"And suddenly you know
it's time to start something new,
and trust the magic of beginnings."
_
My hands are clammy as I walk into the small tattoo shop in downtown Tacoma. My best friend Jacquelyn is close behind. Jac had talked me into this and I have no idea why I went along with it.
Tattoos have never been my thing. I grew up in a conservative home as a kid and even after I moved out on my own I'd never really thought about it. There was nothing I could commit to enough to want it on my body for ever.
Jac, on the other hand, is covered in tattoos and piercings. We are opposites in every way possible. She's blonde, curvy, and outgoing. My mother is Latina, my father white. I never had a boyfriend until I was twenty, while Jac had dated half the men in Tacoma by then. She's the only person in the world who has been there for me.
When we were kids she had a thing for my older brother Gabriel, and in our teen years the two of them dated for quite a while until life happened and we discovered for the first time how cruel life can be.
Gabriel was walking home from school with his friends when he was shot and killed by a member of a gang. During his senior year of high school, my brother had gotten mixed up with a crowd I didn't agree with, but he was naive and thought he was invincible.
The moment we step into the shop I feel like I'm in a different world. The music is loud and heavy, the smell of cigarettes lingers in the air, and the walls are littered with artwork that pulls my eyes in a thousand different directions.
Jac steps up to the desk and a man with spiky black hair looks up at her. His expression is uninterested until he sees the hot girl in front of him. He attitude changes and he plasters a flirtatious smile on his face.
"How can I help you?" He asks in a flirty tone.
"I'm Jacquelyn, this is Victoria. I made appointments for both of us a few weeks ago." She leans on the counter giving the man a good look at her cleavage in her wife beater tank top. I roll my eyes behind her back as I stand there feeling awkward.
"Did you request a certain artist?"
"Tomi for me, she started a touch up on my sleeve a few weeks ago and I'm just back for the finishing touches. Victoria just wants something small, so I trust you can pick someone for her."
"Sure thing. Tomi just got back from break so I will let her know you're here." The man walks away and my attentions turns to the buzzing sound of a tattoo gun and my nerves start to get the best of me.
"Maybe this isn't a good idea." I tell my best friend while clutching my hands in front of me.
"What do you mean?"
"I just don't know if I want one." She holds me at arms length, her face sincere.
"You're doing it for Gabe, remember?" I think back to the conversation we had had a month ago when we got drunk on my living room floor while watching sad movies. We'd drank a few bottles of wine and reminisced on the good times when we were kids. When life was easy.
My long term boyfriend, Cameron, had been out of town on business so Jacquelyn and I got to spend some quality time together which we haven't been able to do in quite some time.
"You're right." I whisper as I shake my head and remember why I'm doing this. My brother was my best friend and what better way to honor him then with a permanent memory on my body.
A woman walks out from behind a beaded curtain with the man who had been at the counter and she smiles at Jacquelyn. She's covered in tattoos, just like Jac, and her face is adorned with nose and eyebrow piercings. She's beautiful in an intimidating type of way. Her skin is littered with vivid color, just like my best friend.
"Want to finish up the sleeve?" Tomi asks Jac.
"Finally. I was thinking I want to add more color down around here," Jac points to her forearm where she has an intricately patterned elephant that travels up around her elbow. It's a beautiful piece and I wish I was that brave. "I think some more white would really make it pop. Other than that i just want to finish up the outlining. Make the rest of it stand out a little more."
"Definitely. Have a seat."
The man turns to me and points to a table across the room.
"Happy will be out to draw something up for you."
"Thank you." My voice is quiet as I stand there alone waiting for the tattoo artist. Happy, what kind of name is that? I think to myself.
A moment later a man walks out of the back through the beaded curtain, his face serious, his exposed skin littered with ink like everyone else here except me. He's definitely not the type of person I'd picture to be named Happy.
"You for me?" The man asks me as he steps over to what I'm assuming is his work station. I try my best to put on a brave face, channeling my inner Jac, smile and nod. His eyes scan my body and a smirk plays on his lips. "Any tattoos?" He asks.
"None." The man rubs his hands together in front of him and grins.
"Virgin skin, I like it." He lets out a laugh and my stomach does a nervous summersault.
"Go easy on the girl, Hap, she looks terrified." Tomi tells him from across the room. They all seem to be joking and it makes me feel like the odd man out. Like there's some secret I don't know.
"Hap's got a thing for breaking in first timers." Tomi tells me when she sees me looking confused.
"Great." I mumble.
"Don't worry, baby. I'll be gentle." Happy winks at me and I let out a nervous laugh. He sits down on a stool on wheels and pulls out everything he needs to draw up a stencil. "Okay, no more jokes. I can tell you're nervous." His voice is low and raspy to keep everyone else from hearing.
"A little." I tell him. "This isn't exactly my scene."
"It's all good. So what do you have in mind?" I sit down on the table as watches me intently. "Something small since it's your first?" He asks.
"Yeah. I want something in memory of my brother. I'd like it just below my shoulders in the middle of my back." He motions for me to turn around and I face my back to him. He pulls my shirt up without hesitation and I start to feel nervous again, but have to remember he does this every day of his life. He unfastens my bra and I cross my arms across my chest.
"Loosen up. I've seen a naked body before." He says in all seriousness and his quiet, deep voice is strangely comforting. "Jake!" He calls out to the guy at the front desk.
"Yeah?"
"Get this girl a beer, please."
"That's not necessary." I tell them.
"You sure?"
"Yeah, I'll be okay." I turn back around. "I'm being a baby. I'll get over it." I try to shake off the nerves as Happy stares at me intently.
"You have good skin." Happy tells me as he runs his hand over the center of my back.
"Thanks."
"Okay. Let's talk design, now."
"My brother use to call me 'pajarita.' It means 'little bird' in Spanish. I think I just want a small bird right there."
"Any specifics?"
"Can you draw something first? I'm open to ideas. I'm not that creative."
"Absolutely." He slips a pair of thick rimmed glasses on as he begins drawing. I turn back to watch him and his face is serious, his eyebrows scrunched as he thinks. I can't help but notice how attractive he is even though he is so far from my type. Cameron, my boyfriend, is a business man. He owns a restaurant here in Tacoma and he's far from a man like Happy.
A little while later Happy shows me what he's come up with and it almost brings tears to my eyes as I think of Gabriel and how proud he would be of me for stepping outside my comfort zone to do something like this.
"I love it. It's perfect."
"Really?" Happy asks and I can tell his surprise is genuine.
"Yeah. Is that weird?"
"First timers are usually particular. It usually takes an hour or two just to come up with the design."
"I like what you did. It's simple, but there's detail. I like it very much."
"You ready to get it done?" He asks me.
"Absolutely."
•••
Two hours later I'm standing in front of the mirror, my shirt held up to look at the work Happy has just finished.
"What do you think?"
"I think it's beautiful. I couldn't have asked for better." He grins at me as he squeezes my arm before turning to take his gun apart.
"You did good. All those nerves for nothin'."
"You just have the magic touch." I joke.
"You bet your ass. My hands aren't just good at ink." He throws a wink at me and I roll my eyes.
Jacquelyn steps back into the shop after having a cigarette with Tomi and she runs over to me with excitement.
"Let me see!" She exclaims. I lift my shirt to show her and she claps.
"It's awesome! Gabriel would be proud."
"If you want to finish this thing today Jac, you better get your ass over here." Tomi tells her.
"Sure, sure. I'm coming."
"How much longer?" I ask.
"Maybe another hour." Tomi tells me as Happy comes over and starts rubbing ointment on my skin.
"Oh." My stomach begins to growl as I think about the mistake I made when I didn't have lunch due to the stress of today. Happy places a bandage over my new tattoo before pulling my shirt back down.
"So you against drinking or something?" He asks.
"What?" I'm confused by his question.
"You turned down a beer earlier."
"Oh, no. I'm not. Why do you ask?"
"Well, your friend is going to be a bit, and I could use a drink and some food. What about you?"
"I-I, yeah. I could do that." My eyes flicker to Jac and she gives me a thumbs up.
"There's a bar next door. They've got the best deep fried tacos."
"You know I'm Latina, right?" I say with a grin. "I have pretty high standards when it comes to tacos."
"You won't be disappointed. And if you are, then I guess I'll pay for your food." There's a playful glimmer in his eyes.
"Deal."
_
Victoria
Jacquelyn