"Speech"
'Joe's thoughts'
D the Stampede presents
Joe the Wanderer: Book One
Chapter Two-Joe's Trip to Torture and Interrogation
One
It was a week later and Joe was shackled to a chair in Konoha's Torture and Interrogation department. 'This sucks,' he thought to himself before addressing the Faceless One, 'What the hell were Konoha ANBU doing in Wave Country anyway?'
"Hatake Kakashi was much more cautious than in the story you're familiar with. He sent for backup upon learning the danger level of the mission Team Seven had undertaken. After all, it would not do for something to happen to Konoha's Jinchuuriki or last loyal Uchiha on their first C-rank mission," the Faceless One explained.
'And you didn't mention this before I acted, why?' Joe asked.
"Would you have gone after Gato if I had?" the Faceless One asked in return.
'Fuck no,' Joe thought. Before he could go on, the door to his cell opened and in walked Morino Ibiki, Mitarashi Anko and the Third Hokage. 'The Hokage himself, that's just great!' Joe thought before saying, "Hokage-Sama, what can your prisoner do for you today?"
"You can explain why you have knowledge of Konoha's jutsu," Ibiki replied for his Kage, his scarred face dark with the threat of torture.
"Bad cop already?" Joe sighed before saying, "It's a complicated story and not one you're likely to believe. So, I request to have a Yamanaka look through my mind."
"You're not in a position to request anything," Ibiki replied.
"True, but I repeat that my story is unbelievable even to myself. Also, I'd like to remind you that I surrendered peacefully to your ANBU back in Wave. I'd like to think that has earned me a reprieve for having my story tortured out of me," Joe said.
"Perhaps it does," the Hokage said while pulling his pipe from his robe pocket and lighting it. Then, taking a puff off of it, he continued, "Very well. Ibiki, send for Yamanaka Inochi at once."
"Yes, Hokage-Sama," Ibiki said, leaving the room.
"Thank you, Hokage-Sama," Joe said.
Two
A while later, Ibiki returned with Inochi in tow. Upon entering the room, Inochi said, "You summoned me, Hokage-Sama?"
"Indeed I did, Inochi," the Hokage replied, "This man has knowledge of Konoha's Ninjutsu and has requested you look through his mind."
"Wait. He requested this?" Inochi asked.
"I did," Joe replied, "Though I admit that I didn't expect Hokage-Sama to summon the head of your clan for this. Anyway, it's like I've told your Kage, my story is rather unbelievable and I'd like to avoid torture at the hands of your friends Morino-San and Mitarashi-San."
"I see," Inochi said.
"Not yet, you don't," Joe replied, "But you will. Let's get on with this."
"Very well," Inochi said, beginning to flip through handsigns at a rapid rate. As he did so, Joe felt himself fall unconscious.
Three
Joe came to awareness as suddenly as he had lost consciousness. Looking around, he found himself laying at the feet of Inochi and the Faceless One in an unfamiliar room that somehow felt familiar, anyway. "It should feel familiar, Joseph. It is part of your mind," the Faceless One said in response to this thought.
"I don't recall giving you permission to invade my head, Faceless One," Joe replied in a snarl.
"I do as I please, Joseph. You should know that by now," the Faceless One replied with a swift kick to Joe's side. "Now stop being rude and introduce me to Yamanaka-San."
"Inochi-San, this is the Faceless One, the chaos god that yanked me from my home reality and dropped me in yours," Joe groaned, "Faceless One, this is Yamanaka Inochi-San."
"There, that wasn't so hard, now was it," the Faceless One said as he lifted Joe off the floor and set him on his feet.
"It may be a bit more believable if you didn't look like me. He's more likely to believe that I'm some sort of split personality," Joe said.
"Oh, very well," the Faceless One said, transforming mid-word. His new form was a six and a half foot tall stranger whose face was improbably hidden by the shadows of the hood of the black hoodie he was wearing. His jeans, leather gloves and work boots were black as well. "Is this form better, Joseph?" he asked, amusement obvious in his new voice.
"I guess," Joe said with a shrug.
"Then let us begin with Yamanka-San's tour of your mind," the Faceless One replied.
"Wait, you claim this being in your head is a god?" Inochi asked, entering the conversation.
"In fact, I am trapped in Limbo, not Joseph's head, Yamanaka-San," the Faceless One clarified, "But, yes, I am a god. Why so skeptical of that? Did not your Fourth Hokage feed himself to the Shinigami in order to seal the Kyuubi in his infant son?"
"You know of that?" Inochi asked.
"Yes, in fact, the story of Uzumaki Naruto is a rather popular Manga and Anime in Joseph's reality," the Faceless One said.
Joe, meanwhile, had stopped to look around and had realized that they were in a hallway full of doors. "I suppose that my memories are behind the doors?" he asked the Faceless One.
"Yes, actually they are," the Faceless One replied, "Though I wouldn't try to open the sealed door since that's your memory of your accident. You still aren't ready to face that."
"If you say so," Joe said. Then, turning to Inochi, he added, "Let's begin the tour." That said he walked up to a door and opened it. And found himself and Inochi in his past.
"Where is this?" Inochi asked.
"More like when," Joe replied as they watched a school bus pull up to his mother's driveway and his ten year old self get off and run up to the house, "Let's just follow me and find out more, shall we?"
"What was that?" Inochi asked, watching the bus drive away.
"Unimportant, Yamanaka-San," the Faceless One said, appearing suddenly between Inochi and the road, "Now, follow Joseph, if you please."
Moments later, after following the ten year old Joe into the house, they found him making himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the kitchen. His sandwich made, the young Joe walked into the living room and turned on the TV. He then switched the channel to Netflix and turned on the first episode of Naruto. "I guess we know when this is, now," Joe said as the episode reached its conclusion and Naruto defeated Mizuki using his newly learned Kage Bunshin no Jutsu and Iruka gave Naruto his field promotion to Genin.
"The Scroll of Sealing incident is classified," Inochi said, "And yet, you learned of it through an anime."
"That I did," Joe agreed as their surroundings swirled and they found themselves back in the hallway of doors.
"What else did this anime show you?" Inochi asked.
"Quite a lot, actually," Joe said with a shrug.
"Yes," the Faceless One agreed, "But not all the information is accurate, as Joseph found out the hard way when he encountered ANBU agent Bear in Wave Country."
"True," Joe said with a sigh, "The anime has Kakashi-San continue the mission without calling in back-up. Oh, well, let's continue the tour."
Four
Joe awoke with a groan and a headache after Inochi finished touring his mind. Looking around his cell, he noted the absence of the Hokage and Inochi and so he asked, "Where did your Hokage and Yamanaka-san go?"
"They left to discuss your fate with Hokage-sama's council," Anko explained with a shrug.
"Great," Joe replied, "The fossils will be calling out for my death with Danzou leading them on."
"Your information is horribly out of date. Shimura Danzou was executed for his part in the Uchiha massacre and for the theft of the Uchiha bloodline," Ibiki said.
"Really? It couldn't have happened to a nicer guy," Joe said, "Umm, Yamanaka-san didn't say anything about he seen in my head, did he?"
"No," was Ibiki's simple reply. Joe sighed and settled into his chair to await his fate.
Five
After a wait that seemed like hours, but was probably much shorter, the Hokage returned. Joe asked, "So what happens next, Hokage-sama?"
"After a long discussion with my advisors and Inochi-san, I have decided to make you a Chunin of Konoha," the Hokage said.
"What?" Joe asked flatly.
"You know too much to be let go, so I decided to make you one of Konoha's Shinobi," the Hokage repeated, "Ibiki-san, unchain him." Joe was promptly unshackled and upon standing, he was handed a forehead protector and a Chunin flak jacket by the Hokage. It was at this point the Hokage continued speaking, "You will of course be watched by one of my ANBU until you prove your loyalty. Any questions?"
"Yes, Hokage-sama," Joe said as he put on the forehead protector, "What do I do next?"
"Ah, yes, you will have to report to the hospital for a psychical and get a photo for your shinobi identification," the Hokage replied, "Then, I can show you your apartment."
A/N
A short chapter this time and little happens besides. My apologies, my few readers, for taking half a year to write this.