S-3_C-8: Stars
"You kriffing bastard!"
I turned my ear towards the voice. John.
Dropping the shirt I was mending, I sprang to my feet and ran for the nearest door to the yard. I followed the sound of John's pissed shouting until I found them behind the house. They squared off with one another as if they were going to engage in hand-to-hand combat.
"Hey!" I exclaimed, waving my hand wildly while running toward them.
I should've known the last few days of peace had been too good to last. John and Laye had worked in town while Ben and I had worked on various projects around the estate. Time seemed to pass quicker with Ben around, and I enjoyed his company. However, John had decided to take a day off, and, in his eagerness to help, Ben had volunteered to assist him with repairs on the fence.
As I got closer, I quickly identified John as the aggressor. He was shouting at Ben with his arms jerking in angry gestures. "It's been days and you're just now telling me? Are you kidding?"
Ben glanced at me nervously as he backed away from John's display. "I didn't know that you were struggling!" he shouted, his voice strained. "If I'd known—"
"Take a look around you!" John yelled. "Does this look like a mansion on Naboo to you?"
"John, back off!" I screamed, grabbing onto his shoulder to stop him.
He just shrugged me off. He shoved his hands roughly into Ben's chest, causing him to stumble backward. "Answer me!"
Ben raised his hands in surrender as I struggled to hold John back. He plowed ahead like a meteor hurtling toward a planet. In desperation, I threw myself in front of Ben with my arms stretched out defensively. John's angry expression melted into shock.
"John Vegas," I hissed through my teeth, my anger practically blinding me. "What the hell is your problem?"
His sweaty brow furrowed in exasperation. "Luce, gods, would you hear me out for once?"
"I would if you calmed down for two seconds," I said, halfheartedly jabbing him in the chest.
John looked even more annoyed, but he didn't dare lay his hands on me. I moved to stand between them with my arms crossed. John continued to glare at Ben, who glanced between us nervously.
"It—It was my fault," Ben declared. He rolled his shoulders restlessly as if the muscles there demanded to be used. "I should've told you about it right away, John."
"We're not on a first-name basis," John spat, folding his arms against his chest. His blue eyes were as cold as ice.
I pulled my glare away from John to turn it on Ben. His eyes widened at the expression on my face. "Told us about what?" I snapped.
Ben swallowed thickly. "That I, well, I have credits."
John's hands clenched into fists at his sides. "Mother kriffing—"
"I want to help," Ben interjected, stepping closer with a friendly hand extended. "I don't mean any harm, John."
Smacking his hand away, John pointed in the direction of Mos Espa. "Get out," he growled. "Now."
"John," I sighed angrily. "Don't—"
"Go back inside, Lucy," he barked without even looking at me.
My temper roared beneath my skin. I snapped my fingers to get John's attention so I could glare at him directly to his face. His scowl faltered momentarily when he looked at me. "I don't take orders from you," I spat. "And neither does Ben."
Ignoring me, he looked back at Ben and lifted a finger in his face. "Listen. I don't know you anymore, I don't like you, and I want you to leave."
Ben shook his head in defeat, waved a dismissive hand, and then walked away. I watched him go, feeling shocked and disappointed. I didn't even bother looking at John before turning to follow Ben.
"Luce," I heard from behind me. I gritted my teeth and broke into a sprint. "Lucy!"
A minute later, I sat impatiently in the driver's seat of the speeder with my arms crossed. Ben had gone into the house, presumably to pack. When I heard the thump of something being tossed into the backseat, I secretly wished it was John coming to apologize.
"I can drive myself," Ben said gently, standing beside the driver's side. He stood with his hands on his hips, wearing his usual black clothing and a leather belt for his sidearm.
Without argument, I slid across to the passenger's seat. Ben took his seat silently and strapped himself in. After he rested his hands on the controls, he sighed deeply.
"You should stay."
My stubbornness flared up, and I stiffened my lips.
Ben sighed again. "I...I don't want to come between the two of you."
I glanced over at him; he seemed genuinely concerned. "John does that all by himself," I said. "Don't worry about us."
Sluggishly, Ben started the speeder, and we took off across the desert sands.
After eating at some food stands near the spaceport, we set out to find a place to stay for the night. Hues of purple and blue stained the twilight sky overhead, and the air around us began to cool. John's foolish rage had put me in a terrible mood, so I was relieved that Ben seemed content to do most of the talking. Over the last few days, I had discovered that he had developed an unassuming and introspective personality.
My eyes hovered on Gran Cara's townhouse as we passed by it. She did have a couple of spare bedrooms, but...that was unthinkable. Sudden guilt clawed at my insides. Why am I keeping this from him? Imagining the two of them together was just too much to handle. I can't even think about that right now.
Edu was not his usual, bubbly self when we entered the cantina. When I asked him about room vacancies, he said there were none without even checking. I noticed the way his bulging eyes fixated on Ben; in fact, most of the locals packed into the bar were looking at him strangely. I gave Edu a pointed look of disappointment and nudged Ben towards the exit.
"That barkeeper doesn't like me," Ben said once we were outside.
"I noticed." I shot him a sideways glance as we trudged onward to the marketplace. "I can't imagine why. He's always treated me well."
Ben's eyes scanned the crowd as we walked. "It's not a human thing. I looked inside his mind," he explained with a hardened expression. "There's been an increase in New Republic law enforcement in the Outer Rim. He's worried about my loyalties."
Sucking in a breath, I nodded. Sometimes I forgot that Ben still possessed all the abilities he used to have. Mind reading. In an attempt to hide my sudden paranoia, I mumbled, "It's no wonder—Edu deals with some shady people in Mos Espa."
I felt his eyes on me as I veered us off the main road. The droid shop was right around the corner. "Lucia," he said lowly.
Because I heard my proper name so rarely, I spun around immediately to face him. He practically ran straight into me, and, apologizing, he grasped my arms to keep me upright. I felt a chill run through me at the rare human contact, but he dropped his hands almost immediately. His eyes were a dark chocolate color in the dying light.
"You know that I would never"—his eyes became searching—"look at your thoughts without permission...right?"
My brow furrowed as I blinked up at him. "I think so," I said.
An incredulous smile broke out on his face, and then he glanced away with a breathy chuckle. "Your confidence shames me."
I shook my head in confusion. When I realized that I'd hurt him, I put a hand on his arm and said, "I misspoke. I know you wouldn't do that."
His eyes met mine with an appreciative look. "I needed to hear that," he told me. "Thank you."
The atmosphere between us was a bit awkward as we settled into the shop for the evening. I reactivated the force field as soon as we were inside, eyeing the evening walkers with wary eyes. I loosened all the tent flaps to give us some semblance of privacy. As Ben explored the cluttered shop, I logged onto the terminal in the front tent to send a message to John. Sure enough, there was a curt message already waiting to be read.
"You okay?" it said.
I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands before I typed out my reply: "Yes, no thanks to you."
Swiveling my chair around, I felt my eyes automatically search for Ben. He was studying a half-finished droid in the back. I let my eyes linger on him for a bit longer than I should have. Though he had changed so much, he was so thoughtful, so honest, so...fascinating.
When he looked at me, a wry smile appeared on his face. I gulped when I realized I had been caught staring.
"I'm sorry about John," I said to distract him from my error.
Ben's smile faded. "His anger is warranted."
"I know," I murmured, picturing their layered history. "But if he just took the time to get to know you…" I gingerly rubbed my hip as I stood to my feet.
"You're too generous." Ben's eyes followed me as I passed him. "I've done nothing to atone for what I've put Vegas through over the years."
I listened to him as I rummaged through a storage crate. His guilt was reflected in his words often, and I didn't know exactly how to respond. While I didn't want him to suffer, it seemed...oddly justified.
"Two wrongs don't make a right," I muttered, pulling out the dusty bedding I was looking for. I gave it a few snaps before I realized Ben had gone completely silent.
Staring at the ground, he had his hands stuck in his pockets. He was clearly deep inside his own mind. I wonder what he's thinking about.
I set about making up two bedrolls in the back tent. The bench that John sometimes slept on was narrow—far too narrow for restless sleepers. I dragged my bed an acceptable distance from Ben's, unlooped my belt from around my waist, and slid my sidearm beneath my makeshift pillow. Flopping down, I settled my hands on my stomach and sighed contentedly as my eyes slid shut.
A couple of minutes later, I sensed Ben's movement nearby. I heard the clunk of his bag being set down, alluding to the metallic objects inside. A whispering of sheets announced when he laid down. I hummed when he thanked me. For several minutes after that, the only sound was the wind gently rustling the tent flaps.
"Do you still look at the stars?"
His voice was so quiet that I almost didn't hear it. I opened my eyes, watching the burgundy sheet stirring above my head. Peeking from behind it was a strip of glowing stars against the velvety backdrop of space.
"Rarely," I rasped in reply. "I used to love the stars."
"I remember."
Suddenly, the cloth above us stilled and began rolling itself neatly. Ben's hand appeared at the edge of my vision, guiding it with the Force. My breath hitched in my throat when a sea of stars erupted into view. As my eyes drank in the sight, a few moments of silent awe passed.
"Beautiful," he said.
"Yes," I breathed. "I miss living in space."
I heard him shift, and I looked over to find him gazing upwards. The moonlight illuminated his pale skin and painted silver threads through his hair. "Would you return to your fleet?" he asked.
The change of topic jarred me. "Um...even if I wanted to, they wouldn't have me. My father sees me as a deserter."
Bringing up my father brought up another question that I had been avoiding. As if reading my mind, Ben propped himself up on his elbow to look at me. I turned my head to see his troubled expression.
"I'm ashamed to admit that I read some of your transmissions to your father," he said quietly. "As I traveled here, I was so desperate to find information about you on the holonet."
I recalled the deceitful transmission that he'd sent me. His admission disturbed me rather than comforted me. "You should've just come to me," I said in a small voice.
His gaze then blurred past me, unseeing and unreadable. "I was very, very nervous."
Letting my head fall back, I searched the constellations above me as if I could find answers in them. John's warning from the night before flashed through my mind, and my heart leaped into my throat. "Are you...do you still…" I sighed, feeling tongue-tied and anxious. "Do—Do you still love me?"
There was a pause; I had taken him off guard. I felt my eyebrows knit together as the silence stretched on and on. Had I ruined our budding friendship with a few words? Damn my impulses. I heard Ben lay back against the sheets and release a shaky sigh.
"Lucia...," he began, his voice barely above a whisper. "When I'm around you, my heart won't stop racing. I can hardly think straight."
His words sent shock pouring through my veins as cold as ice. I practically felt the ground shift beneath me and saw the stars realign themselves. My mouth hung open as I repeated the words in my mind. In my peripheral vision, I noticed him running a hand over his face.
"I feel like an incomplete person without you," he said softly. Pain laced every word.
It took a few pounding heartbeats for me to find my voice. "You stayed away for two years," I said breathlessly. "How can you say you love me?"
"You don't understand," he said, defeated. A second hand joined the one already on his face. I stole a glance to see him covering half his face with only his trembling lips visible. I practically felt his pain and regret. "I planned to stay away for the rest of my life to make up for what I'd done."
Surprise fluttered its way through me. What changed his mind?
A harsh edge came into his voice as he said, "I can't tell you how many nights I've laid awake, thinking about you."
As the moments stretched on, my silence became deafening. I squeezed my eyes shut, reaching inside myself to pull out some feelings for him. I felt nothing but the remnants of the aching emptiness that had plagued me for two years. My love was cold and gone—buried deep in the grave of Kylo Ren.
"Ben, I'm sorry. I...I—"
"I've done it before," he murmured, interrupting me. He rested his hands on his chest and gazed up at the stars with a determined slant on his brow. "Maybe I can get you to fall in love with me again."