Breathe Again

Bucky blinked into the sun as he stepped out of the little hut near the lake. The Wakandan landscape unfolded before him and birdsong mixed with the bleating of the goats Shuri had tasked him to take care of. The ghost of a smile managed its way on his face. They had spent a fun day naming them all as an exercise for him making choices. One of the more stubborn ones had ended up with the name Steve which Shuri still found hilarious.

"Is sleeping in a habit of yours?" As if his thoughts had called her, Shuri waited a few steps from his hut, a smile that matched the sun on her lips.

Bucky returned it without thinking and without difficulty. "Shuri. Good to see you. Is everything alright?"

"Just wanted to visit my favourite broken white boy," she replied easily and hugged him in a greeting. "How are you feeling?"

"Good. I'm good." He returned the hug with his right arm, enjoying the feeling of holding the girl. Shuri reminded him of his sister Rebecca. Although he had only discovered those memories recently and they had proven to be quite painful, he relished in being able to make that comparison. "It's nice to be out here. I have the time and… space to rediscover what Hydra had buried. I can't thank you enough for what you've done, Shuri."

"You're very welcome." Shuri patted his back before she let go of him. "Shall we walk?"

Bucky nodded and followed her to the shores of the lake where they turned left and followed the waterline. "Hoe is the king? I've heard what happened… Is he alright?"

"Yeah, he's good. We all are. Though it was quite the ruckus. Okoye is hoping we're getting a Starbucks, now that T'Challa opened the borders to the world. I doubt it so far." Shuri shrugged, bent down to pick up a stone and pocketed it. "Captain Rogers called ahead, said he and his group of misfits will be coming. It seems Miss Romanoff has managed to contact them to join them but there… have been obstacles."

Bucky turned to look at her. Shuri knew he remembered at least parts of his past with Natalia. The Russian winters. Combat training. Watching her dance at the Bolshoi. Stitching her up. Holding her in his arms. Kissing her… "What kind of obstacles?" He was proud for how calm he sounded although he was sure that Shuri could see right through it.

Shuri picked up another stone and didn't look at him when she answered. "It seems that General Ross had sent his men after her after she had helped you and Captain Rogers escape. Miss Romanoff was able to dodge them for quite some time, but they got lucky. I don't have the details yet, but they found and surprised her. Captain Rogers and his group were already on the way to her after she contacted them and managed to get her out. She will be brought here to heal."

"Heal what, exactly? How bad is it?"

Shuri stopped walking and faced Bucky, forcing him to look at her. "I need you to calm down, Bucky. Miss Romanoff is hurt, yes, but she will be fine. The best doctors in this country are awaiting their arrival to immediately take care of her. To my knowledge she suffered shot wounds and lost a lot of blood. Mr Wilson is taking care of her as they fly here. She will survive."

Bucky drew in a shuddering breath and willed his pulse to slow down. "How can you be sure?"

"Have I ever been wrong?"

Bucky couldn't help but chuckle at her words, then he dragged his hand over his face. "Good point." He took deliberately deep breaths until he could feel the panic subsiding.

Shuri watched him attentively and gave him the time he needed to pull himself back together. "If you want, I can give you a ride to the capitol."

"Yes, please."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"Buck? Is that you?" Steve caught him in a bearhug that nearly robbed Bucky of his breath. "It is good to see you. How are you doing?"

"Better, thanks to Shuri. She helped me a lot." Bucky looked around, trying to find that flash of red hair. He couldn't. "Shuri also told me why you're here. Where's your friend?"

The happiness basically fell from Steve's face and suddenly he looked weary, as if he hadn't slept much. "They've already taken her away. Sam, Wanda and I came just in time. If we hadn't…" He shook his head and sat down on the steps leading to the garden. "I don't know how Ross's men could have found Natasha. She's the best and she doesn't make mistakes. Not big ones like that. Not when it's about falling of the grid. But I don't know who could have sold her. I refuse to believe it was Tony, but who else?"

Bucky sat down next to him, his arm propped on one knee. "You're right she'd never made such a mistake. Except if it had been worth it."

Steve looked at him and blinked several times. Despite the beard he looked owlish.

"What's wrong?"

"The way you talk about Nat… Do you know her?"

Crap. "Just the impression I've got." Bucky shrugged. "She seemed like a pro who wouldn't make simple mistakes."

"Uhuh. Something you wanna tell me, Buck?"

Bucky turned to look ahead. How could he explain something he barely understood himself? He remembered Natalia alright but he wasn't too sure whether the feelings that arose whenever he though about her were real. If they ever had been. "Your friend Natasha reminds me of someone I once knew. It was a long time ago. I lost track of her."

"Oh. I'm sorry about that." Steve laid his hand on his shoulder sympathetically. "Maybe there's a way to track her down. I've got a lot of time on my hands right now. I could help."

"Thanks." Bucky managed a wry smile. "I just don't know whether she's still alive, is all."

"You wanna tell me about her?"

Bucky fell silent. Part of him wanted to tell Steve, just like before the war, when he would tell him about the girl he was currently seeing. But another part of him wanted to keep Natalia for himself, wanted to keep the memory of her pure. Natalia had been part of a dark time in his life, the only ray of light in the darkness. But since he had started working his way through old and buried memories, he had found more parts that were definitely Bucky Barnes and not the Winter Soldier. And Bucky Barnes would have shared with Steve. Bucky found, he wanted to share, too. "There was a place in the Soviet Union where kids would be trained to be spies and agents. The Winter Soldier was there for some time to take over certain areas of training. I met her there. The best to ever emerge from that school, if you wanna call it that. Soon I took over her combat training completely and she would accompany me on missions to watch and learn. We… We grew closer. Somehow she managed to find the man within the Winter Soldier with ease. She was the only one to not treat me like a weapon." Bucky was glad for Steve keeping silent. He knew he would lose the courage to talk if anyone interrupted him now. His gaze dropped to his hand, remembering how it looked against Natalia's skin. "We dreamed about a life far away from the death and pain we caused. Somewhere quiet, where no one would know our names or our faces. But they found out. Her trainer and my handler couldn't allow us to rediscover our humanity. So they stopped us. They… I think they wiped me and made her watch. I remember her face. Big, green eyes, full of tears she wasn't allowed to shed. She fought like a lioness, but to no use. It would be years until I saw her again."

Silence settled between them for a few beats. Then, Steve quietly spoke up. "It's Nat, isn't it? She told me there was a back story after we exposed Hydra. And she although we didn't talk about it, I knew there was something up when she helped me save you. I just… I never asked her."

"Yeah. I knew her by Natalia. When we met at the airport, she seemed familiar, but I couldn't really place her. And she told me I could at least remember her when we fought after Zemo reactivated the Winter Soldier."

Steve scoffed and shook his head. "I didn't catch that. And she never said a word."

"Doesn't surprise me."

"Me neither. Not really. She did tell me about the love is for children part after Banner vanished."

"Who's Banner?"

Steve sighed wearily. "An Avenger. And a friend, I'd say. He turns big and green, when he's angry, but he vanished a few years ago after a battle. Nat and him… There was something between them. Or so I thought. I wouldn't put it past Nat to force something like that to happen. It was after she met you again, after all."

Bucky looked up, confusion written all over his face. "What do you mean?"

"You'll find out." Steve clapped his shoulder, looking at him in earnest. "I'm glad you're coming back, Buck."

"Steve?" Sam's voice carried through the air and both super soldiers turned around. "They brought Nat in a recovery room. We can get to her, if we want to." He looked Steve down and raised an eyebrow. "Though you might want to change before."

"Coming, Sam. Thanks."

~#~#~#~#~#~

"I'm getting us some coffees. You're good?" Steve asked quietly.

Bucky didn't even look away from Natalia. "Yeah."

Steve shook his head with a rare, soft smile. "You're head over heels, Buck. I haven't seen you like that in… well, never, I guess."

"Easy. There has never been someone like her." Bucky barely registered Steve leaving. His eyes scanned the various monitors that were hooked to instruments to constantly check her vitals. An IV dripped a steady flow of painkillers into her bloodstream. Bucky already knew she would be pissed about that in just a few hours. "Never thought to see you again," he murmured and took her hand, letting his thumb paint soothing circles on the back of it. "I thought I'd lost you." Carefully, he placed her hand back on the blanket. He didn't want her to feel trapped when she woke.

In hindsight, it might not have been the best idea. One moment Natalia's finger twitched, the next she moved to pull the IV out of her hand. Bucky caught her just in time. It was his luck she was high on painkillers. Otherwise he'd never bested her with just one arm. "It's okay, Talia. You're safe."

Natalia frowned and blinked a few times until her eyes had adjusted to the light enough for her to recognise him. "Yasha? You're not real."

Bucky smiled although he felt something within him constrict painfully. "I'm here, Talia. I'm real."

"Madame B. mustn't know you're here." Her voice was low and barely audible over the purring of the machines.

"She won't. I promise." Bucky decided to play along. There was no use in trying to convince her; she wouldn't remember their conversation either way later. Painkillers had always messed with her and Wakanda seemed to have some pretty potent stuff.

Natalia turned her head slowly to better look at him. Her eyes were slightly unfocused. "Missed you, Yasha. Thought you wouldn't 'member me after las' time."

Bucky leaned closer to her and held her hand in his, brushing his lips over her knuckles. "As if I could ever forget you for long. My ballerina." He kissed her hand again, relishing in the feeling of her skin against his lips. "Sleep. You need it."

"Stay." The softness and vulnerability of her voice let his heart ache; he'd ever seen her like that when she was injured and up to her eyebrows in medication.

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise. I'm staying right here."

Natalia nodded slowly, her eyelids already drooping. "Good."

Bucky sighed and let his eyes wander over the various bandages that covered her wounds. "I really wonder what was worth it for you to end up like this," he murmured.

"Children."

Wanda's voice let Bucky flinch. He wasn't used to be sneaked up on and he really didn't like it. "Excuse me?"

The young woman entered the room and carefully closed the door behind her before placing Bucky's coffee cup on the little table near him when he refused to let go of Natalia's hand. "Sam and I were investigating a bit. It seems like Natasha met a few kids living on the street and she took care of them. Someone must have recognized her and tipped Ross's men off. One of the kids brought her to safety and tried to stop her bleeding. I don't know whether she would have made it without them."

Bucky shook his head and chuckled. "Of course. Children."

"What do you mean?" Wanda asked and tilted her head in curiosity.

"Not my story to tell."

"How is she? She was awake? I could feel her consciousness spike for a moment," Wanda added when Bucky raised an eyebrow at her.

He nodded, his gaze returning to Natalia's face. "She's fine. Though she will be pissed when she wakes up. She hates painkillers."

A/N Aaaaaaand another oneshot-compilation. I realised I do enjoy writing Bucky a lot and I want to focus on him in different settings. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing those.