Lisa and Terri ran east, away from the fire they set. They came across two women beside a parked truck—a shot-up blonde slumped over by the wheel and a woman wearing dark glasses standing beside her.

"Hey friend, are you okay?"

"What's going on?" the blonde woman babbled. "Getting a little sentimental, sister?"

The woman in dark glasses scowled. She took a rough swig of her drink and wiped her mouth on the back of her hand. "Sentimental?"

"Uh oh… here it comes!" The blonde shuddered. "I'm closing my eyes. Bye Olathe..." She fell over dead, slumped over beside the truck.

"Fuckin' weirdo." The woman in dark glasses turned to Lisa and Terri. "Whadda you two want?" she spat.

Lisa eyed her bottle, saliva gathering at the corners of her mouth. She could practically taste the bitter tinge of its contents. Terri placed her large paw of a hand on Lisa's shoulder, pressing down just slightly. "What happened up there, girl?"

"Oh, that?" she gestured broadly at the cut bridge. "A mob ran through here earlier, led by a chick missing most of her front teeth and another one in booty shorts. None of them looked like they could handle themselves in a fight… maybe that's why they cut the bridge out, they didn't want to be ambushed. Then after that, these three broads with the most incredible hair found the boy! He was apparently hiding in that truck. Crazy, ain't it? They snatched him up and invited everybody back to their hideout at the old Sugar Mill." Another swig. "Not my cup of tea, though. I only like 'em post-pubescent."

Lisa wasn't interested in the alcohol anymore. "Any other way to get to the Sugar Mill?"

"Not that I know of. You can try poking around the caves, see if that gets you anywhere."

"Thanks," Terri said. She steered Lisa away from the woman, back to where they first came.

"I bet they haven't done anything to him," Terri said unprovoked as they traversed one of the caves. "How old is he, 11? 12? Everybody knows boys that young can't get anyone pregnant."

There are exceptions, Lisa thought but did not say.

"They probably just want to keep him safe until he's older! That gives us plenty of time to rescue your son."

He's not my son, Lisa wanted to say, but couldn't.

Lisa and Terri emerged from the cave to a small clearing, at the center of which was a shack.

"Hey, look!" Terri pointed to the lone woman perched just outside the shack on a small stool, staring up at the sky. "That lady probably lives here. Maybe she knows how to get to the Sugar Mill."

Lisa hated the idea of asking anyone for directions, or help in general, but they'd been searching the caves for hours and had little luck trying to find their way out on their own. "Sure."

They approached her from behind, Lisa ready to rip on the chainsaw's trigger in case the woman proved to be a threat. "Excuse me, miss?" Terri called out, loud and in her friendliest tone.

She turned to face them. "… oh, hello there!"

"Uh, hey. My friend and I were looking for directions."

"Directions from a stranger? That sounds dangerous indeed. Let's change that: my name is Ning. I am considered the greatest historian Olathe has seen in a generation. I have gathered an immense wealth of knowledge on this place, many known unknowns." She slapped the seat beside her. "Let us get acquainted! Would you like to hear one of my stories?"

"Not gonna lie, that sounds boring as—"

"Sure!" Terri plopped down beside her. "Lay it on me, girl!"

"Very well! I like you, tall stranger. You carry enough enthusiasm in your bones for yourself and your hard-chested friend here." Ning stroked her chin, fingers grazing the long, sparse strands accumulated there. "Hm, yes… it all began with The Fall. I was seated beside my husband—may god rest his soul—drinking a cup of black tea with a lemon wedge. Well, it wasn't quite a cup, more of a mug. You know, the cheap sort you'd buy at the dollar store? My husband brewed and poured it for me himself, may he rest well with god until I get there. Or, wait… I think he may have bought the tea from the corner store. You know, in one of those paper cups with the plastic lid?" She scratched her chin. "However, I remember quite clearly drinking it from a mug. How ridiculous would it be to buy a cup of tea and then transfer its contents to houseware? But then my husband was a ridiculous man, always up to some trick or jape. Cheeky bastard. Anyway, as I was saying, I was seated at our kitchen table drinking black tea, from my most favorite mug, when suddenly, a sense of impending dread filled my veins and my belly. Something was wrong. In all the years I had lived before that, and all the years that have passed since, I never felt such a feeling. Do you know what that was, dears?"

"The Fall?" Terri asked quietly.

Ning chopped her hand through the air. "Don't be stupid! It was my chair! One of the legs was a bit shorter than the rest, you see, and my husband—peace be with him—jammed a piece of cardboard beneath it. But somehow, in that moment, it came undone from its post, lurching me forward! Praise the lord, what a frightful thing to experience!" She clutched her chest. "I finished my tea and, head still reeling from all the excitement I experienced, got ready for bed. I showered, brushed my teeth, plucked my chin hairs, and set my mouse traps. As I was getting ready for bed I noticed my husband, whose soul is at rest now, clipping his toe nails. As I gazed at him, my heart swelled with emotion… and I said to myself, why couldn't I have married a handsome man? Is it my looks? My age? I'm a good wife, I sweep the hall sometimes and give him a dry handy every Sunday after church! Since when was that not good enough? Now I'll tell you, my neighbor Tonya Robertson, was very short and fat. Had the body of a beach ball. But her husband, Zachary Greene-Robertson—yes, he was that sort of man—was very beautiful. I'd say he was a solid seven, while my husband was a three on a good day. I never understood that, I thought men preferred their women thin? In any case, my toad of a husband, who's throwing one back with the lord right as we speak, crawled into bed next to me. He left his bedside light on, as he always did, because he was afraid of the dark. Scared of what could crawl out of our closet or beneath our bed. He placed a hand on my hip, unbridled lust in his eyes, but by that point in our marriage I could no longer stand his smells or his grunts or the sight of his penis, so I rolled away from him. I drifted off… and when I woke up, it was ten in the morning, but still dark outside! The Fall had happened." She paused. "And that's it."

"… oh, is that all? I've never been so bored in my life. That was just devastating." Lisa tapped Terri's shoulder. "C'mon, let's get out of here."

"There is no need to hide your true feelings, friend," Ning said, smiling knowingly. "I know my voice and historical accounts brought peace to your mind and soul."

"Your fuckin' story poisoned my water supply, burned my crops, and delivered a plague onto my house!"

"No need to be coy! I'll tell you another historical account if you wish." She cleared her throat. "Once upon a hot summer's eve, sometime in July… or was it August? It may have been the first week of August, I don't know, time blurs together when you're as dedicated a housewife as I was. In any case, my husband and I—may he put in a good word for me with Jesus—went to a potluck that night. It was at the house of one Dolly Mae Spooner. It was held in her backyard, on account of her husband Connor not wanting anyone in his house, surly son of a bitch. Now my husband, may he sleep soundly, had prepared his mind-reeling barbeque tuna for everyone. Personally, I was ashamed he would so shamelessly display our poverty to our friends and neighbors, so I hid in the corner behind a large yard plant until it was time to eat. Even at the table I refused to sit beside my disgraceful, barbeque-tuna-loving white trash husband. May his spirit be at ease, I just couldn't bear for anyone to know I was associated with such a tasteless man! Anyway, Tonya Robertson and her cuck husband showed up late. And—you girls won't believe this—they brought chips and salsa! Not even any guac! Who brings chips to a party but no guac? The nerve… needless to say I gave my husband, who is singing with the angels, a few choice words about salsa versus tuna barbeque! A real tongue lashing!"

They looked at her expectantly. "And?" Lisa asked.

"And what?"

"What happened after that?!"

"Oh ho ho, eager to hear more stories I see!"

"For the love of god, no," Lisa begged."I just need to know how all that ended, so I can rest well knowing I didn't just waste a solid five minutes of my life."

"Well, I was so deeply disgraced by my boar husband and shiftless neighbors that I drank myself into a stupor and landed in the hospital for alcohol poisoning… but that's sort of boring, don't you think? Best to leave that story off at the tongue lashing." Ning sighed, shaking her head. "You know, it's fun to reminisce and all, but I sometimes compare my life then to my life now, and wondered what all happened here. Why does the sun refuse to rise? Where have all the men gone? What has happened to our world? So strange… oh, well, enough of all that sadness." She slapped her knees. "Let me tell you about my really silly day at the doctor's office! I was in the waiting room reading a parenting magazine. Normally I wouldn't waste my time, since my rebellious womb refused to carry a child to term, but I couldn't resist! The things people would name their children… Benjamin… Emma… Oliver… what ever happened to good old Ning! Or…" She squinted at the two of them. "What are your names, dears?"

"Lisa."

"Terri."

"Lisa and Terri! Those are names one could go into battle with! Can only work for girls, though… wait, no, you could name a boy Terry. Not that it matters now. In any case, I grabbed the magazine because the baby on the cover was so adorable! And as I was reading an article on names when something on the ceiling caught my attention. There was water damage in the doctor's office! What's next, mold? Rodents? The plague?! I guess that pigskin doctor cared more for his yachts and big-tittied whores than he did his patients comfort. Maybe that's why I was married to a small-dick, scared-of-the-dark, barbeque-tuna-loving shithead. Why would a nice doctor with a fancy yacht choose my skinny flat-chested self when he could have a pair of big ol'… melons…" She sighed and shook her head. "And then, as if that wasn't bad enough! A droplet of water fell upon my head! I sat there like an idiot as it trailed down my nose and settled on my cupid's bow. I couldn't bring myself to move, afraid that it would trickle into my mouth if I so much as twitched—"

"Why didn't you just wipe it away with your hand?" Terri asked.

"I couldn't! I was still holding the magazine! And in that magazine, there was a section on toddler care… oh, girls, you should have seen this toddler! He was glaring right at me through the page! It was as if the devil himself languished snugly behind his eyes! I became quite nervous and shut my eyes to avoid aggravating the child."

"The child in the magazine," Lisa deadpanned.

"That's right. And that's when I realized… this wasn't my doctors office! This was my husband's physician! Mine was down the street. Oh ho, I high-tailed it out of there, and made it to my own doctor's office with time to spare!" Ning folded her hands in her lap. "The end!"

Lisa pinched the bridge of her nose. "I just wasted ten minutes of my life. Listen, lady—"

"You can call me Ning!"

"Ning. We gotta bounce."

She slapped her knees, rising to her feet. "Very well! Where are we headed?"

"Wait, no—"

But Terri was already grinning, grabbing Ning's hands and practically jumping in place. "We're trying to find the last boy!"

"The last boy? Oh! The one in the flyers!" Ning frowned, "But why? I hear the boy is quite young."

"He is. That's why we need to find him and make sure he's safe!" She looked over her shoulder. "Right, Leese?"

"Yeah… uh, look, there are a lot of people out there willing to kill over this. We can't have you dragging us down."

"I won't drag you down. I can regale our adversaries with my tales of known unknowns, and if that doesn't subdue them, I'll beat them into submission."

"With what?"

Ning shot her fist out, punching Lisa squarely in the nose.

"With that!" she chirped happily while Lisa covered her hands with her face, groaning.

"Wow! That was so fast!" Terri swooned.

"Yup! My sprawling waste of a husband, who's better off than I am right now, encouraged me to take self-defense classes! I'll tell you girls, the lord truly laid it on his heart to do so, knowing the sort of life I'd come to live."

"Well there you go! You're coming with us! Hey, do you know where the Sugar Mill is?"

"Certainly!

"Awesome, girl. You lead the way." Terri tugged Lisa along by the elbow. "Let's go!"

"You think you're so tough? This is just another trial in my travels with Lisa Armstrong. Oh, Lisa Armstrong! Never has such a woman walked this Earth! She has the body of a boar and the spirit of a viper. Entire villages flee when they hear our party is approaching. It's said no woman has looked her in the eye and lived. We will storm Olathe and claim back what's hers. By the time this is finished her name will rest high on The List, with every other crossed out in blood! By the moon and stars, I swear it!"