I had a horrible sleep. I feel like I wasn't even asleep, I was just sort of lying there. I heard Jana come in but I was too scared to talk to her. Why did I just let him kiss me? I sit outside the Kafe with a hot coffee and call Rhydian.

"Hey, how are you doing?" He asks.

"I did something stupid Rhydian, and I don't know what to do." I realise I'm crying.

"Carys, calm down, take a deep breath," I follow his instructions, "What happened?"

"I kissed Matei," I bite my lips.

"As in, the guy who's supposedly in love with Jana? How? Explain this to me, because this doesn't make any sense."

"I know, I don't know how it happened. She's never going to want to see me ever again. Please help me fix this."

"Talk me through it, what were you and him doing before the kiss?" He says. I can hear Maddy in the background.

"What kiss?" She asks.

"She kissed Matei."

"Rhydian!" I yell.

"Who?" Maddy asks.

"Carys."

"Rhydian, stop!"

"Sorry, tell me what happened."

"Well, he was upset about Emilia and everything and he was crying and I was trying to make him feel better and then he just looked up and kissed me out of nowhere."

"So he kissed you? Carys, you didn't do anything wrong!" I don't say anything. "Did you pull away?" Silence, again. "Okay you have to tell her, it'll eat you up if you don't."

"I can't tell her, I don't want to lose her!"

"There's no other way out of this, okay there's three options, either you tell her and she breaks up with you, you keep it a secret and ruin the relationship by having secrets and she breaks up with you, or you tell her and she forgives you."

"Even if she did forgive me she wouldn't forgive Matei, she'd lose a friend. There's no good outcome to this Rhydian," I smell Jana coming, "I have to go," I hang up on him, dry my tears and watch her walk out of the front door.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" She sits next to me.

"Nothings wrong, I'm just still tired, maybe a little homesick," I drag it out even more.

"I know you, Carys." I ignore her. "I know everything there is to know about you, I know you can't sleep without something in between your knees, I know your favourite colour is green, I know that your favourite thing about me is that I always want to help people," she holds my hand. "So, why won't you let me help you?"

"Honestly Jana, it's nothing, I'm fine. It's just from the long journey up here and the late nights and everything."

"You promise?"

"Promise," I kiss her in the most convincingly normal way I can.

"Who was that on the phone?"

"Just Rhydian and Maddy, they were just asking about you and the others, come on let's get ready to go out," I take her hand and we go back upstairs.

It takes us a while to walk to Winter Wonderland because Emilia is pretty slow, but we get there eventually and it's pretty busy, but not as busy as we thought it would be. There's no queue for the ferris wheel but the problem is there's only two seats on each carriage.

"I've been on it loads with TJ, you guys go ahead, I'll watch you," Jana insists. So Emilia and I get on and start riding up to the top. I guess I've kept pretty quiet today, I don't want to let anything slip. I know Jana still doesn't believe that I'm fine, and Emilia's on to me too.

"How cool is this view?" She says.

"Yeah, so cool," my tone is kind of sarcastic, "Sorry."

"What's up with you and Matei?" How could she possibly know that it's to do with him?

"What do you mean?" I play it cool.

"There was some obvious tension between you today, and I heard you last night." She heard me crying into my pillow, I was trying to be as discreet as possible. "Don't be embarrassed, he cried too. Did you guys have a fight?"

"No, I'm fine, it's nothing to do with him. I was just exhausted and emotional."

"I may be dying but I'm not stupid." It feels like I've been punched in the chest. She realises what she's said.

"Dying?" Everything slows down.

"We're not talking about me."

"Does Matei know?"

"Carys-"

"You have to tell him."

"I will. Just not yet."

I hug her, "Emilia, I'm so sorry," I shed a tear. "Today, you need to tell him today. You'll feel better once you tell him, I promise."

"Fine," she sighs, "And you have to tell me what's bugging you."

"I can't, I-" She's giving me this look, and when I look back at her I know I can trust her but this will really upset her, I don't think she needs that right now.

"Just forget about me for a second, forget what's going on with me and think about yourself, I can tell you need to get this weight off your shoulders."

"You're gonna be mad at me."

"Maybe, but we're friends. Don't forget that. I'm her for-"

"I kissed Matei!" I blurt it out. "Well, actually he kissed me but I didn't pull away as soon as it happened and I should have but he was so upset and I knew it was making him feel better and I just wanted to help him!"

"How could you do that to Jana?" She's shocked, it's definitely not what she was expecting to hear.

"I didn't mean to, I should have stopped him as soon as it happened, God I'm so stupid. Do you hate me?"

"No, no of course I don't hate you. I mean it's a little bit weird, but I understand why you didn't stop straight away. You have to tell Jana."

"I can't, she'll hate me."

"She won't, she loves you, and it's pretty clear you love her or you wouldn't be so stressed about this."

"I just don't think I'm brave enough." Suddenly the ferris wheel comes to a halt, and not just a gentle stop, a harsh, screeching standstill. The carriage rocks, almost tipping us out, we can hear people screaming below us. We gently lean forward to look down to the carriages below us. There's a young girl, about Emilia's age, dangling from a beam a few carriages below us. Without a second of thought I swing myself out of the carriage and start climbing down to help her. People are screaming at me and I can hear a few people crying, for a split second I feel scared but then I look down at Jana, she's not screaming or crying, she's smiling, like she impressed and then I get back into it. Jumping from beam to beam until I reach the girl. She's terrified and her hands are slipping.

"Don't be scared, you're going to be fine." I swing beneath her and push her up onto the beam so she can stabilise herself then I climb back up. She's standing there shaking, hugging a pole, crying her eyes out. "We have to get you up there,'' I point to her carriage.

"I can't!"

"Is that your mum?" We look up to a woman who seems even more terrified than the girl. She nods. "She needs you, look at her." She takes a few deep breaths and takes my hand.

"Okay, I'm ready." I lift her up so she can grab the safety bar on the carriage and step up pushing her over it, her mother pulls her up and she's back safely in her seat. The crowd beneath us starts cheering and clapping. I climb quickly back up to Emilia who has a smug look on her face.

After a few minutes the ferris wheel starts turning again and the crying from below us stops and the passengers are sighing with relief as they step off. When it's my turn to get off, the crowd is still gathered and they applaud for me, like I'm some kind of hero. The young girl and her mother both hug and thank me, still shaking a little bit. Jana comes over to us.

"That was amazing!" She squeals, hugging me.

"I just did what I could."

"Still think you're not brave?" Emilia says, still with her smug smirk on.