Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

Okay so, this is a flashback and it's completely in Derek's POV. 10/10 recommend listening to the soundtrack of the first episode while reading this. Hope y'all like it!

When Derek was a little boy, his mom would always tell him that it was better to be three hours too soon than a minute too late. It took him years to understand that it wasn't something his mother had made up, that it was just her trying to make him better. A better son, a better man. Because it was easier to listen to her than anybody else in the entire world.

That's all she'd ever wanted for him.

But if she could see him right now- she'd realise that he- he was kinda screwed.

He startled awake at the sudden weight to his rear, the remnants of last night's alcohol spinning his brain.

He slowly turned his head, fearful of the raging headache he knew would start soon, and picked up the black bra lying beside him.

"This is.."

"Humiliating on so many levels.", she had the lavender cover wrapped around her now as she stood over him, her blond hair ruffled. Derek couldn't stop the grin that overtook his features as the events of the night started coming back to him.

The tequila shots. Her heady laugh. Her black dress. Her hands on him. His mouth on hers.

"You have to go.", she whispered, tip-toeing to the back of the couch, pulling him out of his head.

"Why don't you come back down here and we can pick up where we left off."

"No, seriously, you have to go.", she threw him the black pants he'd worn last night. She really was determined to throw him out, he realised. "I'm late, which isn't what you wanna be on your first day of work so-"

In the back of his mind, he understood that he was late too, that it was his first day of work as well and he couldn't, not at any cost, be late to it. He had too much to prove, too much to do.

Especially after the past five years. But for some inexplicable reason, he indulged, continuing the awkward conversation, refusing to let go.

"So you actually live here?"

"No."

"Oh."

"Yes. Kind of."

"Oh. It's nice. A little dusty. Odd but it's nice."

"So how do you kinda live here?", he continued, buttoning up his pants.

"I moved two weeks ago from Boston. This was my mother's house."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"For what?", she haphazardly moved her hair behind her ear.

God, she was beautiful.

"You said 'was'."

"Oh, my mother's not dead. She's- you, know what? We don't have to do the thing."

"Oh, we can do anything you want.", he finally picked up his good red shirt, pulling it on.

"No, the thing. Exchange the details. Pretend we care. Look I'm gonna go upstairs and take a shower and when I get back you won't be here so um goodbye..um-"

She chuckled slightly, confused.

"Derek", he finally whispered.

They'd never gotten around to names last night, occupied with other things.

"Derek. Right. Meredith."

He extended his arm toward her, jumping onto the couch, bridging the distance between them.

"Nice meeting you."

"Hmm. Bye, Derek.", she ran off toward the stairs, a slight flush to her face.

Meredith. Even her name was beautiful.

Derek climbed off, looking for his shoes as more and more images filled his head.

The mole on her right shoulder. The freckles all over. Her hands in his hair, his on her thighs. The black sandals she'd kept on. Them in the bar. Them in her car. Them on her couch.

He shook his head, steadying his fumbling hands. He chanced a look at his watch.

Crap. He was very very late.

He had skipped the intern mixer the evening before. He would never admit it but he had been terrified.

All his counterparts were younger than him. Better prepared. Fresh out of med school.

Him on the other hand? He'd wasted the past five years. He may have been top of his class in Columbia but that seemed like a lifetime ago, so much had happened since.

He couldn't get his head right so he'd skipped the mixer, ignored Liam's several calls and set out for the bar across the hospital.

Where he'd met the woman.

Meredith.

He'd been doing this for the past few years now. Fumbling hands and minimal conversation. Barely lit bars and tiny apartments. But somehow whatever it had been with Meredith felt different, felt more real somehow, although the chronology echoed his past.

Well, not that it mattered.

He would never see her again. With her blond hair and her sharp grey eyes.

This was it. She hadn't sneaked her number into his pocket or his phone. He'd checked. Multiple times.

This was it.

So all that he'd go home with now were the memories of the night, her scent on him.

Not home, he quickly corrected himself. This place wasn't home. It was a new start.

That is- if he managed to reach the hospital on his first day of work.

He had made it, barely but made it, nonetheless.

He had missed the famous speech by the Chief. By Richard.

Richard had been a big reason Derek had decided to move across the country. That and his inability to stay in New York.

He just hoped that the Chief hadn't taken note of his absence.

Derek rushed through the corridors, making his way to the intern locker room, dodging the nurses.

As he entered the sweaty locker room, filled to the brim with people, with interns. His colleagues for the next five years. These were the people he would turn to, depend on, look up to, compete with- for the next five years.

This was his world now. They were his people now.

He grinned, unable to stop the excitement that filled him.

After years of running away, he had finally made it. He was finally here.

A man hurled into Derek, bringing him back to the noisy locker room. He moved toward his locker, the smile waning.

He quickly changed into his scrubs, ignoring the stares, focusing on his breathing.

"Only six women out of twenty."

Oh wait, he'd heard that voice.

He moved toward it, his heart palpating as a sudden thrill ran through his body.

And then he saw her. For the second time that morning.

She had changed into her scrubs, a light blue stethoscope hung across her neck, in conversation with an Asian woman and an awkward rambling boy.

"And now you think I'm gay. I'm not gay-"

"Hey.", he muttered, it seemed as if he was incapable of coherent, rational thought when he was around her.

"Now, who is that?", the Asian woman asked, whistling sharply.

"Hi- what..what are you doing here?"

"Um, I work here.", he chuckled lightly, his eyes sparkling.

"Wait- you're an intern?"

"Yes."

"Here?"

"Yes."

"O'Malley. Yang. Grey. Stevens!", they heard a resident yell from the door.

"Meredith-"

"Derek-"

She started moving out, their eyes locked to each other.

"Hendricks. Sharma. Shepherd. Reilly!", Derek stood rooted to his spot before somebody bumped into him, a quick apology leaving his lips.

"It's fine.", he replied, distractedly but the man stopped, looking over at him.

"You assigned to Torres too?"

"Yes."

"Ah, nice."

"I'm Shrikant. The Sharma mentioned right there.", they'd started moving toward the resident guiding them to their allotted doctors with Derek finally taking in the man he was talking to.

He was about an inch taller than him with thick black hair and dark brown eyes.

"I'm Derek. The Shepherd mentioned right over there.", he echoed, a smile worming its way onto his face.

"I heard that Torres is an Ortho Goddess. Man, I can't wait.", his exuberance was infectious as Derek found himself excitedly walking with the fellow intern.

"You interested in Ortho?"

"Yes! I love bones!"

Derek giggled. He seemed like a nice guy.

Maybe he wouldn't completely hate it here.

"You guys assigned to Torres too?", a woman with short chestnut-coloured hair and a warm smile joined them.

"I'm Jenna. Reilly. Nice to meet you two.", her dark eyes lit up as she introduced herself.

"Derek."

"Shrikant. Oh, by the way, I like you guys so you can call me Shree. Everyone does."

"Nice to meet you, Shree. Derek."

They'd reached the nurses' station where a resident with thick, long curly black hair stood with her back to them, who he assumed was Dr Torres.

"Alright! Hello! I am Dr Callie Torres and I will be your resident for the following intern year. So, quickly introduce yourselves so we can begin."

"I'm Jenna Reilly.", Dr Torres seemed genuinely interested in them, an encouraging look on her face.

"Oh, wait. Where's the fourth one?", she asked with a pensive look on her face.

"Reilly.", she pointed to him, waiting for an answer.

"Shepherd."

"And-?"

"Sharma."

"So where is...Hendricks?", she inquired taking a peek at the register kept on the counter.

She waited, eyebrows raised until she decided that they were as clueless as her and continued with a long sigh," Anyway-trauma protocols. Phone lists. Pagers. Pick yours. Nurses will page, you answer the pages as soon as you can. You don't fool around, you do not ignore them, you answer those pages immediately unless there is another life you are saving. Understood, people?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Understood."

His boss turned, glancing briefly at her pager as they scrambled for theirs.

"Your first shift starts now and lasts forty-eight hours. In that you are-"

"Are you Dr Torres?", a man, clad in light blue scrubs with a similar white coat as them, interrupted the resident and joined the group. He had long light hair and aquamarine eyes. He seemed like a surfer, in Derek's opinion.

"Yes, and you are?", her annoyance at being cut off clear in her voice.

"I'm Dr James Hendricks. I'm assigned to you.", there was an air of arrogance to him, one that interns primarily did not possess.

Interns were the at the bottom of the surgical food chain, the grunts, the nobodies. They kept their head down and silently worked until they dropped. But this guy seemed smug to the point of disrespect.

Derek hated him instantly and groaned inwardly as he realised what a pain working with this man would be. He was a part of their group, their team and it irritated him to no end.

"You Doctor James Hendricks are late."

"Oh yeah, I know. The mixer ran late last night, you know.", he shrugged casually in return.

"Oh, is that so? Well, we are deeply deeply sorry for the inconvenience that must have caused you."

Hendricks quieted at her words, a frown on his face.

Torres eventually proceeded after leaving Hendricks with a long, definitive glance.

"Anyway, like I was saying- your shift will last forty-eight and you're expected to work till the end of it, you are expected to be present, to help in any way you can."

Dr Torres gave them a tour of everything about the surgical wing that they were supposed to know, stopping wherever required. At one point, they bumped into Dr Bailey- 'The Nazi's group of interns where they exchanged details about an incoming patient and Derek couldn't help but watch Meredith who was determined to avoid his eyes instead focusing on the wall to her side.

He wondered if he could catch her around the hospital somewhere. That was, if either of them could spare a second from the day- days they had ahead of them.

As they rounded back to the nurses's station, Torres halted, leaning onto the counter.

"So finally, I have one rule and one rule only so you better not forget- once I am off duty, you do not call me. At any cost. I. Am. Off. Duty. You look for the on-call resident. You find whoever's available, not me. Unless the world is ending, expect the worst when you do call me after work."

"Anyway-", she had seemed a lot more stern after the debacle with Hendricks, replacing her amiability with an impersonal demeanour.

"Reilly, you're on post-ops. Sharma- patient workups and Shepherd you go find the new neurosurgeon Dr Martinez to work on the patient who just arrived. See if you have to take the brief from Bailey's intern."

"And me?", Hendricks asked as the resident began to leave them.

"You, Doctor Hendricks, get to do the rectal exams."

Derek didn't miss the small smile adorning her face as she walked away. Neither did he miss Hendricks' grunt of displeasure.

But most of all, Derek Shepherd did not miss the wave of pleasure that moved through him.

At Hendricks's situation.

At his assignment.

At the fact that he was finally, finally right where he was supposed to be.

Derek made his way toward the end of the hall on the first floor. Jenna had slyly whispered the location and time for their 'meeting' in his ear as she'd passed him in the hall a few hours ago.

He grinned at her antics.

Jenna- Jen- was a little dramatic- about everything she did and by association, he would be a part of the events too now. He was only glad to be included.

They'd learnt early on how despicable Hendricks was. He wasn't just disrespectful toward his superiors but also at one instance, awfully blatantly referred to Shree as someone who didn't belong, who needed to leave.

It had pissed Derek off, Jenna too but Shree had stopped them, reminding them that Hendricks' father was on the board and apparently held a lot of power-over everything.

Not like James would let them forget it.

He finally stood in front of the old, worn-down room with the rusting, crooked number plate. He knocked twice, waiting for a response until Jen slightly opened the door, pushing her head out, "Password?", she whispered as if any louder and someone would bust into the meth lab they were building.

"Seriously Jen?", he rolled his eyes.

"Yes! You have to say it."

"Fine. 22185. You happy now?"

"Very.", she threw open the door for Derek to join them. Shree sat at a small white table pushed into the alcove. There was a broken hospital bed to the side, bent toward the door. There were surgical supplies strewn across in small metal stands.

"Did you really build a meth lab or what?"

"No, idiot. This used to be a patient's room but now the nurses use it for stashing extra supplies, the ones they can't fit into the supply closets."

"Ah."

"And now we get to use this as our place.", she did a little twirl, her hands up in the air.

"She's crazy.", Shree announced, looking up from his charts.

"Shut up. We have to be proactive about this. You know, Bailey's interns already claimed the tunnels. That was the best spot! So we have to protect this place as ours. At. Any. Cost."

"Aye, aye Captain.", Derek muttered, taking a seat across Shrikant who chuckled at his words as a grumbling Jenna fitted beside him, digging into her salad.

"Hey man, how is your patient by the way?"

"A pain in the ass.", he mumbled finally opening the soggy tuna sandwich he got at the cafeteria. It did not seem edible.

"Really? That looks disgusting.", Jen spoke with her mouth full, carefree.

"Yep. She had me paged 911 because the TV wasn't showing her pageant."

"Damn."

Katie Bryce participated in pageants, apparently rhythmic gymnastics was her talent. She was privileged and had no regard for others but she was a teenager nonetheless . Who was suffering from grand mal seizures. Seizures that would eventually kill her if they couldn't figure out the reason behind them. Liam had been working tirelessly to help but there had been nothing. No indication of any pathophysiology, nothing on the scans or in the lab reports, except of course the successive seizures.

He sighed thinking about the events of the day as his friends conversed around him.

The intern Derek was supposed to get the brief about Katie was fatefully Meredith. She'd avoided him again until he had pulled her into the stairwell. She had been professional, giving him a rundown of Katie's condition and her history along with her chart but Derek had somehow been incapable of the doing same. He had instead, flirted with her, bringing up their rendezvous in the bar yesterday.

It was just..he wanted to be professional, he did but the scent of her, the memory of her lips, her hands refused to leave him and he could only hope that he could feel that again. See her again.

There was once a time when he had believed in the notions of fate and the idea that there were no chance meetings. But he had not so long ago realised that this belief system was only making his life a little harder, that reality wasn't sunshine and roses, that he would fall down more often than he would stand back up.

But something about the way he had met Meredith was different. The fact that they'd seen each other again. Even when there was no justification for it. No rhyme. No reason.

Considering the fact that they had, in fact, almost kissed in the stairwell, Derek held out hope for them yet.

He was brought back to reality from the ringing of his pager.

"Crap. It's 911 for Katie Bryce. I gotta go."

"Hey, maybe this time she'll ask for you to watch the pageant with her."

"Funny."

He hurried out of the room, choosing to take the stairs instead. Chances were that the 911 page was for another of one of Katie's ridiculous requests so he slowed down, one stair at a time, his mind wandering again.

He could sense the panic the minute he entered the floor. There were nurses running around, the sound of the code filling the background.

"What took you so long?"

Derek rushed inside the girl's room, his heart beating out of his chest. He found Katie seizing on the bed, her limbs flailing as her eyes rolled back.

"She's having multiple grand mal seizures. Now how do you wanna proceed? Dr Shepherd, are you listening to me?", Tyler, who was trying to stabilise her body, yelled at him but Derek couldn't move, couldn't do anything as he helplessly watched the girl suffer.

"She's got diazepam. 2-milligram lorazepam . I just gave her a second dose. Dr Shepherd, you need to tell us what you want us to do!"

"Okay, she's full on lorazepam?", he picked up the chart, his hands trembling.

"She has had 4 milligrams."

"Okay, did you page Dr Torres and Dr Martinez?"

"Lorazepam's not working."

"Phenobarbital. Load her with phenobarbital."

"Pheno's in."

"No change."

"Dr Shepherd, you need to tell us what to do!"

Everything seemed muffled, it was as if there was glass all around him, the sounds too distant, too far. He could recognize the chaos around him, but he seemed unable to do anything about it.

"Heart stopped! Code blue!"

"Dr Shepherd, what do you want to do?"

"Dr Shepherd!"

The sound of the monitor rang in his ears, its beat matching that of his heart.

He had to do something. He had to save her. He had to do something. Something. Anything.

"Charge to 300!", he yelled, moving around Katie, paddles in his hands.

"Clear!"

"Nothing!"

"Charge to 360!"

"Nothing!"

"Come on Katie, come on."

"Charge again!"

Please. Please.

"Sinus rhythm! We've got sinus rhythm."

Derek took a deep breath, inflating his lungs, the paddles still in his trembling hands. He hadn't killed her. Hadn't killed a teenager. He had somehow managed to save her.

"What the hell happened in here?", he heard Liam, the question aimed at him, the harshness unmistakable.

He was followed by Torres, going on a tirade about his tardiness, about how he had almost killed that girl.

Derek shoved the sounds, their cries, their complaints as he walked away. He needed to get away. So far away. The walls were closing in on him, the sounds were getting too loud, the people too bright. It hurt his head. Hurt to think. About today. About Katie.

He had done the right thing five years ago. Quitting. Leaving. Running away. He was rather known for it. He should have listened to himself. Should have ignored his friends, his family. He never should have decided to do this again. To become a doctor. To come back. He obviously wasn't cut out for it.

He hadn't saved Katie Bryce, he had almost killed her.

Wrong. Everything was wrong about this. Everything. Everything.

He had reached the supply closet in this state, unaware of the surroundings.

He needed to sit. To lay down. To give up. He needed to sit.

And that's how Meredith Grey found him. Hands around his knees. Head resting on the beige wall. Eyes fixed blankly to the ceiling. Almost to the point of hyperventilation.

A/N :hello! How are you all? I hope everyone is good and safe right now with everything going on.

So, this was the first flashback chapter and like i said earlier, it is in Derek's pov and obviously it is to be continued haha. Tell me what you guys thought of it please! I love hearing from y'all!

Did you like it? Hate it? Want more flashbacks? None at all?

Anyway, my plan is to give periodic flashbacks to catch you up on all that happened between them in this story and they will most likely all be in Derek's pov.

Also, what do you think happened between them to make them hate each other so much? Lemme know your theories, i love them!

Thank you to everyone who stuck around and to those who reviewed! I love you all, you make my day.

A happy new year to everyone and please stay safe. I'll try my best to update super soon.