In which Clay Spenser is a sub masquerading as a dom and Brian Armstrong is impossible to interrogate.

AKA - A season one AU in which Brian lives and everyone has a dom/sub designation.

Rated M. Brian/Clay.

Inter episode angst, because what could be more in character for our boys?

I had this chapter planned for later, but when SEAL Team Week started I had a burst of inspiration and decided to write it early.

STW 2021: Childhood

"You good Armstrong?" Beau stopped by his cage, leaning on the metal door frame as Brian finished changing.

Brian shrugged before pulling his sweatshirt over his head.

Beau pursed his lips, forced himself not to push too much, "I know this one was a hard one."

"They're all hard." Brian clapped Beau on the shoulder as he passed him to exit his cage.
"Just in different ways."

With a sigh, Beau took a step back. He watched Brian fiddle with the lock of his cage, hands drumming against the metal as he inserted the key and twisted. He watched Brian's fingers twiddle with the keys as he dropped the lock. They were noisy in his hand as he held them by his side.

"Sure." Beau nodded, lips pursed. Then he pointed towards the door of Charlie's ready room, "Get going. I have paper work to do and you've got hills to run tomorrow."

"You got it, boss." Brian smiled brightly and left.

Beau ran a hand over his head as the door closed behind Brian. "Stubborn ass," Beau grumbled as he crossed to his own cage. He grabbed the stack of files he'd left on his bench.

-.-.-

Brian's fingers drummed the steering wheel the whole way home. His foot tapped constantly too. Bad enough his acceleration was all over the place. He took the turn off of base sharp and a little too fast.

The apartment wasn't far from the base. He just wanted to get home. The speeding was no big deal. He merged aggressively on to the freeway.

It's not a big deal that his hands keep twiddling the seam of the steering wheel cover or that his knee keeps vibrating against the bottom of his dashboard. It's not.

Brian is a good liar. He lied to himself all the way home and pulled into his parking space with his foot still pressing on the accelerator. He snapped his foot over the break and the car halts an inch from the cinder block wall that is the back of their parking structure.

The lie only lasted until he opened his front door. Then, Brian knows it's over.

"Hey!" Clay looked up at him the second the door swung open. His smile lit up his whole face. Blue eyes are shimmering beneath the florescent kitchen lights. Brian's fingers finally pause.

He dropped his bag, kicked the door closed, and then buried his fingers in Clay's hair immediately. Brian presses his nose into the crook of Clay's neck and takes a deep breath.

"What's wr-"

Whatever Clay was about to way, whatever he was doing before Brian got home, it was all forgotten when Brian shoved him against the wall. Brian's sole focus was the blond, on stripping him there in the hallway - belt, shirt.

"Nice to see you too," Clay gasped out as Brian unzipped his jeans. Brian grunted. His mouth didn't move from where it had latched on to Clay's shoulder. Clay's fingers dug into Brian's shirt and his eyes glazed over as Brian started to stretch him there in the hallway.

The music of Clay's gasping breaths spurred Brian onward. He claimed Clay's lips finally. Sucking the bottom lip into his mouth as he pulled one of Clay's legs up to hook around his hip.

Clay's fingers twitched and pulled on Brian's shirt. There's three fingers in his ass and Brian hasn't said a single word yet. There's a frantic-ness to the brunet's movements that Clay recognized. He lurched forward, biting Brian's ear.

Brian groaned, heady and deep. Clay chuckled, "You make me bleed and I will shoot you in the ass." Brian pulls back, leans his forehead against Clay's. Clay's eyes are dilated and his grip keeps Brian up against him.

"Fair." There was a quiet hoarseness yo Brian's voice before he dived back in, mouth moving over Clay's as he lifted him by his hips to carry the blond the ten steps into their bedroom.

-.-.-

Clay groaned in his sleep and rolled to curl closer to Brian. He fell out of the bed instead, yelping as his back hit the floor.

A strangled curse escaped his lips as he detangled himself from the sheets. The bed was empty, the room was empty, and when he finally pulled on some pants to search the rest of the apartment Clay found it empty too.

"Of fucking course," Clay sighed as he grabbed a hoodie from the couch and pulled it over his head. He shoves a hand over his face, rubbing at his eyes for a moment before grabbing his keys from the little bowl by the door before he leaves, barefoot.

Brian was exactly where Clay expected to find him. Three floors up cold metal stairs and past the door propped open by a big rock. The roof is simple. The outer walls rise up just enough to create a bench where Brian was sitting, feet planted and unfocused eyes starring out at the skyline of DC.

"Bri?" Clay approached him, hands in the pocket of his hoodie and head tilted to the side.

A shaky breath was what greet Clay when he stepped closer. He turned his head, eyes squeezing shut and his face scrunching up, "Sorry."

"For what?" Clay sat beside him on the ledge, eyes scanning the drop to the ground and the cars driving by on the street a few feet away.

"Well, I was a bit rough," Brian cracked an eye open and his finger hooked in the collar of the hoodie to pull it aside. There were more than a few bruises coloring Clay's neck and collarbone.

Clay's eyes narrowed, "We've been rougher." He scooted closer to Brian on the ledge, knocking his knees against Brian's leg. Brian's lips cracked into a smile, a light laugh escaped his throat.

It broke into a near a sob when he tried to speak, "Yeah, I still remember you cursing me out after that week we got back from deployment the first time."

"Well, yeah!" Clay gestured wide and wrapped an arm around Brian, "I had to wear collared shirts for a week to hide those hickeys!"

Neither of them commented on the way Brian leaned into Clay. Or the way his breath continued to shake. Or the dampness that appeared on Clay's shoulder as Brian hid his face there.

"Bad one, huh?" Clay rubbed a hand over Brian's back. He hummed lightly, rocking Brian to sooth him as best he could.

It was a few ragged breaths before Brian finally raised his head. Clay continued rubbing circles over his back as Brian pressed his face against the side of Clay's cheek. Clay squeezing lightly at Brian's shoulder.

"You wanna talk about it?" Clay asked in a whisper.

Brian took another breath, deep and shaky, nose bent against Clay's jaw. His lips dragged against the light fuzz starting to grow on Clay's face as Brian spoke, "I had to shoot a kid." Clay's grip around Brian tightened. "Some orphan with a gun shoved into his hand and more fear than rage. He came at Beau."

"He armed?" Clay swallowed as Brian nodded mutely. His lashes fluttered against bare skin as he squeezed his eyes closed. Clay sighed, "He came at your brother, you defended him. That's the job."

"I know." Brian sniffled. Clay felt Brian's tears as they ran down his face, down both their faces really. He heard the click as his Brian's jaw tensed, teeth grinding together, "It's just…"

Clay turned, taking Brian's face in his hand, "Just what?"

The lashes opened, swirling eyes of copper and gold shook as Brian spoke, "I knew a lot of kids like that. In foster care." He chuckled, a haunting crack not unlike a sob, "They'd get pulled in by their anger, their desperation. They didn't know what else to do. Where else to go."

"Bri…" Clay licked his lips, he took a breath, "It's survival. For the kid you shot, for those kids you knew." He leaned closer, eyes focused on Brian's, "What matters is you survive. You."

Brian raised his hands to grab Clay's as the blond's fingers dug into Brian's hair. He sighed, eyes closing lightly, half-lidded almost, as he ran his palms over the back of Clay's hands.

"Say it Brian," Clay ordered in a quiet voice. His tone was forceful, his grip bruising.

"I will survive. I will come home." Brian recited the words he'd made Clay say before their first mission apart after BUD/S. "I will not leave you."

Clay's grip loosened, slightly, and he kissed the top of Brian's head as he stood. He grabbed Brian's hand, tugging him away from the ledge, "Now, come on, all you've done since you got home is fuck me and beat yourself up, you're definitely dehydrated and need to eat."

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