Chapter 10
Leaving their friends' camp, Lou was marching furiously through the trees with Kid close behind her. She bent down to slip her moccasins off to wade back across the creek when Kid grabbed her elbow. Stepping in front of her, he could see the fury exuding from her small form. "Lou, what has you so riled up?" he asked, forcing her to look him in the eye.
"I can't believe him," she yelled. "Riding all the way out here so he can judge me. He's got a lotta nerve." She wanted desperately to keep moving, needing to get rid of her anger by walking, but Kid had effectively trapped her in his arms. While his grip on her arms was anything but strong, she drew strength from his proximity and so stood her ground, breathing heavily in her displeasure.
Kid was wondering what had come over her tonight. While she was usually justified in her anger most of the time, this was out of character for her. From what he heard, Jimmy just made a few casual remarks about her appearance and she flew off the handle. "I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it," he said, running his hands up and down her bare arms trying to soothe her. Looking at her as she moved around in place, her gaze darting around as she tried not to look at him, he quickly realized this was about something else. "What's really bothering you, sweetheart? And don't tell me it's Jimmy, 'cause we both know that's not true."
Slumping down on the soft cool earth, Lou hugged her knees to her chest, her moccasins dangling from her fingers. "I don't know that I'm ready to go back tomorrow," she said dejectedly. "I mean, I want to go back, but I don't want to go back to the way things were before I left on this run."
Sitting down behind her, Kid pulled her back against his bare chest, wrapping his arms around her. "What do you mean?"
Heaving a sigh, she stretched her legs out in front of her, reclining back slightly into the safety of Kid's embrace. "Going back to the bunkhouse, having to deal with the boys all prying into our business," she began. Ducking her head down, Lou whispered, "Sleeping alone again," so softly Kid could barely hear her.
Smiling, Kid whispered softly into her ear, "Well you weren't exactly sleeping alone before we left."
Lou could hear the teasing tone in his voice causing her to relax further into him. "You know what I mean," she said grumpily, "All the sneaking around so we could be alone."
"We'll just have to do something so we don't have to sneak around any more."
"Yeah, like what?" she asked, her voice tinged with sadness.
"Oh, I have a few ideas," Kid suggested, suspiciously. "You'll just have to wait to find out," he added, kissing her cheek. "But I think you'll be pretty happy with my plan."
"I guess," Lou mumbled, suddenly feeling very sad about going back to her life as Lou. After spending the last two weeks dressing and acting like a woman, she was not looking forward to resuming her boyish garb and demeanor. She still liked her job, but was getting tired of pretending to be something she wasn't. And yet, the thought of giving up her disguise was equally frightening. She had grown so used to being treated like a man, that she wasn't sure how she was going to go back to being treated like a woman. Sometimes it was nice, but other times, when she felt weak or even invisible, it was awful.
Sensing her mood only slightly improving, Kid decided she needed to eat before they continued this conversation. Maybe on their way back to the village, he could get her to tell him what else was bothering her. Pushing himself off the ground, he stood behind her and pulled his moccasins off his feet. Walking through the soft earth on the creek bank, Kid reached down to take her hand, helping her stand beside him. He waited for her to gather her shoes, before carefully guiding them through the shallows of the creek and on to the other side. Stopping briefly so they could return their shoes to their feet, Kid leaned close to her and dropped a quick kiss onto her cheek, saying, "We should get back. They're probably waiting on us for supper."At Kid's mention of food, Lou's stomach gave out an audible growl. "By the sounds your stomach is making, I'd say we're definitely late," Kid teased with a grin. His lighthearted comments drew a half-hearted laugh from the petite woman beside him.
"C'mon, Kid. Let's go find something to eat," Lou conceded, slipping her hand into his. "Lead the way."
Grasping her hand in his, Kid proceeded to wind his way along the meandering path through the trees and back to the village. Despite the growing darkness, they emerged from the woods close to Curly and Magaskawee's home. Seeing their friends gathered around the fire outside their tipi, Kid and Lou walked over to join them for their evening meal.
Magaskawee was the first to notice them upon their arrival, looking directly at Lou with a twinkle in her eye. "Did you enjoy your swim, Louise?" she asked, placing her daughter in her basket and walking closer to the couple. Curly was soon following in his wife's footsteps.
"Swimming at sunset is always nice," he said, placing his arm around his wife, "especially when you have company." Curly watched the crimson color spread in the cheeks of both of their friends as he implied what other activities might have taken place down by the creek.
"You sound like you speak from experience, Curly," Lou retorted, her foul mood still evident by the sharpness of her tongue.
Kid leaned close to her ear, whispering, "Be nice. He's just teasing us a bit."
"Must've been talking to Jimmy then," she muttered, extricating herself from his grasp to go off in search of food. Lou had just slumped down on to the ground in frustration when she found Magaskawee joining her.
"Is everything alright, Louise?" she asked, the concern evident in her voice.
"I guess. We ran into some friends from home on the other side of the creek and it made me realize we're really going home tomorrow. I'm not sure I'm ready to go back," Lou said dejectedly.
"This is not really about returning home as much as it is returning to your former life, I think."
"What do you mean?"Lou asked.
"You have changed since you arrived here. You are a wife now. When you go back to your world, you may not be a wife still," Magaskawee observed.
Lou stared at her friend for a long moment, realizing she was absolutely right. She had pledged her life to Kid three days ago, but once they returned to Rock Creek, none of that would matter. She would resume her role as a male pony express rider, losing a husband in the process. Suddenly, the thought of that made her very sad. Despite not wanting them to fall, Lou was powerless to stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks as she thought about her plight. Beside her Magaskawee slid closer to her and placed a reassuring hand on Lou's shoulder.
"You must be getting hungry. Why don't we get you something to eat?" Magaskawee suggested. Turning to her sister, she called for her to retrieve a bowl of soup for their friend. Kimimela quickly returned with supper for Lou. Passing the steaming concoction to her, she quickly scampered away to sit with her mother once again.
Grateful for the sustenance, Lou sipped at the savory liquid until she was sure her nausea had passed. Satisfied, she continued eating the chunks of vegetables and venison, thankful that there was no buffalo to be found this evening. Once Magaskawee determined that buffalo was making Lou ill, she tried her best to not use it for their meals for the duration of their guest's stay. Since that time, Lou was better able to keep her meals in her stomach, although her nausea was still present randomly throughout the day.
"Feeling better," Magaskawee asked, watching Lou practically inhale the meal.
"Mmm-hmm," Lou replied, trying to lick the inside of the bowl.
"You know, you can have some more if you want."
"Maybe a little," Lou said, rising from her spot to refill her bowl. Returning from the fire, she sat down once again beside her new friend. Hungrily turning her attention to her soup, Lou quickly consumed her second portion, placing her bowl in her lap. Her hunger finally abated, she whispered to the young woman next to her, "How am I gonna deal with this when I get home? They'll all know something's wrong when I keep running for the outhouse to get sick."
"Mama and I will check your shoulder later, away from the men. We will talk more about that then. Unless you would like to do it now?" Magaskawee asked. Both women peered over their shoulders to look at their husbands standing a few feet away deep in their own conversation.
"I think now would work," Lou said, knowing that Curly would keep him distracted for a while. Following the other woman's lead, Lou stood and followed her to the tipi. Magaskawee stopped momentarily to inform her mother that she needed to check Lou's injury. Eyota quickly followed her older daughter, motioning for her younger daughter to stay where she was and bring food to Mahpiya Tho.
From where he stood with Curly, Kid watched Lou disappear with the healer and her daughter into the tipi, briefly wondering why they were going in there. Kimimela soon appeared in front of him, handing a bowl of soup to him. Beside him, Curly said, "You know, when Magaskawee was first expecting Wichahpi, she did not feel very well. She was tired all the time and many foods seemed to upset her stomach. I did not know at the time the reason for her illness, but then it passed and she told me of our child."
Kid looked curiously at his friend, wondering why he was telling him about his wife's confinement. "What are you saying?"
"Nothing. Just noticing how much Shappa reminds me of my Magaskawee," Curly replied. "I am sure it is as they say and Shappa will be better in no time, once her head no longer pains her."
Kid stared unblinkingly at Curly as he thought about everything the man just told him. Could Lou be with child? he wondered. She certainly seemed to have the same symptoms as Curly's wife, but surely she would have told him if she even suspected she was. His gaze shifted to the opening of the tipi waiting for her to return from inside. Knowing Lou as he did, Kid was sure she would have told him as soon as he got here, not kept it hidden if she really was expecting. At the same time, she did say some confusing things the other night, before their wedding that made him think it might be possible. She even hinted it might be possible and they sure as hell hadn't been careful since their first night together back at Fort Kearney. But, he thought, back when Ike had fallen off his horse and hit his head when they had first started in Sweetwater, he was dizzy and nauseous for a while afterwards. Lou was feeling the same way as Ike. Besides, he kept repeating to himself, Lou would've told me. Deep in thought, he finished the rest of his meal.
Curly finally broke him from his brooding when he asked, "So you and Shappa will be leaving us tomorrow?"
"Just as soon as we're up and packed," Kid replied, only half eager to return to the waystation.
"Will you tell your other friends of your marriage when you return?"
"I don't know, Curly. It's not legal back there, so it makes no difference if we tell them or not," Kid explained.
"Maybe not to you, but it might make a difference to your wife," Curly cautioned. He had noticed Lou was a bit moody when she entered the village this evening and wondered if it stemmed from their scheduled departure tomorrow morning. "You should speak with her tonight about it."
"But it wouldn't be legal and I won't put her in that position where people might talk about her that way," Kid argued.
"Can you not make it legal in your world?"
"I plan to, but that will take some time."
"Do not wait too long, my friend," Curly advised. "She may grow tired of waiting."
"Don't worry about that. I already have some ideas," Kid said with a smile as his wife emerged from the tipi between Magaskawee and Eyota. She looked more cheerful than when they had arrived at the village after their encounter with Jimmy and Buck. But there was something else hidden on her face that he couldn't figure out. Fear? Nervousness? Worry? He didn't know what was making her uneasy, but the emotion left her face as she turned her eyes to meet his. It was as if the sun had just appeared from behind a cloud, her whole face lit up when she saw him.
Beaming up at him, Lou walked over to where he still stood with Curly, saying, "Ready to turn in?" Stifling a yawn, she leaned her forehead against his shoulder for a moment. Lifting her head back up, Lou waved goodnight to Magaskawee and Curly, turning in the direction of their tipi. She slipped her hand into Kid's, gently tugging him to come with her.
"Sure," Kid said. Turning back to acknowledge the kindness of Curly's family, he said, "Goodnight," with a wave before slipping his arm around Lou's slim shoulders and hugging her close to him.
They were back at their temporary home in no time. Kid lifted the flap, watching as Lou disappeared inside the dark structure. Following her petite form, he paused to secure the door before turning to search the nearly black interior for his wife. Kid glanced at the still warm coals glowing in the center of the room and caught sight of Lou, placing more logs on the fire for the night. As the flames began licking their way along the fresh tinder, the shadows were cast from the space, illuminating the two inhabitants more clearly.
Settling in front of the growing fire, Lou thought back on her conversation with Magasakwee and Eyota a little while ago. Eyota had wanted to examine her shoulder one last time before she left in the morning and Lou had wanted to talk to the two women about how she could best hide her condition once she got home. While she was eager to share her news with Kid, she wanted to make sure he was staying with her because he wanted to, not out of some sense of duty. Her plan was never to keep the presence of their baby a secret, just buy her some time to get things resolved between them. When she explained her reasons to Magaskawee and Eyota, the two women agreed to help her. Magaskawee was clear that Lou would not be very successful for very long and that Kid was bound to notice that something was different about her considering how close he was with her. Lou had understood, she only wanted a few weeks at most. Satisfied with her response, Magaskawee told Lou that she would be better off eating more frequently throughout the day and avoiding anything that smelled or tasted different than it usually did. She advised her to get plenty of sleep and to eat when she first woke up, preferably before getting out of bed. As long as she kept the nausea and dizziness at bay, she should seem more like her normal self to everyone around her. While Lou and Magaskawee spoke, Eyota released the ties to Lou's dress so she could look at her shoulder. Carefully pressing her fingers around the wound, Eyota moved her arm around checking to see if she winced in pain at any time. Satisfied that her shoulder was healing nicely, the older healer re-tied her dress and placed her hand on Lou's stomach, whispering, "Weayaya, kanyeja on Shappa na Mahpiya Tho." Turning her brown eyes to meet Lou's confused gaze, she moved her hand to rest on her young patient's cheek and smiled, adding, "Niayawas̆te Shappa."
Beside her, Lou heard Magaskawee's voice whisper in her ear, "Weayaya, child of Shappa and Mahpiya Tho, you are blessed." Swiping the tears away from her cheeks, she smiled brightly at the two Lakota healers.
"Thank you," Lou whispered, her voice thick with emotion over Eyota's blessing of her child and their role in helping her recover from her injuries. "For everything." Grasping their hands in her own, Lou squeezed them in appreciation.
"You take care of yourself, Louise, and do not keep the knowledge that he is to be a father from Kid. Let him rejoice in the result of your union and let him take care of you while you are awaiting your Weayaya's arrival," Magaskawee urged.
"I will, I promise," Lou said, rising from her spot on the ground. Yawning, she felt her eyelids growing heavy despite the early hour. "I think we should go back out there."
"Yes. Our men are probably wondering what we are doing in here," the young woman agreed. Linking Lou's arm with her own, she led her to the tipi entrance, the two women emerging into the village and the company of their husbands.
Lou was ticking off the list of things she had to do once she left the village and returned to Rock Creek to keep herself looking the picture of health. Most of it she thought she could do with very little change to her usual habits at the way station. If she snuck an extra biscuit into her bunk at night along with some water, she should be alright, she thought. She could also carry some extra food with her on all her runs just in case, although the rest of the riders might wonder why she was bringing a saddlebag along on a short run. Maybe stuffing it in her pockets instead so their suspicion wouldn't be aroused was a better idea. Kid was going to be another story however, since he would probably be watching her like a hawk once they left. The thought of him jostled her out of her head, forcing her to search the tipi for him. Glancing around, Lou felt her panic start to rise when she failed to see him anywhere she looked. Her eyes finally found him, sitting about a foot away and close to her side. His proximity caused her to jump.
From his position by the entrance, Kid stood and watched Lou as she sat by the fire, her face a study in concentration. He could tell she was busy thinking about something by the way her forehead was crinkled up and her eyes were focused intently on some spot in the flames. Deciding to interrupt her, Kid slowly meandered over to where she sat, dropping to the floor beside her. He was surprised that she didn't move a muscle as he joined her by the fire. Sitting beside her, Kid watched her face as the unguarded emotions visible there changed from worry to serenity. A soft smile played with her features and her eyes filled with love, much the same way in which she would usually look at him. Something, whatever she was thinking about, was making her happy, Kid thought as he watched her. Then her eyes seemed to realize where she was and she started looking around the room. Her face looked a bit panicked before she finally settled her gaze on him with a start.
"Kid," she whispered, her hand flying to her chest in her surprise.
"You alright? I've been sitting here for a few minutes, but you've been somewhere far away," he commented.
Lou nodded her head tentatively, saying, "I was just thinking about tomorrow and when we get back to Rock Creek."
"Yeah," he replied, closing the gap between them. "What about tomorrow?"
"We go back to the way things were tomorrow," she said, sadly.
"What do you mean? You mean what you told me by the creek?"
"Yeah."
"I'm sure the boys'll still be their usual selves, although I think Cody might go a bit easier on you, at least for a while. I think he feels guilty over leaving you here," Kid said, trying to ease her fears.
"I'm sure he does, but he did the right thing going home, especially after you told me what he said about the station master in Cottonwood. But that's not what worries me."
"Then what is it?"
"Going back to being Lou again. Don't get me wrong, I love my job with the express, but I'm getting tired of hiding. Aside from being injured, it was nice the last two weeks getting to drop the disguise for a while," she explained, leaning over to rest her head on his shoulder. Her eyelids were getting heavy amidst the heat of the room. Beside her, Kid slipped his arm around her shoulders, drawing her closer to him.
"Well, if it makes you feel any better, we'll have to go slower than usual since we'll be riding double," he reasoned. "So it'll take us longer to get home. More time for you to not worry about being found out."
"I know, but once we get home...I don't know," she muttered.
"You know, maybe you won't have to keep dressing like a boy for too much longer."
"Why not?"
"There's rumors that the company's running out of money and we'll all be out of a job soon," he shared.
"Yeah, I've heard the same rumors. I've been thinking about that too. I'll have to move on and find another job somewhere, probably as a boy, since I ain't takin' no job as a girl. Too risky," she said, recalling the few jobs she had as a girl before she hid her femininity from the world.
"I was thinking, once the express is done, that we might start that ranch I've been talking about," Kid said nervously, trying to hide the panic he felt over her announcement that she would be leaving.
"What about the war? I thought you were gonna head back east to Virginia?" Lou asked, the first tear sliding down her cheek. Sitting up, she swiped the tear away and stood, moving further away from him, too afraid to hear his answer. While he had reassured her that he had no intention of leaving her to fight for Virginia, she knew the allure of returning home might be too difficult for him to ignore, and her presence in his life might not be enough to keep him here.
Seeing her fleeing to the other side of the room, Kid stood and followed her, moving closely behind her. Bringing his hand up to lightly brush against her bare arm, he leaned in close, saying, "I'm not going anywhere, Lou."
Crossing her arms over her chest, she murmured, "You're not? Why?"
"Are you trying to get rid of me?" he asked, playfully.
"No, but you always said how important it was to you to go back to fight for Virginia. What changed?"
"Don't you know?" he asked, snaking his arms around her waist. When she didn't answer him, Kid continued, "It was you. You changed me. Made me realize what I would lose if I went back. Besides, my memories of Virginia can't hold a candle to the memories I have and hope to have with my wife."
Peering over her shoulder at him, Lou said, "Kid, you know that ain't legal."
"Maybe not right now, but someday it will be and, hopefully, soon."
Turning in his arms, she looked up at him asking, "So you're really going to stay here? With me?"
"I'm not going anywhere unless it's with my wife."
"Kid, I'm not your wife, not really," Lou admonished, the dark cloud of reality invading the corners of her mind.
"Yes, you are. While we're here you are," he whispered, bringing his face closer to hers. He could see the intensity of her chocolate gaze burning into his own eyes.
"Maybe while we're here, but when we leave tomorrow, I'll just be Lou again."
"Maybe we'll stop in Cottonwood on our way home and find the preacher," Kid whispered, bringing his lips within a breath of hers.
"And why would we do that?" she whispered back, her hand sliding along his bare chest and looping around his neck. She tried tugging him closer, urging his lips to find hers, but he was holding back.
"Then you'll be my wife out there too," he softly announced, tightening his hold around her waist and crushing her to him.
"What about the boys? And Teaspoon?"
"What about them? We'll tell them when we get home. Lou, I don't want to be away from you."
"Then don't," she murmured, moments before his lips crashed down upon hers, claiming her mouth with his. Their lips were frantic in their need for one another. They both knew it was the last night they would be able to spend like this for the foreseeable future and they would take full advantage of it.
Slanting his mouth across the plush lips moving against his, Kid slid his tongue along her bottom lip seeking entrance to her soft mouth. More than willing to admit him, Lou thrust her tongue into his mouth, melding them closely together. His fingers ran down her bare arm, gently taking her hand and guiding her over to where their bed lay on the other side of the tipi, their mouths not breaking their connection. His other hand still tightly gripping her waist, Lou stumbled along the uneven ground until she crashed into his waiting arms. Enveloping her completely in his embrace, Kid held her against his bare chest, his hands roaming over the deerskin dress she still wore. Moving his lips along her jaw, he nipped tender kisses from the corner of her mouth. Stopping near the sensitive spot below her ear, he ran his tongue along the skin, causing her to shiver in his arms.
The sensation of his mouth on her neck, made Lou tremble with need. His fingers were lightly trailing along her arm and back and she was only slightly aware of him loosening the ties at her shoulders. The ties no longer holding her dress together, the edges of the garment fell from her shoulders, exposing her skin to his attentions. Clinging tightly to him, Lou dropped her head to the side, allowing him easier access to the delicate skin on her neck. Her skin bared to him, his lips blazed a trail of hot kisses along the curve of her neck, settling along her collarbone. His hold on her relaxing slightly, he moved his body slightly away from her, allowing her dress to slip to the floor. Within moments she was back in his arms, his work-roughened hands exploring all the planes of her body with a gentle familiarity. Lou raked her hands through his sandy waves, holding onto him for dear life. His lips continued their path down her body, trailing kisses along her chest and between her tender breasts. Keeping his hands softly stroking her back, Kid laved one pert nipple with his tongue before taking the sensitive bud into his mouth. Sucking lightly, he teased it until it pebbled under his care. Dragging his mouth to her other breast, he took the rosy bud into his mouth, plying it with his tongue. Beneath his touch, he could feel her breath increasing. Dropping to his knees before her, Kid continued to press kisses along her abdomen, nipping the soft skin around her navel.
Her skin burning beneath his kisses and caresses, Lou thought her knees were going to give out on her. As he licked and sucked at her breasts, the tugging sensation grew in the pit of her stomach. Her core came alive with need and she wanted him to keep touching her. Raking her hands through his hair, she pulled his face closer to her stomach as he trailed kisses down her body. His hands were gripping her hips as he kissed her navel before dipping his head lower, pressing wet kisses where she knew their child grew. She felt his hands slide lower along her thighs, urging her down into his waiting arms. Her knees weak, she crashed into him, straddling his lap on the way down. Beneath her she could feel the coarse fabric of his pants against her bare legs. Reaching between them, Lou unbuttoned his pants, slipping her hand beneath the fabric. Wrapping her hand around his hard arousal, she rubbed her hand against him, feeling a bead of wetness at its tip.
"Lou, stop," he whispered against her mouth. He wanted her badly but knew if she kept that up, he wasn't going to last. "Sweetheart, wait," he pleaded, relaxing slightly when her hand moved around his waist, gripping his bottom instead.
"Kid," she breathed between kisses, wanting to feel him within her. The moisture was pooling in her core and she needed to feel all of him.
Lifting her off his lap, Kid shifted to his knees, allowing her to slide his pants down his legs. Sitting back, Lou stripped the garment from his body, her eyes raking the sight of his nakedness on full display for her. Licking her lips, she crawled up his body, settling down on his lap. With her knees once again on either side of his hips, Lou placed her hands on either side of his jaw, bringing her lips to within a breath of his. Looking deep into his azure eyes, she whispered, "I love you."
"I love you, too."
Rising up slightly, she slid back down, his arousal filling her sheath completely. Resting her forehead against his, Lou closed her eyes as her body came alive with sensation. Slowly she began moving her hips, feeling him rising up beneath her to meet her slow thrusts. His hands were alternating between running up and down her back and holding her hips close against his as they moved together. Writhing against him, she felt a familiar sensation building in her core, causing her to grind her hips tightly against him. As he moved within her womanly sheath, her inner muscles tightened around him, bringing him closer to the edge. In a brief moment of lucidity, he remembered one of their earlier conversations about not being careful. As much as he didn't want to, he would be careful now. He was getting dangerously close and he thought she might be as well. "Lou, we shouldn't…" he began, breathing heavily against her.
"What?" she asked, her brow creasing at his unfinished statement.
"I shouldn't stay…" he panted trying to pull out of her before he finished.
Suddenly, Lou knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to protect her again. "Kid, it doesn't matter anymore," she said, pushing him further inside her as she fell apart around him, her core tightening around him in release.
Hearing her words only confirmed what he had suspected, pushing deep inside her, his release burst forth from his body, filling her with his seed. Their bodies still pulsing where they were joined, Lou wrapped her arms around Kid, resting her forehead on his shoulder. She felt his hands on her back, gently dragging his fingers along her spine as they fought to catch their breath. Pulling her with him, Kid lay back against the buffalo fur they had been sleeping on the last few nights.
Lou lay sprawled across his body, her head resting once again on his shoulder. He could feel her stretching her legs out on either side of him as he continued to trail his fingers along her damp skin. Between the summer heat and the heat of the fire burning in the center of their tipi, their bodies were covered with a light sheen of sweat. Rolling to his side, Lou curled her body against his chest, his arm cradling her head.
"So you really aren't going to go back to Virginia?" she asked. He had told her only a few short months ago that he was going back no matter what, even if it meant leaving her. Of course that was back when they were still broken up, she thought to herself.
"No."
"What changed your mind?"
"Mostly you. It took so long to get you back that I don't want to be without you ever again. Besides, I don't think I could fight for a side that would see Noah in chains. He's my friend...he's our friend, and no one deserves to live like that, enslaved to another person," he said softly. Lou rolled closer to him, propping her chin upon his shoulder and studying his face carefully. He turned his blue eyes to hers, watching as she gave him a soft smile.
"So you're really not going back?"
"Uh-uh," he said, tightening his hold on her. "I would much rather stay here with you." Satisfied with his response, Lou turned her head, resting her ear against his shoulder. Tracing his fingers lightly along her bare back, Kid tentatively asked, "Lou, what did you mean before when you said, you know, about us being careful?" He could feel her tense slightly against him as he asked her about that. He knew then that she was hiding something from him.
Cursing herself for telling him it didn't matter anymore, Lou stiffened as she thought about how she was going to answer him. Now that she knew he wasn't going to leave her to fight in a pointless war, she felt slightly better about sharing with him what Eyota and Magaskawee had told her. But, he was prone to worrying about her and she could only imagine how much worse he would be once he knew she was carrying his child. Keeping her face hidden from his, Lou ran her finger along his chest, absently playing with the soft curls there. "Well, I am your wife, aren't I?" she asked, trying to avoid giving him a straight answer.
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't be careful until we can make our marriage legal back home," he tried again.
Sighing, Lou said, "Kid, we haven't been careful since that night at Fort Kearney. Why start now?" Propping her head back on his chest, she turned pleading eyes to his, hoping he would drop this conversation.
"I don't know. Maybe we should though, just in case."
"Is that what you want?" she asked, closing her eyes in frustration.
"Of course not, but we both know what could happen," he said softly, his eyes pleading with her to talk to him. Watching her disentangle herself from his embrace, she sat up next to him, pulling the blanket over her rapidly chilling skin. Seeing her hesitation, Kid added, "what might've already happened." He needed her to know that he suspected the truth and he wasn't going to leave her to deal with it all on her own.
Knowing his comments were coming too close to the truth she was trying to hide, Lou crossed her arms, wrapping them around her drawn up knees. Closing her eyes for fear of looking at him, she began, "When I first got here and Eyota discovered I was a woman, she tended to my injuries. Once I woke up two days later, she noticed that I was dizzy and not feeling well. She kept saying things to me, things I didn't understand until one night Magaskawee translated her words for me. I had told her about Wicks and what happened after I escaped and how I thought I couldn't have children because of it. She told me I was wrong but I didn't believe her. That's when she brought me to Eyota and made her tell me."
"Tell you what? Is that when she told you about the vision? The one about us?" Kid asked, sitting up to place a protective hand on her back.
Glancing back over her shoulder, she could see his blue eyes watching her intently. Nodding, she turned back around, afraid he was going to be angry with her once he knew the truth. "So that night she told me the tale of Shappa and Mahpiya Tho and the beautiful Weayaya they would create."
"Yeah, you told me that part. They create a sunset, kinda like the ones we've been seeing by the creek each evening," he said with a smile, placing a kiss on her soft shoulder.
"I did. But what I didn't tell you was that…" she paused, her eyes filling with tears of both joy and fear.
"It can't be that bad, Lou," he soothed, feeling more confident in what she was trying to tell him.
Taking a deep breath, she continued, "Eyota told me that we would have many children together, starting with this one. I didn't believe her at first, but after talking with Magaskawee, I think she may be right."
"You mean...you're… we're…" Kid stammered, unable to form the words.
Looking back at him where he sat stunned at her revelation, she said, "I don't know for sure, Kid, so no need to panic. I wanted to wait to tell you until I knew for sure, but well, Magaskawee warned me this would happen." Turning away from him, she laid back down, curling her body away from him, her arms protectively wrapped around her torso. "It's alright, I won't hold you to anything," she said sadly, her voice quivering through her tears.
"Hold me to anything? Lou, what are you talking about?" Kid said, sliding down next to her and wrapping his larger body protectively around her. He could feel her body quaking against his as he realized she was trying to let him go. "Lou, I keep telling you, I'm not going anywhere and I mean it. I lost you once before and I'm not gonna make that same mistake twice."
"Are you sure about all this? Is this really what you want?" she asked tearfully.
"I want you and anyone else who comes along," he said, peppering her shoulder and neck with kisses. He gently pulled her hip towards him, trying to get her to roll over so he could see her face.
Lou allowed him to pull her over, meekly looking up at him with her watery brown eyes. She looked so sorrowful and her eyes were full of pleading. "I can't let Teaspoon and the boys find out about what I suspect may be true. Teaspoon'll take me off the schedule and the boys, well, I don't think I could face them if they knew."
"You know Teaspoon'll probably take you off the schedule anyway until he knows that you're all healed up from this run. And as for the boys, do you really think I would let them say anything bad about you? Besides, who's gonna tell them? Not me. I think we can keep this a secret for awhile, don't you think?" Kid assured her.
"Maybe, but Rachel will know something's going on."
"Maybe you should just tell her then. She would probably help us."
"I don't know. Maybe. But she might tell Teaspoon," Lou said. She watched as Kid placed his open palm against her abdomen, beneath her navel, as if he was cradling their child. "So, you're not mad?" she asked softly.
His eyes sharply turned from watching his hand cradle her stomach to focus on her face. "Mad? Why would I be mad? Lou, we created a child together. I couldn't be happier than I am right now," he said, placing a soft kiss on her lips.
"We don't know that for sure yet, Kid," she cautioned. "It might just be from hitting my head when I was thrown that's causing all of this." Lou knew she was lying now, since her courses were already late before she left on this run and her breasts hadn't stopped hurting in weeks, but she needed to keep him from getting his hopes up.
"I know, but maybe you should see the doctor once we get home," he suggested, his hand gently spanning the space between her hips.
"I can't see a doctor in Rock Creek!" she exclaimed. "How will I explain that?"
Kid laughed at her outburst, realizing the truth in her words. "I guess that would be kinda hard to explain," he said, trying to stop laughing despite her glare.
"You think?" she said sarcastically.
"We could always stop somewhere on our way back. There's a lot of towns between here and Rock Creek.."
"No," she exclaimed, "Not with Jimmy and Buck there. I was thinking I would see one next time I'm on an overnight run or have some time off."
"Are you sure you wanna wait?"
"Kid, nothin's gonna change in the next few weeks, so it won't make any difference. And who knows, by then I might not have any reason to see one," she reasoned, trying to convince him that things like this happened all the time.
"I guess," he said sadly. Now that he knew there might be a child, Kid was full of hope that everything she told him was true.
"Are you alright?" she asked, noting the hint of sadness in his voice.
"Yeah, I just hope that there really is a baby. I know it's sooner than we planned and we're not married yet and we have no place to live but, I want you and I want this baby, if there is one," he said, kissing her again.
"And if there is no baby?" she asked.
"Then we'll just have to get busy working on that," he said with a grin, pulling her into his arms and kissing her thoroughly. "But first, we have to get married."
Lou looked up at him with a mix of elation and disappointment on her face. "I certainly hope that wasn't a marriage proposal, Kid. Cause if it was, I will have to decline," she said, watching a look of fear appear on his face.
"You wouldn't do that to me again, would you?" he asked, unable to hide the hitch in his voice when he was confronted with the thought that she might not accept him even now.
"If you ask me like that, then yes," she said smiling when she saw the look of relief cross his face.
"Don't do that," he demanded, bringing his fingers down to tickle her ribs. He knew she hated being tickled, but after she threatened to leave him again if he didn't propose properly, he wanted revenge. She squirmed and thrashed under his gentle assault only stopping when he placed his palms firmly on her ribs.
"Don't do what?" she asked coyly.
"Don't make me think you're planning on leaving me again."
"Kid, I didn't leave you before. You left me. And besides, we already talked about all that. I just want a proper proposal before I say yes," she said, smiling.
"You'll really say yes this time?" Kid asked, his face beaming like a little boy on Christmas morning.
Tousling his sandy curls, Lou smiled, saying, "I guess you'll just have to wait and see. But seein' as how you've already married me once, I think you have a pretty good chance of getting the answer you're lookin' for." Rolling onto her until she was pinned beneath him, Kid claimed her mouth with his own, blending their lips together as his hands gently moved her hair off her face. Gazing into her chocolate pools, he brushed her cheeks with his fingers, gently tracing the lines left behind from her earlier tears. "I love you," she whispered.
"I love you, too," he whispered back, dropping another soft kiss on her lips. "We should get some sleep. It'll be a long day tomorrow," he said, reluctantly rolling off her.
"Probably. I'm not looking forward to the next few nights sleeping on the trail," she said, rolling to her side, her body fatigued from their busy day.
Curling around her body once again, Kid whispered, "We could always go into the nearest town and stay in a hotel at night."
"And sleep in a real bed," Lou said, the longing in her voice making him chuckle behind her. She could feel the vibrations in his chest against her back.
"A real bed it is," he said, pressing a soft kiss to her bare shoulder. Pulling the blanket over them, he kissed her one last time, saying, "Good night, Lou." In her exhaustion, she had already fallen asleep. The soft, rhythmic movements of her body against his chest confirmed her restful state. Snuggling her close to him, he said a prayer for her and the health of their possible child.