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The College Adventures of a Nude Bunny Barmaid

by Dyzog

Chapter One — Proper Barmaid Attire

When Haruhi Suzumiya wants something, she finds a way to make it happen. This includes preserving the high school club she created — long after its members' graduation.

The five original members of the SOS Brigade were college kids now, and we all attended the same university. To no one's surprise, Haruhi managed to find another club room, a virtual copy of the one we had at North High. Even the three-story red-brick building looked similar. And when I walked into the SOS Brigade club room, typically similar SOS days unfolded before my eyes.

Granted, there were some differences. Let me explain.

As usual, Yuki sat in the back corner by the window — but she watched Japanese-subtitled Korean romance shows on her iPad instead of reading books.

As usual, Koizumi sat across the table from me — but he now sat behind a Singer sewing machine instead of a random series of game boards. Some new creation — it looked like a shirt or blouse — busied his machine at the moment.

As usual, Haruhi operated the computer at her commander's desk. Instead of one small screen, her desk now held two gigantic LCD monitors that kept her mostly hidden from the rest of us.

"Would you like a beer, Kyon?" a beautiful redhead asked me with a cheerful smile.

As usual, Miss Asahina performed her beverage-serving duties at the side of the room. However, she now stood at a bar instead of a tea set. A shiny triple-head tap jutted out of a silver counter that sat atop a fridge that cooled three kegs of Japan's finest brews.

I laughed to myself. We'd come a long way from Miss Asahina's teas.

Mikuru's cosplay attire had gotten an upgrade as well. Instead of a bulky maid outfit that covered 98% of her body, Mikuru now wore white high heels and red bunny ears. In addition, white detached cuffs graced her wrists, a matching detached white collar adorned her neck, and a red bow tie completed the picture.

I haven't mentioned what she wore in between those items because she literally wore nothing in between. Seriously.

I thought the shock of Haruhi forcing her to go from 98% coverage to 2% coverage might be hard on the girl, but she accepted the upgrade without complaint. In fact, Mikuru took extreme pride in her barmaid uniform.

She kept her heels polished to a shine, her cuffs and collar snow-white, her bow tie immaculate, and her bunny ears flawless. She also kept her red mane full and tangle-free, and her cleanly-shaved body toned and fit.

I often considered how easy it would be for Koizumi to fashion some clothes for the girl — a nice white shirt to attach to the detached collar and cuffs. He'd offered several times. But we'd all gotten used to having our barmaid 98% naked and didn't feel the need to change.

"Can you pour me an Asahi, Miss Asahina?" I loved that line.

"Sure," Mikuru replied with that infectious smile.

She wiggled her firm bare bottom as she bent over to pour my draft. For a small club room, we had a very respectable selection — Asahi, Kirin, and Sapporo.

Mikuru set a frosty mug in front of me. "How are my friends doing today?" I asked her.

"Friends?"

"You know. Elbee and Arbee."

Mikuru giggled. "Check for yourself."

In case you're wondering, Elbee means LB, the initials for left breast. I'm sure you can figure out what Arbee stands for. As I reached forward to inspect Mikuru's "friends," she clasped her wrist behind her back, leaned forward, and arched her back. I squeezed her perfect globes together and planted a kiss on each of her nipples.

"Hey, you two. Get a room," Haruhi shouted while peeking around the screens sitting atop her commander's desk.

"I was simply commending her for exemplary service."

Mikuru straightened with a cute smile. When she turned, I gave her bum a light smack.

Koizumi glanced up from his sewing machine. "You know, I would be more than happy to stitch together a beautiful outfit for Miss Asahina. It might improve Kyon's focus."

"SHUT UP," Haruhi, Mikuru, and I yelled nearly simultaneously — we'd heard his complaints so many times. Seconds later, Koizumi got pummeled by crumpled up balls of paper from me, Yuki, and Haruhi, as well as some balled up wet napkins from the bar area.

"Mikuru's not changing out of that outfit," Haruhi said. "Nothing says mo'e like a blushing bunny barmaid." She put her arm around Mikuru's shoulders and cupped Elbee. "Especially one with boobs like this. There's no other club on campus with a mascot that can match her."

"I can not argue with that." Koizumi gathered up the paper thrown at him and tossed it into a nearby garbage can. "Still, I often find myself longing for a warm, fragrant cup of tea served by Miss Asahina donning a full dress."

Haruhi shook her head. "Pour that boy a Sapporo."

"Okay." Mikuru crouched down to retrieve a chilled mug from the fridge. She topped off Koizumi's draft at the tap and set the beer down next to his Singer. I noticed her serving style included twisting her trunk while subtly bending forward, a move that placed her perfect globes within inches of his face.

When he turned to thank her, a breast impacted his nose. "Those things should be covered," he snapped.

Mikuru straightened with a start and frowned.

He looked up. "Your breasts are far too beautiful to keep on display. None of us are worthy."

"Speak for yourself," Haruhi barked.

Mikuru's frown morphed into a sweet smile at the sincere compliment. As I watched the naked beauty return to her post, I couldn't help but notice a subtle difference in her walk. The swing in her hips was a tad more pronounced, as was the hop in her gait. What girl doesn't love a compliment?

The rest of the club meeting was uneventful. Haruhi had been playing an online game of Go against some guy named Hikaru. Go is sort of a Japanese version of Chess, though Haruhi tells me it originated in China. It's played on a square board with pieces called stones that look like Mentos. I tried playing Haruhi at first, but she soon learned she'd have more competition if she randomly dropped stones over her back onto the board. As a compromise, I kept Haruhi's real Go board synchronized with the grid on her left computer screen.

From my vantage point at the side of her desk, I couldn't help but notice the silent dynamic occurring in front of my eyes. Mikuru sat on her barstool, posing sexily with legs crossed as she cleaned her glasses and set them on the shelf. She didn't crouch down when she put a couple of cleaned mugs into the fridge. Instead, she bent over at the hips, legs straight, ankles spread, bum high, her breasts dangling — giving Koizumi an awesome view of all her feminine wonder.

Koizumi bit his lip and sighed. He tried his best not to drool by keeping his eyes focused on the socks he was mending, but he couldn't manage it. At one point, he nearly put a needle through his finger. Payback!

Mikuru was such a tease. Underneath that sweet innocent exterior resided a girl that knew how to rev a guy's engine, and Koizumi made the perfect target.

I whispered to Haruhi. "I have an idea. Just for fun, let's see what kind of outfit Koizumi can come up with."

Haruhi pinched her chin. "There's no way she's changing her outfit."

"I know that, and you know that, but Koizumi doesn't know that yet. Let's give him some hope."

"To boost his morale?"

"It's what a good leader would do."

Haruhi stood. "I have an announcement to make. Since we have a skilled seamstress in the club—"

"I prefer 'tailor,'" Koizumi interjected.

"Since we have an esteemed tailor in the club with a desire to create an outfit for our mascot, I've decided to let him give it a shot."

"A shot at what?" he asked.

"Make an outfit for Mikuru that rivals what she's wearing now."

"You mean, what she's not wearing now."

"Whatever. You've got till Friday."

Koizumi perked up. "Thank you, Miss Suzumiya. I'll get started on it right away."

For the next four days, we went about our usual club business while Koizumi sewed like the wind. Every now and then, he'd rise to take Mikuru's measurements — legs, hips, breasts, inseam. Then he'd run back to his seat and get to work. The variety of fabrics and colors that cycled through his Singer amazed us, as did the care and determination with which he sewed.

By Friday, he was ready. At the start of our daily meeting, we all left the club room to let Mikuru try on his creation. It took her about fifteen minutes. Twice she asked Koizumi to step in to adjust something. Then she opened the door for the big reveal.

I had to admit, the girl looked absolutely stunning in the rainbow-colored gown he created. As we stood around her, she turned and modeled with a smile.

"What do you think?" Koizumi proudly thrust out his chest.

"I've got to hand it to you." Haruhi ran her hand along the lacy fabric. "You do good work. Any idol would be proud to accept an award on national TV wearing that. But…"

"But?"

"But Mikuru's serving beer. I'd be afraid to let her within twenty feet of the taps right now for fear of staining this masterpiece."

Mikuru nodded.

Haruhi crossed her arms. "Let's run through a quick history lesson." She turned to Mikuru. "How much did you enjoy your job when we switched you from serving tea to serving beer?"

"It was fine at first, till I started spilling."

"How soon after starting your new duties did you start spilling?" Haruhi asked.

"About five minutes. I got beer all over my outfit. After that, I slipped on the floor and tore the fabric."

"You ruined quite a few uniforms after the switch, didn't you?"

"I suppose."

"How did you feel when we exchanged your maid outfit for this bunny suit?"

Mikuru pinched one of her bunny ears. "I felt a little strange at first. This outfit is very revealing after all." Her eyes lit up. "But I learned to love it pretty fast when spills that used to ruin my day turned into no-big-deals because I could simply wipe myself dry." She pointed to her cuffs. "And these rinse out super easy in a glass of water."

Haruhi turned to Koizumi. "Do you see where I'm going with this?"

Koizumi waved his hands. "But that's not any kind of normal bartending outfit. She's essentially serving us beer in the nude."

"Have you ever seen pictures of the swimsuits women wore in the '50s? What do you think people from that era would say if they went to the beach today?"

Koizumi groaned. "They'd probably say all the girls were essentially naked as well."

Haruhi patted Koizumi's shoulder. "Mikuru is a few years ahead of her time. That's all."

"Wheeeeeee!" The base of Mikuru's gown flared out as she spun about. She stopped her spin and faced Koizumi. "This is such a beautiful dress." She looked at her feet. "But I prefer to wear my bunny suit around the taps."

Haruhi pinched the dress fabric. "This thing isn't going to work in here."

Koizumi's visage dropped.

"It's not going to work in the club room," I said. "But there's no reason it can't work on our weekend events."

"It's a little bit flashy for the tea cafe," Haruhi said.

"I don't mind," Mikuru chimed in. "I'd be proud to wear this gown in public."

Koizumi's expression brightened. "You really like it, don't you?"

"I do." She nodded emphatically.

"Let's do this," I said. "Since Koizumi has a passion for sewing, why don't we let him create new outfits for Mikuru that she briefly models for us during the week and wears in public on weekends."

Now Hauhi's eyes lit up. "We could add a section to our web site for that. 'Mikuru's Fashion Selection of the Week.' It has potential."

And the school won't censor it, I wanted to add. Haruhi once considered posting pictures of Mikuru in her bartending uniform, but I put a quash on that.

"Now that that's settled, would anyone like a beer?" Mikuru smiled cheerfully.

"I could definitely go for my usual," I said.

Haruhi nodded. "Sign me up."

"One Kirin, please," Yuki said.

"I'm actually a bit thirsty myself. Dressmaking is hard work." Koizumi took his seat behind his sewing machine. We all turned and stared at him. "Oh… right." He rose and trotted out the door.

We all stood in the hallway while Mikuru "got dressed."

Five minutes later, with her beautiful new gown hanging from a golden hanger, Mikuru served us our beers in her bunny suit. As she bent forward to set a frosty mug of Asahi beer before me, my hand ran up the back of her thigh and rubbed her firm bare bottom. "Thanks for the beer," I said. "And you look phenomenal."

Mikuru winked and wiggled her hips.

Author's Notes: Some of you might recognize this story as a rewrite of one I posted a few years ago. Let me know what you think. Also, a big 'Thank You' to Pierce for creating the awesome Mikuru character gracing the book cover for this story.