QUICK Author's Note: This is a Smash 4 Fanfiction. THAT'S RIGHT. SMASH 4. This is old, it's been on my computer for YEARS and I wanted to publish it because why not.
In similar style to my other (yes, my one singular) fanfic, the characters are deliberately OOC. That means that these characters are going to be completely different personalities from their games or canon-selves. If this is not your thing, do not read. Especially if you like Marth. But I assure you to just keep an open mind. I plan on updating every Thursday regardless of interest. (Because I'm insane.)
The pairings are Ike/Marth, (I guess?) Pit/Dark Pit (..Yeah)
And one final thing to sum this up: This is rated M for a reason. It goes from 0 to 100 really quick. I don't want to spoil it but uh.. yeah. I'll warn you once we get to 'the point of no return' so you can opt out.
Two fighters materialized in their places on either side of Battlefield. Today was a special kind of battle because Master Hand decided to drop by and watch. He was very fond of watching people knock each other around the screen, and couldn't wait to congratulate the victor. Robin was a sucker for Master Hand. He felt like in order to get the "upper hand" in the Smash Bros games, he had to be as familiar with the higher ups as possible. And besides, wouldn't it be nice to give a giant hand a high five once in a while?
Anyway, Robin knew his opponent inside and out. Well, he wasn't literally knowledgeable on the subject of Kirby's insides. (And he did not want to find out.) But he did know that Kirby had 6 entire jumps and was very light weight. Being a tactician, he started to calculate a strategy deep within his mind. In fact, he thought of a plan so quick, so unbelievably foolproof, that he knew for certain he was going to win. The best approach would be to keep Kirby far away from him with his projectiles and try to avoid being grabbed and punished, rather than taking a close combat approach. Robin grinned from ear to ear.
However, he couldn't tell what Kirby was thinking. He seemed as unreadable and cute as ever. It was as if he had no idea that the Master Hand was watching the battle behind the blast zones. Robin almost felt sad for Kirby's blissful ignorance. How could you want to be so dumb when the world could be in the palm of your hand?
The ground rumbled to and fro as the timer counted down from 3 to 1.
Kirby immediately took up to the top platform, probably to try and catch Robin with a down special attack. You know, the ol' turn-into-a-rock-and-crush-you thing. Robin almost chuckled. That's so typical of Kirby.
He rolled away from Kirby to his right, and pulled out his handy arc fire tome. He flipped open the book, fingers suspended in the air. The pink blob bobbed up and down towards him, with his vague eyes and numb-dumb expression. Robin's lips parted, the pages ceased crinkling. Kirby was right in his line of fire, such luck. Robin looked down at the book.
He was met with a terrifying surprise.
Somebody had drawn a giant black X all over the spells. He was shocked. And also wide open. Before he knew it he had been grabbed and absorbed by the pink vacuum. Robin was spat back out over the right ledge of the stage. One elwind later, he was back on Battlefield, but he was swinging his Levin Sword for dear life to keep Kirby away from him.
His thoughts raced, 'Who would do such a thing? How am I supposed to recite arc fire? I don't even know the words! Master Hand is watching this fight!'
Kirby caught Robin with a side smash to the gut. There was great pain. And then, all he saw was the stage getting smaller and smaller beneath him, as he flew further and further away.
The result? Kirby won the fight with all three of his stocks!
It was ugly. Robin learned that all of his spell tomes were drawn over and covered with a thick marker. He didn't have thunder. No Elthunder, no thoron, no nosferatu. Usually, if there was a fight where Master Hand was in attendance he would be jumping up and down, ready to have a long winded conversation with the floating appendage. Today he was feeling rightfully embarrassed. He realized that the show was distasteful. And perhaps, even nerfed.
"There's a saboteur among us!" Robin proclaimed loudly.
He crossed a densely populated courtyard screaming, "SABOTEUR, SABOTEUR!"
Nobody cared enough to ask for more information. Robin was one of those people who would tattletale and be a general stick in the mud to every other fighter in the games. A saboteur could be anything to Robin. A person taking a nap in the gentle breeze of the Delfino Plaza could be a saboteur.
"No trespassing on fighting stages outside of a match," He'd whine.
Only one person believed Robin about sabotage this time, however. And that person was Pit.
Pit was as well liked as Robin was disliked. He was Master Hand's official news carrier boy, recommended to him by Palutena herself. Every morning he'd deliver the mail to every Smasher in the community. He would deliver using Palutena's power of flight. Could you imagine having to deliver mail to 58 people within 5 minutes without even knowing how to read? But every day Pit got it done. He was also very easy to squeeze gossip out of. Secrets were never kept secret as long as Pit knew about it and all you had to do was trick him into saying it. And he was a very gullible angel, too.
Because Pit was also watching the fight, the news about Robin's tomes got out very fast the next day.
The very next morning, in fact.
The cafeteria in the South Dining Hall was completely full of talks about the guy who finally "stuck it into Robin's ass."
"Serves him right. Screw that guy," said Villager.
He had a very peculiar way of talking. Every time he spoke, a dialog box from Animal Crossing would appear and the words would slowly materialize underneath him until some invisible person pressed the A button. He just sat down at a table with his best friends to enjoy breakfast.
Ness sat opposite to Villager at the table and Lucas sat at his left. Toon Link was sitting to Villager's right, facing opposite to Lucas.
"He's the entire reason why the Fire Emblem cast gets so much hate," said Lucas, "He won't let anyone talk to them because they're not a part of 'the chosen game.' It's stupid."
"But I want to know who did it," said Ness in between bites of his meal of steak and eggs.
"I want to know why I wasn't there to see it!" Toon Link laughed then said, "I could only imagine his expression. It must have been like 'Bwahh! My tomes!'"
"'How dare you touch my tomes!? Do you know what game I am from!?' " Villager added in, "'I will report you to Master Hand!' "
"Lucina, my lady!"
"Thunder thunder thunder thunder!"
"No, seriously!" Ness cut in, "I agree, it is pretty funny. But who could have done something like that?"
"Didn't Robin gimp Captain Falcon a few battles back?" Lucas looked up from his omelet, "Maybe it was him. Maybe Captain Falcon did it to get back at Robin."
"It could be anybody, though," said Toon Link, "Everyone hates Robin."
"I just feel really bad for him," said Lucas, "because it must have been really embarrassing."
Then he pointed to a table secluded in the far corner of the dining hall. It was just Ike, Marth, and Roy eating there today. Normally the exclusive table would be packed with every Fire Emblem character on the roster. But not today.
Ness grabbed his plate, "Come on."
He approached the table. Ike and Roy were friendly enough to talk to. Usually Robin would shoo away anybody who wasn't holy enough from reaching the table. Ness's three friends followed suit.
Ike waved and moved over so the four boys could sit down.
Marth rolled his eyes, "Is it Robin?"
"No Marth," went Toon Link, "Why can't we just come to say hi?"
"Yeah, it's about Robin." said Lucas, "We came to see if he's alright."
"Speak for yourself," said Villager.
Villager was ignored, as he often was.
"I don't know, and I don't care," Marth shrugged, "I don't dorm with him."
"Oh?" Ike frowned.
"What do you mean by that?" Marth snapped, "I'm your roommate, you big dummy."
Everyone turned to Roy.
"Are you one of Robin's roommates?" asked Ness.
Roy laughed, "No way! I'm with Meta Knight and Male Wii Fit!"
"Do you know who did it?" Lucas asked Marth.
"Look. Robin is roommates with Olimar and Ganondorf. Obviously, they're the only two besides Robin who would be close enough to get to his tomes without Robin noticing."
Toon Link gasped, "Ganondorf!? Of course!"
"He goes from trying to get the Triforce to really unfunny practical jokes." Marth sighed, "I'd expect nothing less from a Zelda game."
"Hey, just what are you insinuating?"
"Do you think Olimar did it, then?" asked Lucas.
"It's out of the two of them," Marth waved his hand dismissively, "They're more likely to have done it."
"What if Robin's friends did it?" Ike suggested. "Surely, it would be very simple for them to do as well."
Ness frowned, "Aren't you all Robin's friends?"
Roy laughed so hard he had to go vomit the strawberry milk he had for breakfast.
Marth rubbed his forehead because he had a headache coming on, "What use would that be?"
The bathroom wasn't very far from the table they were sitting at. The group sat in silence, listening to Roy's agonizing retching.
"What use are friends? Really?" Lucas got up and reached for a bottle of ketchup, "I thought the point of splitting us up into dorms was to meet and socialize with the other fighters."
"Well that's certainly why dorms aren't split up by a fighter's game anymore like in the Brawl games." said Ike, "But I don't really get along with Robin because he can be very frustrating. Should I go help Roy?"
"Help Roy do what?" Marth snapped, "Don't you ever use your brain for once, Ike?"
"Maybe I could give him a hand? Like, smack his back a little?"
"That's if he's choking."
"Is he?"
"No, he's just being a moron."
"I don't think I know the difference."
"Of course not, because you're a moron as well."
"Hey!" Ness shouted.
If Ike and Marth were left to themselves, they would probably have argued for the rest of eternity.
"That's beside the point. I thought you were his friends. But since you aren't, then you wouldn't mind messing with his tomes just for the fun of it!"
"Marth probably did it." said Toon Link who was still sore about the Zelda villain comment.
"What if I did?" Marth leaned forward, "Are you some kind of detective agency or something? You know, Robin isn't going to thank you. He doesn't even care for your existence. What's even the point? You really must have no time on your hands."
"I think it's kind of sweet," said Ike, "They're good kids."
"I'd be cautious if I were you, anyway." Marth leaned back, "The prankster will just come after you when they find out you're on his trail."
Villager picked up his empty tray, "Not getting involved. This is dumb."
And he headed for the trash can.
With that sentiment in mind, the rest of the group ate in silence for a while. Roy had returned. Though, he went back into the bathroom several times because he kept thinking about being friends with Robin and it made him laugh to the point of nausea.
Suddenly, Ike stood up.
"I have a match." He declared.
"You're going out like that?" Marth frowned.
"Like what?"
"Without your cape."
Ike seemed confused. He reached out and ran his hands along his collar but he realized his ratty red cape wasn't there.
He checked under the table, "That's odd."
"You came down to breakfast without it. I thought you knew, so I didn't say anything."
"No. I didn't know! Why would I not bring my cape? I have to go to a match! I can't go to a match without my cape."
"Just go."
"No! I can't. You don't understand. I can't go out there without my cape."
"Can't you just borrow Roy's? That's what I do."
"Oh." Ike sat back down, waiting for Roy to return.
"But Roy's cape is blue." Said Ness, "You're better off borrowing King Dedede's coat."
"Oh, damn. I'm really going to get it from Master Hand."
"You mean, you have a match that Master Hand is going to watch?" Lucas frowned, "And you're going to show up without your complete fighting attire?"
Ike closed his eyes. He sank low into the chair, "Looks like I'm going to get nerfed."
"When is your match? Why don't we go look for it?" Ness turned to Lucas, "We can search the dining hall."
Then he turned to Ike, "And you can search your room."
"Something fishy is going on." Toon Link turned his head, scanning the cafeteria.
"This is the second Fire Emblem character to have something weird happen at a Master Hand match."
"It's just Ike." said Marth, "You're thinking too hard."
"I know it's just Ike. But then it could be you later on!"
"Oh no! 'Ganondorf the Tome Vandal' is going to steal my cape! Look. There's no conspiracy against Fire Emblem characters. Robin couldn't take a joke and Ike is a joke. It's all a big misunderstanding."
Lucas spoke in a low hushed voice, "Don't tell anyone you're missing your cape. It might cause pandemonium or make the prankster angry with all of us for trying to figure out his plans."
Ike ran as fast as he could out of the dining hall. His armor clanked together, leaving a heavy trail of noise behind him.
It was now time to search the Dining Hall.
Ness grabbed all the empty plates at the table and went to discard them. Lucas and Toon Link decided to search for places in the dining hall that Ike would probably visit.
Unfortunately, the search went nowhere. The only thing in the Meats and Protein section that was red was King Dedede. They didn't ask King Dedede to help because he could have been the culprit all along.
Who could say?
Lucas and Toon Link caught up with Ness back at the Fire Emblem table.
Ness couldn't believe how uncaring Marth was towards his own roommate. The entire time they were searching high and low in the dining hall for the cape. Marth was just sitting there as if he was going to take a nap. Even Roy went to look for a bit before growing bored and leaving.
"Master Hand won't notice." Marth said dismissively, "Who cares about that stupid old cape? It smelled like sweat anyway. Maybe it's in the laundry. Oh, look who it is."
You could hear Ike approaching from a mile away because of his noisy armor. He was still without a cape, but this time he had returned with Pit.
"Pit was helping me look for it but we couldn't find anything."
"Ike! We told you not to tell anyone!" Toon Link looked from Pit to Ike, "You told Pit!?"
"Hey! What's so wrong with that? I was delivering mail and I was looking for it with my flight. I think it was a really good idea! I mean… We didn't find anything but I made sure to tell everyone on the rest of my mailing route of the missing cape so they can look for it too!"
Marth started to laugh really hard, almost rivaling Roy's laugh.
"Way to go, Ike. Now the entire roster knows about your cape situation, including the guy who stole it in the first place. Now he's going to steal something else just to mess with you."
"I'm going to tell Lady Palutena," said Pit, "She knows everything. I bet she even knows who took the cape!"
"I don't think that's necessary." said Marth.
He turned to Ike, "Just go wear another costume for now."
He removed his own cape, "Here. You can use this one with your blue costume."
Ike grabbed Marth's cape. "It doesn't suit me. This cape is royalty. But I will wear it with pride because you gave it to me. Thank you, Marth."
"Holy shit, Ike. Just go to your match."
"Right. Wish me luck!"
"Who are you fighting, anyway?" Asked Toon Link.
"Oh? Me? I'm fighting Cloud."
"Cloud? Oh man! I'm gonna watch!"
"Yeah. He didn't tell me he was going to fight Cloud. That's different." Marth got up, "This'll be interesting."
Ike smirked. He said, "Let's see about that."