Chapter Forty-One – Please Don't Leave Me
As soon as Gavin left the room he grabbed his jacket and headed to the roof, taking his coffee with him. He barely noticed as he bumped a petite redhead in the corridor, her voice following him as he headed up to the roof. He kicked the door open as he reached the top, swearing as he headed for the barrier and leaned on it heavily. He somehow managed to balance his coffee and get out a cigarette at the same time. He struggled a little with the lighter before breathing in deeply, his foot bouncing restlessly as he rested it on the lower rail.
"Detective Reed? You haven't replied to my email yet." A polite voice informed him, the human sighing as he remembered both his session the other day and the voice he'd heard a few moments earlier in the hall. She'd followed him all the way up to the roof. "It seems I caught you just in time." Dr Sanders added as she strode over and joined him by the barrier. It was quite a view. She'd never been up here before, but she could see the appeal. It was airy and calming, and it certainly seemed to have cooled the hot headed detective a little.
"Just in time for what Doc?" Reed asked tiredly, not in the mood to humour her, but also not in the mood for more fighting. He glanced at his companion, taking in her curled red locks and pale makeup. She was wearing a neat pencil skirt and blazer, only her ID card identifying her as a psychologist. She fixed him with one of those analysing stares, similar to the ones Connor gave him sometimes, only sharper.
"Just in time to curb your mental breakdown." She replied in a slightly teasing tone. She wasn't wrong though. Reed felt numb. It was an unfamiliar feeling. He should be angry. He was angry on some level. It just wasn't coming out. He was just done. So fucking done. "I believe a lot has happened since our last session." She pried gently. She may not know the details, but news got around and Gavin's disappearance the other day hadn't gone unnoticed. The sigh he let out didn't refute that fact either.
"You got a week?" He joked tonelessly, huffing out a stream of white smoke. The redhead smiled despite their mutual lack of amusement.
"If that's what you need." She replied in a gentler tone. "Why don't we focus on what happened just now though. Something happened that upset you a great deal." Dr Sanders stated, watching Reed nod his agreement as he took another drag from his cigarette. He was polite, blowing the smoke away from her despite her lack of lungs. He wasn't good at talking, and he hated the way he'd just spout out his problems when someone showed an interest like this. This doctor was as infuriating as Tina. She wasn't quite as good at reading him, but she still knew when something was wrong.
"I just needed a break…I'm on a tough case." Reed excused as he sipped his lukewarm coffee. Sanders nodded her agreement. They'd covered this a little before, but she had the feeling it was more than just frustration with the case. She decided to wait a little longer. "I'm arguing with Nines…My partner." He clarified, though he was sure she'd remember. She nodded her understanding. He wasn't the first detective to argue with his partner, and he would be the last. People disagreed. They had different ideas and opinions. That was perfectly normal.
"What was the argument about? Maybe I can help." The doctor suggested, having been a mediator before. Gavin scoffed at the suggestion. He was worried. Worried that she wouldn't take his side, that his feelings were invalid somehow. Without knowing the problem she knew there was a chance that she wouldn't agree, but she'd never say his feelings were invalid. No one's feelings were invalid. Sometimes they just needed to be reasoned out.
"He wants to lead an op, a dangerous one…He wants to put himself out there to be abducted by the gang we're chasing, offer himself up as a victim. I told him it wasn't an option, but he won't let it drop…Now he's got Connor and Anderson in on it." Reed explained, green eyes darting to the doctor constantly, looking for validation. Am I crazy for wanting to keep my partner safe? He seemed to ask. The doctor nodded finally, working through the situation in her head.
"Why shouldn't he take part in the operation?" She asked finally, Reed's brow quirking as if she'd gone insane.
"Did you not hear me? Do you have any idea what those sickos are doing to their victims? If something goes wrong, if we lose track of Nines, he'll be…" He couldn't even finish the sentence, trailing off and shifting from foot to foot as he puffed his cigarette in agitation. Sanders was familiar with his case from the news, and knew the grim details. She couldn't say Gavin was wrong for worrying. Officers were often close to their partners, and worried about keeping each other safe. This was particularly true where there were a gender or significant age gap. Older officers, and men in particular, would always feel a sense of overprotectiveness when it came to their younger or female partners.
"But would you say your partner is competent? Do you trust his abilities? Do you trust his judgement?" She asked curiously. She didn't doubt his sense of friendship or camaraderie, but he clearly had some form of doubt when it came to his partner completing this mission. Reed seemed surprised by her question, giving her a look that suggested he was almost offended by it.
"He's an android, of course he's competent, and I trust him with my life…It's not that I think he can't do the job, but things happen, and Nines has barely been here a week!" The human replied, his body screaming agitation as he finished his cigarette and gulped his coffee. It was interesting. He almost seemed paranoid. It was like he was expecting something to go wrong. "I just want to keep him safe." He added in a grumble.
"He's your partner. That's understandable." She assured him, and she couldn't say his fears were unreasonable. This group was clearly dangerous, and the way they disposed of androids was disturbing to say the least. It made sense he would want to keep another officer from that situation. "Tell me about your first operation." Sanders prompted, following her hunch. Gavin almost cringed at her question before lifting his top, revealing the scarred skin. The one he focused on was a deep red gash, faded and sealed with time, but still prominent.
"I was part of an undercover drug bust. It was supposed to be simple, but a civilian turned up and a fight broke out. I got the civilian away, but…" He gestured to the wound in explanation. "Almost fucking died." He added as he lowered his top and leaned on the railing. He'd taken part in many ops since then, so she knew he wasn't suffering trauma from it, but it seemed he had worked up something of an issue.
"Just because you were hurt on your first mission doesn't mean Nines will be." She pointed out, and Reed knew that. Nines wasn't the first recruit he'd trained, wasn't the first person he'd seen head out on their first op. But Nines is different. He didn't go to the academy, or get trained, he hasn't even made his first arrest! He insisted, though he knew deep down that that wasn't the real reason he wanted to keep Nines safe. "You must care for him a great deal." Sanders suggested with a calculating look, not missing the way Reed stiffened at the words.
"He's my partner." Reed stated in a guarded tone, as if that were enough. His defensiveness told her all she needed to know. If Nines were a female model she would have picked it up instantly, as it was she hadn't considered that Detective Reed identified as homosexual.
"Perhaps he shouldn't be." She countered, watching the way Reed clammed up at the suggestion. Although the idea clearly upset him he didn't challenge her. In some ways he knew it would be better and fairer for Nines to partner someone else. He was well aware that he was too invested in the android, and the android was too smitten with him.
"You might be right." He admitted reluctantly.
"But you don't like that idea." She observed, watching his jaw tighten.
"Does that matter? Just because he's the first partner I've been able to work with for years doesn't mean he wouldn't work better with someone else." Reed countered, which was true, but she'd have to assess both of them to ascertain that. She knew from speaking to Reed that the human would certainly suffer negatively if his partner were removed. She'd looked through is records and knew from speaking with Fowler that Reed's physical condition had only started to improve due to his partnership with Nines.
"Perhaps, but that's something to be looked into at a later date…What will you do about your current problem?" The psychologist asked, watching Reed shrug as he scuffed the cement floor with one shoe.
"I dropped the case…If they want to go ahead with that operation I don't want to be part of it." He replied in explanation. The doctor folded her arms almost thoughtfully as she stepped a little closer to the human. His feelings were expected, and she could understand them. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if something happened when he was right there, however…
"But could you live with yourself if something happened and you weren't there?" She asked seriously, watching Reed wince at the thought. Technically if he wasn't there it wasn't his fault, but at the same time it would haunt him. He'd always wonder if he would have made a difference, if he could have seen something or done something. "Think about it." She encouraged gently as she laid her smaller hand on his strong shoulder. Both of them turned as the door opened with a small creak.
Nines looked timid and hesitant as he stepped onto the rooftop, freezing with wide blue eyes as he noticed the attractive redhead standing close to his partner with her hand on his shoulder. His LED span yellow as he watched the woman squeeze once more before she smiled and walked by Nines with a polite nod. She closed the door behind her, sensing that the couple had something to discuss. Reed turned his attention back to the streets below, toying with his empty cup idly.
"Who was she?" Nines asked, unsure why his tone had come out sounding so clipped and demanding, and why his chest felt so strange. It was a heated feeling, but it wasn't anger this time. It was dirtier somehow. He didn't like it. He didn't like the way he felt. He didn't like the way that woman had made him feel. He didn't like the fact that Gavin had allowed her into his personal space. He didn't like the way she had laid hands on his human. He didn't like the way that Gavin had let her.
"Dr Sanders…She saw me earlier and followed me up." Reed replied indifferently as he continued to avoid looking at Nines. Nines looked her up in the police network instantly. She was the station psychologist. The one who had spoken to Reed the other day. The one who had scheduled future meetings with him. Future meetings. Alone with Gavin. In his personal space. His thoughts were illogical, but he couldn't stop them. He stepped closer to Reed as his LED cycled red. "What do you want anyway? Thought you'd be busy." Gavin added almost coldly as he returned to leaning on the railing, his body turned to face outward.
"I came to ask you to reconsider." Nines admitted, finding it more difficult than he'd first anticipated. He didn't like disagreeing with Gavin. He didn't like the feeling of rejection. He didn't like the helplessness that came along with it. He didn't know how to approach Gavin when he was like this. His body was angled away, not wanting to interact with him, almost like Nines disgusted him.
"Don't waste your time." Reed huffed, keeping his eyes trained on some far away spot. He didn't want to look at his partner. If he looked he'd see those fucking eyes, giving him that fucking look, all lost and childlike. He wasn't going to get sucked in. Not this time. Phck, I need another cigarette. He would have lit one if the packet hadn't been plucked from his grasp. Reed's kneejerk reaction was to try and snatch it back, turning to do so. "Hey!" He snapped, his hand reaching up to where Nines held the box out of reach.
"Gavin…I cannot succeed in this mission without you." Nines stated, watching Reed huff and shove his hands in his jacket pockets. From the way he was scrunching one shoulder he knew the bullet wound was hurting. He should have brought his sling. I should have anticipated that this would happen. Nines thought, his free hand twitching as he thought of reaching out to touch the sore area to try and soothe it somehow.
"Then don't fucking go through with it!" Reed snapped in annoyance, half tempted to jump up and try to knock the box free. He settled for kicking at the cement instead. Every time he looked towards the android he was wearing that needy pleading look. "I'm your superior, and your partner. It's my job to keep you safe!" He added heatedly, tugging his arm free as Nines pulled his leather sleeve gently.
"I am a competent officer, and this is a mission with calculated risks. I am more than capable of carrying it out." Nines assured softly.
"Great, you don't need me then." Reed snapped in response, his green eyes hardening as Nines pulled his arm insistently. He forced the human to look at him, to see the earnestness in his gaze and know he was serious.
"I need you. You're my partner and I need your support. I don't…I don't feel safe without you…I understand that Connor and Lieutenant Anderson are decorated and experienced officers, however the thought of completing this mission without you watching over me is…unsettling." Nines confessed vulnerably, watching Reed's brow pinch. It wasn't fair. Nines wouldn't listen to him and let this thing drop, and he wouldn't let him stay out of it. "Gavin, I'm scared." He said finally, losing his hold as Reed wrenched himself free.
"Don't you fucking do that! You don't get to play the fucking guilt card! Not when you're trying to get yourself killed!" He objected heatedly, reaching for his cigarettes before remembering that Nines had taken them. He cursed under his breath and shoved his hands in his pockets once more as he paced again. He was getting more frustrated without a cigarette in his hand. He had nothing to fiddle with or distract him from the burning feeling in his chest.
"I won't be killed if we plan satisfactorily and I can focus on the mission. I cannot complete either of those objectives without your presence. I cannot plan without your advice and guidance, and I cannot feel at ease without you watching over me…You are my partner…I need you in order to perform at peak efficiency." Nines pleaded as he cradled the small packet in his large hands, fingers idly tracing the plastic coating on the cardboard box. It was smooth beneath his fingertips, and quite delicate. He could crush it with very little effort. "I can complete the mission…Why won't you believe in me?" He added uncertainly, pausing as Gavin stepped closer.
"That's not it! I know you have the ability to complete this mission, or any other mission, but it's not that simple. Things can go wrong, and if you were left alone somewhere with those people…I can't lose you Nines." The human admitted, his green eyes looking earnest, even as he dropped his gaze. Nines felt his chest hum at the revelation, warmth spreading throughout his system. He had the urge to touch his human, to reassure him, to show him that he felt the same way. Gavin didn't move as Nines stepped closer and slipped his arms around him, allowing the android to tuck his head against his shoulder.
"I cherish you also." Nines murmured, sensing a rise in Reed's body temperature and heartbeat. It seemed the right time to tilt Gavin's face upwards, to seal his lips and stroke his cheek. He wanted to do those things. He would have done so if not for the memory of Gavin's words. Gavin didn't want that sort of contact with him. He tightened his hold as he imagined Gavin wanting that contact with someone else. Someone like Dr Sanders.
"We'll talk about it…but I get the final say on the plan. If I'm not satisfied we don't do it." Reed compromised, his words almost muffled against Nines' shoulder. The android nodded his silent agreement. He was sure he could do it, come up with a plan that Reed would agree to. For now he enjoyed the moment of being able to nuzzle into Gavin's neck and breathe in his scent, even if it was tainted by stale smoke.
"Understood." He murmured in response, knowing Gavin would appreciate the verbal confirmation. Along with that verbal agreement came the reluctant realisation that he would have to release his hold. "Hank and Connor went to lunch…" He murmured as he allowed Reed to step back, watching his human run an awkward hand through his hair. It had been a lapse on his part to allow Nines so close.
"Guess we'll wait for them to come back." Reed said finally.
"You need to replenish your energy reserves also…" Nines almost chided, softening slightly as he suggested they head to one of the small cafes around the station. They were quiet for the duration, words hanging silently between them. Apologies, reassurances, soft unnamed feelings that lingered in wandering eyes and hesitant gestures. Nines sipped a thirium milkshake, though there was no real milk in it, while Gavin ate a thick club sandwich and chips with a lemonade. It was healthier than his usual choices, a sure sign he expected a long day.
It turned out he was right. They spent the next three hours going back and forth, trying to hammer out the details. Hank was openly frustrated, while Connor and Nines were good at concealing their feelings. Reed blocked them at every turn, unsatisfied with the precautions presented. Nines quickly realised his human wouldn't be satisfied with anything less than perfection. Which is impossible. He would have thought Reed had purposely caught them in a trap if not for that fact that he looked so thoughtful. Each time he pointed out a flaw he'd try to think his way out of it, or present new options.
"If you consume any more caffeine your body will produce a negative reaction." Nines stated as he pried the cup from his human's hand. He'd refilled it three times, and had been intending to go for a fourth. He looked almost resentful as he watched Nines replace the cup on the table.
"I'll have a bigger negative reaction without it, Christ!" Reed retorted in exasperation, though he knew Nines didn't deserve it. He was just trying to be considerate. Connor and Hank ignored the exchange, already knowing Reed's temperament enough not to get involved. There were worse addictions than coffee. Connor sat forward slowly, his LED pulsing yellow with fatigue. Reed fell into his chair once more, their eyes meeting across the table. "You're thinking…really loudly." The human accused. Connor blinked at the attention.
"I…did have a thought." He admitted, Reed's hand gesturing for him to go ahead. It wasn't like they had anything to lose at this point. "I believe we are attempting to plan too much…Perhaps the simplest plan would be the most successful." Connor suggested, looking between all three. Nines was perfectly willing to listen, Hank had an almost withering look as if he knew Reed's reaction, and Reed looked like he was about to blow a fuse.
"Hear him out Reed, it's just a suggestion." Hank sighed as the younger man opened his mouth to object.
"The less people involved in the operation the less likely we are to be spotted…We send Nines in with just his tracker. When they take him it only takes one car to follow, with another sitting along the way to follow as backup. The tracker will operate over GPS for a distance of ten kilometres. It is unlikely that we will lose track of his position." He explained, Reed liking it less and less. They'd have no direct eyes on him, no way of knowing what they were doing at any given moment. What if they started working him over a little early? What if they got frustrated with his durability and brought in stronger machinery? And that's to say nothing of their plan to draw off his thirium. Nines wasn't concerned about that, but Reed felt he should be. It would leave him defenceless. Paralysed. Completely at the mercy of those humans.
"We're relying heavily on that tracker…What if something goes wrong with it?" Reed asked, which got Hank's attention. The old man generally didn't trust technology, despite his partner being made of it. Connor and Nines both analysed the query. It wasn't something they'd really considered since the trackers were inactive.
"It's a good point…We lose the tracker, we lose Nines." The old man said cautiously. Nines looked up at that, turning to look at Reed almost meaningfully.
"We have the perfect contact who may be able to answer that very question…In fact he may be able to improve upon my current tracker." He stated, Reed looking confused until he caught on. It should have been obvious, and perhaps he should have thought about it sooner. Seems kind of weird to ask a favour so soon after meeting him though…He thought, unsure it was right to get a civilian involved in a police case. "It would do no harm to ask…" Nines added, seeing Reed quietly talking himself out of contacting the man.
"Perhaps he would be pleased to hear from you." Connor suggested gently, knowing that Reed would be reluctant to reach out. Despite his brash personality he was often quite hesitant and over analysed events when it came to personal interactions. He was likely thinking that his brother didn't want to speak with him on a personal level. If that were the case Connor doubted Kamski would have gone to the trouble of hunting Reed down in the first place.
"Or is it that you don't want to reach out to him? I wouldn't blame you…Your father had a whole second family, and treated your brother like he was his only son." Hank suggested, something that Connor hadn't considered. It was also something he would never have brought up. He watched Reed's jaw tighten at the unpleasant reminder. Reed licked his lips thoughtfully as he turned over the question in his head. It wasn't even something he'd considered because he'd only been dealing with this for two days.
"He didn't…I was a mistake. An accident he left behind after a fucking hook up…If anyone should be pissed it's Eli." Reed replied in a self-deprecating tone. So perhaps he thinks himself as being beneath his brother, that his brother will be ashamed to be associated with him…Nines thought, tilting his head as he pondered human behaviour. The thoughts made no logical sense. It was their father who'd made the error, not Reed. Gavin shouldn't be held accountable for that man's lack in honesty. Elijah Kamski also hadn't come across as being ashamed. He had seemed…fond of Detective Reed.
"That is an error. If a fault was made it certainly was not yours." Nines said, unsure whether the tone was supposed to be factual or comforting. Reed shrugged as he slipped his hands in his pockets, settling his neck back into his coat and making himself smaller. He knew what Nines was saying was true. He just didn't know if his brother felt the same way. One way to find out…