybe seeing his anxiety had just made her feel antsy about her own and now she was over-thinking things. But she had been making progress with McCoy in their sessions, so that possibly couldn't be it. You're over thinking things again. You always over think such simple problems, that's why you can't get anything done. Her fingers fidgeted at her sides as she paced. They tapped patterns into her thighs.
Katherine stopped as she noticed part of her skirt sticking to her leggings and making the fabric chafe. Lifting her hands in front of her face, she saw that her hands were sweating profusely. Her gaze drifted over to the thermostat sensors on the wall of her room. It read sixty-eight degrees. Her eyes went back to her moist hands. She never sweat this much. In fact, the rest of her body felt oddly cold. She thought back to how Tormolen's hands were sweating so much earlier. Oh no, don't be silly. There's no connection there. No need to jump to conclusions. She couldn't stop her mind from bringing up the fate of the four-person crew down planet-side. No, no, NO. Stop. Her eyes screwed shut and she forced herself to take a series of deep breaths in through her nose and out through her mouth. Slowly, the tension eased within her shoulders and her thoughts started to settle down once more. She continued her breathing exercises until her mind fully cleared.
Opening her eyes again, Katherine strode over to the door and made her way out into the hallway. Perhaps if she distracted herself with other people her thoughts wouldn't become so jumbled so easily. She quickly walked through the hallways, almost breaking into a trot. She searched through all of the rooms she had access to and looked for a familiar face; however, her search drew to a halt as loud shouts broke out from one of the rooms from up ahead. If she remembered correctly it was one of the lower officer lunch rooms. She had never eaten there before (preferring to eat in the mess hall or with her friends) but she recalled it being popular with most of the piloting crews and science officers. Katherine's pace quickened subconsciously until she was practically running. The pit in her stomach was surging in dread. As she came closer to the door, some of the shouted words reached her ears.
"We bring pain, we leave people stuck out on dying planets. What are we doing out here in space? What good are we doing? We have no business here other than destroying it!" Katherine's mouth went dry as she recognized Tormolen's voice in hysterics. She came up to the doorframe and saw Sulu and another crewman trying to calm the frantic young man down. Everyone else in the room and hall had frozen alongside her as they watched the situation, unsure of what to do. Katherine paled when she noticed Tormolen was grasping a dinner knife in his hand that was beginning to slowly turn inwards towards himself.
Sulu stepped forward slowly and reached out for the knife. He spoke in a calming voice, "Calm down, Joe, you don't mean this. You're all steamed up from earlier." Unfortunately the gentle words had no effect. The man was too far gone. Katherine grew sick as she recognized the look in his eyes. It was one she had seen in her own before, when her panic attacks first began. It felt almost like drowning in the ocean to her. You could see the safety of the shore above the waves, but no matter how hard you struggled it always seemed out of reach. Your mind was hyper-aware of everything all at the same time, but it couldn't focus on anything to help you. Nothing but the racing thoughts and fear made it through so that even if you could figure a way out, you just couldn't make yourself move.
"We don't belong here. I don't belong here! Those people died, why do I deserve to live?" Tormolen's hand began to plunge the knife down when the two other men jumped into action. The three of them struggled over the knife, tugging and throwing punches, until finally their combined weight managed to pull them all to the floor. The fall caused the knife to accidentally jam into Tormolen's stomach, causing blood to spill out onto Sulu and the other crewman as well as onto the surrounding floor.
Sulu glanced up frantically at the crowd and began calling for help. "Someone call the sickbay! We need medics in rec room area three-nine!" As the crewmen scrambled to follow his orders and stabilize the injured man, Sulu finally noticed Katherine frozen in place near the doorway. Her face was ashen and her eyes were wide. Her chest was heaving and she was jittering in place, like she was torn between running away and staying put. He reached out slowly towards her with his clean hand. "Katherine?" The woman's eyes darted to his and he could see terror swimming around in their depths. Before he could stop her, she turned and bolted down the hallway, shoving other stunned individuals out of her path. Sulu turned away to stare down at Tormolen's prone body. He would just have to hope that she would be fine in the mean time.
Spock continued scanning the computer readings pouring across the monitor of his station on the bridge. He had finished monitoring the recorders trained on the planet beneath them and had made the necessary adjustments as the planet continued its inevitable collapse. The planet was condensing more quickly than they had predicted, but he would make sure that the helmsmen maintained the proper orbiting distance to prevent any major problems. Everything was properly prepared and accounted for. Yet, Spock couldn't shake the feeling that he was missing something.
He swiftly navigated his terminal from the probe readings to bring up some of the personnel files, specifically the files on one Mr. Joe Tormolen. As the science officer, he made it a point to be at least nominally familiar with each member of the various science departments on this ship. He hadn't spent much time with the young man personally before they visited Planet Psi 2000 that day, but from what he knew Tormolen was typically a competent and professional junior lieutenant.
When Sulu had brought the bridge news of the lunch room altercation, Spock had been surprised and had told the captain as such. While Tormolen's psychiatric files had made mentions of capability for self-doubt, he had no known record of public breakdowns. Nothing suggested that his anxieties would express themselves in such a sudden and violent manner. It wasn't until the two of them had returned to the Enterprise that his emotions began to run wild, suggesting to Spock that the cause lay there. Yet both of them had undergone a physical examination and decontamination. Even he would admit that Dr. McCoy was one of the most capable physicians the fleet had, so if there was something to be found, it would have been found. There was definitely something missing from the equation. He just didn't have all of the pieces yet.
"Was he trying to kill himself?" Spock tore himself out of his musing at Kirk's sudden exclamation. The captain was gazing thoughtfully onto the planet below through the bridge screen.
"I doubt he meant to. He was probably confused. What is puzzling is what brought it to the surface with such force," Spock reasoned.
Kirk just shook his head as he processed the statement. "It makes no sense," he said deep in thought. He turned more serious as he eyed Spock. "Do you think it was something from down there? I can't think of anything else that would have brought this on so suddenly."
Spock just made a noncommittal noise as he crossed his arms over his chest. "I do not know. We underwent the standard procedures; however, it would probably be best to err on the side of caution."
Kirk sighed in resignation. "You're right. We might need to quarantine him in the sick bay for now. Who has he been in contact with on the ship? We may have to give them physical and mental evaluations in the meantime."
Spock's mind quickly shifted at the captain's question to the other bit of information Sulu happened to mention. The first officer had glossed over it at the time, but now he wasn't so sure he'd been right to do so. Apparently, Ms. Katherine had also been present in the lunch room to witness Tormolen's injury. Upon seeing the stabbing, she ran from the room in fear before Sulu could say anything. Spock had wondered why Sulu had specifically mentioned her out of all the other witnesses but recalled the specific word the helmsman had used. She wasn't afraid. She had been "terrified." That was the word he chose.
As a highly volatile and incredibly human emotion, terror was something Spock did not let himself experience. It was a distracting thing. It was an illogical thing. Although, he supposed, it was logical that someone like Ms. Katherine would have a reaction like that. She was a young Earth woman and still technically a civilian despite all the work she was doing for the ship. From their occasional moments together, he had observed her to be intelligent and dedicated, but particularly reserved and unconfident. She had most likely never witnessed such a violent act before, the most violent act prior to this probably being the incident with that boy Charlie. And yet…that was such a particular word for Sulu to use. Spock remembered the last time he had seen Katherine: shaking hands with the junior lieutenant. If there was something wrong with Tormolen, could he have passed it along to her?
A blaring alarm ringing through the bridge shoved thoughts of the young woman from his mind. Turning back towards his monitors, Spock noted that Psi 2000's gravitational field had shifted again and proceeded to set Sulu and the other helmsman, Mr. Riley, to work stabilizing the ship's course. He ignored the simultaneous intercom transmission asking the captain to come down to the sick bay. "Planet breakup is imminent, Captain," he said. "It is shrinking in size at increasing rates. We must prepare for any sudden changes. As the planet shrinks in size, the surface will move away from us and-"
"-And we'll have to spiral down to maintain the same distance. I know Mr. Spock." Kirk switched on the ship's intercom and contacted engineering. "Monitor the helm, Scotty. We're going to need power fast," he ordered, giving a satisfied nod when the chief engineer affirmed the crew was ready. Kirk glanced back up to his first officer. "Mr. Spock, how stable is the planet now?"
"Rate of compaction is constant, Captain," Spock responded. The captain sat silently for a moment in thought.
"I'm going to see what Bones wants then. Keep me informed of any changes. Perhaps he'll know more about the situation," Kirk said before leaving the bridge. Spock watched silently for a moment before turning back to monitor his readouts. He didn't notice Sulu's face suddenly taking on a funny look as he stealthily followed the captain out of the bridge, rubbing sweaty palms on his pants as he went.
A short while passed with all of the readings remaining steady and Spock feeling confident that the collapse observation would be successful, when the Enterprise's course started to drift once again. He turned around to alert the helmsmen when his eyes widened at the sight of Sulu missing and Riley completely ignoring the steering controls. He quickly swept from his chair and took control of the ship to alter their orbit out of an uncontrolled downward spiral.
"Mr. Riley, where is Mr. Sulu?" Spock sternly asked, but to his annoyance Riley ignored his question in favor of speaking nonsense.
"Have no fear, O'Riley is here! An Irishman is worth ten thousand of the likes of ya!" The young man gave a lackadaisical grin and broke out into laughter. Spock's brows rose high on his forehead in surprise at the uncharacteristic display. Clearly, Tormolen's strange behavior was spreading.
"Mr. Riley, you are relived from command. Lieutenant Uhura, take over the station and maintain our course." The communications officer quickly followed Spock's order while he gestured for two security personnel to take charge of the delusional officer. "Once again, Mr. Riley, where is Mr. Sulu?"
Instead of receiving his answer from Riley, Spock received it in the form of the man in question bursting into the room. Sulu was shirtless and grinning manically, and his skin was glistening with perspiration. Of greater concern, however, was the rapier grasped tightly in the man's pal. It was a well known fact that Sulu was an accomplished fencer in his spare time (the man insisted that it was the best form of exercise), so everyone on the bridge immediately went onto high alert. The whole situation was starting to spiral out of control. Literally.
"Richelieu, beware! Stand. No farther. No escape for you. You either leave this bois bloodied, or with my blood on your swords. Cowards!" Sulu babbled nonsensically as he brandished the sword expertly. It waved to and fro through the air in a challenge to the rest of the crew. He lunged forward and forced the startled crew members away from the doors, allowing Riley to dash away from the guards and out of the room. Sulu took advantage of the growing chaos to grab Uhura away from the helm and tug her close to his chest. He grinned in triumph. "I'll protect you fair maiden, do not worry!"
Uhura rolled her eyes at her supposed 'knight in shining armor.' Before anyone else could even move, she rammed her elbow back into Sulu's gut and stamped down on his foot. The unexpected blow left the man winded and he dropped his arm from around the aggravated woman. Spock then took that moment to slip behind the helmsman and deliver a nerve pinch, effectively knocking the poor man out. He made sure to cover his fingers with his sleeve to avoid touching the man's skin. Even so, he could feel the extreme dampness of the sweat start to permeate the fabric.
"Thank you, Lieutenant," Spock said as he motioned for some crewman to come forward and pick the poor man up from where he had crumpled to the floor. A beep came over the communicator as he supervised Sulu's removal from the room.
"Mr. Spock! I need a report on the status of Psi 2000 immediately," Kirk's voice rang out through the bridge. He sounded out of breath which was a concerning sign.
Spock took a moment to reorient himself before striding towards the sensors. "The gravity pull is increasing, Captain. Our orientation has shifted and we should stabilize our position." Spock heard a muffled curse in response to his report.
"Alright Mr. Spock, I need you to try and stabilize. However, we may have run into a bit of a problem," Kirk said. Spock gave a quiet huff at the information, not liking the sense of foreboding he had. "It appears that Mr. Riley has taken control of the engine room during the chaos on the lower decks. Whatever was affecting Mr. Tormolen has spread through the rest of the ship. Scotty is with me working to get back into the engine room, but I need you to take charge in the meantime. Perhaps Riley hasn't yet interfered with the main power."
Spock's mouth drew into a tense line as he dropped his communicator onto the dashboard and began fiddling with the controls. His fingers flew across the switches and buttons covering the panel and his eyes rapidly scanned the slew of information that popped up. What he saw made him visibly frown. "The helm will not respond, Captain. The engines are not responding and warp capability is at zero percent. The impulse engines are also dead."
Kirk was silent on the other side of the communicator, allowing Spock to hear the sound of Scotty cursing and toiling away at something. "How long do we have?" Kirk finally asked in a hollow voice.
Spock checked his scans again. "At the current rate of descent? We have less than twenty minutes until we enter the atmosphere. After that, the Enterprise will burn up."
"We are going to need your help down here if we are going to get the engines up and running in time. Report to the engine room, immediately. Hopefully Scotty will have the door open by then." Kirk quickly signed off, leaving Spock silent on the other end. The first officer spun around and began giving orders, directing temporary staffing of the helm and placing Uhura in charge until either he or Kirk returned. Once satisfied that the bridge was under control, Spock quickly made his way down to the lower levels. He couldn't help but feel a slight niggling at the back of his mind as he went.
Everything felt surreal. Her vision kept jumping in and out of focus. Her chest hurt and every breath came labored. She hyperventilated as she struggled to get more air in to relieve the desperate feeling of suffocation. Her hands felt numb while the rest of her body felt overly sensitive. Her arms felt like they were being stabbed by knives. It all felt wrong, but she could not for the life of her pinpoint the cause. I'm dying, she thought frantically.
Katherine had no idea where she was. After seeing Tormolen hurt himself, she had run without thought. Something just came over her and drove her into fleeing from the horrible scene, trying to escape the image seared into her head. She was currently crouching in some random hallway. Her fingers were dug into her shins as she drew her legs tightly into herself. She rocked back and forth as the sight of blood on the floor replayed behind her tearful eyes. Katherine ground her face into her knees to try and block the sight. I'm going to die here, her mind wailed.
The sight of the young man bleeding out before her snapped into focus the reality she was trapped in. She was never going to be able to make it home. She was never going to see her family again or her friends or coworkers. And if she wasn't careful, she was going to meet an early grave while hurtling through space or on some far-flung planet. She had tried to ignore the facts of her situation. Part of her had still hoped that this was all a dream and that she would wake up at her desk in the historical society at any minute. Or perhaps she would wake up on the couch at home. Either way, she wouldn't be stuck here. How could this happen? I should have been more careful. I should have…
Katherine sucked in a deep breath as her sobs got the best of her. It became more and more difficult to focus as time passed. Deep in her mind, part of her realized that it must have something to do with the planet down below. Tormolen must have come into contact with something down there and then passed it on to her. Multiple crewmen had run past her in various states of distress or mania, meaning whatever it was had spread around the ship. The realization was useless though as the panicked state of her mind made it impossible to communicate with anyone. She could barely think let alone call out for help. Eventually, she found herself completely alone.
"Ms. Katherine?" A deep voice caught her attention and forced her to glance up. She was startled to see that Spock was standing above her with a somewhat surprised (guilty?) look on his face. She couldn't be sure and couldn't process it. "Ms. Katherine, are you alright?" Spock knelt down beside her so that he could peer into her tear-streaked face.
"S-stay away. It's n-not safe," Katherine tried to speak through the heaves of her chest and the strain of her parched throat. "S-something's wr-wrong with me." Something is always wrong with me. She sucked in another breath and tried to choke back the sobs. It was embarrassing to have him see her in such a state.
"If you are infected, then we must get you to the sickbay. Perhaps Dr. McCoy has found a cure for this illness by now," Spock spoke in his usual monotone. She normally found it soothing, but the fog at the edge of her mind was starting to close in. Her moment of lucidity began to slip.
"What's the point? There's no point to me being here." Katherine shook her head and closed her eyes. She didn't want to see the pity in his eyes. Or worse: disappointment. "I'm useless here, all I do is cause trouble or get in the way. I was useless back home, too," she cried and raised her voice frantically. "They expected so much from me and I never accomplished anything. I worked so hard, I never stopped working so hard. I always told them I never had time." She shuddered as more sobs wracked her exhausted frame. "Now I'll really never have time, I'll never see my family again. I can't say I'm sorry. I won't be able to make them proud of me." The intrusive thoughts piled up in her mind and flooded out of her mouth in a torrent. The negativity felt like a whirlwind and left her head reeling.
"That is quite a flawed way of thinking," Spock's voice soothed. It was calm and steady as it always was, but Katherine's eyes snapped open in shock anyway. He noticed that they were watery and hazy in her distress. Spock just stared back into them as he figured out his next move. Being part Vulcan, he had trained himself to constantly be in control of his emotions. Personally breaking down as Katherine was doing was unacceptable. Yet, there were times that he had to admit that suppressing that very much human half of his nature left him inexperienced in dealing with these types of things. Even though he was not completely emotionless as some assumed him to be, he did not have the same experience that Captain Kirk or Dr. McCoy would have had with their typically emotion-driven approach to life. Unfortunately it seemed he would have to handle this matter anyway.
"While my interactions with you have been limited, there have been no indications that you are 'useless,'" Spock began. He made a noise of approval as he saw a flicker in Katherine's eyes. It's a start, he thought. "In fact, there has been a significant increase in efficiency with which the Science and Communications departments have had their records processed and retrieved. Lieutenant McGivers has indicated that she is quite happy with your appointment." He paused for a moment and his brows furrowed as he contemplated what he would say next. "As for your family and home…even though I do not know them, I believe that they would have been proud of you. They would not want you to give up so quickly. Adjusting to such…unique…situations as yours is quite difficult and should be considered an accomplishment in itself."
He noticed that the heaves wracking Katherine's small frame had lessened and were instead replaced with a small shivering. Her hands had also loosened and dropped onto the floor, he assumed from exhaustion. It was at that moment that Spock finally realized just how fragile she was. Not physically so in comparison to some other women he had met, but mentally and emotionally. He of course was aware of the severity and complexity of her situation, but he believed that the best means of progress was to move forward. With how well she had seemingly adapted to life in the future, he hadn't noticed it to be the act that it was. He hadn't paid attention. Spock felt a trace of guilt flare up in him, particularly at how easily he had forgotten about her earlier in the chaos on the bridge.
Somewhere deep in her own mind, Katherine knew that Spock was right. She had discussed as much with her therapists during their various sessions since self-compassion had never been her strong suit. Hearing someone else say it, however, did seem to ease the storm inside of her for the moment. She had been so afraid of coming off as a failure to her new friends that she hadn't stopped to consider how they actually viewed her. The wave of relief at the lack of judgment nearly made her faint.
Katherine let out a shaky sigh and tried to stand on her feet, using the wall behind her as a brace. "Thanks Spock…definitely needed a bit of a pep talk." She tried letting out a chuckle but it just came out as a small wheeze. Unfortunately, the sudden change in elevation caused black spots to return to the edge of her vision. From prior experience, she knew that it would take longer to get back to normal. "Might need a bit more help getting to McCoy, though."
Spock readily agreed and linked their arms so he could support her as she walked. He was careful to avoid any contact with her skin, highly aware of the heavy amounts of perspiration he had noticed among most of the affected crew. With his long legs practically dragging her along, they quickly arrived at a sickbay overrun with frantic nurses and restless crew members. He gently assisted his charge into a vacant chair and turned to run off. He had wasted too much time as it was and Scotty needed his help with the engines. But before he could run off, he felt a hand gently grasp his sleeve. Spock glanced down to see Katherine weakly holding onto the material.
"Thank you." Katherine spoke softly so no one else would overhear. Spock merely nodded before running off, leaving her to stare at his retreating back.