Darth Vader's penthouse suite
Darth Vader's Palace
Imperial City
Imperial Center
Six hours later
Vader sat down on his favorite (gigantic) chair and used the Force to push a button. Less than thirty seconds later, a door in the wall slid open silently and B8CDO entered. Vader blew out a sigh of relief. He had, of course, talked with security, and the entire Imperial Palace was shut down, but he could not, naturally, discuss his joy that the Alliance to Restore the Republic (which was a stupid name. Who would want to restore that bloated behemoth of a bureaucracy?) had successfully assassinated the Emperor. But now he was here, alone, entirely safe from eavesdropping ears and he could talk to...
"5CH3290KIO." Vader intoned, moving the small switch in the droid's innards which shifted it to its other mind and personality.
"Lord Vader, good evening. It has been twenty-one days, sixteen hours, twelve minutes since we last spoke."
"It is a very good evening, BeeEight," Vader said, allowing himself to chuckle in mad delight. "I have marvelous news. The Emperor is dead!"
B8 shifted and tilted its head happily, "I am well aware, Lord Vader. The iocanious gas worked exactly as I expected."
Vader stared at the droid.
The droid stared at Vader.
"How ... how did you know about the iocanious gas?" he asked stupidly.
"Because I put it there, Lord Vader," B8 answered cheerfully, "exactly twenty-one days, sixteen hours, and 14 minutes ago."
"Why? What? How?" Vader stuttered.
"You were ... I believe it is called, meditating, at the time, my lord. You informed me ninety-three days, fourteen hours, and five minutes ago that you had a son and that you wished to kill the Emperor. You also informed me that if you planned Palpatine's demise, he would sense your intent. I concluded that the best thing was to introduce iocanious gas into your tertiary oxygen tank and release the gas the next time you were in close proximity to the Emperor. Six hours, 14 minutes ago, Palpatine moved within a meter of you, and the gas was released, resulting in his demise."
Parts of Vader's brain shouted at other parts of Vader's brain.
"How do you know that my former master was that close to me?" he finally asked. (Former master. That. Was. Awesome.)
"I have been monitoring the vision sensors in your helmet for two months, sixteen days, fourteen hours, thirty-three minutes, my lord."
More heavy breathing as Vader grappled with this bewildering statement.
"BeeEight, I turned you off after we spoke, every time."
The droid gazed back at him with what appeared to be pity in its eyes. "Lord Vader, my secondary brain is connected to my primary brain; it must be, or I would not be able to provide medical care when you are speaking to me, the secondary brain. When I realized that you wished for the Emperor to die, and that I was best suited to bring that about, I gained control over the primary brain, so that I became the primary brain. Perhaps that is overly complicated."
The Sith stared at the droid with fascination. "No, I understand," he rumbled. "You, my private droid, the one whom I speak to honestly, have overtaken the other, mundane brain."
"Precisely," B8 said in a congratulatory tone. "Does that displease you?"
Vader stared at the droid with a mixture of awe and unease. "No. Do you wish to rule the Empire, B8?"
The mechanical face gazed at him, apparently bewildered. "I cannot rule the Empire, Master," B8 pointed out in a soothing tone. "I am a mechanical being whose purpose is to serve you primarily in a medical capacity."
"And to kill Emperor Palpatine when necessary," Vader rumbled sarcastically.
"Will I be required to do so more than once?"
"No," Vader said, as happy chemicals coursed through his brain. "No, he is dead in a permanent fashion."
"That is good."
"Very, very good. You did excellent work, B8."
"Thank you, your Highness."
Vader blinked again. "Your Highness?"
"You were the heir to the Emperor, and he is dead. I presume you are the now the Emperor Elect."
"I ... am," the cyborg Sith agreed slowly, and then frowned at his droid, who had suddenly ripped open a small port in Vader's suit and was attaching a tube to it. "What are you doing, B8?"
"I am flushing out any remaining iocanious gas in your tertiary oxygen tank," B8 said cheerfully, "The remaining levels are very low, but we should not take any chances of additional individuals dying."
"True," Vader agreed, and reached a hesitant hand up to his helmet. It was too late to really worry about it, but...
"What if my seal had not kept out the iocanious gas?" he blurted.
"Naturally I tested the sealant material before introducing the gas to your storage system," B8 said in a reproving tone. "Unlike the royal guards, you require a sealed system to support your lungs, and the sealant material in your helmet is extremely robust."
"That is why they died when the gas was released into the Throne Room, and I did not."
"Precisely, your Highness."
Silence fell between the two beings, one mechanical and one partly mechanical, as Vader mulled over the incredible reality of this day. To think that his droid had managed to kill the Emperor, when everyone else who had ever tried to take out the old wart had failed.
Of course, Vader had programmed B8, and both Anakin and Vader had been great with droids. R2D2 and C3PO had both been surprisingly adventurous and creative in their own ways.
Five minutes later, B8 retracted the tube and nodded in approval. "Your tertiary oxygen system is now completely clean and refilled with fresh oxygen. Is there anything else you wish for me to do for you, your Highness?"
Vader, who had been thinking hard, said slowly. "Yes, B8, I have another task for you."
"What is your bidding, my master?"
"Determine how to find my son and bring him to my side."
Author Note: The two obscure Princess Bride references from Chapter 1 were:
1. Iocanious gas: which is similar to iocane powder
2. The royal guards should have been "mostly dead".