Qui vit sans folie n'est pas si sage qu'il croit. (Who lives without folly is not as wise as he thinks.)
- La Rochefoucauld
"Link, I have to go check on my gremlins. Let's rendezvous at the outer gatehouse in twenty minutes, OK?"
Link nodded to Zelda but she gave Jon a concerning look.
"And you stay out of trouble," the queen mothered her tall knight.
"Don't worry about me," Jon remarked.
"Oh, I do worry. That's why you're still alive. I'll keep worrying about you for that alone…"
Jon watched the queen go, rather puzzled. "You won't tell her about Tanneguy? Weren't you listening? Don't you realize what he did to your father, the former guard captain?"
Link pondered, unsure of how to process the idea of fatherhood or being a child. How much did he think about who his father was? The superseding Great Deku Tree mentioned his mother but never his father.
"You look the sneakier sort, Link. Follow him to where he lives and take him out. The queen likes you, I'm pretty sure she'd never expect it was you."
Link frowned. "You don't understand anything about me."
"Do unto him what he did to your father."
"I do not stand for vengeful murder."
"How can you just stand idly knowing what happened?"
"I never act without thinking." Unless I run off a cliff…
"Sometimes, you don't need to think."
"That's what makes mistakes, Jon."
"That's the point. That's how you correct everything."
Link raised an eyebrow from Jon's reply. "Zelda's just trying to prevent a civil war. So be like Zelda."
"Ah, understandable. Anyways, I'll be off. I have to maintain my equipment, I already hear them crying from lack of attention. And I gotta make sure the old man's alright. See you next time, Link, it was nice meeting you."
Link fought the urge to wave him off, Jon totally untroubled. They parted ways, some loyalist and separatist knights watching Jon go but said nothing. Link noticed some knights' shields had red crosses instead of the Hyrulean insignia, present for both factions. At first he thought it would be only, or mostly, the older knights to be rebellious, though among their ranks were squires and younger knights. The various knights sometimes nodded to Link, he impassive.
A separatist knight briefly raised his cross-emblazoned shield. "Salus per Christum Redemptorem."
Link headed to a certain shop, partly damaged from the riot though relatively intact. He held the doorknob and paused. He turned his head, for a moment seeing a child in green who disappeared amongst passersby. Link cocked his head. "Hm."
The Hero of Time entered the Happy Mask Shop, inside full of unhappy darkness. The door closed and locked by itself, Link looking back. Two beams of crisscrossing lights appeared up ahead, so bright Link raised his hand to cover his eyes, helm still held in his other arm. The various masks flanking the shop glimmered, their faces contorting with grimaces as if possessed. Few by few, the masks tilted towards Link, their eye sockets and mouths slowly dripping blood.
"Aww, boo-hoo, why the sad faces?" a distorted, high-pitched voice teased.
Pupils adjusted, Link lowered his arm. A figure dressed in skintight velvet turned around and sat on the counter, arms crossed, one leg over the other. The lanky figure was within crossbeams of shining lights. The robe accentuated the wearer's womanly features. She wore the Mask of Truth over a purple frame of some sort; a mask over a mask? Two masks? She had immense brown hair, covering everything from either side of the Mask of Truth and hanging to her knees.
Link did his surprised reaction.
The mysterious person levitated, lying sideways mid-air, keeping her arms and legs crossed. She cocked her head, immense hair nearly reaching the floor. "What's with that stupid look on your face?"
She slowly lowered her mask, revealing a pair of gigantic, spherical, orange-reddish eyes around green irises, eyelids acutely diagonal. Her forehead, centrally grooved front to back, had simple tattoos, consisting of two sets of three orange triangles above each eye, a spike-shaped horn above each eye pointing upwards from atop the brow.
An unforgettable visage!
Link scowled, gripping his sword hilt. He remembered, so long ago, when he saw his reflection in the water, and how much he screamed at the wooden visage. "You again."
The woman chuckled. "Yes, friend, me again. It was quite a journey, sitting inside the salesman's backpack…all the way from Termina to Hyrule… Your homeland's moon looks so bored! A shame I no longer have the power I used to. Your land hasn't had any renovations since…Din, I believe?"
She tossed the Mask of Truth away, revealing that the iconic, spiky, purple mask was instead a real, heart-shaped (yet oversized) face, though scarred with blue cracks. Her tall body, no longer monstrous, instead quite human save for velvety skin lined with intricate tattoos (and her outlining facial spikes). Her thin lips spread into a toothy smile, revealing a row of perfectly white yet triangular teeth. "I just thought I'd have a little fun. You didn't think we finished playing tag, did you?"
Link unsheathed his sword, neither Master nor magical, yet functional. "Where is he?"
She straightened her head and shrugged. "Not here, that's all I know. I guess he headed to Termina again, but this time, became a Stalfos in the Lost Woods. Looks like I have a lot in common with that forest!"
Unfazed, Link approached his old nemesis.
Majora pushed her hand through her hair. "Oh, come on now! Do you think you can really beat me in this new form? Fool! I remember every move you made last time. And now, I know everything to—"
Link flipped her over one-handed, she thudded against the floor.
Googly-eyed, Majora regained herself. "Ow…"
Link thrust his sword; Majora kneed it aside while extending her other leg into Link and pushing him back. She rolled backwards over her shoulders then sprang to her feet. She leaned over and hissed; Link threw his helm at her face and she jumped back, holding her bleeding visage while prancing on the spot from sheer pain.
She gasped as Link raised his sword. The masks flanking the shop spun mid-air and flung at Link, some shattering against him. He batted aside a SuperMario Mask and charged Majora; she acutely cocked her head, some hair forming into a whippy appendage which lassoed Link's sword arm.
Link grabbed the hair-tentacle with his free hand and yanked, Majora gasping and staggering forwards.
"Don't pull my hair!" she hissed. Balance regained, Majora grabbed her weaponized hair and pulled, a tug of war ensuing. Contrary to her litheness, she was quite strong in the arms.
Link tossed his sword over and caught it with his right hand, blade shimmering as it cut through the mass of intertwining hair, his arm freed.
Majora watched as the severed end of her hair went limp, still tied around Link's arm. "OK, now it's war," she growled as the rest of her weaponized hair retracted into the back of her head.
She went on all fours, head twitchy as it tilted side to side rhythmically. Several appendages of hair emerged, as if immense spider legs stretching out, tapping against the walls, floor and ceiling. She crawled with spastic movements.
Link kept his sword high, cutting at the whipping appendages until one spiralled up his sword and wrenched it out his grasp. Majora leapt, catching his legs and pulling them into herself, Link falling backwards. Majora's arachnid appendages unfurled into a web as she twitched over him. He threw punches but, surprisingly, she caught his hands with her own and pushed them against the floor.
Link writhed but Majora hooked her legs under his. She panted heavily but did nothing, her hair curtaining around Link's face. They caught their breath.
A pause.
Majora's spider-appendages went limp then sunk back into her head. Breath held, she cocked her head. "You are very…good-looking." Her massive eyes blinked once, twice. "You look so cute when I hold your wrists out like this."
Link grunted, letting his head hit the floor and the rest of his body to lose tenseness. "Are you going to get off me?"
Majora relaxed. "Nope."
Link sighed. "Ugh… Second time today…"
Majora's waist snaked up Link's. She lowered until Link felt her fresh breath, his face illuminated by her partly bioluminescent eyes. She grinned, shark-like teeth flashing. Slowly, her immense tongue slithered out…
"Get off me, you crazy bitch!" Link lifted his hips, off balancing Majora, pulling her arm back and causing her to fall forwards while he slid aside.
Majora swung her head around, hair whipping, her face…idiotically surprised with her tongue hanging out like a pendulum, her puppy dog eyes pulsating with desperation.
"And this whole time, I thought you were going to try to kill me…" Link sheathed his sword and went to fetch his helm.
"Wha, whuh… Wait! Don't go!" She turned, sat on her heels, sucked her tongue back in, and fixed her hair. "I need your sword inside my sheathe!"
Link rattled the locked doorknob; Majora tiptoed after him. Entire body shivering, forearms upwards, she curled around Link and purred in his ear. Link ignored her; she surprised him with sudden strength and spun him around, he dropping his helm.
Majora leaned until her forehead touched Link's, then purred, "I'm burning to get it on with you."
Link pushed her to the floor then tried to unlock the door; an appendage whipped around his neck and reeled him over.
Frustrated, Link growled.
"Oo! I like that! Do it again!" Majora begged.
Link hoisted Majora off the floor, threw her over his shoulder, and charged into the door, using her as a battering ram. The door blasted apart. Unstopped, Link ran across the marketplace, a screaming Majora over him. Various knights and citizens stepped aside as Link threw Majora into the fountain, her screech bubbling underwater until silenced.
Water splashed as knights and guards gathered around the fountain to see what the hell just happened.
Two spikes poked out the water before Majora's face surfaced, mouth open and gargling bubbles. She caught her breath and narrowed her eyes at Link. Majora's eyes slowly widened as she realized she was surrounded by many knights and guards.
She haplessly looked around. "Umm, hi. I'm not an evil monster or anything…"
A guard slowly clapped his hands for a while. "Ten out of ten, my dude, ten out of ten."
Majora shrugged. She turned her head, a round blue thing bobbing, staring at her with beady black eyes.
"What's a baby Zora doing here?" Link asked.
Majora pulled the round blue thing into a hug. "I don't know but he's mine."
"It appeared recently, actually," a guard remarked.
The baby Zora flipped out Majora's arms, smacking her across the face with his tail, flopped into the water, and swam off.
Link shook his head and walked off.
"Link! Wait!" Majora got up. "WWWWWWAAAIII—" She slipped against the edge of the fountain and splatted back into the water.
Link retrieved his helm and headed out.
Majora popped back up and shook her curtain of hair, flicking water drops everywhere, nearby guards shielding their eyes. She threw all her hair back and stepped out the fountain.
Link couldn't even look at the goofy fool. Majora's skintight velvet did not help now that she was wet, her nipples visibly poking underneath the fabric, the lips at her crotch no exception. The leaky lady scuttled after Link…