This is not the piece I expected to write after hearing Happier by Marshmellew and Bastille back after Season 3's Diablo. But it wanted out. For anyone who wants to "discuss" or rant about the Season 4 premiere, Wilhelmina has stopped by the Forum section. I thought we needed a place to openly discuss... feel free to pop by. It's sort of only me for now. And now enjoy (?)

This day has been torture.

She had brought it on herself. She wanted him happy. It had been her main thought behind encouraging Molly to give him a chance. Chris had wanted to see his smile again, and she had seen that come out when he talked to Molly or about her.

At the same time, her own relationship had crumbled and she was on her own now. Although Jim had always fought to repair their friendship Chris struggled with that. Especially after she slowly had come to terms with her own feelings.

How had that happened? She really couldn't say.

She had been surprised by her jealousy at first and Chris had tried to create more space again. To distance herself from Street and his happiness. There was one thing she never wants to do: destroy his happiness.

But with everything she had done in recent weeks, like telling him he wouldn't have met her if his childhood had been normal. God, she almost had to explain to him today why she wanted to know about Molly. What had drawn him in?

Molly Hicks is a risk worth taking.

It had cut like a knife. Almost as much, if not more as when he told her they had moved in together. She couldn't comprehend that.

But she had brought it on herself. She had asked about him coping with living apart. She had wanted him to know she cares.

Chris shakes her head at herself rationalizing and opens up a beer from the fridge.

She plans on using the next two days off to recharge and figure out how to move forward.

A sarcastic smile forms on her face when she recalls the conversation they had last week at the community fair, commemorating the 92 riots. When Street had claimed he could read her, she had been afraid he really could. But today?

Well, what did today mean? Had he really not noticed anything? Had he never been able to read her or had Chris just gotten better at hiding her feelings?

She couldn't say anything for sure anymore.

She just knew she wouldn't be able to keep up the façade for much longer. Today had been hard to fake the smiles. She was happy for him. She really is, but it hurts nonetheless.

And that invitation after shift.

How is she ever supposed to go to their place and survive?

Her gaze falls on the framed picture of Champ on her dresser.

Maybe she should go and train dogs again? There is a standing offer to come and help there.

Chris decides again to take these two days to figure it out and goes to sleep with a sad smile on her face and the thought.

Maybe I have to go.