A/N: I don't love the chapter of TATL today so here's a little something written for post "Silo".

"Deeks, what are you doing?" Deeks jerked at Sam's voice, not having expected anyone to come back this late at night.

"Um, I want just uh-" he gestured vaguely at his desk as Sam stepped farther into the bullpen.

"It's after midnight, shouldn't you be with Kensi? Especially after what happened today."

"Yeah, I just uh…" His voice broke and Deeks pressed his lips together, shaking his head. "I just needed some time to think, you know?" He glanced up at Sam who now looked sympathetic. "Kensi almost died today and I wasn't there."

"It's not the first time, Deeks," Sam pointed out gently.

"She was in a freaking silo filled with nuclear bombs," Deeks said harshly, getting to his feet. "So excuse me if I'm a little upset." His hand shook as he roughly grabbed at his hair. Just the memory of Kensi's phone call was nearly derailing him again.

Sam grabbed Deeks' shoulder, his large hand engulfing and squeezing.

"No one expects either of you to be ok." He gave Deeks a little shake as he stared at the floor, unable to make eye contact. "Does Kensi know you're here?" He shook his head quickly and Sam sighed.

"You should go be with her," Sam urged him.

"She's sleeping. I'll be back before she's notices." Sam chuckled at that.

"If you think she's not gonna notice you missing from bed, then you're not a very smart man."

"I told Kensi I want to leave." Deeks blurted it out before he could stop himself. The silence that followed was almost humorous and at any other time, Deeks would have felt satisfied at having surprised Sam Hanna.

"That's an understandable reaction," Sam said very slowly. "But you have to give yourself time to calm down and see reason."

"I don't want to," Deeks said. "I've been hinting at getting out for months and this just proves my point. How many more times can we walk into places filled with bombs before we run out of luck?" Sam was silent again for a minute.

"You know, I didn't want Michele to go back to work," he said finally. "Back to the CIA. I didn't want the risk for her. But she wanted to and if Tahir hadn't killed her, she probably would have."

"Sam-" Deeks protested, his heart aching for the man. The thought of something similar happening to Kensi nearly sent him into another well of panic.

"Hey!" Sam barked sharply. "I'm not telling you this to worry you. I'm trying to make a point. Either way there's danger. Yeah, there will be less if you both leave, but I think we both know that Kensi's probably not ready."

"So your advice is just to accept it and live in fear all the time?"

"No, my advice is to go home to Kensi and cherish the time you have together."

"But how do you deal with the fear?" Deeks asked quietly. "Today I felt like my world was imploding and I would have done anything to protect Kensi."

"I don't have an answer for that," Sam answered squeezing Deeks' shoulder again. He pulled Deeks into him in a one armed hug and briefly grasped the back of his head. "You'll be ok. Now go home before I call Kensi and have her drag your sorry butt home."

"You don't play fair," Deeks complained, forcing a smile. Sam grinned and started pushing him out the door.

"Remember, I'm always here if you need to talk," Sam offered.

"Thanks, man."