Chapter Six

"I guess you want to know what that was about," Nathan said. He and Elizabeth were seated at the dining table eating breakfast. She had woken up before him and prepared it.

"Only if you want to tell me," she replied. "I mean, I really want to know but I'll respect your privacy. For now."

Nathan nodded and thought briefly about putting it off but decided to tell her.

"It's quite ridiculous actually," he began, "I mean, I barely remember what happened but … when I was about five years we went on a family camping trip and I thought I saw a rabbit or something like that and I chased after it and got lost in the woods. Nothing really happened to me, I was just scared and alone for about an hour until my parents found me."

"It must have been traumatic if you have nightmares about it," Elizabeth told him softly.

"I guess so," he shrugged, "I mean, I sometimes dream that I am a young boy still alone lost in the woods but it doesn't happen that often. I guess the hornet attack must have triggered something."

Elizabeth took his hands in hers and squeezed them tightly and then let go quickly. "I'm glad you told me."

"Honestly, I felt like I had no choice," he teased her, "after half scaring you to death screaming like that."

"Your screams were nothing compared to your face," Elizabeth told him.

"What?" Nathan pretended to be hurt, "Oh dear. How am I ever going to show my face in public again? What should I do?"

"I don't think there's anything you can do about it."

"Nothing?"

"Nope," Elizabeth smiled, "you just have to accept the fact I love you inspite of your face."

Nathan had been about to speak but now he stared at Elizabeth in shock and hope. He was probably dreaming, imagining that Elizabeth had just said that she loved him because it was the dearest wish of his heart. No, he told himself, he had misheard. He had made her words into what he most hoped to hear.

Elizabeth looked down, her smile slowly fading. She hadn't just told Nathan she loved him. No. No. No. A quick look at Nathan's face assured her that she had, he was looking at her with such an intense look, and she knew that he was about to say something. She couldn't let him say anything, not when she wasn't even sure how those words had even come out of her mouth. Where had they come from? She couldn't remember thinking them before they'd popped out of her mouth.

"Eliz…" Nathan began only to be stopped by her raising her hand shaking her head at him. "Don't," she begged him, "don't say anything. I have to go."

"I do love you, you know," Nathan insisted quickly. He knew he had to tell before she ran away.

Elizabeth just continued to shake her head and grabbed her things and almost ran out of his apartment.

000

"But you do love him," Violet told Elizabeth. "I don't really see what the problem is."

Elizabeth had gone to Violet's home after she left Nathan's. Violet had taken LJ for the night. She had intended to pick her son and go home but Violet had known that there was something wrong and made her stay and tell her what it was, and she had called Julie over as well.

"Me neither," Julie added, "And he did say that he loved you too."

"I don't think he loves me," Elizabeth said, "he just thinks that he does."

Violet and Julie shared a look, and Julie said, "Well, we can't really argue about his feelings but based on what I have seen between you two, and also what I've gathered from what you've told me, he seems to have pretty strong feelings for you."

Elizabeth shook her head.

"But his feelings don't matter at all," Violet pointed out, "not if you don't return them."

"Of course I don't return them," Elizabeth denied hotly, "I can't love him. I love Jack."

"So when you said you loved him...?" Julie left the question hanging.

"I don't." Elizabeth replied, and then shook her head, "I mean I do love him but not in the way he wants, not in the way you think. He's a good man who has helped me a lot, I mean, he's been there for me since Jack died, so of course I love him but not like that."

"So you don't think about kissing him and spending the rest of your life with him?" Violet asked.

"Of course not," Elizabeth lied.

"Then why did you run away?" Julie pressed, "why not stay and explain this to him?"

"I don't know," Elizabeth said, "I guess I just panicked and couldn't think straight. I just didn't want to hurt his feelings."

"Elizabeth, it's him again," Julie picked up Elizabeth's phone which was ringing again. "Why not just answer and tell him that?" Elizabeth took the phone and rejected his call for the tenth time.

Elizabeth buried her head in her lap. Violet and Julie would never understand. She doubted anyone would. How could she love Nathan now? It was too soon. She wasn't supposed to be over Jack now. It wasn't yet time. In addition to that, she couldn't love Nathan because she couldn't imagine her life going on if she ever lost him. Seriously, the man had almost died from an animal attack and she had barely slept through the night imagining the worst case scenario. If she was being honest with herself, which she couldn't be at this time, his screams in the night had shaken her and made her realise that wasn't ready to lose another man she loved. She couldn't lose Nathan therefore she would not love him.

She could not love him.