This is one of my entries for OQ Month. Enjoy, and let me know what you think!
After watching Robin's memories, Regina pondered if she should return to Roland's little corner of Will's room. She wanted to check on him, but she didn't think that she'd be able to tell if the potion had worked yet, and she didn't want to be disappointed if it hadn't taken effect.
You know it won't work, dearie, a voice that sounded remarkably like Rumple's whispered in her ear, ever the devil on her shoulder. You are nothing but that darkness in your soul, and only it will get you anywhere in life. Have I taught you nothing?
She sighed. At the end of the day, she had no faith that she would be able to heal Roland, and she knew that if her son, the truest of all believers, was here, he would tell her that she needed to believe in herself. However, he would also know better than anyone how hard it was for her to do that. Hadn't he read that storybook over and over again, its colorful pages old and worn by the time she had been forced to send him off with Emma at the town line?
Friar Tuck walked into the room as her mind flashed back to that day, and she suddenly felt overwhelmed. Thankfully, she had been so busy with everything happening here that she hadn't had time to even think about Henry, and even that fact made her feel like the world's worst mother. How would she be able to be a good mother to Roland when she had apparently forgotten about her own son? Between that, Roland being unwell thanks to corona, and Robin being under a sleeping curse that everyone expected her of all people to break, it was all too much. How could one person possibly be expected to handle all of this? It was far more than any one person should be expected to put on their shoulders.
"Excuse me, Regina," Friar Tuck interrupted. "Could you assist me for a moment, since you're already here? I need to make sure that Robin's still all right, that the nourishment we're giving him is in fact being absorbed."
"Of course," she readily agreed, checking that both she and the castle's best healer were fully masked before she waved her hand over the glass protecting Robin from the deadly air around him. She appreciated that the friar made sure not to touch more than he absolutely had to as he pulled up the sleeve of Robin's torn and wrinkled shirt, well-worn from what had likely been years of use.
When her eyes fell on what lay on Robin's forearm, she stumbled back in alarm, only just able to catch herself on the wall behind her. It couldn't be, it just wasn't possible! Of all the times for that dreaded thing to appear, it had to happen now? Here? She already had enough on her plate between trying to wake him, cure Roland, and find the woman Will loved. She definitely didn't need to add the fact that she had finally found the man that Tinkerbell had claimed long ago was her soulmate, the man with that lion tattoo on what appeared to be a black shield background. Add to that the fact that her wicked half sister had cursed the very man who was supposedly her soulmate to fall in love with her? Yes, she liked to present the front that she was the queen and could handle anything, but inside, she just couldn't take it anymore. It was all too much.
To her surprise, she felt the sudden urge to have a drink, to just erase her troubles for the rest of the night. She knew Roland needed her and that Zelena was on the warpath, that Robin needed someone to wake him and Will needed her to help find Ana, but she needed a night to ease her burdens, to forget that the fate of so many people rested on her shoulders. However, to do that, first she would need to make sure that Roland was well cared for.
She went down to Will's room once more and popped her head in, just to make sure he was taken care of before she did something she would likely regret in the morning. "Hey, can you watch Roland tonight and I'll come check on him tomorrow morning?"
He glanced up, and he must have seen something in her face that clued him in to her state of mind, because his eyes widened at the sight of her. Slipping his mask on and coming toward her, he reached out a hand as if to touch her, then seemed to remember what ailed the little boy they both loved and rescinded the gesture of comfort. "How about this: we'll ask one of the others to look after him and I'll go with you. No one should have to drink alone, especially not the Queen."
Arching her eyebrows at the fact that he was able to guess her plan so easily, she asked, "Are you sure?" She could certainly imagine the youngest and most reckless of the Merry Men having an affinity for a nice cold beverage, but the fact that he wanted to be there for her was an option she hadn't even considered. After all, they had only just resolved their differences. However, she supposed it would give them a chance to get to know each other better, which would be beneficial for everyone in the long run.
"Positive," he said.
Once Tuck was stationed in Will's room (Regina noticed that he wasn't informed of their activities before they were walking out the door), they set off.
They ended up in the cavernous wine cellar, which was filled with row upon row of bottles of all shapes and sizes. Will scoffed when she grabbed a bottle of the finest red wine they had. "Nonsense, Regina. We need something a little stronger, don't you think?"
She glanced over to see the bottle of whiskey he was holding under one arm. "Fine, if you insist."
"I do," he confirmed with a grin.
Bottle and shot glasses in hand, they ended up on the balcony off of Regina's chambers, mercifully without running into her former stepdaughter along the way. Regina couldn't help grinning at the thought of what the prim and proper princess would say if she knew what she and Will were up to. She would immediately tell her to stop, that was for sure, and Regina had had more than enough of Snow White getting what she wanted for a lifetime. Someone was looking after Roland, which was all that mattered. She needed this.
Will opened the bottle, then poured them each a shot. Handing her a glass, then holding his aloft, he asked, "What shall we drink to?"
She pondered her answer for a moment, then raised her own glass, "To the day when all of this mess will be behind us?" she suggested.
"I'll drink to that," Will agreed, clinking the tip of his glass with hers carefully, making sure neither shot of whiskey spilled on the stone floor beneath them.
They drank their first shot in silence, then Will poured them each a second. Scrambling for something to say, Regina finally asked, "So tell me more about Ana."
He sighed, a wistful expression on his face. "She's like the winter sun: bright, but not with the full brightness you see in the summer. I can wrap my arms around her waist and still run my fingers through her hair. Her eyes are like ice just starting to melt…" He shrugged. "Does that answer your question?"
She leaned against the balcony in front of them. "Well, yes and no. What's she like as a person?"
"She's…" Will trailed off, clearly lost in thought. He glanced over at her and grinned. "Well, she's a queen. I suppose you know what that entails even more than I do, Your Majesty."
She cringed at the title, but nodded. Although it had certainly served her well, she was so tired of that persona: always having to be the one who held herself together while the world around her fell apart. She was still convinced that that ability to prioritize what was truly important was what had saved them in Neverland. Everyone else had been nothing but their heroic selves: convinced that in saving Henry, they also had to save everyone. While Regina had hated seeing those children in distress, all she wanted was to have her baby boy in her arms again. At the same time though, she couldn't help reminding him that, "All monarchs are different, just like people. So tell me: what type of monarch is she?"
"Much like yourself, Your Majesty," he informed her, the hint of a smile on his lips. "Strong. Resilient. Determined to achieve her goals at any cost. At the same time, though, she's kind, and loves fiercely, much like you seem to love Roland and that boy of yours, am I right?"
Her mood instantly soured at the reminder of one of the things she was determined to forget tonight. It seemed that no matter what she did, life was determined to knock her down over and over again, reminding her of what she had lost, what fate had determined she would never have again. Glaring at him, she said slowly, "You are. Not that it's any of your business. And stop with this 'Your Majesty' business. I prefer Regina."
"Oh, come on, Regina," Will pleaded. "I thought we had moved past all this animosity. I've seen you with John and Tuck. Why can't we have that?"
She couldn't help chuckling. "Would you really want me to? Wouldn't that be too boring for you? Besides, you were the one who was distant even after I started becoming closer to the others, even if I know you had your reasons, and they were good ones." She couldn't feel it yet, but she had to be getting a bit tipsy by this point. Otherwise, she would surely never be admitting any of this out loud… Would she? Somehow, everything was different with the Merry Men than it had ever been with the citizens of the Enchanted Forest who had also been forced to take up residence in Storybrooke.
"Point taken," he acknowledged. Putting his elbows on the ledge, he asked, "So what brought on this deviation of character? I'm sure you don't normally spend your evenings in bars and taverns."
"You're right," she nodded. "I'm a queen, such places aren't suitable for me." Even if she had first seen Robin through a tavern window...
"So then what was it?" he asked, one questioning eyebrow raised. "Surely, something must have happened to send you over the edge."
"Over the edge?" she repeated, unable to bite back a bitter laugh. "I can tell that you never met me as the Evil Queen. If you had, you'd know that this is far from over the edge. I used to tear out people's hearts and make them do my bidding, remember?"
She realized she had gone a bit too far when his forlorn eyes met hers. "All too well," he responded softly.
"Sorry," she murmured, refusing to meet his gaze. She didn't want to see the consequences of her actions in his eyes, the pain that the loss of Ana had caused him.
To her surprise, she looked back up and found him smiling. "It's all right. I know you had your reasons for your actions, whatever they may have been. If anything, this has taught me that not everyone is predestined to be evil. Evil isn't born, it's made." His eyes, full of kindness and understanding, were locked on hers. If she was right, it was an open invitation to talk about what had happened in her past.
She nodded. She had seen the truth he voiced play out in so many different ways in the past. After all, wasn't her own half sister currently set on revenge because of her jealousy that Cora had abandoned her, but raised Regina? Not that being acknowledged as Cora Mills' daughter had been a pleasant experience by any means, but she supposed it was better than knowing that you had been abandoned by the person who was supposed to look after you.
She sighed. Deciding that she had no desire to dive into the depths of her past- particularly not the part that involved his friend- she simply told him, "I'm just worried about everything that's been happening here, how much resolving everything is resting on my shoulders. Not that I can't handle it, but… it gets tiring, you know?" She didn't suppose he would. After all, he was the most reckless member of the Merry Men.
"As a matter of fact, I do," he responded to her surprise. "I was the one responsible for my three younger sisters after me mum passed. It's so difficult when you're the one making all the decisions that sometimes, it's far too easy to make the wrong ones."
This time it was she who reached for the bottle of whiskey, pouring them each yet another shot. "Cheers to that," she said morosely,
"Cheers," he echoed as their glasses came together once more. At this point, Regina was starting to feel the effects of what she had done that night, but she welcomed the increasing sense of weightlessness, the fact that the burdens of that realm, which always seemed to be hanging on her shoulders, were finally being lifted.
That is, until Will's next words, which hit her like a ton of bricks. "What brought on this uncharacteristic need for…" he gestured at the balcony and the bottle of whiskey. "All of this?" Clearly, what she had said already wasn't enough.
The look she gave him was incredulous. "Roland has corona, Robin's under a sleeping curse, and my son is in another world and doesn't even remember me. On top of that, everyone expects me to solve everything that Zelena has meddled with and you want me to help find Ana. Isn't that reason enough?"
He looked at her in silence for a long time, "Yes, I suppose it is," he said quietly. After another moment, he asked, "Why don't you just forget them all? Leave everything here behind and go back to your son? I'm grateful you've been so good to Robin and Roland, but why do you do it? Why do you not just find a way back to the place you created with that curse of yours if you miss your son so badly?"
She laughed bitterly. "I would love to, believe me, but I can't. Losing him was the price I had to pay to stop Pan's curse from destroying us all." She scoffed. "And as for going back, I can't. There are no beans left, so the only way to get back to the Land Without Magic is to cast the Dark Curse. And as we've just established, I can't cast that curse again because to do that, I'd have to crush the heart of the one I love most- which is already lost to me forever."
"Are you sure Robin or Roland can't fill that place in your heart?" he asked, his eyes twinkling, full of mischief.
She whirled to face him, one of her signature fireballs in hand. He backed away with his palms facing outward. "Do not ever suggest that anyone can replace my son ever again," she warned.
"I won't," he promised. "I'll just leave you, shall I?"
"I think that would be best," she nodded. Anything to get Henry off of her mind- not that that was an easy feat. That had been the whole point of this lapse in judgement and it had massively backfired.
"All right, I'll leave you," Will said, bowing. "Just… don't stay away for too long, yeah? Roland really sees you as his mama, I would hate for him to be disappointed. He's already lost his birth mother, and his father… Well, we all know his current condition."
"I won't," she promised. As much as she wanted to, she knew she couldn't check on him now. She needed the remainder of the night to herself, to try to forget everything overwhelming her. Not that that was working so far.
When he left, she instantly regretted it. Now she had nothing but her own thoughts to occupy her time, and now those musings had turned to Robin. That meddling, good-for-nothing thief who also was admittedly a good father… and a loyal friend, a man who seemed to understand her on a level that frightened her. She supposed that Tinkerbell would claim that that was all thanks to their connection as soulmates, but even if they were supposedly connected on such a deep level, what did that even matter? Like everyone else, he was suffering the consequences of associating with her, even if Zelena had cursed him accidentally, not knowing they were nothing to each other, and Regina wanted nothing more than to push him away, to somehow make him see that having anything to do with her would spell nothing but trouble for him and his son. Sweet Roland, who deserved nothing but the best people in his life- and history had proven that that person would never be her.
At the same time though, the sleeping curse Zelena had used required that someone who felt a romantic love for the thief needed to break the curse. It was a twist that left them in a predicament, because although she would admit that there were occasional moments when he displayed his decency, she did not have feelings for Robin Hood. The fact that he bore the lion tattoo that had haunted her dreams for decades meant nothing. If anything, it only solidified her belief that they had missed their opportunity to have what they had been meant to share decades ago. He had gone on to love someone else and have an adorable son with her, and she… she had wallowed in her grief and self-pity and taken out her anger on an entire kingdom. Not that most of them hadn't deserved it.
Just as her mind returned once more to the clouded windows of that tavern, she saw a bright light coming toward her. As it came closer, she saw that it was a green light that could have only been made by one fairy.
"Go away, Tinkerbell," she ordered as the fairy materialized beside her. "I'm not in the mood."
"That probably means I shouldn't be going anywhere," the meddling fairy pointed out. "What's troubling you?"
Suddenly, Regina was furious. Yes, she had told her to leave, but if she wasn't going to do that, she would tell the fairy exactly what she wanted to know… and she would regret it. "You really want to know? Fine. I found out today that the infamous, noble Robin Hood is the man with the lion tattoo." To her horror, tears were now starting to fall down her cheeks, but she did nothing to stop them. She would deal with the mortification of this moment tomorrow. Right now all she wanted to do was let this fairy know exactly what she thought of her pixie dust.
"Why are you crying, Regina? That's wonderful news!" Tinkerbell gushed, her eyes bright with excitement. "Oh, this is so exciting, I can-"
"You'll do nothing," Regina warned, her eyes full of a fury that she hoped would prevent Tinkerbell from questioning her decision. That fairy had meddled in her life one too many times for her liking, and she wouldn't be doing so again, even if she had been helpful in rescuing her son from Rumple's father (as difficult as the fact that Peter Pan was Rumple's father was to believe). "This is between me and him. Is that understood? Even if you did-" To her unending embarrassment, tears were welling up once again. "At this point, I've learned: I'm not supposed to have a happy ending, so why bother trying?"
"Oh, Regina," Tinkerbell said softly, reaching out to put a hand on her shoulder, then retracting it when Regina flinched and backed away. "I know you've had tragic things happen in your life, but that doesn't mean your story will end that way."
Regina shook her head, refusing to believe the green fairy's words even for a moment. "On that, I have this feeling we'll agree to disagree for the rest of my life."
Tinkerbell sighed as Regina tried desperately to control her tears once more. "I believe you can. It may take some time, but you can, I promise. Pixie dust never lies, after all. You may have caused your and Robin's lives to go on a completely different course than they might've if you had gone in that tavern so many years ago, but now you can set things right."
"Are you saying that I shouldn't have cast that curse?" Regina asked, suddenly furious. If she was suggesting what she thought, she had another thought coming.
"Don't you?" Tinkerbell asked, her voice soft and surprisingly lacking any judgement for her past actions.
Regina didn't hesitate for a second before answering, "Absolutely not! I may regret some things I've done, but never that curse. If I hadn't cast it, I wouldn't have my son, and he's everything to me."
"You miss him, don't you?"
"Of course I do!" Regina shouted. "Just leave me alone, Tinkerbell. As always, you're not exactly helping."
The fairy huffed, clearly annoyed with her at this point. Honestly, Regina couldn't blame her- she got annoyed with herself too. In fact, she wondered how anyone managed to put up with her.
"Just think about what I said," Tinkerbell requested. "Maybe then, you can salvage everything." She left in a burst of green pixie dust, and once again, Regina was alone.
She went to bed not long after, and hadn't been more thankful to see the end of a day in a long time. Maybe in the light of a new day, everything would seem better.