Part 1: The Az Business
We open tonights episode with Azriel walking down the hall in school, noticing that everyone is wearing a face mask. Azriel stops.
"Wait a minute…..MALLLIIIIIICE!" Azriel calls
"I'm in the locker right next to you sir." Malice said from a nearby locker.
"How did you get in there?" Asked Azriel
"You pushed me in here a couple days ago and forgot to come back for me." Malice said.
"Why would I do such a thing?" Azriel said.
"Because I was invited on a date with Jessie Faraday." Malice said.
"She wanted me first." Azriel said.
"How was the date?" Malice asked.
"I went to her house and she tried to call the police on me. She didn't like it when I rung the doorbell and asked for her to fuck me. I thought girls like aggressive guys." Azriel said.
"Maybe you should've asked her if she wanted to get some lunch instead." Malice suggests
"No, that would've never worked. She can't afford to take me out to a nice meal." Azriel said
"No, sir. You would take her out to a nice meal. And pay." Malice said
"This is why you are a virgin. Woman should pay for me. It's called equality." Azriel said.
"Sir, you are also a virgin." Malice said.
"No I'm not. I am a Devil of Sex!" Azriel said. "My labido is off the charts!"
Jason Sabre walks by, looks at Azriel.
"Below the chart is still off the chart." Jason shrugs
"What are you doing here, you ovary popping bastard." Azriel said.
"La Rebelion is selling vaccines." Jason Sabre said.
"Vaccines...for what? Was there a rabies outbreak. I need to know, because Malice let the raccoons lose and I had nothing to do with it." Azriel said
"My lord, you kidnapped the raccoon from a zoo and let it loose." Malice said, before Azriel punches the locker.
"Shut up, snitch or I will give you stitches" Azriel said
"No, it's for covid." Jason Sabre said
"What?" Azriel said
"CoronaVirus?" Sabre asked
"I didn't know beer was injected." Azriel said
"You've never heard of COVID-19" Jason Sabre asked surprised.
"I haven't heard of Covid 1 through 18 either. Is this the new 2K franchise?" Azriel said.
"Not enough microtransactions or glitches for that." Jason said.
"So what is this Covid?" Azriel said.
"Kailene ate a bat when she went to China and this mess happened." Jason said, lying completely after seeing Kailene walk by with Detrick.
"Excuse me?" Kailene said. "That's a lie. Detrick, do something about this."
"Well….I never didn't see you eat a bat in China." Detrick said
"I never went to China!" Kailene said.
"Yes you did." Jason said. "I saw you eat Panda yesterday"
"That was Panda Express, you jerk!" Kailene said.
"Hey, don't be mad at me. Detrick, I'd avoid Kailene before she gives you Covid-21." Jason said, patting Detrick on the back.
"Well….I don't want to catch that. See you in two weeks, Kailene." Detrick said, walking away.
"I hate that man." Kailene said.
"I hate Detrick too. He should wear a mask." Azriel said.
"I was talking about Jason." Kailene said.
"Are you sure? He is charming and also sexy." Azriel said as Kailene just gives him a look, before walking away. Sofia walks into the scene out of nowhere.
"Does Covid even exist in this universe? Oh, who cares? The Vaccine sales are through the roof!" Sofia says
"Can someone let me out?!" Malice asks
"No, stay in there and think about what you did, you filthy whore. Trying to sleep with my ex-girlfriend, Jessie Faraday." Azriel said
(Sandpaper by Fozzy)
A cat-scratch, a whiplash, a witch hunt in black, Sandpaper
(The video opens to everyone standing very seriously in front of the school, except Asher Darma, who is smiling. He didn't get the memo.)
Sandpaper tears at my skin, grinding the state I'm in
(It shows Azriel grinding….meat at a butcher's shop as Asher Darma watches in horror.)
Millstone my heart it scrapes, grabbing the soul that bleeds within
(It cuts to Jason Sabre giving a flower to an Kailene as Detrick watches confused)
Abrasive wounds that never heal, bleeding emotions are hard to feel
(La Rebelion are shown trying to sell crack to Azriel.)
Evasive sounds of true bliss calling
(It then cuts to Sofia chasing MAAALICE down the hall with a gun)
Mauling your paramour's kiss revealed
(It then shows Chris and Scarlet going in for a kiss, but Asher Darma puts a barbed wire baseball bat, where did he get that, in between them and writes them tickets.)
Something happens when the dark meets the light
(Next, it shows The Ruffians and Yul Bannock smoking the good shit while Asher Darma sprays febreeze)
Something happens when you start up the fight
(It then cuts to a terrified Freddy Escobar and a confident Sofia Reynoso getting ready to fight)
Something happens when the sun turns to grey
(The fight is revealed to be a Rock, Paper, Scissors match. Sofia wins.)
Something happens when you scare the monsters away
(Azriel tries to hand Alexis flowers, but there is a bee in the flowers and it stings Azriel in the face.)
A cat-scratch, a whiplash, a witch hunt in black, Sandpaper
(It cuts finally to the yearbook photo session with Jason in the middle and Azriel is trying his hardest to get in front of Jason. Asher Darma is still smiling while everyone else is watching the fight. Still hasn't gotten a memo. Then it cuts to Phoenix holding a sign that says 'WFA High School…. sorry')
In the home room, while Chris Jericho is sleeping…..
"MAAAALLLLIIIIICE! PLAY MY MUSIC!" Azriel yells.
Suddenly Malice walks into the room.
"Please make thunder noises while I throw these." Malice said. Everyone looks at each other and starts to make poor thunder noises as Malice throws fake lightning bolts made out of paper on the floor. One of them hits Mason Rivers in the eye after the AC blows one at him. Malice then pulls out a picture of Azriel's head on Bobby Lashley's body, before Azriel walks into the room shirtless wearing Black pants, a Little Bill mask, a brown bald cap and a headband.
"MAAAAALLLIIIIICE! SAY THE LINE!" Commands Azriel.
"My lord, it doesn't go with this gimmick." Malice begs.
"SAY THE LINE!" Azriel commands
Malice groans, before putting on a pair of sunglasses and pointing at Azriel
"Hit em with your favorite pose." Malice says
Then Azriel turns around and bends over, causing everyone to close their eyes and shutter away in fear.
"I just saw the darkest thing since the time I saw CJ at night in all black." Mason Rivers said, causing everyone to look at him.
"What?" CJ asked.
"No, I meant like….It was dark….and I couldn't see you…" Mason said as people surround him "Because of the lighting…. Guys…. Can we talk about this?"
Suddenly we cut to Mason Rivers being thrown out of the room and into a trash bin the hall. Coach Dre walks by and throws a milkshake into it.
"I'm in here!" Mason complains with Milkshake on his head.
"The Dre knows." Anthony Dre said before kicking the bin down, sending it and Mason tumbling down a staircase.
"Why are you dressed like Bobby Lashley?" Asked Freddy.
"Why are you dressed like a homeless bum?" Azriel asked.
"Actually I'm dressed like the Brooklyn Brawler. I'm trying to move to New York, so I thought I'd try out the style." Freddy said.
"You're not moving to New York." Detrick Cyrus said.
"I'm going to be a New York Times best selling Author!" Freddy said.
"Where's your book?" Detrick asks.
"Um….it's in progress." Freddy said.
"Sounds awful." CJ comments.
"Hey, it's a great story about a young Mexican-American male that dreams one day of having a super sweet haircut that gets all the ladies. It's erotica." Freddy said.
"What's an erotica?" CJ asked.
"I can show you some of mine." Azriel said.
"I don't think he wants to read that." Natalia said.
"Why not?! Jazriel is the best ship! And I'm the best author!" Azriel said.
"I'm more of a JaTalia fan." Freddy comments.
"Wait, that's my ex girlfriend!" Detrick said.
"Why do you care so much about your ex girlfriend being paired with your best friend?" Kailene asked.
"Because Jason would've hit it before me!" Detrick said.
"Why is that a surprise?" Natalia asked. "Also, that's gross Detrick."
"Because if he hits it, then I can't. We had a deal back in the first grade." Detrick said.
"I'm not going to sleep with Jason. I'm not into the bad boy type." Natalia said, before DJ Kingston moves his desk next to her. "I'm not into your type either."
Then DJ scoots his desk back.
"Why would you try and have sex with Natalia, when you're with me?" Kailene asked.
"No, not when I'm with you. When we're not together." Detrick said as Freddy is waving at his brother to shut up.
"He's so stupid…" Freddy comments, sitting back down.
"I'm leaving." Kailene said, before trying to walk away.
"Wait a minute….don't you want to stay and get an autograph from the AZ-Mighty Azriel!" Azriel asked.
"No." Kailene said.
"I'll put you in the Hurt Lock for insulting me!" Azriel said
"The Hurt Lock….What the hell is that?" Kailene said.
"Let M.V.P. tell you." Azriel said. "MAAAAALLLLIIIIICCCCCE! PLAY HIS THEME SONG"
Malice quickly blows up balloons to form an arch around the door, before putting a curtain with the MVP logo sticker on it over the arch as I'm coming play.
"1, 2, You hear the clock ticking. Tick tock, you bout to stop living. Tick Tock I want you to remember me. Tick tock, but the day don't have no memory, I'M COMING"
Virgil then busts through the set.
"That's not MVP." CJ Hawk said.
"That's actually Montel Virgil Poorer." Malice said.
"He'll do anything for money." Freddy said.
"Actually I bought him breadsticks and meat sauce from Olive Garden." Malice said.
"The Hurt Lock is a Full Nelson." Virgil said. "Any of you kids want an autograph? Only ninety dollar. One hundred and fifty if you want a photo. I'll forge Ted's for three hundred."
"We're good." Freddy said.
Suddenly Detrick, CJ and Freddy's phone go off and they all get texts. All three look at each other before getting up and leaving the classroom
"Where are you three going?!" Azriel asked.
"To ." Detrick said as they leave.
"You better buy Az-Mighty merchandise!" Azriel said. "MAAAALLLIIICE! How many shirts have we sold."
"Including the one I bought? Two." Malice said.
"Who was the second one?" Azriel said
"You." Malice said.
"I didn't pay. I just stole it from you." Azriel said.
"Then one, my lord. Sofia is selling bootleg merchandise of our bootleg merchandise outside and doing way better." Malice said.
"Damn that Sofia…..damn her to Heaven!" Azriel shouts at the sky.
"You mean hell." Kailene said.
"No, I want her to be miserable." Azriel said.
Azriel is standing in front of the classroom.
"Everyone…. Pay attention to me." Azriel said.
"Why?" Caesar Montana asked from the back of the class.
"Excellent question Shelton." Azriel said. "MAAAALLLIIIICE….BRING MY CHAMPIONSHIP."
Malice comes out dressed in a Hurt Business T-Shirt and a briefcase.
"Wait a minute….Why are you wearing my stables shirt." Azriel said.
"I'm Cedric." Malice said.
"No, you're not." Azriel said. "Take it off."
"But I have no shirt underneath." Malice said.
"I don't care if everyone sees your nipples." Azriel said.
"But I bought this shirt." Malice said.
"Take it off. You're not cool enough to be in my group like MVP and Shelton." Azriel said.
"It's-" Caesar is cut off.
"One line is enough for you Shelton." Azriel said.
Suddenly…
"MAAAAALLLLIIIIICE! PLAY MY MUSIC!" Jason Sabre's voice is heard
Malice holds up his phone as Head of the Table plays. Jason Sabre steps out with no shirt on and black pants. He has a golden glove on one hand and a black on it in the other. He, for some reason, as very fake tribal tattoos on his shoulder, arm and chest area. To his left is Detrick Cyrus wearing a Left Hand man T Shirt, CJ Hawk is to his right wearing a 'Nobody's bird' shirt. And lastly Freddy is in a fat suit with a suit over it. He looks really scared, looking at Jason Sabre, who completely serious looking. Jason then looks at Freddy, who hands him a Replica of the WWE Universal Championship, before raising it. Suddenly, pyro blasts through the ceiling of the school.
"That pyro was brought to you by La Rebelion." Sofia said.
"Why is his entrance so long." Azriel asked.
"Because he's cool my lord." Malice said.
"I'm cool too! Bobby Lashley represented Trump at Wrestlemania 23!" Azriel said as Jason slowly walks to them….extremely slow…. Basically in slow motion "Hurry up"
"Shut up when the Tribal Chief does his entrance." Jason said as he walks in slow motion with his crew. Eventually they get there.
"This is the last time I lose a drawing sticks contest to you two." Freddy says wiping his brow with a handkerchief.
"Uh….is that mine?" Detrick asked.
"Yeah, why?" Freddy said
"I wouldn't wipe my face with that." Detrick said. Jason looks at Detrick.
"Seriously…." Jason asked.
"Well Kailene isn't doing it." Detrick said.
"Doing what?" CJ asked.
"Cleaning my shoes." Detrick said.
"Oh…" Everyone said.
"Why do you have to one up me?!" Azriel shouts at Jason.
"The Tribal Chief doesn't acknowledge faithless fools." Jason said.
"My faith is in Satan! And Malice is a fool, not me!" Azriel said, before opening the briefcase Malice was carrying to reveal a kids WWE Championship title.
"Mines bigger." Jason said, pointing at his actual replica of the Universal title.
"I am the champion of WWE, you will bow to the Az-mighty." Azriel said
"I am the champion of the Universe, you will acknowledge the Tribal Chief." Jason said, not backing down. Azriel turns to Malice.
"Is WWE bigger than the Universe?" Azriel asked
"Are you Vince McMahon?" Malice asked
"No." Azriel said.
"Then the answer is no my lord." Malice said.
"Dammit! You won this round, Tribal Chief. I will return for revenge one day." Azriel said
"You mean next period." Jason said.
"Exactly." Azriel said.
"Man...this was a short episode." Sofia said. "Let's go to the next one!"
Part 2: Couseling with Steve
Stepdad Steve is in the counselor's office as Mason Rivers is sitting across from him.
"So what's your problem Mason?" Asked Steve
"Everyone thinks I'm a racist and keeps beating me up. Even the coach!" Mason complains.
"Are you sure that the issue is the people around you and not you, yourself?" Steve asks
"No. It's absolutely them." Mason points, right as CJ Hawk walks in.
"What do you mean them?" CJ asks.
"Wait, no, I mean-" Mason panics as a group of students enter the office and grab Mason, before dragging him out. "Steve….Help!"
Stepdad Steve is busy playing a word search
"A six letter word for Mason Rivers….hmmm….." Steve thinks
Malice enters Steve's Office in tears.
"What's wrong Malice?" Steve asked
"It's Lord Azriel." Malice is in tears.
"Did he do something to you? Are you finally ready to leave him?" Steve asked
"No, he was rejected by Alexis Espinoza again and asked me to come cry to you about how mean she is to him in his place, because he is a manly, super cool, brooding, mysterious badass." Malice said
"Don't forget well endowed!" Azriel yells from outside the door.
"Yes, he also is well endowed." Malice said
"Tell him that it's so big that it should be a weapon in Soul Calibur" Azriel said.
"It should be a very large sword." Malice said
"They call him Big Dick Az on the streets." Azriel said
"No they don't." Jason Sabre is heard.
"STEEEEVVVE! JASON IS INTERFERING IN MY COUNSELING SESSION THROUGH MY SERVANT." Azriel shouts.
"STEEEVE! AZRIEL IS INTERFERING IN MY WALKING AROUND SESSION THROUGH THE POWER OF MY TWO LEGS!" Jason mockingly complains.
"I WILL DESTROY YOU AND YOU'RE DELICIOUS LEGS." Azriel said
"Did you just call my legs delicious?" Jason asked
"I HAVE TO GO NOW! THIS SESSION IS OVER!" Azriel said
Sofia is sitting in the chair across from Steve.
"Steve, I've been really busy. You know with making so much money. All the knock off merch is flying off the shelves. Oh and on top of that I just stole a ferrari and I've been driving it around. I ran over only seven people. That's a record for me! Usually I run over more. Oh and I just got a dog. She's adorable." Sofia said.
"Is all of this causing you stress?"
"No. I just wanted to brag about how awesome my life is. Continue with this episode." Sofia said
"Now, Freddy, we need to talk about your Mohawk." Steve said.
"It's awesome right?" Freddy said.
"Actually some students have been complaining about it." Steve said.
"Who is hating on my fashion statement?" Freddy asked.
"Detrick Cyrus." Steve said.
"What! It's because I have everything going for me and he has nothing." Freddy said.
"He has a girlfriend." Steve said.
"Kailene doesn't count." Freddy said "Jason told me."
"Well….what do you have going for you?" Steve said.
"Well, I'm going to move to New York soon. Also I am making excellent progress on my book. I titled it 'The Real Life Story of the Notorious F.R.E.D.'"
"Catchy." Steve said
"I know. In addition to that, I've been doing squats in the gym. My tush is driving all the girls wild." Freddy said.
"Oh, on that note, I'm going to have to ask you to stop telling girls to look at your bottom." Steve said.
"They must be mad, because I look better in yoga pants then them. Haters going to hate, am I right?" Freddy said.
"Well, all the greatest artists had doubters." Steve said.
"Yeah, that's right. I'm an artist. I'm like a modern day Tupac." Freddy said
"Are you sure you don't mean X-Pac, circa 2001?" Asked Steve, causing Freddy to get insulted.
"You know what Steve….I'm leaving. Hater!" Freddy gets up
"I'll see you at home kiddo." Steve waves goodbye
Alan Riddle enters.
"Alan, what do you need?" Steve asked.
"Counseling." Alan said, sitting down
"Alan… I'm here for the students." Steve said.
"Come on Steve. I need help!" He starts to tear up. "I'm balding. My wife left me. I have erectile dysfunction."
"Um….Alan...I think I left my microphone on and the entire student body heard that." Steve said.
"Noooo!" Alan slams his head down into his hands. "At least they don't know about how I got kicked out of the Pokemon card tournament for trying to convince them that Blue Eyes White Dragon was a Pokemon."
"The intercom is still on." Steve said
"This is worse than when I walked into the girls bathroom and took a huge dump today."
"That was you! So many girls have been complaining about that odor." Steve said.
"I started a prune only diet. I've been having constipation for the last week." Alan said.
"Oh Alan...:" Steve said.
"What?" Alan said.
"The intercom is still on." Steve said.
"Why won't you turn this thing off?" Alan said. "Do you want the student body to find out that Kris Wolf rejected me offering her a night at my loveshack?"
We cut to Kris Wolf cringing
"Did he really ask you that?" Natalia asked.
"I told him that we were cooking raccoons that night." Kris Wolf said.
"You didn't let me cook!" Chris said.
"You set the backyard on fire last time Chris." Kris replies.
"I love fire! It reminds me of what I see in my dreams of churches." Chris Wolf said.
"And the winner of cringest comment of the day goes to…." Jason jokes to CJ.
"Yeah, not to brag, but I won an award today. I mean, it's a pretty big deal." Chris Wolf said.
"Was this award for the cringiest comment of the day?" Steve said
"It's still an award." Chris said.
CJ Hawk walks into the room.
"Steve, I want to talk to you about something important." CJ Hawk said.
"CJ, you can't keep coming into my office to talk about Shingo Takagi for two hours every week." Steve said
"What about for three hours?" CJ Hawk asked.
"Please leave unless you have a real issue, CJ." Steve said.
"Man…." CJ Said. "You need counseling for what a good wrestler is."
CJ leaves
Kailene is sitting in the chair.
"And then Jason keeps turning Detrick against me whenever the three of us are around. He's such a bad influence. Detrick is a really nice boy, but that Jason Sabre is a total jerk who is ruining our relationship." Kailene said
"Have you tried thinking of things through Jason's point of view?" Steve asked. "Maybe he's just acting aggressive towards you because you're mean to him."
"I'm not mean to him." Kailene said.
"Well, according to Jason Sabre, you called him a jerk many times, which hurts his feelings because it reminds him of when he was an orphan and his adoptive father would act as one toward him." Steve said.
"Jason was never adopted!" Kailene said.
"Kailene I'm ashamed of you. Calling Jason a liar, a jerk and making fun of his tragic backstory. I'm giving you a week of detention." Steve said, handing her a slip.
"Are you kidding me?!" Kailene storms out of the room, where Jason stands.
"I heard that you hate orphans. Well as a representive of the community, we hate flatchested racists like you." Jason said.
"Being an orphan isn't a race." Kailene said
"Wow! You don't even think orphans are people! Are you people hearing this?" Jason said loudly causing everyone to boo Kailene.
"Are you kidding me?" Kailene said, before steve walks out and hands out a slip. "What's this?"
"That's for another week of detention and we're also calling your parents." Steve said
Azriel lays back in the chairs.
"All I want in life is to be the evil overlord of the underworld, but he just keeps getting in the way. Jason Sabre is a handsome menace to my life." Azriel said.
"Azriel, this is the homeroom, not Steve's office." Chris Jericho said.
"I know, but Steve locked the door." Azriel said.
"Why did you come in here? I'm trying to watch the greatest documentary of all time." Chris Jericho said "Breaking the Code, Behind the Walls of Chris Jericho"
"That's not even top 100." Azriel said. "I watched two Zebra have sex on Animal Planet and it was way better than that."
"Do you know what happens when you watch two zebras having sex instead of Chris Jericho's documenatary?" Chris Jericho said.
"Better entertainment." Azriel said.
Jericho's eyes widen as he picks up a pen and clicks it.
"Azriel…. YOU JUST MADE THE LIST!" Jericho said.
"What list?" Azriel asked.
"THE LIST." Jericho said.
"Will it get me into nightclubs?" Azriel asked.
"No…"Jericho said.
"Your list is trash." Azriel said.
"No, your list is trash." Jericho said
"MAAAALLLLIIIICE!" Azriel calls, causing Malice to run in.
"Yes my lord." Malice said.
"Where is my list?" Asked Azriel.
"We don't have a list." Malice said
"I want a list." Azriel said
"A list of what sir?" Malice asked.
"A list of Azriel. Number one, Jason Sabre. Number two, Chris Jericho." Azriel said.
"Hey, don't put me on the List of Azriel." Jericho said.
"Put him on the list of Azriel." Azriel said to Malice, causing Malice to get a piece of paper.
"Don't you do it servant boy." Jericho said
Malice clicks the pen and puts it to the paper
"JUDAS EFFECT!" Jericho hits Malice with the move knocking him down. Sofia walks into the room.
"And that ends this episode. Tune in whenever the next one comes out." Sofia winks as we fade to black