Chicago, Illinois
July 2, 2034
He woke with a start. He always did. The nightmares didn't go away. Especially not since Sophie. She had been perfect. The love of his life. At least he thought. At first, he didn't know how to move on. When she left. Erin. His heart had been broken. He down spiraled, and his friends did everything they could. But they gave up after about a year of false hope. That he would bounce back. He went to work every day, went home and drank himself into oblivion. That was how it went for him. And it worked. He was as happy as he could be considering the circumstances. Then it all changed. He still remembered that day vividly in his head. When he got that letter. The one that changed his life forever.
Chicago, Illinois
May 29, 2018
His hands wouldn't stop shaking. It couldn't be. He can't go back. It would destroy him. He slowly opened it, and read with blurring vision:
Master Sergeant Jay Halstead,
You have been called back to the Rangers for active duty. Please report to base in Washington D.C. at 06:00 on June 1, 2018. The country thanks you for your service.
Captain Clay Rickards
Before he knew what he was doing, he was staring at her name. Erin Lindsay. As her voice filled the room through the phone, he quickly hung up. She had sounded almost… happy. Of course she was happy. She got away. She probably moved on. With that thought, he rushed to the district and into Hank's office. The words came pouring out. As Hank told him calmly to explain, he realized that his words had been a slurred jumble. He was on the verge of being drunk. The words came stumbling out, and before he knew it, he was sobbing, and Hank had his arms around him. He said that he would make the arrangements. That he should go home. Take off work. That he would have a job when he got back. That they shouldn't tell the team. Keep it a secret. He agreed. He doubted they would care anyway. He had shut everyone out a long time ago. He explained that it was a 12 month tour, so it would be a while. Hank said that was okay, Burgess can replace him temporarily. Then Hank drove him home. He passed out. When he woke up, he saw his bags packed. Hank was in his kitchen, sipping a coffee. They sat in silence for the next few hours, until Hank announced he was going to work. He almost joined him, until he realized the date. May 31. He was leaving today. That wasn't possible. He was passed out drunk for 2 days straight? Suddenly he heard Hank tell him he would be back to see him off. Then he went to bed. He was in shock. This wasn't supposed to happen. He had been taken off active duty. After that tour. The one where he and Mouse nearly died. They promised he wouldn't have to go back. But here he was. Going back. And he wasn't ready.
Manhattan, New York
July 2, 2034
"Mom!" Juliana yelled up the stairs.
As Erin ran down the stairs, late for work, she saw her 16-year old daughter, Juliana, still at home.
"What are you doing home?" Erin asked.
"I found it. That picture you keep in your wallet. It's Dad, isn't it. Why do you have a picture of him in your wallet. He broke your heart, Mom!" Juliana exclaimed.
"Annie, mind your tone. Your father didn't do anything wrong. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that for you to believe it," Erin snapped, reminded of Jay for the first time in years. She never told him. About Juliana. She couldn't bring herself to. She knew he would want to be a part of her life. But she left. She broke his heart. And she also couldn't bring herself to ever tell her daughter that. And that was what killed her. Every day. Jay was the love of her life. He always had been. She never found anybody else. But Juliana took that and interpreted that the reason Erin never talked about him was because he had broken her heart. And she never wanted her to think that.
"Mom. I'm sorry. It's just, you never talk about him. What am I supposed to believe? I know one thing about him. His last name. That's all I have of him. And you expect me to believe that you never think about him. I am clearly a reminder of him. I look almost nothing like you except the hair. I have blue eyes. You have brown. I have freckles. You have none. That photo? He has blue eyes and freckles, mom. What happened?" Juliana asked, pleading with her mother.
"Please, leave it alone. You need to get to school. I'll drive you, you can get a late pass," said Erin, dropping the conversation.
"No. I'm not going to school until you tell me something, anything. What happened with you two? Why did you end up here? Does he even know I exist? Or did you neglect to tell him about me?" Juliana spit rapid fire at Erin, demanding to know the answers.
"Annie! Stop! Okay. Look, you know I'm a cop. Well so is your father. As far as I know, he still is. I haven't talked to him since I left. And I intend to keep it that way. Okay, I broke his heart. I didn't even say goodbye. I can't just show up and pretend everything is good. I can't do that to him. He's moved on. I still talk to my old boss. He's my father, basically. He tells me how he's doing sometimes. Usually he doesn't give me an answer. He's moved on. I need to let him live his life. He deserves at least that after everything he went through in his life," Erin explained quickly, trying to get through without breaking down in front of her daughter. She needed to stay strong.
"Okay, but I don't get it. You loved each other, right? So why'd you leave?" Juliana pressed, wanting more answers.
Hesitantly, Erin replied, "It was a case we were working. It involved children. Those cases tended to get to me. They got to him too, though. We grew farther apart than ever. His wife came looking for him. It's a long story, but apparently, they served together, got married on a whim, and before he knew it, he was signing divorce papers, which she didn't turn in, let alone sign. He moved out, he said he didn't want me to deal with her shit. So we worked together, and that was it. But that wasn't good enough for me. I was angry. We had a suspect. I nearly killed him trying to find a missing boy. He gave it up. But Jay found him in the trunk of a car, dead. That nearly destroyed Jay. Alvin said he pounded on that kid's chest for what felt like forever. He wouldn't give up. They had to drag him away from that kid. Then, I was under investigation. And he showed up at the apartment, on the verge of tears. And I pushed him away. That moment stayed with me forever. Before I knew it, I was in New York, working for the FBI and I had a baby growing in my stomach. His baby. I never forgave myself, Annie. I swear," Erin explained, letting a few tears fall near the end.
"How could you? How could you do that?" Juliana asked, almost crying as well.
"I know. It's horrible. But I didn't know what I was doing. I swear. I acted on impulse. Please, Juliana, you need to understand. I would have lost my job, my apartment. Him. I did what I thought was right. Please," Erin pleaded with her daughter.
"You know what, I'll find my own way to school. Have fun at work, mom," Juliana said with attitude.
"Annie, please. Just, wait. You can stay home today. I'll do anything to make this right. Please," Erin tried one last time.
"No, it's okay, mom. I think I'm good. School will give me a few hours to think about it," she answered. She left. She didn't understand. As she got on her bike, she thought about that picture. How she found it. Her mom asked her to grab a twenty from her wallet. And instead she had grabbed a small picture of a good-looking guy who was smiling with his arm wrapped around her mother's shoulders. And her mom. She looked beautiful. She was wearing makeup. She barely does that anymore. And she was smiling. She looked happy. Genuinely happy. She had never seen her mother smile that way in the 16 years she has known her. With love, sure, but with pure adoration and happiness and nothing else. Never. She was staring into her father's eyes. He looked just as happy. He had big blue-green eyes that almost exactly matched hers. He had freckles running over his nose like she had. He had a big bright smile that could light up any room, just like she had. But all she could think about was that picture. They looked so in love it hurt. How had they split up? Now that her mom was forthcoming, she understood. That was the only picture she had ever seen of her father. But her mom said he moved on. He found someone else. In that one picture, though, you would never think he could move on. She thought again. 15 years. One picture. She had nothing. She needed to know. Her mother wouldn't help her. So just like her mother had, she acted on instinct. She bought a plane ticket to Chicago, and before she knew it, she was on a plane headed straight there.