A/N: Just a little angsty drabble for Payback.

"Hey Kens, where's Deeks?" Callen asked as Kensi came back from giving a final debriefing to Hetty. The head of the CIA, SECNAV, and a couple of high-ranking officials had also been present via phone.

It had been a little nerve wracking, but no one had disputed her recounting of Sullivan, or whatever his real name was, kidnapping her.

"I don't know. He probably went to the bathroom or something," she said with a shrug.

"He's been gone a while." Callen checked his watch.

"Should he be worried that you're keeping track of his bathroom habits?" Kensi asked.

"We want to get out of here and celebrate none of us getting killed or permanently thrown in federal prison," Sam said.

"Fine, I'll go find him." Kensi headed in the direction of the locker rooms, thinking that he'd might have decided to shower before they went out. Really, they'd wanted to just go home, but when Callen had suggested the team have a group night out, they couldn't exactly say no.

He wasn't in the locker room or in the gym and Kensi started to feel a little more worried. Deeks had been clingy all evening: holding her hand, kissing her more than usual, picking her up unnecessarily. Kensi honestly didn't mind despite her initial complaints. After the last couple days, she felt like staying in bed for an entire week, secure in his arms and far away from crazed CIA agents.

She heard running water as she passed by the men's restroom and she knocked on the door.

"Deeks, you in there?" she called. There was a longer than expected pause and then he answered.

"Uh, yeah, uh, just give me a minute." His voice sounded weirdly muffled. She hesitated for a moment before she walked in anyway. Deeks was bent over the sink, his head hanging low between his shoulders. The water was running full blast, masking the sound of her entrance.

"Deeks," she murmured, placing her hand on his back. He jerked wildly at her touch, his head springing up. "Easy, baby." He hastily swiped at his face, his voice choked as he said,

"Kensi, hey, I didn't hear you come in." He turned around, but kept his head lowered, refusing to meet her eyes.

"Baby, what's going on?"

"I, uh, I…" he trailed off, shaking his head, and grabbed at his hair. "I was joking with Sam and Callen, like usual, and then it suddenly really hit me that you almost died today. If I hadn't gotten there in time or if Sullivan was a little faster, you wouldn't be standing here," he said, his voice shaking as he finished. Kensi fought the urge to shudder herself.

"You did make it in time though," she reminded him, rubbing soothing circles in the small of his back. "You saved me. Like you always do."

"But what if I didn't?" He sank to his knees abruptly. "I don't think I can go through this again."

She could see that trying to reassure him would be useless at this point, so she just sat down beside him, linking their fingers together. After a few minutes, Deeks seemed a little less distressed, but he looked exhausted.

"Why don't we go home?" she suggested. "I'll tell everyone that we need some rest."

"That sounds pretty good," he sighed. Kensi stood, offering him a hand. As he got to his feet with a groan, Kensi wrapped her arms tightly around him.

"I'm not going anywhere, Marty Deeks," she promised. "You're stuck with me."