I do not own any piece of this show whatsoever.
Its cold. These were the first thoughts that came to my mind after waking up. Its cold and I don't like it. My first instinct is to open my eyes and look up to the red sky above me. I can't help but wonder where I am now, after all the sky isn't supposed to be red right? I sit up and feel a piercing pain in my skull causing my vision to blur horribly, turning the world into an odd mixture of shapes, colors, and sounds.
"What is going on?" I wonder out loud taking in the shapes whizzing bye my eyes and the odd colors made into even odder shapes that I assume are people, but people don't get that thin, or that large, nor do they have extra limbs. In a panic I jump to my feet and look before my headache flares like a sledgehammer on my skull almost forcing me back to my knees. 'I need to get away, I need to go' These were my only thoughts as I stumbled my way past the blobs that were beginning to clear up, but this did not make me feel any better as they became an assortment of odd and in most cases terrifying creatures.
I manage to stumble my way into what I can now tell is an alley before collapsing back to my knees in pain from my head. "What is going on?" I rasp in urgency as I begin to hyperventilate. Suddenly, as if in response to my question a voice cuts through my haze of confusion "Your new." These two words were spoken in a statement as if they were commenting that the ocean was blue, dryly and as if I were an idiot for asking them such a stupid question. I whipped my head around and stared at the newcomer with wide eyes speechless. It was as if someone had taken a werewolf and minotaur and bred them. Its fur was matted and grey with patches shorter than the others as if they were in a fight recently. The face was like a border collies, oddly enough, with ram horns twisting around between its doglike ears. Their arms were big with hands that looked like they belonged more on a gorilla than a dog, but with short, and in hindsight admittedly well trimmed, claws. Their torso looked like somebody had grabbed a dog and somehow altered its bone structure to make them bipedal with a hunchback. His chest fur looked like it was supposed to be fluffy, but had a patchwork of scars and had a few patches missing. The legs were like that of a goats and had thick fur, but oddly enough had no missing patches of fur from what little I could see. They were tall, one of the tallest beings I had ever seen. I think they might be scratching 9ft tall really. Oddly enough it wore a pair of denim jeans that went down to his second leg joint and somehow fit.
All I could do was stare at it as it gazed with a bored expression on its face for a few seconds, before my body caught up with my mind and I collapsed backwards after tripping on my own two feet. All it did was stare at me as my arms rose up to protect my face and I cowered on the ground. I closed my eyes as I waited to be mauled by the beast in front of me. It felt like an eternity as I sat there tensed for an attack on my person. Seconds ticked away as I waited for it to happen, for my death.
Eventually I was able to open my eyes and look back at the being. It had an incredible amount of amusement across its face as it watched me cower. Finally, after an eternity it opened its mouth "You done cowering yet?" he spoke with great mirth "I haven't got all day man". I slowly lowered my arms in confusion at his words, a strangled "What…?" was all I was able to get out. "Are. you. Done." he spoke slowly as if he believed me to be incredibly slow "I got better things to do, but im feelin fucking generious now get off the ground already stupid." He spoke with a gruff voice that betrayed his amusement.
I scrambled to my feet idly noticing how small my hands were, but deeming it unimportant. "W-Where am I?" I said with trepidation. He smiled widely with teeth gleaming from a source from behind me, possibly a street light, as he said "Hell". This caught me off guard as I hurriedly asked again "W-What?" before getting a similar reply again "Your in hell short stack, I guess I should say welcome then." he said as if the statement itself was amusing to him. "What do you mean im in hell!?" I yelled in a booming voice, it sounded a bit like cannon fire to be honest, hysterically wondering what the hell was going on. His ears laid themselves back in aggravation as he winced holding his hands to his ears "Fuck Man!" He yells angrily "For fucks sake your in fucking hell you one eyed shrimp of an annoyance!" he grit out. He slowly calmed himself before turning back to me "Yes your in hell, yes you died, yes I look like a goddamn furry, now do you have any relevant fucking questions or are you going to fucking keep blasting my ears?" he growled.
I couldn't find any words in me after the shock he just gave me, all I could think to say was "One eye?" I don't know how one could look at someone more like they were an idiot than this man right now. "You really didn't notice the whole one eye thing? It's a pretty prominent piece of your anatomy, considering how huge the damn thing is." At this I closed my eyes, now eye I guess, and ran my hand over my face. Suffice to say I noticed the large eyelid, but I also noticed my mouth stretched much farther now and my face felt rounder and dare I say my skin felt a bit softer too. Additionally my fingertips felt sharp as all hell and I'm glad I didn't accidentally stab myself. After pulling my hands away I opened my eye to inspect them. The skin on my hands and wrist looked like they had red paint dumped on them. My hands were solid red while further up my arm it grew less solid and closer to dots. They were also thin, as if I had no real meat on my bones. The same could be said for the rest of my body, as I was extremely thin now with almost no real muscle mass. I also noticed I was wearing jean shorts, and a plain white tee. I wasn't wearing shoes, and I wasn't sure I could now anyway due to how sharp my toes claws looked. They also had the odd painted look like my hands. The man, I guess, cut through the silence with an amused "You done checking yourself out there bud or do I gotta turn around before you start dropping your pants and goin to town?" My eye snapped back up to him in shock "What -no! Why would I do that?" His smile was full of teeth as he looked ready to laugh "Your in hell boy. If you think that hasn't happened before then your not all that smart are you? Anyway before we go on I gotta ask, are you any good at driving trucks?" he asked randomly causing my head to instinctively tilt before nodding. I had experience driving as I owned a pick up truck I had inherited from my grandfather before his death. After it broke down I got another truck and had it painted red with a black stripe, just like grandpas old wagon. I also had to work for UPS for awhile and deliver packages during college. "Good that's all I needed to hear, want a job?" I could feel my face scrunch up in visible confusion as I said "What?" "I asked if you want a job. Even in hell money makes the world go round boy, if not more so since its hell. Your new, unaffiliated with any gang, and can drive a truck now do you want a job or not, I don't want to waste any more time here if you don't." he said snorting in a very bull like manner.
"What do you mean 'unaffiliated with any gang'?" he sighed as if he bore a heavy burden for having to answer my questions, the dick. "Your still neutral to any gangs by virtue of being new to hell. I own a small shipping company and need a neutral affiliate to deliver some packages since I have so few drivers who will go certain places due to gang affiliation." he finished with a roll of his eyes, now that i'm not as freaked out I notice he really is a dick. "You have no job, no home, no friends, and no reasons not to deliver packages to anyone who we have to send them to."
As he said this it finally clicked in my head that this was really hell and I was in a different world, with no money, no house, nothing. I'm close to panicking until I remember that he's offering me a job which would likely at least pay for some food. God damn it his offer is looking a lot better now. After a brief moment of contemplation I finally say "Alright, what do I have to do?" The man's smile grows wider, but oddly enough he's starting to not look as intimidating as he was when I first saw him. He almost looks like a dog what was just given a biscuit. I can't help but smile as well after that thought. "Right just follow me to the warehouse and I'll get you filled in along the way.
As we traverse out of the alley way I can't help but marvel at all the different beings around me. Spider people, red skinned demons, other cyclops, and so much more. One other thing that stuck out to me was that most were dressed in older styled clothes, like they were ripped right outta some old book. I swear I saw some woman just walk past across the street in a ripped up victorian era dress. I saw a good amount also wearing more modern dress, but it still bugged me. Along the way I asked questions about hell and its denizens and learned much about my new home. Apparently hell used to be ruled solely by demons, before sinners began to over run hell at around WW1. After that demons mostly left sinners to their own devices and the city was built. The demons noticed that even without them doing anything nothing much else happened to them as a people from the sinners because as the saying goes "It's hell and nobody really fucking cares." For the most part politics shifted dramatically to include the few truly powerful sinners.
As it turns out how you died and acted in life affects how you look in hell greatly. A sinner who lived his life loyal to a cause or group that ultimately wasn't beneficial, like a gang, might end up looking like some form of dog like my current guide. For me I was a coward in life and never really had anybody, except grandpa, to rely on. I was short, scrawny, and prone to losing focus due to my ADHD. I was always afraid to connect to people and spent most of my life alone. This gave me the body of an even smaller, scrawner, cyclops which are known to be 'vicious little shits when pissed off' apparently. Were apparently deceptively sturdy no matter the size, as we can be flattened by a boulder and crawl back out fine. This was comforting news, but the real kicker is that there is usually some indicator as to how you died on you. For example someone who drowned might become part fish, or someone who was mauled might have some claw like markings. For me I apparently had a red tattoo looking piece of skin around my neck that looked like someone painted red barbed wire on my neck the same color as my hands.
On a side note I am actually primarily grey in skin tone, any my teeth make my look like a walking piranha when I smile according to Phillip, which is the name of my new employer. As we came upon what is apparently Phillips warehouse life seems to be looking up for me.