Happy Sunday, fam. I am once again writing self-indulgent shit when I should be working on Bloodline. This is really y'alls fault for liking Renley tbh. Of all the different things I could've done a spinoff series on... him?! Really?! Although the fact that I love writing Mika from other people's perspectives (and haven't done much of that lately) is a contributing factor.
Note - you'll recognize the dialogue from last section from Chapter 13 of Bloodline. That scene was told from Mika's POV in Bloodline and I didn't even touch on the night that lead up to it - so I had a lot of fun doing that here from Renley's POV. Enjoy!
Chapter 3: Show Me Where It Hurts
Song: Fuck Away The Pain by Divide The Day. Which is the MikaRenley anthem if I'm being honest. I've wanted to incorporate this song for MONTHS but didn't know how without making it cheesy. It may very well still be cheesy but I'm beyond caring.
You think your life is done he took it all with him
So you drink enough for it to wash away the sin
Such a shitty thing he did, the way he said goodbye
You can take it out on me if you like
Renley had almost drifted off when he heard his door creak open. He glanced up in surprise. He really hadn't expected Mika to drop by. It had been an absolute clusterfuck of a night.
It started with news from Arrow's strike team. They'd assassinated one of the Vampaneze Lord's rumoured elite mercenaries, and captured two vampets. And then everything went to hell. They linked up with another group of vampires, only to realize they were being tracked. It was an ambush. Multiple casualties - including Vampire Mountain medics. Arrow himself barely escaped with his life. There was a brief window where it was unclear whether Arrow was alive, dead, or captured. There were maybe sixty or seventy vampires currently staying in the mountain, and all of them had been camped out in the Hall of Princes for hours waiting for updates while Mika and Paris manipulated the Stone of Blood and telepathically directed them.
As invested in the bigger picture as he was, Renley's focus was consistently drawn to Mika. It was a long, gruelling night for everyone, and Mika had been doing the majority of the work where the Stone of Blood was concerned. Renley didn't know what that felt like, but he hoped he would someday - locating vampires through the Stone was a task reserved only for the Princes. All he knew was that using the Stone was physically taxing, and that Mika seemed extremely reluctant to let Paris take a turn. At least five different times, Paris made to head over to the Stone, and every time Mika blocked his way, muttered something the audience couldn't hear, and proceeded to do it himself.
If it had been anyone else but Paris, Renley certainly would've chalked it up to Mika's 'if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself' mindset. Which was always, always on. But it was Paris. And Renley didn't miss the way the old man seemed to move slower with every passing day, the way his hands trembled slightly, or the way he could no longer quite project his voice across the entire hall like he used to. Paris's health was failing. Slowly, surely, even gracefully - but failing nonetheless. And Mika was protective as all fuck.
Renley knew for a fact Mika had been awake for at least 48 hours straight at that point. Because during the brief window yesterday when he was supposed to be sleeping, he'd sought a different form of self-care. The type that occurred in Renley's bed. So when Renley finally left the Hall of Princes when Paris dismissed the senior Generals, he figured Mika would also go to bed for some well-deserved sleep. But here he was. He seemed a little drunk, although Renley didn't know when he found the time to drink between then and now. His face was gaunt and he looked almost strung out.
"The fuck are you doing here?" Renley grunted as he blinked up at Mika.
"The fuck do you think I'm doing here?" Mika snapped back.
Renley sat up a little straighter. He couldn't help but grin as he observed Mika undressing swiftly and throwing his clothes in a pile on the floor.
"You wanted to cuddle after a rough day, is that it? Get in here, baby." Said Renley. He smirked as he spoke those words, knowing how much they'd irritate Mika, and not caring in the slightest.
Mika paused to gaze condescendingly down at Renley for a moment. Renley rolled over onto his back and crossed his arms behind his head comfortably.
"What?" Mika growled.
"Nothing. Just admiring the view."
"You look so stupid right now."
Renley rolled his eyes.
"Then go find someone smarter to fuck you senseless." Renley paused, and watched Mika's mental gears turn. "What, no snobby comeback?"
"Shut up. I'm trying to remember who all's in the mountain right now." Said Mika, looking thoughtful and holding up a hand to silence Renley. Then he relaxed and sank down onto the bedding beside Renley and said with complete seriousness, "Nope. Everyone else is either old or ugly. It's all you."
"Lucky me." Said Renley sardonically. "I just didn't think you'd come tonight, that's all."
"Come tonight... Nice phrasing." Mika deadpanned.
"Gods, you're such a man-child. Who the hell put you in charge of anything?" Renley chuckled, swatting playfully at Mika's shoulder once he caught the reference. "Seriously, though. You look like a mess. A hot mess, of course. But still-"
"Listen, if you're not in the mood, I'll be on my way." Mika cut him off. "You should know by now I don't come here for the conversation."
"Now who's the one with questionable phrasing? And you should know by now I'm never not in the mood for you." Renley purred. He reached out and ran his hand slowly over Mika's exposed back. "You also know my favourite form of conversation is the one where you moan my name into that pillow over and over again. Maybe throw in that hot little whiney noise you make when I get the angle just right."
"Then what are you waiting for?" Mika growled, twitching away from Renley's soft caress. "Stop talking about it and do it."
Renley hummed thoughtfully, cocking his head and looking Mika up and down with a rather critical eye.
"You know what? I take it back." Said Renley. "This is an excessive amount of attitude. Even for you. Can't believe I'm saying this, but maybe you should just go to bed. Your bed. Alone." Renley was bluffing, of course. He assumed Mika would counter that with somehow even more attitude. And honestly, bring it on. Mika had yet to reach a level of brattiness that Renley hadn't been able to level out.
But Mika remained sitting there on the bed a few feet away, his back still facing Renley. The visible tension in his shoulders betrayed the truth - there was something more going on beneath the surface.
"I hate to pry -" Renley began.
"I hate when you pry." Mika interrupted.
"- but I'm getting the impression there's something on your mind." Renley continued seriously. He reached out again, and lightly stroked his fingertips across Mika's lower back - always a favourite spot. To his relief, Mika didn't swat his hand away.
"It was seven years ago today." Mika muttered after a beat of silence, so quietly Renley could barely hear him. And when he finally looked up, his eyes were cold and haunted. Renley's heart sank. He hadn't expected that. But he didn't have to ask "seven years since what". He already knew. The whole damn clan knew. No wonder Mika didn't want to be alone tonight.
Renley nodded slowly, understandingly. He slowly sat upright and maneuvered himself directly in front of Mika, leaning in so their faces were inches apart .
"Say no more." Renley breathed. "I can fix that."
Fuck away the pain, erase him from your brain
Fake it like you love me, Come on baby touch me,
Show me where it hurts, this dirty little curse
Don't have to be ashamed if you wanna scream my name
While I fuck away the pain
Renley began to kiss him slowly and deliberately, slipping his hand behind Mika's head and kept him locked there for a second, loving how smooth that jet-black hair felt between his fingers. It was getting slightly long, falling almost halfway down his neck. He knew Mika preferred to keep it shorter than that, but regular trims weren't high on his priority list with everything else going on. Renley didn't mind; as far as he was concerned Mika had never been hotter.
Mika went limp and let Renley push him down onto his back, where he continued to kiss him passionately. Softly at first, then increasing intensity until they were moaning and whispering exquisite obscenities into each other's mouths while their legs and hips slipped into place like puzzle pieces.
Over the past month or so, Mika had gradually gotten better at checking his control issues at the door whenever he made his way into Renley's bed. So that was progress. But he normally at least pretended he wanted nothing to do with Renley, to save face, or however he was justifying it to himself. That was the game he played. But Renley could read him like a book. It had been vividly clear the first night they hooked up; Mika wanted to have sex with him. Wanted to feel something. To be free from his own life for a little while. So he set it in motion that first night, letting Renley think it was his - Renley's - idea. And Renley let Mika think he was none the wiser.
It wasn't Mika's power that transfixed Renley. It wasn't even his offensively good looks. It was his raw attitude Renley couldn't get enough of; his backhanded charisma that bordered on cockiness. But tonight, Renley could practically feel the insecurity radiating off him. It was loud and clear through his uncharacteristic quietness. Typically their time together involved a steady pattern of one-upping each other with dirty words and downright filthy attitudes. It was more than hot, their usual rough give-and-take was pure fun. For both of them. But now, Mika was digging his fingertips into Renley's back, clinging like he thought Renley would up and leave halfway through.
Mika had been very clear about establishing boundaries when this arrangement first became a thing. Feelings were unequivocally off-limits. And tenderness? Not a chance. But Renley couldn't keep his mouth shut when he noticed Mika's eyes had glazed over, and he seemed to be more focused on staring at the ceiling than anything Renley was doing. So he paused.
"You okay?" He murmured, running his hand gently along Mika's cheekbone. That quickly brought him back from wherever his mind had been.
"Did I tell you to stop?" Mika snapped.
"No." Said Renley.
"Do you want to stop?"
"Definitely not."
"Then don't stop."
"How am I supposed to concentrate when you look like you're in pain?" Renley pressed. "I know you like it rough, but this isn't -"
"I never ask you for anything." Said Mika, voice thin, ragged, and dangerously close to cracking. "I'm trying so fucking hard and after seven years I still feel like I'm never going to move past it. I just need to think about something else tonight. So if you still want to fuck me, can you please just do it?"
You hate the way he fooled around behind your back
A slave to him but now with me, no strings attached
But if you wanna use me up and leave me in the bed
If that's what you need go right ahead
Renley kept his eyes trained on Mika's. This was the most vulnerability Mika had ever shown him, by a long shot. And it was clear he had no intention of opening up any further. For a moment, neither of them moved, til Renley cupped Mika's face in his hands and leaned in til their foreheads were touching.
"He's gone, Mika. And he's not coming back. It's just you and me in here." Renley murmured at last. "Block it all out. I'll take care of the rest. Yeah?"
Mika nodded, not taking his eyes off Renley's. He didn't say anything else, but the way he exhaled in apparent relief and arched his body up into Renley's said everything he needed to say. Renley engulfed him in a rough, heady kiss, and he hoped to the gods it got his point across just as clearly.
Renley slowed his pace way down. He did that a lot - but usually as a tease. Tonight, his steadiness meant silent reassurance. He firmly held Mika's face in both hands as he kissed him. It was a possessive kiss, claiming and comforting all at once. And Mika melted into his touch. Surrendering to the reprieve Renley was offering him, til he was reduced to a trembling mess by Renley's painstaking attention to detail. Renley kept Mika facing him, keeping his focus. Keeping him from retreating into whatever mess was going on in his head. Renley couldn't control the internal mechanisms that kept Mika functional. But external? Renley all over that. Literally.
Fuck away the pain, erase him from your brain
Fake it like you love me, Come on baby touch me,
Show me where it hurts, this dirty little curse
Don't have to be ashamed if you wanna scream my name
While I fuck away the pain
It ended not in an explosion, but in a slow-burn haze with Mika's face buried in Renley's neck, and Renley's arms locked around Mika's back to keep him close as physically possible. Two sweaty, overstimulated, fucked-out bodies tangled together, tuned into the ambience of each other's moans and whispered, fragmented words until it all faded to black. Then Renley gently disentangled his arms, rolled back to his side of the bed and out of Mika's way. He was so used to Mika leaving immediately after finishing, it took a second to notice he hadn't.
"Hey." Renley mumbled sleepily. "You good?"
Mika didn't answer. Renley sat up in bed, alarmed. But his concern only lasted for a second - Mika had fallen asleep. He was curled up on his side, with his back facing Renley. He exhaled in relief. He wasn't about to wake him up now. Tomorrow Mika would be pissed at himself for passing out, but that wasn't Renley's problem. He pulled the blanket up over Mika's worn-out body, and lay down a few feet away.
For the second time, Renley was almost asleep when he heard Mika's voice. He mumbled a few unintelligible words, and Renley had to suppress a laugh of fond amusement. Because Mika sleep-talking had absolutely no business being that fucking cute.
Until it wasn't.
"Where are you?" Mika muttered suddenly. He sounded genuinely agitated, and Renley opened his eyes in alarm as Mika's arm clumsily grazed his shoulder. It was as if he was searching, reaching for something. Or someone.
"I'm right here." Said Renley in a low voice, watching him attentively. "I'm not going anywhere."
Mika strung together another handful of words that didn't make sense, and Renley lay back down and closed his eyes again. Despite all the sex, he'd never slept with Mika before. Some people talk in their sleep all the time. Maybe this was normal for him.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, babe..." came Mika's voice again. That got Renley's attention.
"Shhh. It's okay. You're okay." He murmured. "Just a dream."
He eased himself closer and slipped his arms around Mika's body. He was certain Mika would wake up, but he stayed limp as Renley pulled him close and held on. He cradled Mika's head in the crook of his arm and stroked his hair soothingly, placing a soft kiss on his temple every so often.
Mika seemed to be coming down from whatever nightmare he'd been having. He mumbled a few half-formed sentences here and there, but nothing concise. Until,
"Why'd you leave me, Kurda?"
The sound of that name hit Renley like a sucker punch. He should've known. It was so obvious, especially given the significance of today. Of course he wasn't talking to Renley when he said babe. And Renley felt like a colossal moron for believing it for even a second. He took a few deep breaths, held Mika a little tighter, and whispered,
"Because he didn't fucking deserve you."
He knew Mika couldn't hear him, and he didn't want to wake him up, lest he storm out and never come back. But that was all the chatter Mika had for tonight, and soon he was as quiet and still as though nothing happened.
Renley lay awake for another hour or so. He couldn't believe Mika was still there. Snuggled against Renley's chest, dozing peacefully as if he belonged there. For a moment, Renley almost felt guilty for watching him sleep. Like he was intruding on something private. It was just so strange to see Mika's face completely at ease. No haughty glare. No condescending smirk. He was just... asleep. Like a normal person. That was the last thing Renley thought about before he drifted off as well.
Stronger than a shot of whiskey or any pill you take
Fuck away the pain, erase him from your brain
Fake it like you love me, Come on baby touch me,
Renley didn't know that much about Mika's personal habits, but he did know he was an early riser. And by the time Renley woke up, it was well past early. Mika was somehow still asleep. That was a solid indicator of how exhausted he'd had been last night - no wonder he'd been so out of it. So against his better judgment, Renley didn't wake him up. He stayed there in his bed, letting his arm go numb beneath Mika's neck. A small price to pay for peace. Mika could wake up when he was good and ready, and not a moment before. He felt a twinge of guilt for Paris, he was probably sitting in the Hall of Princes waiting for Mika to come swap places with him so he could go get some sleep. But Renley could only worry about one Prince at a time, so he focused on the one that was flaked out in his bed.
That didn't last.
Renley had almost fallen asleep again when Mika abruptly woke up. He went from zero to a hundred in exactly one second, which was very on-brand for him.
"What the hell, Ren? Did you drug me?!" He snapped out of nowhere. His body tensed and he jerked out of Renley's embrace so he could roll over and glare icily back at him. It was a little impressive how he constantly had that glare locked and loaded, ready to deploy at a moment's notice.
Renley slowly opened his eyes and returned his look with a placid smile, because even while he was pissed off, Mika's deep, gravelly, just-woke-up voice hit Renley's ears like holy gospel music.
"Yes, Mika. You caught me. I went to the trouble of slipping you an illicit substance. JUST so you'd stay still long enough for me to hold you just this one time. My gods, you really are conceited." Said Renley.
"I can't think of a better explanation as to what I'm still doing here." Mika fired back. Every part of him, from his tone to his posture to his expression, oozed defensiveness. Renley took it all in stride. Because honestly, that's the only way to handle Mika.
"Well you came crashing in here at some ungodly hour, we did what we always do, then I waited for you to get up and leave. And I realized you'd fallen asleep."
Mika visibly winced at that explanation, but Renley hadn't even gotten to the good part.
"In my arms. All night. Like a baby." He added, making an executive decision to leave the sleep-talking out. He flashed a dazzling smile because he knew Mika would roll his eyes in return. And there was something inexplicably endearing about that.
"Gross. How long was I asleep?" Mika muttered.
Renley paused. He knew Mika wasn't going to like the answer.
"Maybe seven hours? I didn't want to wake you. You needed it." He informed him calmly. Mika reacted precisely as expected. The scowl deepened, lips parted angrily, teeth grinding together. Electricity crackled behind his eyes, but Renley wasn't afraid of a little lightning storm.
"It's not your job to worry about what I need." Mika snapped, viciously enunciating every syllable. A telltale sign he was big mad. "You're not my mate, or my boyfriend. You're barely even my friend! I wasn't lying when I said I don't have time for-"
"Don't flatter yourself, honey." Renley cut him off unabashedly as he sat up. He stretched his arms and cracked his back as though he had all the time in the world and not a single care. "I just happen to be one of the thousands of lower-class vampires whose survival depends on YOUR ability to function. So yes, I let you sleep in for an hour or two. Fight me." He finished, punctuating it with a defiant, haughty smirk up at Mika.
"I'll fight you, alright." Mika fired back unaffectionately. Then he whipped a balled-up sock at Renley's head. Renley caught it, and rolled his eyes and threw it back as he stood up.
"Go to work." He chuckled lightly. He leaned in to give Mika a kiss, and wasn't surprised when Mika ducked sharply out of his way. Mika made short work of gathering all his clothes, and was out the door and gone before he finished pulling on his shirt.
Renley's breezy smile died on his lips the second the door slammed shut. Maybe if he refused to acknowledge the stirring in his heart, it'd go away on it's own.
Because that's usually how it works, right?
Show me where it hurts, this dirty little curse
Don't have to be ashamed if you wanna scream my name
While I fuck away the pain