S-3_C-10: Like Father, Like Son

As I looked down at my hand, I came to a sudden realization.

"This is a dream," I heard myself say.

I curled my fingers and watched the lines on my palm become clearer. Looking up, I found myself sitting on the warm sands of Tatooine with the desert breeze combing through my hair. I even reached out to grab a handful of red sand and watched it slide formless through my fingers.

"Lucia," Kylo said.

When I turned towards his voice, I was suddenly in a cold room, sitting on the edge of a bed. I felt the rumbling of the ship's engines through the durasteel floor. A plethora of stars stretched outside the viewport where Kylo was standing, dressed in full battle garb. He had hatred in his eyes.

"I'll change it," he told me. "The future you see."

"Lucia?" said another voice.

Turning back around, I returned to the desert. Someone had joined me. His light clothing fluttered in the warm breeze as he looked down at me—it was Ben. He had sadness in his eyes.

He opened his mouth as if to say—

"Gwah gah!"

Startling awake, I sat up in bed with a hand on my chest. My baby stood in his crib beside my bed, grasping the plastoid rail with a wide-eyed expression on his face. I glanced around my room to get my bearings before sliding out of bed. It was just before dawn.

"Mama," I said, pointing to myself as I approached the crib.

"Guh," my baby said, waving a finger in the air.

I chuckled to myself as I lifted him into my arms. "Fair's fair."

Just a moment later, I heard a gentle knock on my door. "Lucia?" It was Ben. "Do you need any help?"

"No, we're fine!" I called, opening some drawers single-handedly. I set my baby down on the rug while I quickly slipped into my clothes and loosely tied up my hair. Hands running across the textured ground, he watched me with interest. During the year that we were separated, he had kept his mild temperament but grown a tenacious curiosity.

Ben was already in the kitchen when I entered, and he stood to greet us. The baby reached for his father as soon as he saw him, and I gladly passed him into Ben's waiting arms. "Did he wake you?" I asked quietly, turning to make breakfast.

"Yes, but...that's fine," he whispered. He shook his head and followed me with his eyes. "How did you sleep?"

After pulling out a knife and cutting board, my hands froze at the two items sitting on the counter. A bowl of stewed potatoes, finely diced for the baby, and a steaming cup of coffee. Picking them up, I turned around with a stunned expression on my face.

Ben was sitting at the kitchen table with the baby on his lap, bouncing his leg to keep the little one entertained. He pointed out nicks and stains on the tabletop to the baby's curious fingertips. Seeing them together made my heart swell in my chest.

"Ben, you didn't have to," I sighed, sinking down in the seat beside them. My baby looked at me and smiled, causing me to laugh and pinch his little cheek.

"How did you sleep?" Ben repeated, his eyes on my face.

"Um…" I used my left hand to offer the baby a spoonful of potatoes while holding my coffee with my right. He munched them happily. "He's still waking up in the middle of the night, so not great."

Ben's eyes fell to the baby with true concern. "I wonder why…"

"I think it's me," I said, leaning heavily on my fist. After feeding him another spoon, I sipped my coffee. "I think he just wants to wake me up to see me."

It had been a long three days since taking the baby from Gran Cara. While it was a welcome change, it was a difficult one. The baby required constant attention from at least one of us. With Laye sick in bed, Ben had volunteered to help John in the shop. So it was me and the baby at home all day; tending to household chores and gardening while keeping him stimulated was very hard. Nights of constantly interrupted sleep weren't helping either.

I watched Ben's eyebrows knit together as he watched the baby smear some potato mush on the table. "Maybe he needs his own room," Ben murmured.

I froze mid-sip. "That's a really good—"

"Morning," John said in his scruffy morning voice.

All three of us turned to watch him shuffle into the kitchen. He reached for the water pitcher by the sink right away.

"Good morning," I replied, chasing the baby's mouth with another bite. "How's Laye?"

"Better," John said. He flashed me a tired smile. "She feels up to working in the shop today."

I heaved a sigh of relief. Glancing up, I noticed the excited glint in Ben's eyes. As I stared at him, I suddenly remembered my dream and felt the smile fade from my face. My baby grabbed the spoon in my hand, causing me to finally break eye contact.

"Sorry, baby," I muttered, scooping up another spoonful of potatoes.

Ben kept the baby while I hurriedly made everyone breakfast. Even Laye was in a surprisingly good mood that day. The atmosphere had a rare buzz of enthusiasm that I hadn't felt in a long time. Having the baby around gave us something to talk about—even laugh about.

With the new distraction, John and Laye almost slipped away without saying goodbye. I followed them out the door and caught John by the arm. "There's something I wanted to run by you," I said breathlessly.

He waved for Laye to continue on to the speeder before facing me. "Hm?"

"The extra money we're saving by having the baby here," I said in a rush. "Could you use it to hire some help in the shop?"

John chuckled, a rare sound. "Ben and I are already working on that."

I balked. "'You and Ben'?" I asked incredulously.

Placing a hand on my shoulder, he squeezed reassuringly. "Me and Ben," he confirmed with a crooked smile. He turned away without another word.

I made a mental note to ask Ben about it. I had a long, mental list of things I needed to talk to him about. As I made my way back to the kitchen, I felt a thrill at the thought of spending the day with him and the baby.

"C'mon!" I heard Ben say.

I peered around the corner to find him kneeling open-armed on the kitchen floor as the baby stumbled towards him. The baby fell into him with a delighted laugh as Ben closed his arms around his tiny body. "Good job," he said with a beaming smile, rubbing his back.

The scene was almost too much to take in. I held my hand to my chest subconsciously as if my heart would leap out at any moment. "Ben," I mumbled from the doorway.

Both of them looked at me with matching smiles.

I cleared my throat and gestured stiffly to the door. "Will you two be alright if I check on the hydro bays?"

He was already nodding. "Of course."

As I went through the motions of inspecting the plants, I felt my mind linger on Ben. He was bonding so quickly with the baby; something with which I had struggled mightily. He was a natural parent, a natural father. It was...an attractive quality.

By the time I was done with all the daily chores, it was time to feed the baby again and put him down for a nap. At his request, I showed Ben how to change his diaper. We shared a laugh when Ben attempted to put the new one on while the baby was walking away from him.

I followed Ben out of my room and watched him gently close the door. With just the two of us, the hallway felt a lot smaller than I remembered. He laughed awkwardly when he noticed me staring at him.

"Should we pick a new room for him?" It took me a moment to register the words coming out of his mouth.

"Yes," I piped, turning on my heel. "I think that's a great idea."

The spare room right across from mine was a cluttered mess. However, Ben's room at the end of the hall was too far out of earshot. We decided to move all the storage crates and extra furniture to an empty room on John and Laye's "side" of the house. After most of the heavy lifting was done (mostly thanks to Ben's use of the Force), we started mopping and dusting. A heavy silence fell as I tried to focus on my task without glancing at Ben every ten seconds.

"Is there something on your mind?"

I smiled at how diplomatic his question was. I tried to think of the most neutral way to express my thoughts. "It's just that I've noticed...you've become more emotionally aware," I told him. "More compassionate."

Ben brightened as he rang out a dirty rag into a bucket. "Thank you," he said quietly. "I feel like you haven't changed at all. You've always been so...analytical."

I cocked my head. "Have I?"

"As long as I've known you. Always in your head," Ben said, glancing over at me. "Thinking so loud."

I forced my attention back to the dresser drawer I was cleaning. "Hard to know these things about yourself, I guess."

"It is."

Suddenly, all the things I'd been meaning to ask him filled my mind. I said the first thing that popped into my head, "Cara called you 'the prince of Alderaan.' I've been meaning to…," I trailed off when I realized Ben was laughing.

"Nothing more than a memory now," he said, shaking his head.

"That's not true," I breathed. The destruction of Alderaan was known far and wide throughout the Galaxy, and keeping its legacy alive was important to many people. "I didn't realize your mother was royalty."

"'Princess Leia,'" Ben recalled with a sigh. "It was a name she grew to dislike. Too many painful memories."

I nodded as if I could possibly ever understand. Not wanting Ben to be inundated with memories, I said, "I only knew her as 'General Organa.'"

"I'm glad." His gaze became distant as his movements slowed. "She would want that to be her legacy."

The sadness in his eyes made me recall my dream once again. I opened my mouth to tell him about it, and then my jaw snapped shut. Back on Supremacy, I had told him about my dreams of the future many times. He had seen those dreams. Why did he not tell me that he was in them?

"I have an idea for a name for the baby," Ben suddenly said, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Oh?" I felt grateful for the distraction. "Tell me."

Ben thought for a moment. "It's hard to explain. I've been thinking about my time on Ahch-To lately."

"I see," I murmured. Palming the ground behind me, I leaned back to rest. "I'll listen if you'd like to share."

Ben paused his work as well. His eyes wandered aimlessly across the dusty floor. "When a Jedi dies, it's possible for their life essence to be preserved within the Cosmic Force," he began. "Then their consciousness is able to materialize as a Force Spirit."

My brow furrowed as I tried to follow along. "'Preserved within the Cosmic Force'?"

"In the texts, it's sometimes referred to as 'metaphysical immortality,'" he added.

I nodded slowly. "I think I understand." I glanced up to find him watching me intently. "These Spirits appeared to you on Ahch-To?"

Eyes falling, he nodded. "A couple. Luke spoke to me once." He paused as if that troubled him. "But often, my grandfather would speak to me."

"You mean, Darth—" I stopped myself before I spoke the name. That can't be right!

Ben grinned wryly. "It's alright," he said. "Before he was Darth Vader, he was Anakin Skywalker. A Jedi."

"Oh, right." During the last two years, I had forgotten so much about his family and the Force. Before, it had interested me greatly. "So, our baby…"

"A Skywalker," Ben finished for me, holding my gaze. "I can already feel the Force inside of him."

I glanced at my closed door across the hall as if I could see him through it. "Really?" I felt a frown tug at my lips as Ben hummed in affirmation. I wonder if I could sense it too, if...

"My grandfather told me about his decades of inner conflict. His regrets," Ben continued, drawing my attention. "He didn't make things right until it was too late. If I hadn't turned back to the Light that day"—he placed a hand on his abdomen absently—"I would've had the same fate."

My hand subconsciously clutched my chest, recalling the terrible pain I'd felt through the Force that day. Fortunately, the memory wasn't accompanied by its usual heartache.

"So, that's why—" Ben cleared his throat, suddenly looking nervous. "What do you think of 'Anakin'?"

"Anakin," I whispered, tasting the name on my tongue. "Anakin Solo?" I shot Ben a challenging look.

"Or Anakin Caltrel," he offered with a sheepish smile.

I immediately shook my head. "Anakin Solo," I repeated with finality. It felt right.

Ben's broad smile was infectious. He hugged his knees to his chest. "It's kind of poetic. My grandfather was born on Tatooine, too."

"Really?" I breathed in disbelief. "What are the odds?"

Ben shrugged. "I don't know. One thing I do know is that everything happens for a reason." Smile fading, he dropped his gaze to the floor. "Even the Dark Side. It blinded me for so long, but"—he suddenly looked up—"it brought you to me."

I felt a blush creep up my chest under his intense gaze. I looked away, hoping to avert the topic away from myself. "For years, I didn't see the Dark Side as 'evil,'" I said, cocking my head in thought. "Even ancient books don't refer to it as such."

His expression hardened. "Those books you read were written by the Sith. If you read books written by Jedi, they tell a different story." He shook his head resentfully. "They were both biased."

I nodded mutely.

"I don't think there should be a 'Dark Side' and a 'Light Side.' It's all just the Force striving for balance. It took me years to realize that." Ben frowned deeply. "It took Anakin a lifetime."

I felt myself grimace as I imagined a lifetime of regret and suffering.

Stretching out his long legs, Ben copied my posture by leaning back on his hands. He seemed to collect his thoughts before continuing. "Rey embodied the Jedi, Palpatine embodied the Sith. Anakin's life embodied the flaws in that system." He was nodding to himself as if he had said this in his mind many times. "I want to be the embodiment of change."

His words hovered in the air for several moments. I could tell that his years of isolation had resulted in deep self-reflection and discovery. I couldn't help but admire him for it.

"I feel like there are so many things I'm learning about you…," I mused to break the silence. "I forgot that you were a Skywalker...and I had no idea you were a prince."

Ben smirked at me almost mockingly. "You know me better than you think," he said.

The fiery blush reached my cheeks that time, and I looked away.

I heard a quiet chuckle. "I think all this 'prince' talk has you a bit...flustered."

My eyes snapped back to his smirking face in shock. I had to smile because it was the first time that Ben Solo teased me. "I'm not 'flustered,'" I muttered.

Thankfully, a muffled string of babytalk drifted through the air. I pushed myself to my feet as Ben attempted to stifle his laughter. "We can ask Anakin if you seem flustered."

I snorted. "Ben," I scolded under my breath, cheeks still ablaze.

…

After dinner, I tucked the baby into his crib and quietly shut the door to his new room. Reflexively glancing down the hall, I noticed that Ben's door was mostly ajar. He sat at a blue-screened terminal with his back to the door. His fingers typed out a transmission, and I immediately wondered who the recipient was.

I knocked on the doorframe to alert him to my presence, even though I assumed he already knew I was there. He stood immediately to face me.

"Goodnight, Ben."

Though I wanted to say more, I found myself stricken dumb. I wanted to thank him for his help, for being a good father, for being there. But it all felt too soon and too sentimental.

To my surprise, Ben walked over and put his arms around me. I was paralyzed, unable to return his embrace as my mind reeled. He's more slender now. For some reason, I hadn't noticed that before.

"Lucia," he whispered. I felt his lips press into the top of my head like they had many times before. "Sleep well."