Crowley woke slowly to the gentlest of touches on his forearm.

He shifted a little, he was too comfortable, too tired to move. He felt warm, calm, maybe he was happy? No, this wasn't happiness, but it certainly was near it.

He let out a barely audible grunt in response and settled himself better between the sheets.

If he ignored it, it might just stop.

But it didn't, the touch continued, this time more insistent.

"Stop it, angel," he blurted out, his words heavy with sleepiness.

"That's new" replied a voice that was definitely not Aziraphale's "But, I do have an angel's name, I guess"

Crowley was too sleepy to feel afraid, but he could feel something ignite inside of him, something a lot like outrage at the very idea that someone thought themselves worthy of such a perfect nickname like angel.

With effort, he opened one eye. Gabriel was standing right next to the bed, his violet eyes examining him with excessive curiosity, he wasn't worthy at all "Nnn-no, no ... I wasn't talking to you" he answered hastily.

Gabriel smirked and gave him a knowing look "Of course you aren't" then he took a couple of steps back, giving him space and glancing up and down "So how do you feel? That medicine really knocked you out, didn't it?"

Crowley slowly rubbed his eyelids, trying to remove any trace of drowsiness, but his entire body was begging him to go back to sleep. Too tired, too tired… He tried to think about the question "I feel drowsy"

He couldn't see Gabriel's expression, but he heard him hum and move around the room "Nothing else?"

What was he supposed to feel? Without his fears taking control of him, he thought Gabriel was really exasperating, why such a need of waking him in this early?

With frustration he rubbed his eyes once more, the heaviness of his eyelids wasn't faltering. He opened his mouth to say something, before closing it and licking his lips. He was terribly thirsty, he realized. His lips were dry and cracked, and there was that feverish feeling of needing water.

He stayed on the bed, clinging to the sheets that covered his entire body, he looked for Gabriel, the alpha was browsing through the bags that Crowley had left untouched in the corner, once again Crowley felt anger creep inside him "I'm quite thirsty, now that you mention it"

He was feeling more and more awake, making him more aware of his feelings. He glanced sideways for the candlestick, his only weapon if...

"Why haven't you unpacked?" Gabriel questioned, glancing at some of Crowley's clothes.

"I don't know" he replied hoarsely. He really wasn't sure why he hadn't unpacked, it's not like he wanted to go back to the shelter in the least.

But he didn't want to feel too comfortable in this place either, didn't wanted to feel this bedroom like it was his. After all, he had plans, plans to escape, to flee away…

Looking at Gabriel, he was sure the alpha wouldn't care that much, maybe he would feel relieved, even.

Gabriel looked at the clothes for another moment and grimaced, then turned his attention to Crowley again. "Some are not your size," he observed.

"Oh, really?" Crowley replied curtly "I hadn't noticed"

Gabriel looked amused at Crowley's grumpiness and smiled as he delicately folded an old shirt "No problem, I'll take you shopping for new clothes soon" he said more to himself than to Crowley.

He was used to that, most alphas talked like he wasn't there, even if he was the topic of conversation.

Gabriel seemed to satisfy his curiosity with Crowley's clothing and stepped closer again. Now that he was more conscious, Crowley felt a lump in his throat, he tried to recoil on the bed, he felt that this had happened before, he in bed, an alpha approaching. Oh no, oh no, oh no...

Gabriel stopped, right next to him.

"You should get up and get ready quickly" and he smiled again, showing his teeth "I prepared some good plans for you today, you will like them, I'm sure" he said rubbing his hands with a childish excitement.

Crowley was sure he would hate those "plans".

"I want to sleep" he replied avoiding looking the alpha directly into his eyes.

"Uh, no" Gabriel replied quickly "You could sleep later, but now you must eat" he paused to take out a pocket watch and show it to him "It's already an hour after noon, and you didn't have dinner"

Crowley stared at the clock, there was no way he had slept uninterruptedly for so long. He turned his head towards the window, still in disbelief.

"Yes, yes, I was starting to have concerns" Gabriel continued speaking "I sent some servants, they knocked on the door and you didn't answer" he shrugged and offered a slight smile "But, I guess you were just tired"

Crowley offered no response, just kept staring at him uncertainly.

"Well, come on. Get ready, and eat well. When you're done, go to my study, I'll be waiting for you" he made a vague wave of his hand before heading to the door "Oh... and seriously, eat well, please"

That sounded more like a polite request than an order.

He must have heard wrong, after all, he was still very drowsy...

Crowley managed to eat all of his food without feeling bad, not even nervous, which was a relief. He also drank water as if he had just left a desert, almost desperate, if this was an effect of the thing that Gabriel gave him in the night he didn't know, but if that was the only effect, it was more than a right price.

He was alone in the dining room, except for another maid and for Tracy, who did not seem to take an eye off him, apparently the old woman had assigned herself the task of watching over Crowley, she never started a conversation, but every time Crowley turned to look at her, she answered him with a kind smile.

Too bad the workers at the shelter weren't half as nice as Tracy.

After his meal was finished, Crowley stayed where he was, wondering what to do. He already knew what he had to do, but he didn't want to. He waited at least ten minutes before deciding that he would have to do it one way or another.

"Uh, the alpha asked me to go to his study ... I mean, Gabriel, his study" he asked meekly.

Madame Tracy nodded "Follow me, dear"

Crowley suppressed a grunt, he wasn't sure how many times he had told Tracy not to call him that. But this time he let it go, he had other things to worry about.

He memorized the corridors that Tracy led Crowley through, took note of the vases, the pretty paintings, anything in case he needed to remember the way well, in case Gabriel asked him to come to his study more times.

He felt that he was surrendering to his own damnation. Gabriel said he had plans. What kind of plans was beyond his comprehension, perhaps such a capricious alpha like Gabriel called a quick fuck in his study "plans".

He shuddered and hoped that wasn't the case.

"There we are" Tracy said stopping in front of a door.

He nodded "thank you," he said as he watched the old woman go down the opposite hall.

He faced the door and couldn't help but freeze. He was doing very well, until he realized that he couldn't reach out his hand and just open the door.

It is just a door.

But what if behind the door was the same type of monster from his nightmares?

It is just a door. It is just a door. It is just a door.

Gabriel was waiting for him behind the door. He should obey, not impatient him.

His heartbeat was ringing in his ears, his mouth had turned dry, he didn't want to, didn't want...

The door opened and Crowley couldn't even step back before meeting violet eyes.

"Ah, I thought I heard something" Gabriel smiled and opened the door wider "Come in" he added as he stepped aside.

Crowley stayed where he was, staring into the room. It wasn't dark, there were no chains, no bed, it didn't look like anything out of his nightmares.

Gabriel looked at him, with puzzled eyes "You can come in, Crowley" he repeated.

Crowley just looked back at him, not very convinced.

"I just want to talk?"

He sighed and nodded, managing to take a couple of steps, wrapped himself in his arms, feeling more secure that way. Gabriel gave him a worried look, but he didn't seem to object.

Inside, Crowley got a better look at the study, it definitely looked like just that; A study. As well decorated as the rest of the house, there were many papers on the desk, a large window and, it could not be missing, a mirror and a couple of paintings.

Gabriel approached "Sit down, sit down" he said as he approached the desk to take what looked like a notebook.

"Look, I was thinking" he started to say as he made gestures with his hands, waving the notebook "How to solve the whole problem, you know"

Crowley raised an eyebrow "The problem?"

"Yes!" he replied too brightly "You ... uh, constant fear?"

Crowley frowned. Of course, no alpha liked it when Crowley had one of his panic attacks, it was impractical and made the whole reproductive thing more complicated, so to speak.

But Gabriel didn't seem to mean that. In fact, he looked anxious, as if he was trying too hard to appear friendly.

"You're afraid because you don't know what to expect. It's a different house, with different people, and ,well, me" continued the alpha, his voice certain that what he was saying was right "In short, you're scared of uncertainty"

Crowley scratched his head, no one had really bothered to inquire into his nervousness.

"I'm right?" Gabriel asked suddenly, the certainty of his words leaving him "Crowley, am I right, eh?"

"I suppose...?" he answered looking down, he didn't want a scolding for doubting "I mean, I guess so, alpha"

"Gabriel" he corrected. He cleared his throat "I thought so... But that's fine! I don't like not knowing what's going to happen either" he said as he put a hand on his chest, Crowley almost believed him "So I took the trouble to make you an agenda" he extended his hand to offer him the notebook.

Crowley inspected it carefully before taking it "An agenda" he repeated, emotionless. He had no idea how that was going to help him.

"Yes! Look, so you know what I will do each day of the week, so you don't have to worry about where I will be, so, you know, you don't have to worry about me jumping to attack you or whatever, you also know what to expect from the servants. It makes sense, doesn't it?" he tried to explain "And, you can fill it with your own activities" then he returned to desk and took another notebook, much like Crowley's, except it looked a lot more used "Look, it even matches mine."

"My activities did you say?"

Gabriel frowned "Of course you can't sleep all day, it's not healthy" then he softened his expression with a political smile "I hope you find some chores to entertain your mind"

"Right"

The alpha continued to watch him silently, as if he expected something more. Did he expect Crowley to jump for joy just over an agenda?

Gabriel seemed to give up "So" he looked around "Uh, for now, since you're still not comfortable, I took the liberty of arranging some activities for you" with a gesture he pointed to the agenda for Crowley to open it.

Crowley obeyed and looked "... Breakfast at eight, reading at nine, exercise at ten thirty, lunch at twelve, walk at two, dinner at seven?" he looked up with a puzzled look, seeking Gabriel's expression.

"Everything is changeable except meal times, obviously. And of course, you can fill in the blanks" he nodded. "Do you agree?"

Crowley did not know what to answer, he had learned to agree without considering much "I guess"

Gabriel seemed exasperated at the lack of initiative, but it didn't take long before he forced a smile again. "Amazing" clapped his hands.

Once again, they fell into awkward silence, Crowley trying to avoid direct contact with the alpha's eyes.

He glanced around the room, at the corners, trying to catch small clues about Gabriel life, maybe. He seemed to be stupidly organized and very focused on work, whatever his work was, because Crowley was sure that he wasn't a politician. He seemed like a landlord, but…

"Ahem" Gabriel cleared his throat "I think we should also discuss your concerns a bit more" he said, but it was obvious that he wanted to avoid the subject "I'll be very clear, I don't want a mate, and obviously neither do you, so we both happy, aren't we?"

Crowley frowned and narrowed his eyes suspiciously "So"

"So?" Gabriel repeated confused.

"You won't fuck me, yeah?" Crowley said slowly, without delicacy.

Gabriel stared at him, his eyebrows raised, puzzled at the rawness. Then he softened his expression and smirked "Only if you ask nicely"

Crowley blinked, and lowered his head, his eyes downcast, looking at the carpet at his feet. Alright then. He could play along with that, it wouldn't be the first time.

Beg for it, whore.

"I understand" he muttered under his breath.

Gabriel's smug expression changed to one of complete uneasiness "Wait, you understand what?" he moved closer to Crowley "No,no, that was a joke, you don't have to-" he held his breath "Thought it was funny"

Crowley raised his head and shot him an accusing, hurt look.

"No! Not funny in that way, I don't think it's funny that you..." he turned his back on him and drummed his fingers on the desk "Nevermind, just forget it, bad joke. My bad"

Gabriel took a minute to collect himself, then he faced Crowley, sporting a forced smile one more time "What I mean, is that no, I'm not going to, you know, fuck you" he paused "let alone ask you to pretend that you want to, yeah, well, you got me, so all right, yes?"

Crowley just stared at his new agenda in silence, it wasn't like he believed Gabriel too much, nor did he swallow the whole 'hey! I'm kind, let your guard down' thing.

"Yes?" Gabriel pressed, his brows draw together in a frown. Crowley noticed he may have been in silence for too long "Crowley?"

"Stop it" he blurted out in what seemed like a moment of great courage "If what you are waiting for is me to trust you, so you can put your hands on me, just do it already because otherwise, you will wait forever" he spat while looking fiercely at him, his lips curled showing his teeth, like an animal ready to pounce.

Gabriel let out an indignant noise, pulled his chest out more, as if his pride had been hurt "Who do you take me for, seriously? I already told you I'm not going to-!" he cut himself off and started walking around the room, then took his own agenda and opened it to show Crowley "Look! I consider myself very, very attached to plans, so if I was going to do something I would write it down!" he almost threw the agenda at him so Crowley could read it "Does there say something about fucking you? No!"

Crowley didn't bother to read anything, he wondered if Gabriel thought he was stupid enough to believe that anyone would write down something like that ... or maybe Gabriel was being irrational, he really seemed somewhat neurotic.

For an alpha, he was weird, indeed.

"You could do it between the blanks though." Crowley decided that he would play along, he was starting to feel something akin to amusement rather than fear.

"I will not!" he snorted and pressed his palm against his forehead, giving up "Well, I guess this is useless"

On that he could agree, so he nodded slightly. He glanced at Gabriel's agenda, it was true that he seemed to write down everything. At least, he decided to gave him the benefit of the doubt "Well, I'll believe you. But"

"But?" Gabriel looked up at him, his eyes sparkling with curiosity.

"But if this all is a lie, you will officially be worse than any of the other alphas. The absolutely worst. And you will deserve hell for that"

Crowley knew this was a useless threat, but it gave him the slightest sense of power. At least he could make it clear how disgusting the whole thing seemed to him. Make it clear how much hate Crowley had under the surface.

Gabriel blinked, but nodded "Fair enough...Deal" he extended his hand to take back his agenda. "Great talk" he looked at him radiantly, this time his smile did not seem forced.

Yes, very rare for an alpha.

Gabriel carefully placed the agenda on his desk and then looked at him "Well, we better get going, right?"

A faint fear returned, Crowley could feel it creep up his back. He shifted in his seat "What for? You said we were just going to talk-"

Gabriel leaned against the desk, tapping his fingers against it "Check your agenda, sugarcube" he answered brightly.

Crowley frowned but looked at his agenda "Ah... a walk?" he raised his eyebrows in surprise "Is it supposed to be a walk with you?"

"Well, not necessarily. But today I will show you around" he explained and looked towards the window "And I could show you a quick tour of the mansion. I guess no one has shown you the mansion well, I'm wrong?"

"No"

"Of course not, I have to do it all myself" he said, although he seemed to say it without any weight in his words, he did not seem particularly angry "come on, then"

He thought about refusing or protesting, but it really would be very useful to know the place better, with resignation he stood up and allowed Gabriel to guide him through the mansion.

The fear never really left him, but it was manageable. And Gabriel's endless chattering helped to make it manageable, not that he paid too much attention to what he said, Gabriel talked fast and changed the subject equally fast. Something about the paintings, about his childhood, his favorite room, Crowley didn't care, but somehow it felt good, Gabriel wasn't ignoring him, he talked to him like an equal. It was different and it feel good.

It wasn't until Gabriel showed him another of several drawing rooms that Crowley suddenly felt like talking "Do you really live totally alone?"

Gabriel raised an eyebrow, surely wondering what had to do the question with his explanation of how a rug was almost stolen "I don't live alone, in case you haven't noticed the number of servants" he answered simply.

"You do not have family" Crowley stated.

Gabriel shrugged "Yes, I have, my father just prefers to live in the city and left me the country house, I suspect he did so he has excuses to not to see me." he made a thoughtful pause "But honestly, I prefer this way, I like here much more than the city" he added with a smile.

Crowley considered that answer "So, the house is not yours?"

The alpha let out a laugh "Technically. But my father stopped being able to understand business documents years ago, he owes more to me than I to him" he shrugged again.

It was disturbing to hear how indifferent the alpha spoke, referring to his father like he talked about a client. Crowley cocked his head "And your mo-"

"I never meet them" he replied emotionless, "You see, I was raised by servants. Father was just there to, uh, straighten me out, so to speak"

"Oh"

"Yes, but where was I? Ah, yes,I was telling you, I had just bought this rug that you see here, when suddenly ..." Gabriel continued speaking as if the subject was not of importance in the least.

And maybe it wasn't. Crowley didn't care about his family either. He had plenty of time to come to terms with his orphanhood.

And it seemed like Gabriel had had plenty of time too.

The tour went relatively normal, Crowley did not speak again after that, and Gabriel never closed his mouth, maybe he even enjoyed it, just a little. And know he had a better idea about the house in general, it was less terrying now.

Then Gabriel decided that he had covered the basics of the house, so it was time to get out. Once outside, Crowley noticed that it was a gray day. The breeze was cold and the clouds covered the sky like a blanket. He felt a chill run down his spine, it was going to rain.

"The weather is usually like that here" Gabriel informed him, he was looking at the sky too "You will get used to it"

Crowley inhaled deeply the pure air, it was so different, so many different scents to what he was used to in that filthy shelter. Gabriel was right, this place was much better than the city.

Crowley had no hope that Gabriel would let him spend the rest of the afternoon in the garden, nor was he going to ask, but he walked as slowly as possible, detailing the different types of flowers and shrubs and taking mental notes on the ones that didn't seem like it. in optimal conditions.

"You like them, huh?" Gabriel stopped next to him to look at the rose bushes "They call these Mousseline"

"I didn't know there were roses of this color" Crowley replied, they were a soft shade of purple and pink.

"There aren't" Gabriel explained and waved his hand vaguely, "well, there weren't. Florists manage to create new varieties with different colors every day, a bit like magic. These were created by a florist in France" he extended a hand to gently touch the petals of onr "I'm proud to have them"

It seemed, totally natural, that Gabriel went to another country just to get flowers of his favorite color, Crowley thought.

"But hey, shall we continue?"

He didn't want to, he wanted to stay in the garden until the sun went down, but he had no choice, did he? Maybe tomorrow...

Gabriel continued talking during the walk, they were moving away from the mansion and Crowley noted, with an uncomfortable choking sensation that with each step away from the mansion, the more he felt the fear spread. Every moment he stopped to look back he felt a knot in his throat, and he didn't knew why.

He wasn't picking up any of Gabriel's words now, Gabriel was distant, he wasn't there, in other place...

"Crowley!" Gabriel called him "Don't stay there, come, come" he smiled, they were approaching what looked like kennels. The sound of howls confirmed his suspicions.

He hesitated before approaching cautiously, he wasn't feeling right, it was as if the air was getting heavier.

There were many dogs, of different races and colors, although most of them looked like hunting dogs. They all looked in excellent shape and with shiny, well-groomed fur.

Oh. So that explained Sandalphon's nasty comment about Gabriel. A part of him felt upset at Sandalphon now that he knew the context a little more. What a moron.

"Look, I have the best dogs in the whole country" Gabriel said with a bright smile as he opened some of the kennels. Crowley couldn't help but think of a kid showing off his pet. He had the memory that when he was a child, in the orphanage there was a boy around his age who would always show off his pet rat. Until one day the rat bit him and flee away. And Crowley saw how he got sick and suffered in bed, until one day the child did not wake up.

He remembered that very clearly. Maybe that's why he didn't have much interest in animals.

"Do you want to pet one?" Gabriel questioned as he tried to decide which of all the dogs to pay attention to.

Crowley shifted his weight from one leg to the other, uncomfortable. They were far from the mansion "I don't want to" he answered distractedly.

"Oh" Gabriel sounded disappointed, but he didn't insist, instead he just started listing the dogs' names.

Crowley didn't know what to do, he didn't know what was wrong, but something was wrong. He looked around, there were no walls. If he had to run, he would run and run… and run… it was open field. He could see a wooded area in the distance, a forest who knows how big. He bit his lower lip, how was he supposed to escape from there? If he managed to get to the forest, he would get lost, surely.

He looked at the opposite direction, the old road. If he followed it, he could get to the city but…

The cold breeze made him shiver, he could feel him every time he tried to breathe faster, the more he thought about it, the more it cost him.

Keep calm, keep calm.

One of the dogs approached him, curious, only sniffing at Crowley's feet. Crowley instead took a step back, but the dog continued to approach, and another, and another.

"They won't do anything to you, they are trained" he heard Gabriel say.

"I-I don't want them around" He took more steps back, almost tripping over his own feet.

Gabriel frowned "You three, come here!" he raised his voice and the dogs immediately obeyed "Good, good, good boys"

The alpha turned his attention to Crowley and looked at him with concern "What's wrong?"

Crowley was hyperventilating now, a thunder cracked in the distance. "I want to go back." He looked back, the mansion seemed far, far away.

Gabriel approached Crowley "But you haven't seen the stables and-"

"I want to go back"

"But-"

"I want to go back! Now!" he screamed as if his life depended on it. He spun around so abruptly that he nearly fell to the ground.

"Hey" Gabriel took him by the forearm, his eyes expressed nothing but confusion.

"Don't- don't- no, don't touch me, don't!"

Crowley grabbed Gabriel's wrist, trying to pull away and started to wrestle, desesperated, his eyes wide with terror "No! No! Please!" he began to repeat and babble things that did not make sense to Gabriel.

"Alright, alright" Gabriel released him and raised his hands in a soothing way "I won't do anything to you"

"I want to go back," Crowley said under his breath, barely audible.

"We'll be back, we'll be back, just breathe?" Gabriel stepped back "Breathe"

Crowley tried to obey, but he wasn't working, soon he began to feel that his chest ached and he was short of breath "C-can't"

"Is all right, we're going back, let's go" Doubtful about leaving his dogs out of their kennels, Gabriel started walking back "Come on, we're not far away"

Crowley wrapped his arms around himself and followed Gabriel, both pausing time to time so Crowley could catch his breath and then to move forward again.

By the time they got back to the garden, Crowley was regaining his normal, controlled breathing. Gabriel glanced at him, he seemed to have many, many questions, but he didn't say anything and Crowley didn't wanted to say anything either.

When they entered the house, Tracy was waiting for them with a tray with biscuits and tea "How did it go?" She smiled tenderly.

Crowley offered no response and only retreated to his bedroom with shaky steps, not looking back at them at all.

Gabriel sighed and took one of the mugs "He doesn't like dogs" he said as he took a sip and went back out to make sure each dog stayed in his kennel.

Crowley spent the rest of the afternoon locked in his room, once again he decided to have dinner alone

He spent the whole time trying to make sense of what had happened outside. He was ashamed of his cowardice to what seemed like nothing.

Everything was going very well by his standards, he was sure it was not dogs, he was not very fond of animals, but he was definitely not terrified of them.

And, it's not like they've walked impossibly far.

He from time to time he opened his new agenda to check. Gabriel had signed up for a walk every day, that hadn't seemed like a problem until the moment he started to lose his cool. He now he wasn't sure he could do it.

He couldn't do something as simple as walking, apparently.

He heard three knocks on the door and Crowley knew it was Gabriel, he could not only smell the alpha, he could also feel it in the way he was knocking on the door.

"Come in?"

Crowley was sure the alpha was just going to ask him about what had happened in the afternoon, he didn't feel like talking about it, but he didn't feel in a position to refuse either, yet.

Instead, Gabriel came in with the same medicine from the night before. Crowley's gaze flashed with anticipation.

The sweet soft numbness, no thoughts, no fear, no worries, no nightmares.

"Do you want to take it tonight too?" Gabriel questioned, his voice low.

Crowley did not hesitate to nod energetically "Yes".

Gabriel curled his lips, as if he expected another answer, but he nodded and served Crowley a spoonful.

Once Crowley took the morphine, the two of them exchanged glances in silence. Gabriel seemed to want to say something else.

He opened and closed his lips a few times, until finally he just said "Good night" and left.

Crowley just got comfortable on the bed and looked at the ceiling, feeling how slowly the morphine turned off his senses and made him forget about his fears, leaving him with nothing, there was nothing, it was like ceasing to live just for a while, and he was starting to love that.