Chapter Nine: Poppy Seeds
Nashua, New Hampshire – October, 1987
Alex paced back and forth in his room, his ears attuned to every little sound coming from down the hall. It was just after six in the morning and he could hear voices. Emily and John were in the hallway, just down from his room. The room beside his was normally used to store some of Emily's art supplies, but this past week, John had been slowly emptying it out and taking everything downstairs. Under the stairs was filled with boxes of art supplies. He still wasn't sure what was going on.
Jack had been by a few times this week, but when Alex had entered the room, the conversation had changed abruptly. He knew Jack worked for social services, and that he was the only person in the household in direct contact with his biological parents. Had they told him they wanted him back and John and Emily were preparing to give him back? It didn't make a lot of sense, since Emily had told him she had some time off coming up and would be able to take him to the local orchard to paint. It was a beautiful time of year and she wanted nothing more than to paint the leaves as they changed. He'd been looking forward to the trip, but if they were tired of him and giving him back...
But how could that be? Emily had said the day they'd officially taken him in that he was part of their family, that he was their son. It had been a little over a year since that day, the day he'd first spoken to them, and everything had been going just fine. They'd been living happily like a real family.
Alex sat on his bed and looked around his room. Compared to his room with his biological family, this one was much more fun. He and Emily had painted the walls a nice shade of blue. The once-empty desk was now covered in drawings and paintings he'd done over the year. His bed had been pushed up against the wall, the end barely touching his closet. There was a blue circular rug on the floor and a bookcase opposite his desk, filled to bursting with books. A rounded chair sat next to it, with Kiki sitting on it. The fact he and Emily had decorated his room to his liking told him he was staying, but if they wanted to get rid of him...
"Alex?"
He looked up as Emily poked her head in. He hadn't heard her knock; he'd been lost in his thoughts. John walked past her, heading for the stairs. Alex trained his gaze on Emily.
"Yes, Mama?"
Emily's smile made his heart feel warm. She loved it when he called her Mama.
"Honey, there's someone downstairs we want you to meet."
Alex furrowed his brow but followed her from the room. They wanted him to meet someone?
When they got downstairs, Alex stopped in the doorway leading to the living room. John was sitting on the sofa with Jack, signing some paperwork. Standing near the fireplace was a girl. She was small with dark brown hair cut to her shoulders. She had a backpack on and a suitcase at her feet. She seemed shy.
"Alex, this is Poppy," Emily said, gesturing to her. The girl gave him a shy smile before looking back down at her feet.
Alex stared at her. Who was she?
John gestured for him to join him, smiling.
"Poppy is like you, bud."
Alex tilted his head and looked back at the girl. Poppy kept her gaze down. She was shy, sure, but something about her seemed angry. It might have been how tightly she was holding the straps of her bag, or how she held her shoulders, but something told him she didn't want to be there.
"What do you mean? Like me?" Alex looked to Emily who always had the answers he needed.
"Poppy's family can't take care of her right now," she said after a moment. Poppy kept her gaze on the floor. Alex watched her, listening to Emily. "She'll be staying with us for a while."
Alex locked eyes with Poppy as she looked up.
"Nice to meet you."
The voice that came out of the little girl was flat and cold. She definitely didn't want to be there.
"Why don't you take Poppy upstairs to drop off her stuff?" John said, giving Alex a gentle pat on the head. Alex smiled. "She'll be in the room next to you."
Alex looked at Poppy again. She looked away, over at Baby who was chewing on a bone in her bed.
Yep, definitely didn't want to be there.
~X~
"So, how come you don't live with your mom and dad?" Alex asked, leaning on the doorway. Poppy was sitting on the bed, holding her backpack. She looked up and stared at him.
"My dad died when I was 3, and my mom is sick," she said. She was playing with a fluffy ball attached to her bag. Her nails had been painted, but the paint was starting to chip off. Her fingers were covered in plasters.
"Well, Mama and Dad will take care of you. They're really nice; when I got here, they-"
"I don't care."
Alex stopped, taken aback. He was just trying to be nice, why was she being so mean? Maybe he'd said something wrong.
"Uh, okay. Well, I'll leave you alone then."
He turned to leave, frowning. She was probably in a bad mood, he'd try again tomorrow.
As he wandered back downstairs, past John as he went upstairs, he found Emily in her art room, paintbrush in her hand. Jack was nowhere to be found.
Emily smiled at him as he sat on the bottom step.
"What's wrong, little bird?"
Alex leaned on his hands and shrugged.
Emily stood straight, hand still in painting position, and raised an eyebrow at him.
"Alex, talk to me."
"She doesn't like me."
Emily's shoulders dropped as she took in his words. She came and sat beside him, resting her hand on his back.
"It's okay, little bird. Poppy just needs some time to adjust, like you did. Remember?"
Alex smiled.
He'd been with Emily and John for over a year, but it hadn't always been easy. The first few months he'd believed Emily and John were just being nice and would grow bored of him. He'd neglected to unpack his bags for this reason. He was ready to go at a moment's notice. He'd even alternated between his own clothes instead of using the ones Emily had bought for him.
Now, months later, his roots were starting to dig deep.
Emily pushed the hair out of his eyes and kissed his forehead.
"I think you should let Poppy settle in a little more before trying to talk to her."
Alex looked up at her.
"But what if she doesn't want to talk to me?"
"That's up to her. In the meantime, I have to go and help her settle in. Maybe she might open up to me."
Alex watched her go up the stairs, his brain already going into meltdown.
If Poppy opened up to Emily, she might get attached and he might be forced out. Well, he wasn't going to let that happen. He would leave of his own accord.
They couldn't kick him out if he was already gone.
~X~
His backpack felt heavy as he trudged through the streets. It had been so long since Alex had been in Nashua without Emily or John, or even Baby, and he wasn't used to the cold air. The main plaza had been decorated for Halloween and there were pumpkins scattered around, some with faces carved into them, some with film characters. A father and his daughter were sitting outside the grocer, attempting to carve a pumpkin with Darth Vader's face. He stopped to watch as the little girl poked holes into it. She then put her carving knife down and looked at her father, a big smile on her face.
"He looks awesome!" he said, grinning. He kissed her head as she went back to carving.
Alex frowned and kept walking. He passed by the high school. He knew Paul went here, and he was happy that there was such a big gap between their ages; they would never have to go to the same school.
He rounded a corner, only to walk headfirst into someone. He shook his head and looked up.
His big sister, Lynn, looked down at him, a grin on her face. She had her hair tied back, out of her face so he could see the smirk perfectly. She rolled her eyes and shook her head, patting his head.
"My my, what do we have here?" She leaned down to look him in the eye. "A lost bear cub?"
Alex looked at his feet. How did she know? He had spoken to her earlier in the week. She was busy at university and didn't have an opening in her schedule to come and see him, but she told him she loved him and would see him as soon as she could. He didn't expect to see her only a few days later.
Lynn hooked his chin with her finger.
"I know what you're doing, cubby."
She pulled him into her arms, squeezing her baby brother tight. He closed his eyes and squeezed her back.
At that moment, it felt like his broken pieces were put back together as if her hug was super glue and he was a broken vase. The last few hours, he'd felt himself falling apart. Running into Lynn had been unexpected but definitely needed. Growing up, he'd always felt alone. Lynn was the only one who ever really kept him company. So the fact she'd turned up out of the blue when he'd really needed someone to guide him was wonderful.
"They don't want me anymore," he sobbed. He didn't even realize he'd started to cry. The whirlwind of emotions in his head must have opened the flood gates.
"I very much doubt that," Lynn said, gently stroking his head. "John and Emily love you. Just because they're fostering a new kid doesn't mean they're shoving you aside for her."
Alex looked up at her and she smiled softly.
"Emily called me and filled me in. If they didn't want you anymore, do you really think she would have?"
Alex looked down at his shoes. Lynn touched his shoulder.
"Come on. Let's get you home."
~X~
It was just hitting sundown when Lynn and Alex arrived back home. Emily and Baby were sitting on the porch swing. Alex's heart broke. Emily looked so worried.
When she noticed the car, she immediately jumped to her feet, followed closely by Baby. Alex barely had time to get out of the car before she scooped him into her arms, squeezing him as tightly as she could. He melted into her embrace, as he always did. He hugged her back just as tight.
Over her shoulder, he spotted Poppy and John standing in the doorway. John looked relieved. It was Poppy's expression that made Alex let go of Emily and walk up to her.
"I'm sorry," she said. Alex looked at her, a confused expression on his face. She was sorry?
"For what? I'm the one who made everyone worry about me."
Poppy looked at her shoes, scuffing them against the hard timber floor.
"I'm sorry for making you think I was replacing you."
"What Poppy said must have really hurt you, huh, little bird?" John said. He leaned down next to the two children. He had a soft smile on his face. "Saying she didn't care?"
Alex nodded.
"Yeah, I didn't care 'cause I'm tired." Poppy shrugged and gave him an apologetic smile. "I'll be okay tomorrow... probably."
"Oh."
"See?" Alex turned as Emily came up to him. She sat on the step, patting the spots on either side of her. Alex and Poppy sat down. "You two have both been through a lot, and sometimes you need a little bit of space to get your head clear, and if someone steps over those boundaries, you can snap and say something mean, or push them away."
She looked between the two children, wrapping an arm around each of their shoulders. Alex snuggled up at her side while Poppy held her own knees, resting her chin on them.
That night, as Emily was tucking Poppy into bed, Alex appeared in her doorway. In his arms was a white rabbit toy. Emily had found it in a thrift shop and given it to him as a welcome gift.
The woman in question smiled and kissed Poppy's forehead, leaving the two of them to talk.
"This is for you," Alex said, holding out the toy. He sat down at the end of Poppy's bed and handed it to her. "It really helped me feel safe here the first few days I was here."
Poppy took the rabbit and smiled. She reached down beside her bed and retrieved her backpack. From inside, she pulled an instant camera. She scooted across to lean on his shoulder. She held the camera up and took a photo.
"There, now we have a picture to prove that we're friends," she said, shaking the white card. Slowly, the picture came into view.
Two faces looked back at Alex. His own, smiling despite the years of pain and loneliness he'd suffered, and Poppy's, hopeful for a better tomorrow.
She handed him the picture.
"So you know I don't hate you."
Alex smiled and gave her a hug.
That night, as he stared at the ceiling of his room, he thought about his life. It had started pretty normally but slowly gotten worse as he'd gotten older. Now he was in a place that allowed him the safety to let go of the things that had held him down for so long. He was with a family who understood the trials and tribulations he'd been through, and were patient and kind enough to help him through it. At first, he'd been awkward and shy, not really opening up. But the day he called Emily his Mama changed everything. He was open and talkative. A weight had been lifted off his shoulders that had been holding him down for far too long, and now he had the chance to help someone else the way Emily and John had helped him.
He looked at the photograph on the bedside table. He would help Poppy see that she was safe here, and that being herself was not only allowed but mandatory. Maybe then they would be more than friends.
They would be family.