Michael leans back on his desk chair and sighs loudly as he flips the small card between his fingers. Is he really going to do it? Even the name of the business is absurd. Juliet&Angels as if that doesn't make it obvious just what kind of trade theirs is. Did the founder not think at all when coming up with this name? Did they not consider how it would affect their work? The most obvious matter is billing. Of course men would be pretty willing to pay but who would want that name showing up in their credit card bill? Doesn't this kind of establishment mostly target married men or ones to want to keep the services they receive a secret for some other reason? Doesn't it make them lose clients?
The whole thing is idiotic. And Michael is an idiot for considering it but… Does he have another chance? Can he find another way? The bottles of pills in his drawer shine as if mocking him at this moment of confusion. He remembers every session of the therapy he has been receiving for the last four years. It doesn't work. It doesn't take him anywhere. The antidepressants no longer prevent the momentary panic or anxiety too. He has tried everything with his doctor. The cognitive behaviour therapy was supposed to teach him new thought processes and behaviours to help him deal with this. Yet no matter how much he tried, Michael couldn't just get his head together. He could never forget the flames, the lingering touch of a hand slowly loosening its grip around his wrist. Whenever he tried to think about his unreasonable fear and convince himself to not be afraid, he remembered that day. So that method only ended up with him having panic attacks. His disappointed doctor had then given him the pills. They started with small doses few and far between, almost nonexistent. As the doses grew, it even worked for a while. Michael showed progress but quickly receded back to square one without a reason once they tried to get him to slowly quit the antidepressants. The last method, exposure therapy, is the most effective Dr. Novak said. And Michael needs the best of it. He didn't show any progress at the clinic yet. Now, he has to try it outside simultaneously. The support of his partner is very important, the man emphasized.
Michael sighs again. He can't ask Dean. He can't force the other man like that now when he has just opened his auto repair shop and started to work with classic cars like he has been imagining since their childhood. Dean is already tired of this issue. Their wedding was supposed to be that summer. Now it has been four years of struggle, waiting and hoping. Michael is the problem between the two of them. He is- They are engaged. They used to share an apartment. Now, Dean can't even hold his hand. Haphephobia. A fear of being touched. How ridiculous. Dr. Novak believes it is the PTSD triggering Michael's condition but no amount of psychotherapy worked with him. He separated their beds first then moved into another flat. Dean has already shown great patience and support. How can Michael ask for more? He knows how this works. Exposure is hard, scary. There will be fits, panic attacks, crying, screaming, isolating himself in a locked room, passing out maybe and God knows what else. It will be emotionally tiring, draining even. How can Michael make Dean go through it all?
So this is why he has to do it. The email screen is already open in front of him. He just needs to describe what he is looking for and accept to pay the price they will give. An electronic signature on a contract will seal it all. He will have someone to come over, to dine with him, to cook with him, to watch a movie with him, to sit next to him and play games with him. He will have a friend. And he is doing it for a friend. Not a courtesan. No. He is engaged and in love with Dean. They are going to get married soon. Michael is doing it for Dean. He will get used to another's presence again. He will get used to the light touches on the arm, the greeting kisses on the cheek and the playful slaps on the head. He will learn to laugh and relax with someone close by. He will move back in with Dean again. And they will rediscover each other. When it's their wedding night finally, Michael will not fail to kiss his husband or to hold him close all night. He will do it. He will heal himself.
With a deep breath to get strength, Michael starts to slowly type on his laptop.
Male. Does house calls. Blond if possible. Generally kind and cheerful. Not too eager or aggressive. Someone to relax with. Should be open to and ready for special conditions not of the sexual kind but about the time he spends in my flat. Tidy and respectful. May demand going out together but will spend most of the time in the flat. Overall, a companion or someone to be here.
He only hopes that makes sense for whoever's reading these things. The mouse hovers over the send button for a few seconds before Michael clicks it. He didn't describe his special conditions in the email. Probably will be best to talk it out with the escort. He is ready to pay extra even. But he can't deal with being rejected. He can't go around looking for escort services. He can't risk being found out. He doesn't have the time either. He needs to act as soon as possible. He has to do this. Or else he will lose his whole life. He won't ever be able to go to his office or to the Court again. As a lawyer, he can't keep mostly working from home. He won't ever be able to spend time with his friends. He won't ever do anything with Dean again. He won't ever hug his brothers again. And he can't lose those. Not his work. Not his friends. Not his fiancé. Not his remaining family. He can't just drift apart.
He prays he will get this thing right.
Got a new one for you, sunshine. Will become a regular. Boyfriend experience. Seems to me there won't be much sex involved. Housecalls but safe. 8-10pm on weekdays. Weekends free. What do you say?
Adam's phone vibrates on the desk in the middle of the lecture. He unlocks the screen and reads the whole text when he sees the contact name. Crowley doesn't like to wait. His eyes widen when he sees it. He rereads just to be sure. Ten hours a week. Equals to five hundred dollars a week. The professor's voice fades into the background.
He has been doing this for two years now. Ever since his father passed away leaving nothing to Adam who legally wasn't even his son. His mom died when he was fifteen. High school was a boarding school somewhere with regular pocket money transferred into his account while his father lived his life with his wife and two sons. They all knew about Kate Milligan. They all knew about Adam. His mom was a past mistake. Adam was a responsibility to be kept out of the good of John Winchester's heart. The man would come around on his birthday and take him to a random ball game. When the school was closed in the summer, Adam would stay at his aunt's and work in their diner until he passed out from exhaustion. He despised the summer time. It was when he felt most like an orphan, an abandoned child.
Adam met his brothers for the first time in his father's funeral. He had been told to go by his teachers and his aunt who was his legal guardian until he turned eighteen a few weeks after John Winchester died. And of course, as expected, Adam didn't inherit anything. John's name wasn't even on his ID. He wasn't the man's child. And rightfully, Mary Winchester didn't want anything to do with Adam. Her older son copied her in everything. The younger one watched Adam with something he couldn't quite figure out but it resembled pity so much, Adam hated that too. Just like that, he was left truly alone in the world.
Being a pre-med was his dream. But part time jobs didn't pay for tuition. And Adam was just eighteen with no qualifications for anything. He had met Kevin just then. Quickly, they had become friends. Kevin was a history major. Adam was his roommate in the dorms for a month before Kevin was transferred to another building. After hearing Adam's story, he had carefully slid a business card over the table to him. Juliet&Angels. So Adam had of course ended up taking the opportunity.
Once again, he swears to himself. He will never do this kind of work once he is a doctor. Not again. Never again. But for now, he is quite lucky. Crowley is classy and actually kind deep down if a little creepy having named his agency after his dog. Adam suspects he has something going on with Kevin thus he is treating Kevin's friend well too but it isn't any of his business. What concerns him is that Crowley knows what he does and keeps things completely safe. Also he doesn't make them work like slaves putting everything else in a second plan nor does he take too much money. Adam works for sixty-five an hour. Only fifteen goes to Crowley. So Adam isn't in a too bad place. If he makes this deal, it means two grand a month. Regularly.
He doesn't even have to think much. Having that steady amount in his account even if only for a few months will help a lot. Also he won't have to take any extra jobs. He can work part time on weekends and study a lot if there aren't random clients any hour of any day too.
He quickly types his answer then turns his eyes back to the powerpoint presentation in front of him.
On monday, Michael dresses up in comfortable jeans and a black casual shirt. He decides to order takeout the first night. He will meet this Adam just tonight. They will have to sit and talk about what Michael wants of him before anything else. Obviously, he won't be asking for company in his bedroom so they will have plenty of time to just get to know each other. If Adam refuses to work under these conditions, Michael will still pay and try again.
To calm his nerves is harder tonight than usual. He decides to do something he never does in his home and takes two white pills with a sip of water. It should help him better handle the situation if something goes wrong or if he freaks out for some reason.
He is doing this for Dean. He is doing this for himself. He is doing this to get his life back. He reminds himself of everything he learned by heart till tonight. He will move carefully, he will have Adam sat then explain his condition slowly. He thought not mentioning it at all and trying by himself but quickly decided that forcing his mind won't be the way to overcome that stupid phobia of his. And Juliet&Angels had their guidelines written pretty clearly though a little detailed and long. Michael read through the sixty-six pages yesterday. Powerplay or any kinks their escorts aren't comfortable with are banned. Michael can't just order one of them to not touch him in any way unless he touches them first. He can't make any dangerous demands like that one. Or else their security will come in and get the escort out as was written in the contract he signed.
He checks the fridge for his stock of beers, non-alcoholic drinks and the pastries he bought just to give himself something to do. It is half past seven now. He doesn't have much time left to mentally prepare himself for the meeting. He can do this. He can manage. He has to.
The neighbourhood is fairly nice, better than what Adam is used to. But then again, what he does isn't exactly a cheap hobby. Whoever is Michael, he must be doing well. Adam only hopes the man isn't married or something. Not all the clients asking for what they nicknamed the 'boyfriend experience' are single. Sometimes they are married to women and only discover their sexualities and sometimes they are married to men who take the role they want for themselves. So they move away, take a break or simply call an escort when their partner is away on a work trip or something. Adam never lived through something like that but he heard Kevin got caught to the wife with the husband once. Apparently, he had to call the security to come get him with a car immediately and throw himself out of the house as soon as possible as the woman screamed at the man.
He finds the address fairly easily. Three minutes before it turns eight, he rings the doorbell and gives himself a mental slap on the shoulder. He can do this. He has to make Michael like him and he will get to keep the job for as long as Michael wants to do this. He needs the extra cash. He has to do his best tonight.
They end up sitting across from each other on two facing sofas with a coffee table between them and two glasses of fruit soda because Adam quietly reminded Michael of the rule about not drinking on their 'dates', refused the beer then watched Michael open a sealed bottle of soda to simply pour into a glass to make sure nothing is mixed in. All the while, Michael felt like a total idiot. Now, his palms are already sweating as Adam looks around the living room and the joined kitchen with confused curiosity written over his face.
"You know usually the clients are on me the moment I step inside. Not that I don't appreciate a good chat but…" Adam trails off there making Michael sigh. He raises a hand to take his glass to his lips and immediately Adam's gaze is zeroed on his ring. Well, that's a good place to start, straight into the topic. So Michael puts his soda down after a few sips and clears his throat before starting to speak.
"I am not married. This is an engagement ring. I- I have pictures but I collected all of them from around the house so you don't feel uncomfortable." Adam raises a brow and leans back on the sofa seeming to consider how to answer to that for a moment. "That's… very thoughtful Michael. It's not my place to question it anyway. Stuff happens. I am just here to help you have a good time." The younger man finally reaches for his drink as Michael coughs awkwardly.
"No, Adam. It's nothing like that. Listen, I don't want sexual services from you. I… have a condition. The special conditions I wanted you to be ready to accept. I have- I can't touch people. And I don't like it when someone touches me. This is going to be a part of my treatment. I love my fiancé. I just need to get over this. We are going to get married soon. So, I expect your help in exchange for my payment. I will need for you to be simply here. I will need to ease myself into beating that phobia. That's all."
If Adam was surprised before, he is bewildered now. But the younger man collects himself quickly and nods. "You do realize that I'm an-" Michael interrupts him there. "Yes, I am aware of your profession. But this is what I want as the client. Can you give it to me?" Once again, Adam nods after a small while of thought. "Sure. I mean you're paying for my time. You choose what we do with it. Just, are you seeing a proper doctor? Because a condition like that might suggest several other cases of specific phobias or post traumatic stress disorder, even a malfunction or damage in some areas of the brain. I am not really an expert but that's exactly why you should get professional help. You described haphephobia if I remember the name correctly but have you been diagnosed by someone qualified? There are other methods to deal with these kinds of situations. Exposure therapy is usually the last solution. I am sure you know our terms. I may not accept staying here if I don't deem it safe for the both of us."
This time Michael is the one surprised. And impressed. He is very impressed because this young man in front of him is clearly clever and educated. He doesn't actually look older than a teenager but he may simply not look his age. That happens sometimes. And he has the air of someone who has been doing this for a long time. So Michael confirms him on the subject. "I am still seeing my doctor. I have been for the last four years. I have prescribed pills too. This arrangement is just to have someone here regularly to help out with my progress. I will keep on with my therapy sessions at the clinic too. And right now, I don't feel I will be able to go outside or have friends and family over. Too many questions and too much stress as you can guess. I guarantee your safety. And I am aware of the procedure that was written out both on the website and in the contract I signed. I am hoping you will accept it. I will be a little odd no doubt but I really need a chance."
Adam relaxes visibly as Michael speaks. "Well then, I see no problem, Michael. Nothing I can't get used to. I am just supposed to refrain from touching you until you feel you can try to do it, right?-" Michael nods. The relief that rushes in him feels almost as good as he imagines the happiness once he overcomes this will. "-Alright, tell me more about yourself. What else do I need to know?" The young man even starts to smile a little. Michael feels the last of the tension disappearing little by little in the next few minutes. Whoever chose Adam seems to have got just what Michael was asking for.
He can do this. He promises himself he will. For Dean and him.