Crowley watched curiously from the window, peering at each of the new omegas who were being escorted in rows to the shelter.
Crowley had heard about the matter, somewhere in the city a shelter had suffered a terrible fire, leaving a good number of omegas homeless. The copious group was divided, and various shelters were given the task of accepting a number of the omegas.
And, from what he had heard, his shelter had reluctantly agreed to participate. The headmistress did not look very cheerful as she held up papers from the new omegas and introduced her to them. Neither were most of the workers at the shelter nor Crowley's companions, it meant less food and less space. But Crowley was feeling quite curious, happy, even, to see some new faces.
In fact, anything outside of the routine felt like a blessing, there weren't many things to do at the shelter and Crowley already considered himself an expert in the very few recreational activities the shelter offered.
And they weren't recreational, they were qualifying. Activities that would serve any householder omega. How to sew, how to cook, how to take good care of clothes.
Crowley chuckled, the day he had an alpha, they would surely be impressed by Crowley's great skills in sewing, there weren't many other ways to occupy his time so Crowley had become the best in the shelter for that matter. He could imagine the situation: his alpha would look in surprise at the beautiful embroidery Crowley could create, then they would smile and say how lucky they are to have such a skilled omega, then they would give Crowley an amorous hug, the type of hug that someone in love would give.
Crowley had already been in the hands of an alpha, his first experience with one, but that alpha wasn't the indicated, and Crowley was happy to be back at the shelter. Actually, it was an experience best not to think about. But he considered himself an optimist and hoped for another, one much better. The next would be good, the next would not get tired of praising and showing Crowley off, the next would be... kind.
Beside him one of the omegas came over to look out the window as well.
"How many new omegas there are?"
Crowley narrowed his eyes "At least twenty, I think"
The omega let out an appreciative whistle "Many new mouths to feed", he looked at the bedroom and shook his head "And someone is going to have to sleep on the floor"
Crowley nodded thoughtfully, suddenly grateful that he at least had a bed "At least they'll come up with interesting stories, yeah?"
"Doubt it, all shelters are the same, the mosrt interesting history to hear will be how their shelter burned down to pieces"
Crowley scoffed, the omega next to him was just as experienced as he was; that is, zero. There was no way the omega had a way of knowing that he was right, but he seemed very sure of himself.
"Well, even that seems like a interesting history"
Soon, all the newly arrived omegas had been properly checked and were guided to their new beds.
Except for one, who stood awkwardly, casting nervous glances around the room. He was blonde and rather plump, for an omega without family,at least.
"Uh" said the supervisor "It seems there was a miscalculation" he said barely raising his eyes from the documents he was holding, just giving the omega a quick glance, as if they were just a minor inconvenience, then he decided to look at the papers again "I think sleeping in a chair will have to serve you while we solve it"
The omega in question frowned "Excuse me, but this seems very inconsiderate to me, and I don't agree with sleeping in a chair, that would be painful for my back"
Crowley cocked his head, amused at the scene. The omega next to him nudged him "Another troublemaker, seems like you have competition now"
The supervisor raised an eyebrow and this time he looked directly at the omega in front of him, his face serious and neutral.
"There are no more beds, simple as that"
The omega gave an outrageous snort "I see. Then I demand to be taken to a shelter with available beds, yes? Surely in the other shelters where some of my companions were taken there are no calculation problems"
The supervisor nodded thoughtfully "Well, I think we can solve the problem"
"Excellent, thanks for your attention" the omega smiled, proud of himself.
"You can make yourself comfortable on the floor, Mr. Fell" said the supervisor without any emotion.
"I beg your pardon?!"
"Like I told you. I don't know how things were handled in your old shelter, but here we don't have the time to rush to buy a bed for a just one whinny omega" and the supervisor smiled something awful0 "Welcome" he raised his head "This also goes for all of you, you're lucky to have a roof over your heads, be thankful for that"
And just like that, the supervisor left the bedroom.
Crowley laughed, and following his example, several more omegas laughed, after all, Crowley was the life of the party among his fellow omegas.
The newcomer shot them a reproachful look "I don't see the fun."
"They will surely bring you a bed tomorrow" tried to comfort another of the newcomers.
The new one just rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, unwilling to lower himself to sleep on the floor.
"Are you planning to stay there all day and night until someone brings you a bed?" Crowley questioned with a mocking smile.
"It seems to me that this is not a topic of your interest and I would appreciate if you refrain yourself from your distasteful comments, thank you very much"
Crowley only let out another laugh, even louder than the last. Then he approached the new omega "Those are too many words to just tell me to shut up"
"Shut up if you're so kind, then" replied the blonde.
Crowley chuckled, it wasn't rare to find moody omegas, after all, they all have a rough life, and this one had lost if previous home and now found himself without even a bed. "Look, I'll leave you my bed for today, just because you made me laugh" he offered a charming smile.
The omega's grumpy face fell, surprised at the offer. Then he narrowed his eyes, expecting that it was some kind of joke.
"What about you then?"
Crowley shrugged "I always fall asleep in the dining room chairs anyway, they are comfortable"
The blonde blinked several times, still incredulous "My,my…That would be very kind of you"
Crowley waved his hand in the air "Not a big deal, but now you owe me a favor, remember that" and winked at him.
The omega couldn't help but laugh a little this time "Wily,I see" then he nodded "Well, well, thank you. I appreciate it very much..."
"Anthony, Anthony Crowley" Crowley reached out his hand to shake it with the newcomer.
"Aziraphale Fell, my pleasure Mr. Anthony"
Crowley smirked "Well, Aziraphale Fell. Welcome to our filthy and horrible shelter, you will hate it and I hope you will be gone very soon"
Aziraphale looked at him first in surprise and then offered him a warm smile. They were the best wishes anyone could offer an Omega: leave the shelter soon.
"My,my...thank you dear" and gave him one of the most tender looks that Crowley could remember, he felt something warm in his chest, something that he had neer felt before.
Thank you, dear.
Crowley didn't realize he was crying until he noticed that the pages of the book he was holding had a couple of drops on them. He bit his lower lip, trying to contain them.
He hated this, he hated with all his soul being so sentimental, he hated being so weak, he hated being like this, he wasn't like this, he used to be different, he used to be competent, he used to be strong and brave, and the hated the whole damn world for what he had become. What would think Aziraphale about this pathetic versión of himself? Surely he would have pity of him.
He didn't wanted Aziraphale's pity, Aziraphale wasn't even here to feel bad for him. He needed to become the person he used to be and then find Aziraphale and everything would be fine, there wasn't other alternative, he didn't wanted to imagine other alternative.
He looked at the book that he had just open to page one, he was supposed to be distracted, not get caught up in stupid feelings. He was supposed to have a break from his own mind, his own toughts, he wanted to stop wondering about what Aziraphale may think or do, he wanted to stop to worry about the alpha, he wanted to stop thinking about his previous alphas, he just wanted to be at pace just for a few hours, for a few minutes. He tried hard, he tried hard to distract himself.
But he had found it was incredibly difficult to concentrate, he wasn't even sure what the book was about anymore. He had only taken the book that caught his eye first of the thousands in the library and sat down, trying to think of something other than what he always did.
He couldn't get past the first paragraph. He must have known better than trying to distract himself being in a huge library that Aziraphale would surely love.
Aziraphale would love this, Aziraphale would hate this, Aziraphale where are you.
He realized with a suffocating feeling that he had left the shelter, but his mind seemed to be in the same place as always. Another tear fell on the book and this time, grinding his teeth in frustration, he took the book and threw it with all the force of which he was capable.
That did nothing to alleviate his frustration and other ugly feelings that he didn't know where they came from. If something, it only angered him even more.
So he took another book and threw it with the same force as the first. And other. And other.
He wasn't Aziraphale, he couldn't appreciate books like him, this was a waste.
Another book flew away until it hitted the window. Aziraphale deserved to be the one having the chance to read peacifully a thousand of books in a pretty manor with pretty gardens, not him.
He took other book, this one was so big and heavy that Crowley couldn't threw it too far. He didn't deserve being peacifully like this, did he? If he had suffered so much it must be because he deserved it, there must have been a reason, right?
Another book. Maybe in another life he was a terrible person, so terrible that he deserved being broken to the point he was cataloged as irascible and erratic according to documents written by people who have known him since his teens.
"Crowley! What in heaven's name are you doing?!"
He froze in his place, still with another book in his hand, he was afraid to turn around and discover Gabriel ready to give him a well deserved slap in the face.
He heard footsteps approaching, and he squeezed his eyes shut, held the book tightly to his chest, and waited for retaliation.
"Crowley" Gabriel said and Crowley refused to open his eyes "I was looking for you...What the hell are you doing?!"
Crowley just shook his head, he had no excuses, he didn't know how to explain this and even he didn't know what had led him to it.
"Crowley" Gabriel said again, this time deeper, a reproachful tone, he heard the impatient tapping of Gabriel's shoe against the floor.
Hesitantly, he opened his eyes to face the alpha "I- The agenda you gave me said I had lecture at nine and ... I just did that, came here to read"
Gabriel raised an eyebrow and looked around "To read,sure…" he looked at him with intensity and Crowley felt ready to flee, he cocked his head "Were you crying?"
Crowley widened his eyes before shaking his head. Gabriel was very unsubtle, from what Crowley was beginning to learn. Most people would rather ignore something like that, but not Gabriel, Gabriel would point it out, ignorant of how embarrassing it could be "N-no ... it's ... the dust, allergy"
Gabriel hummed and considered the answer. He walked away from Crowley and with a resigned sigh began to pick up several of the books, muttering words to himself "Well, it's true that I don't use the library too much, I'll have to tell the servants to clean it better"
Crowley watched him cautiously, waiting for the scolding, surely Gabriel wouldn't let him go like this without some punishment or ... or something.
"Sorry" he tried maintaining a submissive attitude, hoping it would work "I'm sorry,I don't know why I-, just, I'm sorry"
"Yes,yes, you're sorry. Heard you" Gabriel waved his hand, he wasn't terrible angry, but he wasn't happy, and that was enough for Crowley to be on the edge of panic "Well, it seems none of them got too damaged" Gabriel said absentmindedly, he didn't seem too attached to the books, which was a relief "but I suggest you to just read them the next time" he gave Crowley a look "… Or do something you like better, I told you, the activities aren't set on stone. You could, you know, do anything"
Crowley nodded energetically "Yes, I'm sorry"
Gabriel rolled his eyes and placed the books on one of the library desks. He stopped, just watching Crowley silently, folding his hands behind his back.
He didn't know what to do, he felt the need to apologize more, but that seemed only to annoy Gabriel, but Gabriel also seemed to expect words from him, so what was he supposed to do? He avoided his gaze, maybe he just wanted an explanation.
He remembered the couple of times he had done something similar in the shelter. There weren't many books to throw away at the shelter, but there were other ítems certainly, ítems much more easy to broke than books. Most of the supervisors thought of him as a spoiled child, so that's what he decided to use as an explanation.
"I don't know" he said under his breath "Just a tantrum, I guess."
Gabriel narrowed his eyes "I'm may no be an expert, but when people threw a tantrum, they know why they're doing it"
Crowley shrugged and stepped back "I have no answers for you-"
The alpha continued to stare at him, as if he was trying to figure out whether Crowley was lying or not. He finally gave up and let out a long sigh, then showed his usual smile again "Do you know what cheers me up when I have a bad day?"
Crowley looked up, frowning "You have bad days?" Gabriel was a rich alpha who could have anything he wanted just if the said it, if there was someone who shouldn't have bad days, that was people like Gabriel.
Gabriel laughed "Good one" he clapped his hands energically "Clothes"
"What?" he looked at him totally puzzled.
"Do you know what day it is today?"
Crowley blinked at the sudden change in conversation "Wednesday?"
"Yes!" Gabriel pointed at him with his fingers "Wednesday! If you read the schedule in your agenda, you will know that on Wednesdays the servants go to town to do their shopping"
Crowley only deepened his furrowed brows "Right?"
"That's why I was looking for you, we'll go to town and buy you a couple of sets of clothes, how about that, huh? Isn't that brilliant?"
"You're going…to let me to go to the city?" Crowley stared in disbelief.
"Why not?" Gabriel's smiled didn't faltered "It may be good to you to know other places and to know where to buy good clothes, I'm right?"
"Huh... Yes?"
"Yes! That will help you feel better" Gabriel said before turning to a small mirror on the wall and soothe a few wrinkles in his jacket "It always works."
Crowley scratched the back of his neck, maybe a few years ago that would have really thrilled him, but the actual version of him was just having a bunch conflicting feelings. If he said no to Gabriel, he would get angry, and he didn't want the alpha to get angry. But at the same time, he wanted to completely ignore the alpha, it should be easy to ignore him; it was a large mansion and the grounds even larger — even if the thought of wandering too far frightened him — but it seemed Gabriel didn't want to be ignored and he was always looking for Crowley.
Which made him feel even more frustrated towards Gabriel, even though until now, at best, he was just annoying. Which in turn was even more frustrating, it would be easier to justify his anger if he was a horrible alpha like the rest.
And maybe Gabriel was, only he still maintained that good-person facade. With that on mind, it was easier to justify his anger and his fear, so that was what Crowley usually did.
"Well, with that said, get ready, the carriage is ready and waiting for us" Gabriel approached and gave him a soft pat on the shoulder ", don't take too long."
"Is he coming with us?" the servant raised his eyebrows doubtfully. He was the driver of the carriagem and he was the same servant who usually bring the newspaper to Gabriel, Erick, Crowley thought.
Gabriel nodded "He needs a pair of new clothes."
Erick nodded "That would be nice for ya, pal" and turned his attention to the horses, eager to start walking.
Crowley didn't reply and instead took a quick look at the horses, both of which were brown, except for their black legs.
"Matilda and Claude" Gabriel offered with a smile, giving each one a piece of carrot before getting into the carriage "very reliable."
Crowley got into the carriage, they weren't the only ones. There was a servant, Mary, and Madame Tracy. From what Crowley understood, this trip to the city was made every Wednesday and the servants took turns to go to shopping for the necessities for the mansion.
Although they could come and go freely if they wanted, of course. It's not like they're omegas…Crowley let out a soft growl as the carriage began to move forward which no one seemed to notice.
Unlike the carriage ride with Sandalphon, which Crowley resorted to distracting himself with everything he saw outside the window so as not to have to think of the alpha a few inches from him, this ride was much more peaceful and enjoyable.
Mary and Tracy used to talk, reminding each other what they needed to shop with the occasional comment from Gabriel. Gabriel also spoke to him, asking him what kind of clothes he liked the most, what kind of fabric, what colors.
To which Crowley did not know how to answer. He had tastes, of course, or used to have them, but at some point in his life that had become so unimportant that he stopped thinking about what he couldn't have.
Or what they wouldn't let him have.
"Whatever you decide will be fine by me, sir" he said at some point.
Gabriel tapped his fingers on the hat he held in his hands, dissatisfied with that "Good" answer and didn't ask any more.
Tracy hummed disapprovingly, the way a mother would. "You can't let someone decide everything for you, dear," she said and Crowley knew she meant it in the best way possible.
And yet he felt ridiculously furious. "That's the opposite of what they've tried to teach me all my fucking life so mind ya." he snapped, unable to mask his anger "And don't call me that, I have told you."
The mood changed, then. Tracy was speechless, quite surprised at his sudden rudeness as well as Mary.
Gabriel frowned "Hey!" he snorted angrily "Watch your tone."
Immediately, Crowley reccoiled and maintained a submissive attitude "S-sorry."
Tracy laughed softly "Gabriel, you're scaring him! It's fine, it's fine. It was nothing, really."
Crowley lowered his head, that had been the closest thing to aggressiveness he had received from Gabriel, curiously enough, it had been due something that was not even directed at him but a servant "Sorry" and he was really sorry this time, Tracy was kind and she really looked like she cared about him.
"It's fine." She smiled like nothing had happened and went back to the shopping conversation.
But Crowley couldn't forget it so easily, it was already the second time he had angered Gabriel in less than an hour, and he was supposed to spend the rest of the morning with him. He looked up carefully, searching for the purple eyes. Gabriel wasn't even looking at him, he was looking at the fields behind the window with a faint smile, lost in his own thoughts.
Crowley followed his gaze and looked at the fields too, and thought that maybe, just maybe, he may encounter Aziraphale in this small trip to the city, just…maybe.
Crowley and Gabriel got out of the carriage in an area of the city that Crowley did not recognize in the least. Of course, his knowledge of the outside world was very poor.
He feel uneasy as soon as he saw the carriage depart, Tracy and Mary were going to shop in a different part of the city, leaving him alone with Gabriel in the streets.
He was immediately overwhelmed. Many smells, many sounds, the scent of many, many other alphas reached his nose. There were people walking from here to there, it was not like being in the field where it was too open, here he felt too enclosed even though he was not within four walls. He could not locate Aziraphale in this place even if he had all day to search. There were too many people, he closed his eyes for a moment. Too many smells, too much noise, it was all too much, too much.
He wasn't supposed to be here.
He felt Gabriel pat him on the back "Stay close to me, Crowley." then he made a gesture and nodded towards some stores "I know the best fashion stores. Come on, we don't have to walk too far!"
Gabriel started walking and Crowley made an effort to follow him through the crowd despite the ringing of his heart racing in his ears. He was finding it difficult to breathe.
"Let's go to Barnaby's first, they're not up to date on what's new, but they have great deals on saddle clothing! Would you like that, yes?" Gabriel was speaking happily, from what Crowley was grasping, he was planning on visiting at least six clothing stores and from Crowley's poor understanding of the outside world, he didn't know if that was a lot or not.
All the clothing in the shelters was donated, there was no choice, sometimes given at the hands of some fellow omega, he had never gone shopping.
Crowley tripped over someone, and that someone dropped some packages, and that someone wasn't just anyone.
That someone was an alpha. An alpha which now was looking at him like he was something disgusting "Look what you did, fucking little bitch!" the alpha barked, raising a fist.
Crowley stepped back, raising his hands defensively "So-sorry, I'm didn't-"
And then he felt a tension in the air, every hair on him stood on end. Gabriel was next to him, his eyes narrowed at the stranger. Deliberately, Gabriel stepped on one of the package that had fallen to the ground and acted as if he hadn't even noticed "Fuck off" he said in a low tone, almost like a growl.
And to Crowley's surprise, the other alpha cringed away and picked up the rest of the packages and left as fast as he could without saying a single word.
Gabriel changed his attitude then and turned to Crowley, there was a concerned look in his face "Are you fine? I told you to stay close"
Crowley fought to take a breath of air, feeling a lump in his throat, he looked around, he was surrounded by strangers, there were alphas everywhere, he was not safe here, he wanted to go back to his room, to his bed, where he could defend himself even with a candlestick.
"Crowley?" Gabriel was staring at him intently, doubting whether he should touch him or not.
"N-no!" Crowley yelled "I'm not- ...I'm not fine! Stay close to you?! I-I can barely walk thorugh so many people! What's wrong with you?!"
Again he tried to take a breath of air, he began to feel the ringing in his ears rise in intensity "This is your fault! I-I can't get away from the house wi-without panic and you bring me to the damn city?!" Crowley spoke choppy and fast, the words bumping into each other "How did you think that was a good idea?! What's your problem?!" then he with trembling steps he began to walk away, he wanted to be alone, he wanted to get away from the noise, from the crowd, from everything.
Gabriel looked at him, part surprised, part confused. He looked around at the people who stopped to look "What the hell are you looking at?" he gave a loud snort and followed Crowley, it was not difficult to follow him, really, Crowley walked as if he was about to collapse.
Crowley found a less crowded alley and felt like all of his energy had been taken so he just resolved to sit with his back agaisnt a wall and hide his face in his hands. He knew that Gabriel was near him, just a few steps, he could smell him.
"Don't sit there, it's ... it's dirty, quite" Gabriel sounded anxious, he was pacing back and forth in front of Crowley.
Crowley didn't move."What were you thinking?" He scolded him, his voice muffled by his hands.
"I thought it would make you feel better" Gabriel's voice still sounded anxious, and Crowley didn't know if that was because he was sitting in a disgusting alley or because his question "You were afraid to walk away from the mansion, yes, but you were also afraid to go down the stairs. I thought ... it would be good for you to see other places? "
"Why?"
"You have never left that shelter, I wanted you to see what they have deprived you of?" he heard Gabriel take another couple of steps back and forth "Seriously, I just wanted to buy you some clothes. If you look good, maybe you feel more confident about yourself?"
Crowley snorted and took his hands away from his face to look at Gabriel, his brow furrowed "I made a mess in your library, I yelled at Tracy, I yelled at you and humiliated you on the street and you just insist on going to buy clothes?"
Gabriel made a face "You didn't humiliate me" then he shot a glance towards the street.
Crowley grunted, frustrated "It's just ... just, I'm so mad all the time and you, and you just come for walks and shopping and dogs and I don't understand, I don't understand anything. You're weird"
Gabriel cocked his head and looked at him seriously "If you want to be angry, then be angry! If you want to be sad, then be sad! No one is going to stop you. Do it if you feel like it, just don't hurt anyone, I can take a yelling but Tracy is more delicate. And I certainly prefer you to throw books than, I don't know, to look at the knives weirdly" he sighed "This is not a reward, nor a punishment, it's just something that I thought would be useful"
Crowley looked at him and rested his chin on his knees, unsure, pondering what had just happened. Gabriel walked over to him and extendend down his hand.
"I just want to buy clothes for you" he said softly.
Crowley hesitated, sighed and nodded slightly "Alright, alright, I'll do it, fine" he took Gabriel's hand and with his help, he stood up, still a bit shaky.
Gabriel's typical smile came back and squeezed his hand tightly "Yes, that's the attitude! Very good, very good!" still holding his hand, he began to walk, more slowly this time "You will look excellent, fine clothes for someone fine, yeah?"
Maybe it wasn't a reward, like Gabriel said, but Gabriel certainly made it look like one, he just kept talking, and talking about how good Crowley wold look. And he didn't let go of his hand until they had to walk into a store. But as soon as they left, Gabriel took him by the hand again to lead him to the next one.
And true to his word, they visited six different stores, carrying several bags with packages of clothing, both casual and formal and riding-Gabriel made sure to hint that he would teach Crowley to ride. Gabriel allowed Crowley to choose his clothing, beyond one suggestion or another regarding color (usually purple).
Finally, the last store was special. It was to get Crowley a tailored suit.
The tailor recognized Gabriel immediately, his eyes lit up with joy "Mr. Bennet! What a pleasant surprise! Do you want a new suit?"
Crowley noted that until now, he hadn't thought of Gabriel's last name. He looked at him and he smiled.
"No, not for me. For him" Gabriel moved to a side to introduce Crowley. "This is Anthony Crowley"
The tailor's eyes widened and his jaw dropped, he adjusted his glasses to get a better look at Crowley "Oh! So it was true, is this Mr. Sandalphon's gift? It's...pretty, nice pick for breeding! I wish you healthy pups very soon, Sir! It was about time!"
Gabriel expression darkenned and he grimaced "You better don't waste our time and get quickly at it, Mr. Archer."
The tailor shut his mouth, taken aback at the sudden change in Gabriel's mood and then went to the work very fast. He had the feeling that he had just lost his most valuable and loyal client, and he didn't even knew why.
They were back in the carriage, now that they all had made their shoppings, it felt like there were much less space to move inside. Tracy and Mary, like always, were smilling and chattering happily, talking about some market gossip.
When they finished, it was Mary who asked how the shopping for clothes went.
"Excelent" Said Gabriel with a smile and looked for Crowley for confirmation.
Crowley hummed, pensative "It was good, yeah."
That made Tracy and Mary interchange another few words with Gabriel, Crowley almost felt like it was a group of friends rather than a boss and his servants.
"I think I'll skip the walk today, if you don't mind" Crowley said suddenly.
Gabriel looked at him and smiled "Yes, you have done enough exercise for today, it was a good day. We got a lot of stuff done!"
Crowley nodded "I think we did…"
Then he turned his gaze to the window, looking how the landscape slowly changed. How even the the noises seemed to be left behind. He smiled to himself, he really couldn't wait to get to the mansion and try on his new clothes.