Chapter 60: French Revolt
"What, you just can't have a normal day off? Go shopping, get your nails done, be a girl for once?" Daddino griped as she checked in with him at the station. "You've been back on unmodified duty for what, two weeks. Go home, take a couple of days and stay the hell out of trouble, Broussard!"
Gus stormed out of Daddino's office, running straight into Flack. "What are you doing back here, sunshine?"
"Nothing, apparently! Coached benched me. Freaking again," Gus tried to push past him but Flack didn't budge.
"And he should have, don't think I didn't see you rubbing your ribs back there. I'm guessing you didn't tell Daddino about that neither. Take a couple of days, rest up, you ain't gonna do anyone any good otherwise."
"Fine, but you gotta move so I can get home." Gus avoided his gaze, but Flack reached up under her chin tilting it up to him.
"I mean it, I won't tell anyone, but don't come back until you know you are ready." His gaze was intense enough to send a shiver through Gus, she almost went weak at the knees. Unable to form words, she merely nodded until he removed his hand and stepped aside.
As much as it pained her to admit it, Flack and Daddino were right. She needed to be in top form on the job, especially if she had to chase anyone down in the field. She had enough working against her with the fact that most suspects outweighed and out muscled her, let alone her own body failing her.
She returned to work only to have Parker tease her mercilessly and to find Flack in a foul mood over a case involving an old assistant ME.
Gus stood over his desk, her hand on her hip."What is it with you lately, practically every time I see you, you have a scowl on your face!"
Flack looked around at the detectives in the pit. "Walk with me?"
Gus shrugged and followed him to the break room down the hall, Flack looked in to see if it was empty before stepping in. Gus wondered why he was being so cautious.
Flack finally started to speak, "Pino was here for a long time, before you got here, and you know how they are up in the lab, it's like a family. Hawkes can't wrap his head around the fact that this guy may have offed his wife, dragged me out of the interview like I don't know how to do my job. In the meantime, the only thing I have to go on is some guy in a baseball cap and sunglasses that pulled a runner on me earlier."
Gus gave a half snort, "and we all know how much you love runners."
"Yeah well," Flack gave a shrug, "and Jess has got this thing going with Stella about that damn Greek guy and I am not sure it is all above board-" he broke off, looking like he had said too much. "You'll keep that between just us, right?"
"No, Flack, I'm going to run and tell my uncle. Jesus, that's as bad as when I first got here on psych. Do you really think that little of me or do you just not trust me anymore?" Gus asked, beyond annoyed.
Flack sighed heavily, "it's not that, I'm not saying...damn it, Gus, you and I gotta figure this out if we are gonna-" he broke off, his phone buzzing. He talked for a bit before tersely ending the call. "Finally, I got some movement."
He strode out, Gus following close behind as he walked over to the cabinet where their vests were stored."You and I are going to have a nice long talk, sunshine, but first I gotta go find some scumbag with an itchy trigger figure at a massage parlor." He pulled one out and shot a look at Gus with his eyebrows raised.
"Nice long talk, got it. But, Don, be careful, okay?" She looked at him with such concern that Flack could only nod in response.
It was not until the next night before paths crossed Flack's again, and once more he was headed to the vest cabinet.
"Jesus, Flack, two days in a row. What is going on with this case?"
He shook his head, "crap, it's crap. Looks like Pino had his wife offed and, get this, he was cooking organs out for drugs. Traced him to Queens, patrol bureau is tracking him down now. All hands on deck, you in?" He started to pull out a vest for her.
She waved him off, "would love to, but I got someone sitting in interview right now, was just letting him think about things and have a minute alone with Parker. Be careful again, would ya?"
Flack tugged her hair, "always am. Don't think I've forgotten about our talk either."
Gus gave a hallow laugh, "I am sure you haven't."
Because of their disparate schedules, it was a while before Gus saw more than Flack in a rush to get somewhere or vice versa. He also was back on the same schedule as Angell, so Gus wasn't about to approach them, less the other woman bite her head off again.
She knew the lab was busy working cases, including the death of a Native American Chief that had involved all her patrol support being pulled in for translation services. This had left Parker and Gus both frustrated in a couple of interviews, including Parker complaining about why people couldn't just speak English.
"It is a melting pot, Parker!" she countered.
"Or at least Spanish, we can handle Spanish, or what is that funny language you are always cursing in?"
"Cajun French, made it super ironic when I got a C in actual French."
"I find it hard to believe you ever got a C in anything, Princess."
"If I'm lying, I'm dying, dawlin"
"Hell forget other languages, half the time I can't understand you when you are speaking English."
Gus rolled her eyes, "thanks a lot. I say we just table this Nguyen case for now, until we can get someone in that speaks Vietnamese. Where are we on that Reilly case?"
They worked through what they coined their 'warm cases' for a few hours, making progress on a few.
Gus was feeling pretty good about things and bolstered by this, decided maybe it was time for that chat with Flack. Seeing Angell leave for the night, she walked up to Flack's desk.
Unfortunately she heard Angell's special recording on one of the translators for him. She turned to go back to her desk before he realized she had been approaching, catching Lafferty teasing Flack. "Oh la la, looks like you got you your own French maid, huh, Donnie?"
Parker, having just put some files away, overheard Lafferty's barb. "It is a beautiful language," Parker said louder than he should have.
Both Flack and Lafferty turned, Parker and Gus both froze. Flack's eyes went icy as he realized Gus had overheard Angell's message.
"Yeah, well, la beauté apporte pas à dîner!" Gus exploded, before fleeing to the locker room.
"What the hell was that about?" Lafferty asked as Parker slunk away and Flack worked his jaw.
Chapter 61: Lord Knows I'm Drinking
As though he knew about her outburst in the pit and wanted to torment her, Gus was pulled into Daddino's office right before the next rotation was posted.
"Sir?" Gus asked, refusing the offered chair, her nerves on edge.
Daddino cleared his throat, leading on the edge of his desk, the spreadsheet in one hand and stapler in the other. "while I am glad you are making my ComStats look great on cold cases, kid, I need you on active cases for the next rotation. Thatcher failed his medical, and I knew better than to have you and Lafferty partnered up unless we wanted World War III, so I stuck Parker with him."
Gus nodded, her heart thudding, praying he wouldn't utter Jessica Angell's name.
"I know this might not be the best situation for you, so before I post it, I wanted to make sure that two of my best detectives didn't end up in the hospital or the basement. Though if you refuse, I gotta warn you the alternative is letting a boot ride along with you. I am putting you with Flack for the next rotation unless you say otherwise." Daddino stared her down, his eyes daring her to challenge him.
Gus sighed, it wasn't the best situation, but better than it could have been. She knew despite their trials and tribulations, Don would still have her back. "Does Flack have an issue with it?"
"Nope, he just shrugged and said whatever, so I figured you two had figured things out. You have, right?" His expression remained the same, and Gus knew better than to argue.
She gave a half shrug as well, "guess so. Is that all?"
Daddino nodded, "yep. Post this for me, will you?"
"Sure make me the bad guy with Parker."
"Just buy him lunch and he'll be fine."
Flack wasn't around for most of her shift, or she didn't see him because she was too busy in questioning with a large Vietnamese family and a translator trying to get information from them about the death of their teenage daughter five years before. Gus was desperate to get movement on this case before she was back with active cases and paired with Flack. She needed something to bolster her courage over the next rotation.
After hours of tedious questioning, Gus and Parker finally leaned hard enough on the youngest son, now no longer a minor and learned he had been fighting with his sister over the television and as they were wrestling over the remote, she tumbled out the open window, falling to her death. For years the boy had remained quiet. While the case was closed, Gus found little of the victory she had been hoping for and was downtrodden as she headed for the locker room late that night.
Flack ran into her in the hallway. "You heading out?" Gus nodded, feeling weary. "Guess you talked to Daddino, huh?" Flack hitched the thumb towards the board with their rotation. Gus just nodded again, not sure what to say. She leaned against the wall, her jacket draped over her arms. Flack moved closer, staring down at her, his eyes a sky blue of concern. "You got time to catch a drink?"
Gus chewed on her lip, knowing they should have that talk before being partnered up again, but her energy flagging. She closed her eyes briefly, unable to handle Flack's close scrutiny.
"I know we need to talk, Don, I do. But can we catch that drink at my place? I am exhausted and don't want to be around a bunch of unis off shift."
Flack shifted his weight, looking hesitant and torn. This expression caused Gus' heart to twist a little and she realized the oceans that still lie between them. Desperate to lighten the mood she rolled her eyes, "Jesus, Flack, I am not going to jump you or anything, if I try you can taser me, okay? Besides, you know I have a better stocked bar than Sully's anyway and the Lord knows I am drinking."
Flack smiled, the mood lifted. "I can't argue with that, sometimes I wonder if you are running a speakeasy on the side. Just let me got grab a taser gun real quick." His smile widened, his dimples on full display.
Gus rolled her eyes again and returned his smile with one of her own. "You are so hilarious, detective."
Gus tried to not sigh as she returned carrying their drinks and saw Flack pressed against the arm of her sofa, his spine straight and his suit jacket still on. She set his drink in front of him, moving to the other end of the sofa with hers, stretching out on the chaise in an attempt to appear relaxed and casual, despite feeling neither.
They sipped in silence for a few minutes until Gus couldn't take anymore. "This is going to make for a really long rotation. Jesus Christ, Don, come on!" She took a long drink of her Old Fashioned and slammed her glass down on the table, shattering it in the process.
Flack jumped to her aid, wordlessly rushing to the kitchen for a towel and returning to help her pick up the shards of glass.
Mopping up the liquid and glass, their eyes met in recognition of times past. Flack smiled, "good to know you are still a mess, sunshine."
"Some things won't ever change," Gus sighed, picking tiny specks of glass out her hand. "Let me just go take care of this," she gestured to her now bleeding hand, "but when I get back, I want another drink and for you to not look like I am about to devour your head."
Chapter 62: Watcha Gonna Do
Gus took her time cleaning her wound and placing a bandage on her hand, willing her nerves to steel themselves. When she got back to the living room, she was relieved to find Flack's suit coat on the rack, his shirtsleeves rolled and his tie loosened. He had poured her a whiskey neat and was sipping on what she guessed was his second round. "Thanks," she said, slumping on the sofa, closer to him this time, but distance still remaining.
"No problem. Look, Gus, if you don't think we can get through this rotation, say so now, I'll even take the boot ride along." His gaze was as serious as she could ever remember.
"I am not going to lie, I was a little freaked out when Daddino told me, but I don't want things to keep being weird between us, Don.
I know I messed everything up, but despite whatever happened between you and I, we are amazing partners. I probably wouldn't have gotten my shield if it hadn't been for you. You know me better than anyone else, and because of that, I know I am the safest I am ever going to be on the job when I am with you." Gus ended with another long drink, carefully sitting her glass back down this time before turning to face Flack.
He sighed, resting his elbows on his knees and head on his hands before also turning. "You might be a mess, but you are right. We are damn good partners out there, you know what move I am going to make before I do and while I sometimes worry you are going to shoot yourself in the foot, you are always a couple of steps ahead of the skels. Not to mention you do all the paperwork." Flack gave her a small smile and took another drink, "but I hate there being all this tension between us, and it's even worse when Jess is around, making us even bigger fodder for the guys to talk."
"They are going to gossip about something, Don, you know that. Since when did that ever matter to you?" Gus shook her head in wonder.
"When it can effect our careers or how well we do our jobs. Same as us partnering back up. I can't be worrying about you being pissed off at Lafferty running his mouth off or storming off because you overheard something you shouldn't have."
Gus knew he was talking about the French incident, but wasn't about to take all the blame. "Seriously, Flack? When am I not pissed at Lafferty and how does that effect my ability to do my job? And I am sorry your girlfriend likes to misappropriate department equipment for your little tete-a-tetes, but last time I checked, I wasn't the only jealous person storming around the pit!" She threw her hands up in the air in frustration.
Flack shook his head, "this, this is exactly what I mean. You can't just fly off the handle, we have to keep this professional!"
"I am not flying off the handle, I am merely pointing out that I am not the only one who has been acting like a moody high schooler since I came back. I can be perfectly professional and a damn good detective and still be pissed off that you and I can't seem to figure out all this junk between us. Maybe I shouldn't have ever come back to New York, maybe I just don't belong anywhere." It was Gus' turn to drop her head to her hands. She couldn't bare to look up, knowing if she made eye contact she would either burst into tears or say something she couldn't take back.
There was a long stretch of excruciating silence until Flack moved closer, resting his hand on her shoulder blade. "Don't say that, Gus, you belong here."
Gus turned her head slightly, looking at him sideways, holding back tears. "This sucks, Don, so much. I loved you, you weren't only my partner, you were my best friend. You know more about me than anyone and because I messed up beyond belief, I have to now pretend like I barely know you and it's killing me." The tears won out, wetting her eyelashes and rolling down her cheeks. She turned away from Flack, angrily wiping them away.
Flack gripped her arm, forcing her to turn back toward him, his own eyes shining with unshed tears. "You think it is so damn easy for me? I have never told anyone as much as I have told you, stuff I told you way before we were together, because I trusted you with everything. I trusted you with something I told myself I wouldn't ever let anyone fully have, my heart, Gussie. And you just threw that away like it was nothing. You think you leaving didn't kill me inside? But I was willing to let you go if it made you happy, I would have done anything for you to be happy. Now you are here, because leaving wasn't what you needed and you still aren't happy and you are doing everything you can to avoid me! You think I'm not dying a little every day over that? Burning yourself out there in the swamp, taking stupid risks here time and time again, almost getting yourself raped and killed more than once and for what?"
Gus broke free of his grip, flinging his hand off of her. "Because I deserve it Don, I deserve to be miserable and bruised and battered and to see you happily making lovey eyes at Jess and to see everyone else moving along whether I am around or not. Because I made the biggest mistake of my life eleven months ago in leaving and this is my penance!"
Flack wasn't willing to concede, nor was he willing to watch Gus self-destruct. Yes, she had wounded him more deeply than any woman ever had. He had long ago decided given the woeful state of his parents marriage and bitter separation to never get married himself, never even fully let anyone into his heart, but that was before Augusta Broussard had swept into his life. Never mind that when she blew out of town she had left a path of destruction on his psyche, there was part of him that would always love her, even if he knew they couldn't be together, at least not until she had forgiven herself and figured out what she wanted out of life.
He reached for he again, holding tighter as she struggled. "Damn you and your Catholic education, Gus, screw your penance. You are a good person, and what you deserve is to be happy, but you aren't going to be until you forgive yourself."
Gus couldn't stop the tears, but she did stop resisting Flack's hold, knowing he wasn't going to let go. "I can't," she choked out, barely able to breathe.
"Why the hell not?" Flack cradled her wet face in his hands.
"I wounded the person I love the most, you, and I can't forgive myself because I can't expect you to forgive me." Her voice cracked and a mournful sob caught in her throat.
So wounded was the sound that Flack couldn't help but pull her into his arms and let her sob against him. She was broken, and because Flack still loved her, regardless of what was blossoming between him and Angell, he was determined to help fix her.
She finally sobbed herself out, soaking the front of Flack's shirt in the process. As her sobs subsided into sniffles, Flack lightened the hold he had on her, lightly rubbing her back.
Gus finally pulled away from his arms, wiping at her red and swollen face. "I must look like the loup garou," she sighed, running her hands over her face.
"You aren't hairy enough to be a werewolf, sunshine," Flack replied, with a wry smile.
Gus gave a small, strangled laugh. "Thanks, for everything, I think I ruined your shirt." She pointed at the mascara and makeup staining the front of the otherwise pristine fabric.
"It's just a shirt, Gus, I am more worried about you." Flack shook his head in amazement, disbelieving she could be more concerned about a shirt than her emotional breakdown. He wondered if she even knew how to not put everyone else first.
"I'll be fine, eventually, always am." Gus tried to put on a brave face, but she knew he could see right through it. What she had said was true, he did know her better than anyone and had never let her get away with half the stuff others did. Even her shrink didn't call her on as much as Don Flack did.
"Bullshit. This is not fine. I know you fine and this is about to down a fifth of bourbon in the bathtub and start smoking again Augusta, not everything is rainbows and kittens Gus." Flack held her gaze, staring at her even as she became immensely interested with the grain in the leather on the sofa.
Silence swelled in the room, until barely audible and with a shaking voice Gus said, "I still love you, Don. I just want to take it all back." She forced herself to look up at him, even though she was terrified as to what she would see in his eyes.
Flack's expression was nearly unreadable, but the slight set to his jaw told Gus he was using all his strength to keep it that way. "Damn you, Gus, why couldn't you have just said that months ago?" His eyes went almost slate gray instead of their normal blue, frustration and anger brewing just below the surface.
"Because I am a stubborn idiot!" Gus flung her hands up in equal frustration and anger. Flack gave a strangled laugh, but didn't comment any further.
Gus got up and started pacing, chewing on her thumbnail. She stopped, staring at the window at Gramercy Park across the way, the darkened silence a haven in the chaos of the city lights.
"Would it have made a difference months ago? Does it even matter now?" This time she couldn't bare to face him, her emotions so raw and fragile that she was near breaking down irretrievably. She didn't hear Flack, only saw his reflection in the window behind her, but she still did not turn.
He moved behind her, his form pressing against hers, she instantly melted against him as she had what seemed like countless times before, fitting up against him seamlessly. He wrapped his arms around her form, looking down at the park as well and thinking about all the moments they had shared down there, from one of their first kisses to her healing him far more than all the doctors in the world after the bomb blast to their lazy picnics rambling about the future or their cases, scaring the posh neighbors away with their theories and descriptions.
"I don't know, maybe," he said finally, and softly into her ear.
"Then or now?" she choked out.
"Gus, stop. I need time, I need to figure out what is going on with me and-" he broke off, feeling like he couldn't utter another woman's name in this intimate moment.
"Are you in love with her, do you love her?" Gus turned, facing him, wanting to see his eyes for the answer that could wound her more deeply than anything else, her palms pressed against his chest.
Flack swallowed, looking down at her with concern and tenderness. "I don't know, I could be, maybe one day, I just don't know yet. It started out as just a fling..." he trailed off, but did not break his gaze on Gus.
Gus didn't know how to react, it wasn't what she wanted to hear, but it wasn't a declaration of undying love for another woman either. She dropped her palms from his chest, leaving them hanging at her sides, still only about an inch from Flack. "What about me?" she whispered so softly, Flack could barely hear her.
He closed his eyes for a long moment. Standing this close to her, heat radiating off her body, it was taking everything in his power to not pull her in for a deep kiss and drag her down the hall to the bedroom, if he could even make it that far.
He loved her, more than he had ever loved anyone, but she had broken the very heart he had worked so hard to protect. He was vulnerable with her, something Flack had prided himself on not being very often. Flack was a tough, sarcastic New York cop and until Gus only his sister had made him show more than a hint of emotion With Gus, his psyche was a damn open book.
"I haven't stopped loving you for a second, Gus, I am not sure I even can stop, but I can't just forget what you did. I need some time and space, so do you. We need to figure out if we want the same things or not, if it even was a good idea for us to have ever been together."
Gus looked up with him with grave sadness, she had no tears left to cry, but still her heart was heavy. "Are you saying you regret us?" Her hand involuntarily went to his face, her palm running down to his jaw line.
Flack covered her hand with his own, his fingers intertwining with hers as he brought her hand down.
"No, nothing could be further from the truth, I don't regret a second of us, don't ever think that. I just can't be with you without knowing that you are all in, and you can't tell me you know that right now, you aren't in the right head space."
He gently released her hand from his and Gus pulled it up to cover her mouth, knowing he was right and hating that he knew her so well.
She moved her palm to rub at her neck, "what about this rotation?"
Flack sighed, "we get through it. We don't need the crap from the pit or the mark on our files for refusing. No matter what else has been going on, you and I have always been able to be great cops at work, let's not prove anyone right. I'm sure there is already a pool going." He smiled at the last statement, as did Gus.
"I'm sure there is. I just have to ask one thing though, Don, please don't talk to me about what is going on with you and Jess, I just can't."
Flack smiled down at her, unconsciously tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear. "I wouldn't, sunshine, I never want to see you hurt, that's why you've got me so worried."
"You need to stop worrying. I may not be fine right now, but I will be, eventually, I need time too."
Flack shrugged, "yeah, okay, guess I can't ask you for time unless I am willing to give it as well. You going to be alright tonight?"
Gus nodded giving him a half smile. "Yes, and I promise no drinking in the tub."
Flack gave a strangled laugh. "See you in a couple of days?"
Gus nodded again, sticking out her hand, "sure will, partner," she replied with a genuine smile.
Flack gave her outstretched hand a shake, "partners," he said, pulling her in for a hug. He landed a kiss on the top of her head, before pulling away and heading for the coat rack. He pulled the suit coat on, and reached for the items he had left on the entryway table. He tried to ignore the bevy of missed calls from Jess. Clipping the items to his belt, he turned one last time to look at Gus. "You are sure about tonight?" he pressed one last time.
"Time and space, Flack!" Gus protested with a smile.
"Goodnight, Broussard, see you next rotation." And with that, Flack was gone.