Andronitis - Frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone.

It had been four years. Four years. That's longer than he'd been partnered with anyone. Longest before that had been about fifteen months. Maybe eighteen. So, having the same partner for four years was a pretty big deal to one Tony DiNozzo. It was a good, solid amount of time wasn't it? Especially for their line of work. They should be the dream team, right? And they were. Mostly. They could predict each other's moves, could finish each other's sentences. They were so in sync sometimes that they freaked people out, though that might be more down to Ziva's reputation...

He shook his head, even so they should know each other inside out by now. There should be nothing else they need to know about each other, right? Except he still didn't know what was going through his partner's head sometimes. He didn't think he ever did. Sure, her current feeling was easy to read - for him anyway, those deep brown eyes of hers had always spoke volumes. But what was on her mind? Her reasoning for acting why she did? It was beyond him sometimes. He would seriously pay to know what went through her head.

Even now, when he knew she was struggling and she knew he knew, she still didn't come to him. Why? Tony thought that they had got past the hiding and the mistrust. He thought that she knew him and he knew her. Surely, she knew that he would judge?

Why didn't she open up to him? Didn't she know by now that he was safe? That he could be trusted? Tony knew trust didn't come easily to Ziva and from the life she's led (from the bare minimum she's shared) he didn't blame her. But you couldn't go through life not trusting someone, you just couldn't. That wasn't a life to live.

He understood that this whole fiasco (for lack of a better word) this past summer caused a lot of these changes and doubts but if Tony was being completely honest with himself

[xxxxxx]

Ok, he shouldn't have done it. It had definitely not been one of his better ideas but they were having an argument and it just came out.

"I feel like I don't even know you!"

He wanted to take it back as soon as e said it. Especially when he saw her face go carefully blank. Even her eyes seemed closed off.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Tony," she replied in a terrifyingly even tone.

He'd prefer shouting and accusations over that. Hell, he'd prefer the hissed argument and deflection they were dealing with just before.

Shit, shit, shit. She was going to walk away. Leave him here without waiting for him to explain himself. Not that anything he said could make up for that blurted announcement.

"Ziva-" he tried, reaching over to her.

She took a step back and shook her head.

"I, I need to go," she finally said, turning away.

Tony caught the tear that escaped, trailing down her cheek as she quickly strode off. It was like a punch to the gut. He had caused that. Why couldn't he do anything right?

[xxxxxx]

He managed to corner her later, pulled a Ziva and caught her in the lady's room. It smelled nicer in here. He would have locked the door behind him, to prevent a sexual harassment accusation, but he didn't think Ziva would do too well behind a locked door currently. Hopefully, no one would come in.

"Go away, Tony," Ziva said in a monotone, focusing very hard on washing her hands, not looking at him.

"I just wanted to apologise," he tried hesitantly.

No response, now she was rinsing. Being very careful with each finger.

"I can explain-"

"I'd not think there is anything to explain. You said it quite clearly."

Tony winced and cringed away at her tone. She still wasn't looking at him.

"It not like that-"

"Were you lying?" she demanded, finally turning to face him.

"Ah, um. No," he finally said, he'd had enough of lies and deception recently.

No reaction from her.

"It's just that ever since you've come back you've been hiding," he added quickly. "You been hiding yourself and pretending and you've got a mask on and no one can see through it."

Still nothing from her.

He was gathering steam now. "We all know you're doing it. Just no one wanted to say. Scared to. But it's not right Ziva, you have to know that. You can't go on pretending that the past few months didn't exist. Didn't affect you! It's stupid. You can't bury a part of yourself like that!"

He though he heard something from her but no, still just a stony glare.

"Where are you Ziva?" he all but pleaded with her. "Where's the you that you've lost or abandoned? Is she still here?"

The head turned away this time. Maybe something was getting through to her.

"Ziva?" A soft plea.

A sob wrenched through her. Raw and painful sounding.

"Oh, c'mere," he instructed softly, opening his arms to her.

She all but fell into them, her tears almost immediately soaking through his shirt. His heart ached for her. All this pain that she just kept bottled up.

"M'sorry," he heard her mutter damply, not removing her head from his chest.

He held her tighter, not wanting to let her go.

"Pretty sure that's my line," he whispered to her.

They stood like this, just the two of them wrapped around each other, for several minutes. Well, until another female agent rudely interrupted them. Stebbins, if he remembered correctly. She stopped awkwardly in the doorway once she noticed them, hovering, only fleeing when Tony shot her an uncharacteristic glare. Unfortunately, it was enough to make Ziva feel self-conscious and she pushed herself away from him.

"I feel like I do not even know myself anymore," she admitted quietly, head to the ground.

"Hey, he said softly, running a finger down her cheek and under her chin to encourage her to look at him. "That's okay."

"It is not. I feel lost, set adrift," her eyes brimmed with unshed tears.

She sniffed and a few escaped. Making an exasperated noise, she roughly brushed them away.

"You just need to find yourself again."

"I don't know how."

"It'll help," he offered, a hesitant smile on his face. "We can find you together."

Silence stretched between them as Ziva just looked at him. He didn't break eye contact, afraid to break the spell.

"Okay." she finally said.

"Really?" Hope blossomed in his chest.

A matching smile spread across her face. "Really."