Steven finally tells the gems about what happened in White's head.

...

As the room began to make the next scene, one that had an ominous feeling to it thanks to Steven's foreboding of something worse to come, he remained eerily quiet as the setting formed in place, something the Gems took note of. Without any words, the four watched as the room began to take a bright white setting, one that was almost blinding if it was stared at for too long. Before the setting could be noted though, several characters formed from the memory formed environment. Soon, the young Steven, who's vibrant color stood out amongst the singular and expanding white stood facing White Diamond, who had Volleyball, Blue and Yellow, and the trio of the Crystal Gems under her control. As the memory stayed paused, Steven also remained silent.

"Steven" Garnet said suddenly, as if in an attempt to get the hybrid to say something.

After a moment, Steven looked to the gems. They noticed his gaze which seemed full of sorrow and pain, something that honestly didn't set the scene any better. "This...is what happened in White's head...after she took control of you guys. I know that you don't remember any of this, but you deserve to know the truth. Just please, no matter what happens, don't let this ruin everything we've built with the diamonds guys. I kept this to myself for so long because I felt I needed to...at least until we established a lasting peace with the diamonds."

"Steven, what are talking about?" cried Pearl

"Yeah man, just what happened?" said Amethyst.

"You guys are about to see. Just know...it's a bit hard to watch." he said, though the gems had a feeling that he was understating the 'a bit' part. Without any other words, the memory began to play.

P-Steven still stood alone before White and the gems she controlled. With the trio of Crystal Gems at his back and the rest in front, P-Steven began to try to talk to White in an attempt to get her to see reason as he claimed that his friends are fine as they are, despite their flaws. As White continues to call Steven 'Pink', she mocks how he/she always surrounded herself with inferior gems so that she could be the 'best of the worst'. As the conversation continues and White continued to mock Steven's beliefs, P-Connie entered the white scape, but was suddenly attacked by P-Pearl, something Pearl couldn't believe actually happened. As the two began to duel, P-Steven is held captive by the controlled Garnet and Amethyst. As she stood over P-Pearl, who had been disarmed, something that Pearl felt a twinge of proud over, it was quickly forgotten as P-Connie became distracted by P-Steven's capture, allowing the controlled gem to disarm and capture the past teen. With the two teens now vastly outnumbered and outgunned, White continues to talk to P-Steven, claiming that this new form was made only to deceive him/herself. As White continued bringing up points that would seem to add truth to her claim, P-Steven stood firm as he seemed to be mentally distressed. Now frozen in place as he faced the identity crisis once more, White reached down and grabbed the boy. With this, everything suddenly paused as the memory glitched ever so slightly, but still enough to notice.

Seeing the pause and the disruption in the cloud formation, the gems looked over to Steven to see that he was not alright. His cheeks were glowing pink, he had tears brimming on the edge of his eyes, and he seemed to be harrowed by the memory. As the gems noticed that Steven wasn't reacting, they believed that he hadn't noticed the pause in events.

"Hey...Steven?" said Amethyst as she attempted to free him from his trance.

Hearing the words, he suddenly snapped back to reality. Now looking at the gems, he noticed their looks of concern. He also noticed that the memory had paused. "S-sorry guys. Didn't realize everything came to a halt. Got...caught up in the moment. C'mon, let's keep going." he said as if to dismiss the worried looks he was receiving. Without many answers nor ideas as to why the boy was acting this way, the gems could only guess the worse thing was coming up. Without any more words or options, they all looked to the memory, which had already began to resume.

P-Steven was now being held in White's hand. As the past monarch brought the hybrid closer, she used her finger to reveal P-Steven's gem. As the gem was revealed, the memory glitched again, this time in a much more noticeable manner. The memory continued on however as the group watched White bring two fingers down and clutched the outer rim of the gem.

"It's time to come out, Pink" the giant gem said before beginning to apply some force to the motion. As the past event continued, the group felt as helpless as they were in the event as they were unable to stop what was to come. As the memory continued and time seemed to slow, it began to glitch more and more, each one more noticeable then the last, though the events that were occurring could still be made out. After what seemed like an eternity, a sickening pop was heard and the pink diamond gemstone could be seen in it's entirety. With this, the room suddenly paused. The characters began to glitch in and out until they disappeared altogether, along with the setting. Soon enough, the room turned to nothing more than black, with the only construct being that of the furniture the group was sitting on.

As everything disappeared, the group noticed Steven immediately. He was fully glowing pink once more, something he hadn't done since before his previous kidnapping from Black Diamond. With both hands clenched on his head, he sat in place, seemingly in agony. As he did, his breaths were much more increased as if he were having a panic attack and tears were streaming down his face.

"Steven" cried the gems as they moved to comfort him.

"No...no more...please, not again, MAKE IT STOP". With the last couple words, a shockwave was sent out, shaking the area.

"Steven, listen to me, please. You need to calm down." Garnet said.

Hearing the words suddenly, Steven looked up, face still wrought with agony. "G-guys..."

"It's just us Steven. Your safe."

"M-m-my...my g-g-gem...it...it"

"Your gem is still with you Steven. Here." Garnet said as she lifted the black shirt he was wearing slightly enough to see the pink diamond still embedded into his body. Seeing this calmed the boy down some, the group continued to comfort him. As the weight of everything began to leave, he buried himself in the gems as he let his emotions run free. With this, the group sat still for sometime.

After sometime, it was Steven who broke the embrace. Now calmed down some more, signaled by his calmer breathing, he got up from the made up furniture. As he stood in place for a moment, still glowing pink, the room suddenly swirled back to it's usual bright color and setting of clouds. "I...need a minute, if that's alright with you guys."

"It's fine Steven. We'll be here. Take as long as you need." said Garnet.

"Thank you"

As he willed the room's door to open, he stepped outside. With Steven gone and the door shut, they all sighed.

"Well that was...unpleasant. Guess we know why White was one of the few who knew about this. She pulled out his gem...and he never told us." said Pearl.

"I'm going to shatter her."

"You can't Amethyst and you know that."

"Why not? She would deserve every bit of it. I know you both feel the same way."

"That might be true, but remember what Steven said. He kept this from us so that peace could still be kept between us and the diamonds. If we were to shatter White...we'd be attacking everything Steven stands for, everything he's fought to build and preserve."

Hearing that Pearl had a point, all Amethyst could do was sulk in silence.

"I can't even begin to imagine the pain Steven must have felt or even still feels. Having your gem taken out...and being unable to poof, it's...not right."

"We know Pearl." said Garnet as she wiped away something in her eyes from under her visor. "But we need to be here for Steven. He's been through much more than we thought and we never knew."

"So what do we do then Garnet? How exactly can we help him?"

"I'm...not sure in terms of in the long run. But I do know that we can start by being here for him. We can show him that we can honor his wishes even with the knowledge we know, and we can show him that he isn't alone in this fight anymore."

With a hum of agreement from the other two, they sat in silence as they each let the thought of what they just witnessed process. Even now, they still couldn't believe what they had seen. Soon after, the door to the room opened up. As the trio looked over, they saw Steven, who was no longer glowing, enter the room. With a couple sniffles, he returned to the group.

"Thanks guys...and sorry. Didn't mean to lose myself like that."

Without any words, Steven suddenly found himself in a hug from the trio.

"Dude, stop. You not allowed be sorry about that...if anything, we should be sorry."

"We let you suffer with this pain for so long...and we didn't even know" said Pearl.

"We're here for you Steven. Just know that you aren't alone anymore. We want to bear your burdens as well so that you can overcome them." noted the fusion.

"Guys...thank you."

As the embrace was broken, the four sat back down and got comfortable.

"So, ummm, sorry to ask, but...what happened after...that?" asked Amethyst.

"That is what I'm about to show you guys. I promised to show you everything...and that includes what comes after. Thankfully, we're past the worst of it."

With this, the room began to form the familiar setting once more, though the characters were in a different place. Connie was next to Steven, who looked horrible to say the least. White and her controlled gems stared at the pink diamond gem as it began to glow. Soon, the shape of Pink Diamond presented itself. Shortly after, the form of Rose Quartz replaced it, causing the trio to gasp. Before they could note on the situation, the form soon turned to Steven, as a Pink Steven finally formed from the gem. Now on the ground, he looked to the human Steven, who made attempts to try and get to the gem, exclaiming that 'he needed it', something that sent chills into the gems as they had a feeling they knew the meaning of it. Before anything could be done, a confused White Diamond asked where Pink was, to which Pink Steven, using his inside voice, responded, saying that she was gone. As he did so, a crater was left where he was standing as a shockwave was sent out, shaking the area. Without much hesitation afterwards, he began to move towards his human half. White and her controlled gems made attempts to stop him, though they soon found that his shield prevented any disruption. With a final use of the shield, Pink Steven caused another shockwave, one that brought down White and her puppets. Without further disruption, he took hold of the human Steven. As the two embraced, laughed, and danced, they soon fused together to form Steven, ending the memory shortly after.

"After I fused back with my gem, you guys were freed shortly after."

"So wait...your a fusion?"

"Yeah, technically, though it's not really the same as regular fusion. What happened that day, it may have happened as a result of one of, if not the worst, experience I've had thus far, but it gave us so much also. We brought down the Authority, we cured corruption, I solved my crisis in that I've been me all along. We achieved so much that day...all because I had to experience something so horrible."

"It was something that never should have happened though." said Pearl. "There must have been another way, one where you didn't have to go through such a traumatic event."

"Maybe in another time, but this is what happened and like it or not, it's something I need to live with, something I need to accept."

"Steven, just because it happened doesn't mean you need to accept it. It might have happened yes, but it's not something that should be accepted, at least not like this. What that did to you...what it's still doing to you, do you really want to accept that?" asked Garnet

"Look, I get what you mean, but it's not like we can exactly change it."

"That may be, but have you thought of how you'll get past it?"

With a quick thing of hesitation, he responded. "No...not really. I just try not to think about it...especially when I'm around White. It was hard at first, having to stay around her as we rebuilt the empire, and I might have had a time or two where it caused some...problems, but again, it's not like I have much of a choice guys. It still happened and I refuse to let this hurt anything we've accomplished."

"And how recent were those 'problems' they caused?" Amethyst asked

"...recent. Within the last year 'recent'. I mentioned it to you guys during my breakdown before I transformed."

"So you haven't gotten over it yet. This is why you can't just accept it as it Steven. It's something that's still hurting you...and it will until you face it head on."

Seeing that he couldn't really argue the point they were making and that they were pretty spot on, Steven sighed. "I know. But that's why we're here. I'm trying to get past it now by showing you guys."

"And we're glad your showing us and telling us about it, but it might do you better to talk to others about it as well...others like White herself. Let her know how you feel."

"But, won't that just cause more issues?"

"It's possible, but I doubt she'd throw away everything because you need closure for what happened." said Pearl.

"Steven, we aren't telling you that this is what you should do, but it's something you should consider. It could help you more than you think after all."

"I know...but I'm still not sure. I'll think it over guys but I don't know."

"That's all we ask Steven, is for you to consider it." said Garnet.

"I will...thanks guys."

"So, is that it? Was that the finale to this slideshow?" asked Amethyst.

"Almost. There's one more thing I need to show you guys...something a bit more recent."

As the room began to swirl around, Steven continued. "It's time I explain to you guys why everything happened the way it did before my breakdown."

...

And we are through with one of the biggest, if not the biggest, traumatizing event to the boi. I hope I did the scene justice...don't have too much experience writing out panic attacks after all. Regardless though, I'm glad we got here as this was one I was looking forward to for awhile...and also not looking forward to at the same time as I knew it was going to be a long chapter lol.

We're getting to the end of the slideshow of memories (got one more to show at the moment), and then soon after, we'll get caught up with canon. That's to come soon though and for now, we'll return next time as we address what happened with everything in Future.

Thanks for the continued support guys. Some different news from me, I did start a new fic. It's a crossover of Skyrim and SU, where the story explores a what if in which the main cast (the trio of Gems, Steven, and Connie) are sent to the land of magic and dragons and must find a way home. If your interested, check it out: The Universe Dilemma (updates are slow until I finish this fic first).

Again, thanks guys. Hope this Wednesday is going well and hope to see you all again in 12, where we look at the events of Future.

Change Your Mind: Season 5