Chapter 80: So Much Better

Gus lay in the fading dark as the sky began to lighten outside. She had once again answered when Flack called, kicking herself as she did so, berating herself as she got in a cab to meet him.

She slunk into a bar that neither of them would normally ever frequent just in time to prevent Flack from getting in a fight with someone's boyfriend armed with a pool cue.

It was getting worse and she knew it, Don was on a collision course for sure and she wasn't sure if she could save him. Not to mention he had been out of it at work, constantly lost in thought, not hearing people until they said something three or four times.

She had a whole conversation with Mac just the other day at a crime scene before Flack even realized Mac had shown up.

Flack had also been increasingly on edge, his trademark sarcasm turning more and more into spite. She had made the mistake of mentioning him finally wearing a suit to work again the other day and he about took her head off telling her he could dress himself.

She had never been so happy to have to deal with Department of Child Services at a crime scene as she had been that day.

Gus felt conflicted the entire Benton case, wanting to keep an eye on Flack but not wanting to get too near him since he was turning mean as a snake.

At least Adam took most of the lead in the case, getting to put his nerd skills to good use and save the day. She was proud of him and told him as much when she cooked him dinner afterward. He was slightly bashful, but not nearly as flustered as he would have been even a couple of months before. Stella had interjected him with greatly needed confidence.

"I like this new Adam Ross," she said, clearing their plates.

Adam followed her into the kitchen, "not new, I'm still the same old me."

Gus shot him a look while loading the dishwasher. "Whatever you say, sugar, but if you ask me you seem to have a lot more swagger."

Adam rolled his eyes, but grinned from ear to ear.

A while later, after they had caught up on Haylen's attempts to steal his job, Danny's regained feeling in his feet, Lindsay's troubles with her nanny, Mac's connection to the Beton case because of his father's death, even broaching the subject of Stella and a couple of rounds of Mario Kart later, Adam finally decided to tackle something he had pondered over the past week or so.

"So that other night, was Flack okay?" Adam asked, setting down his Wii controller.

Gus almost choked on her wine, not expecting him to bring it up. "I think that is a matter of perspective, darlin'," she answered without answering.

Adam wrinkled his brow, trying again. "Does Flack do that a lot, call you in the middle of the night to meet him?"

"Only since Jess' died," Gus volleyed back, chewing on the inside of her cheek and wondering how much he was going to press the issue.

"And you always go to him?" Adam looked at her with such genuineness, Gus couldn't do anything but nod.

"It's just, I see him at work with you, Gus and it is so so different from how it was. He's getting kind of mean and I just want to make sure he isn't using you, isn't hurting you."

Gus knew Adam was thinking more about his bully of a father, of her messed up relationship with Gage before she moved to New York. She knew he was coming from a place of concern, but she didn't feel he had all the facts and she wasn't about to give them to him.

"Don is not a bully, Adam. He needs time and..." she trailed off, "he needs what he needs and if I can help him I will. I can handle it."

Adam looked at her disbelieving, "what if he needs more than you?"

"I love him, Adam, more than I have ever loved anyone or could love anyone. I know I left him, but I never should have because it left an opening for Jess and I'm sure Don was falling in love with her. I just can't give up believing that there isn't part of him deep down that still loves me. And that is why I'm still here and I will be here for him, whenever, no matter what." Gus took a deep breath and then finished her wine, looking at Adam with sad green eyes.

He wanted to pull her into his lap like she was a child, that was how broken she looked, but he knew she wouldn't take kindly to that. Instead he leaned forward, his forehead resting against hers. "Just make sure he is worth it, Gus."

"He is, Adam, he is," she sighed, pulling back, "I'm just not sure we can get back to where we were."

Adam, ran his hands through his hair, not knowing how to fix her, "you just said it yourself, he needs time. He would be an imbecile to not want you, all of you."

Gus gave him a small smile, looking worn. "I should get going, try to get some sleep tonight."

Gus walked Adam to the door, finished her cleaning up and was getting some of the suggested sleep when Flack called her out to that godforsaken hole in the wall.

She realized halfway there this was the most sober she had been for any of their hook ups, having spent more time talking with Adam than drinking. Not having to drink herself through shoot 'em up movies had helped as well.

Which is probably how she was able to handle the mountain of terror waving the pool cue at Flack.

After the mountain and his girlfriend walked off to collect the drinks Gus had bought as a peace-offering, she attempted to collect Flack. "Don, you ready to call it a night?"

"Not really," he said, looking up at her from the booth he had slumped in.

"Can you at least come drink at my place, I am sticking to the floor in here and I am pretty sure you haven't made any friends," Gus pleaded, trying to pull him in her direction.

He flung her off, "I've made friends, there was Tiffany and Shelly, and those biker twins..." He gave her a grin and waggled his eyebrows.

"Maybe you should focus on making friends that can't give you hepatitis. Now can we please go because I am not liking the way that guy with the face tattoo is eying me." Gus hoped the change in tactic would work.

This at least got him out of the booth to look for the offender. He pulled Gus to him looking down at her with hunger in his eyes, "I can protect you, babe, I'm a cop, remember."

Gus had enough faculties to resist, though barely, as she ran her hand around the hem of his shirt, "yeah, a cop without his badge or his gun."

Flack followed her hand and gave her a grin, "oh yeah, didn't think they would like cops too much in here."

"I'm sure you're right, sugar," Gus said, seeing several of the patrons staring at them since hearing the 'c' word.

Gus decided to play things differently, in a last-ditch effort to get him out the door. She reached up, pulling him down towards her, giving him a heated kiss while moving her body as close to his as she could while still clothed. I

t wasn't something she would normally ever do in public, but she was pretty sure she wouldn't be running into any of these people socially again and she was running out of ideas on how to get out of there without making a scene.

"What was it you were calling me for again, blue eyes?" she said coquettishly.

His eyes glazed with lust, her kiss having done the trick. "What was that about continuing this at your place?" Flack said, his hands cupping her bottom until she broke away and headed toward the door.

Flack all but tried to mount her in the backseat of the cab, and for the first time in a while, Gus was fully present in her state of mind and felt a little embarrassed for them both. There was still part of her greatly enjoying his touch, his hands and lips knowing just where to go and how to make her weak.

Something about being on her turf and sober enough helped to steel Gus slightly as Flack tried to remove more of her clothing. "Flack, hold on, I think we should..." he kept going, even as she struggled against him.

"Flack, damn it, stop, Don, please."

Something in her tone must have gotten through to him. He stopped, as they stood in the living room, both of their shirts thrown off in a pile with their shoes, his jeans unbuttoned, her pants pulled low on her hips, both of them breathing heavy.

"I'm worried about you, Don," she whispered, reaching up to trace his jaw line.

Something about her expression, something about the sincerity in her eyes reminded him of all the good times they had shared, how much they had loved each other.

He covered her hand against his face with his own, something inside him breaking free. Gus saw the change as it occurred, his eyes clouding with unshed tears. "I miss her, I didn't know it was going to be this hard."

"I know," she said, leading him over to her sofa. He fell into it as much as he sat.

"I shot Cade," he said, falling into her arms.

"I know," she repeated, stroking his hair as his tears finally broke loose.

"I mean, I didn't have to shoot him, he was down. I killed him!" He looked up at her, wounded beyond anything she had ever seen.

"I know, Don, I know, just let it out," she cradled him as he sobbed, broken, her own tears falling just as freely.

When he finished, Flack pulled himself out of Gus' arms, looking at her own red eyes and cheeks wet with tears. Despite his own anguish, he hated that he was causing her pain. Flack wished he could snap his fingers and put his grief aside and pick back up with her, but he couldn't.

He couldn't decipher if it was because he loved Jess' more than he realized or if it was because he had betrayed everything he ever knew or believed in when he put that bullet in Simon Cade's head. Flashes of that day starting playing in his mind, the endless bad movie he couldn't turn off...

Gus could see the change, as Flack went from thoughtful to zombie, she knew what was happening, the frames of film moving through his mind. The same thing had happened to her, seeing her mother bloody on their kitchen floor, the professor's body lying on the floor of her dorm room, the flood waters rising in the prison hospital with men drowning or getting shot by the guards.

She shook it off, she had to stay stronger than Flack. "Look at me, Don, you're safe, you're here."

It was enough to snap him out of it, her voice a buoy in raging, open waters.

He looked at her, the worry etched on her face. He reached out to brush the tears from her face, to smooth out the wrinkle in her brow.

He leaned in, his lips touching hers tenderly for the first time in what seemed like ages, not the hungry, savage kisses he had stolen the past couple of months.

Gus almost pushed him away, sensing the change in the way he approached her. It was what she had wanted, to go back to the before, but she knew he wasn't ready yet.

Her body and heart wouldn't agree with her mind though, so as he lifted her up, her legs snaked around his body as they had countless times before. And as he carried her to the bedroom and gently laid her down on the bed, his body covering hers like a shelter, she couldn't be the stronger one.

This was why Gus couldn't sleep, awake as dawn crept into her bedroom. She felt trapped, and not just because Flack was asleep on top of her, his arms wrapped around her as if he would drown if he let go.

Usually they went back to his place, making it easy for her to escape like a thief in the night. On the rare occasion they had ended at her place, he was gone soon after the act was complete.

Last night had been different, in so many ways, and Gus didn't know how to approach it or handle it. She stroked Flack's hair, trying to sort out the latest mess in her life.

The spell broke was Flack's eyes shot open and he realized where he was.

Gus looked down at him, her mouth open to say something until she realized he was already up and throwing back on his clothes. "Wait, let me make you breakfast."

"Can't, gotta go," he said, hunting for his shirt.

"Living room," she answered, her heart dropping to her stomach as she realized the walls were all firmly back in place.

She pulled the sheet off of the bed, wrapping herself in it and following him to the living room where he was putting on his shoes. "Don, please, can we talk?"

"There's nothing to talk about, sunshine," Flack snapped. Gus recoiled, there was no endearment in his use of her nickname, only bitterness. "Pretty sure you were the one that told me this was a mistake."

The ice in his eyes stabbed at Gus' heart. "Yes, but no, please, we should talk!" she begged.

After finishing button his shirt, he closed the distance between them, leering at her as much as he was looking at her.

"Seems to me, babe, we've done so much better the past few months doing anything but talking. Maybe we should keep it that way." With that, he gave her one last rough kiss and was gone with a slamming of the door.

Chapter 81: This Train

Gus took the couple of days off coming to her after finishing up with the Benton case and a B&E gone sideways, relieved to not have to see Flack in the pit and pretend like everything was just fine.

She wasn't sure if he took time off as well, all she did know was that there were no late calls from him. This caused her more unease than their sleeping together.

Stupid and rash, yes, but at least they had history, at least they were safe. God only knows what Flack would get into or up to without her running to him every time he called. Which only highlighted how bad the situation was.

She attempted to catch up with some of the team, but in reality felt relief when all of them were busy. She spent the couple of days cleaning, wallowing and watching bad tv, not leaving her place.

She was beginning to think Eduardo might call her employers to do a wellness check on her if she didn't show her face soon when the call came the next morning.

"Broussard," she answered, her Lieutenant's number flashing on her screen.

"I'm sending a patrol car your way, Gus, body found swinging from the rafters out on Ellis Island."

"Swinging, suicide, why did we get it?" Gus asked, already turning on the shower for a quick rinse.

"National monument, private tour found the body, got to make sure everything is above-board. I'll have Flack meet you out there, assuming he ever answers his damn phone." Daddino paused, clearing his throat, "you, ah, he isn't by chance with you, huh, Broussard?"

"No, Tony, he is not," she said, hanging up and slipping under the hot spray of water.

Gus met the uniform down at the patrol car, getting in with barely a word. The uniform tried valiantly to make small talk with Gus, the younger woman clearly interested in earning her gold shield. Gus answered her questions curtly, all while wondering where Flack was.

She instructed the uniform to cordon off the scene, taking statements from the obviously shaken tour guide and members. She was almost finished when Flack finally arrived looking like he hadn't shaved or slept. Gus just raised her eyebrows at him, thanking the man she was interviewing for his time.

"Dario Gonzales, night guard, has worked here for a while. Never late, always does his job without complaining, picks up extra shifts when he can. Supervisor is on his way, said Gonzales has a wife and two kids. I was about to call her because there is nothing I love before coffee then ruining someone's life."

"I'll do it, you got the number?" Flack said, looking antsy. Gus gave it to him, studying the body as Flack made the call.

Gus sighed, shaking her head at the uniform who was about to start fawning over Flack the second he hung up his phone.

"Eva, wasn't it?" she said, walking over to the woman, who nodded. "Why don't you walk the perimeter, try out your future detective skills?" The woman rushed off, eager to help.

Gus went back to Flack, who was staring up at the body, lost in thought. "Long night?" she asked, taking in his appearance.

He merely gave her a grunt in response, further discussion cut down by the arrival of the CSI team. She decided to join Officer Nelson walking the perimeter while the team processed the scene.

Nothing came of the perimeter search, leaving Gus dejected. She slunk back into the building, observing the flurry of activity.

"You just gonna stand there gawking all day?" Flack snapped, coming up beside her.

She glared at him in reply, her anger coming to a rapid boil, though she shoved it down, figuring he was probably over compensating for his vulnerability the other night.

"Do you have any other suggestions, Detective Flack?" she said, her voice icy.

Flack was already walking away as he curtly replied, "vic's cell phone is missing, Adam traced it to Battery Park, time to go deal with some tourists."

"According to the signal, Gonzales' cell phone is right, here," Gus said, stopping in front of a trash can with a sigh.

She slipped on a pair of gloves, before digging through the can to emerge with the now sticky phone. "Guess I should be glad it wasn't a dumpster."

"Good news is there is lots of surveillance, bad news is there is a lot of surveillance to wade through," Flack said, pointing at the cameras while glaring at a tourist who jostled him while trying to take pictures on their cell phone. "God I wish you could arrest for stupidity."

Gus actually welcomed the chance to sit in the A/V pit with Flack, hoping she could get him to talk about the other night, it didn't go as well as she planned though.

"Damn tourists, nothing but idiots in those damn heart sweatshirts complaining about the prices of things. If you don't like it, go the hell back to Ohio!" Flack grumbled as they watched footage filled with nothing but crowd shots.

"We shouldn't have expected anything else. Guess it is hurry up and wait on the lab again. What do you make of the note?"

"That fast buck thing, maybe he was in to some kind of scam, wife didn't seem to know anything," Flack said, fast forwarding through the footage.

Gus decided to make an opening. "Did you take a couple of days off?" she asked, trying to keep her tone light.

Flack gave a half shrug, "yeah, sort of, what about you?"

Gus nodded, "laundry was starting to pile up, had some bad tv to catch up on."

She paused, waiting for him to keep the conversation going, when he didn't she pressed on. "I was a little worried when I didn't hear from you after the other night."

She forced herself to look at him, getting nothing but his jaw clenching over and over.

"We ain't a couple, Broussard, I don't have to check in with you," Flack snapped.

Gus took the hit, even if it made her crumble on the inside. "I know, it's just...the other night seemed different. Not just because of the sex, and even though we shouldn't be doing it, I still...I thought maybe you were making a break through, and I didn't want you to lose your momentum. I get the grief is a continuum, I just worry that you might be-"

Flack cut her off, turning to give her an icy glare. "Don't turn into a damn shrink on me again, Broussard, you want that, you can go back to your fancy office upstairs. I told you I am fine, why the hell does nobody believe me? Yes it sucks that Angell died, but she was a cop and cops die. Maybe it just reminded me I don't know when the big guy is going to call my number and I decided to live a little, stop being Mr. Walk the Line. Get off my case. You don't want to keep sleeping with me, fine, don't. I ain't forcing you sweetheart, and believe me there are plenty of other pieces of ass out there for me to choose from. Ones without all your hangups."

"Is that is all I am to you, a piece of ass? After everything we have been through, I mean that little to you?" Gus was on her feet, her voice rising as her anger grew. "This train isn't exactly an easy ride, Flack. People are worried about you because they care about you, I care about you!"

Flack and his voice rose as well, "maybe you just need to stop caring a little less about me. You left me, you broke my heart, you had your chance," he was yelling now, pointing his finger in accusation, barely stopping short of poking her, "get over it, move on, I did."

"Over it, moved on? Really, then why all the jealousy and over protectiveness? What about that night before our rotation together when you said you never stopped loving me, that doesn't really sound over it to me, Don!" Gus yelled back, her emotions spinning out of control.

Flack lowered his voice, this more menacing than his yelling, "well it wasn't you that I spent the night with that night now was it?"

"Screw you, Flack, just, Screw you!" Gus roared, storming out with a giant slam of the door behind her.

She exited into the pit to stares. Judging by the looks she was getting and Daddino beckoning her from his office door, the A/V room wasn't as insulated as she thought. "Damn it!" she swore, storming his way.

"Yes, please Tony, give me that new partner," Gus said, standing in front of her Lieutenant's desk, tapping her foot.

"Not going to happen, Broussard, everyone else has already refused to work with him. I thought you could handle him, reign him in, but maybe I was wrong." Daddino looked at her expectantly. "Maybe I need to put him on leave."

Gus looked at him in horror, only able to imagine what trouble Flack would get into if put on mandatory leave. "No, don't do that, it will be fine. I can handle it, him. That in there, was totally my fault, I was being a bitch, must be PMSing or something."

Daddino looked at her, clearly not believing a word she said, but it was true, every other detective said they would call in sick before working with Flack.

"I don't want to hear about your lady parts, Broussard. Look, I think Mac is going back to the scene, see if they missed anything, why don't you head over there with him, give him another set of eyes? Check in with Flack when you get back, maybe he'll have gotten something with surveillance or ferry tickets by then."

Gus nodded, feeling dejected, but glad she had circumvented Flack getting put on leave.

She met Mac out by his truck. He gave her a long look. "Daddino said you needed some fresh air?"

"Er, sure. Thought you could use a feminine perspective," Gus forced a smile and tried to sound perky.

"On our male victim?" Mac said with a smirk, but not pressing the issue.

There wasn't much different about the scene, as far as Gus could tell, on the second go round, though who knew what Mac got from the visit. Other than the extremely brash much talked about crime scene cleanup tech throwing herself at Mac.

Gus stood back as Haylen kept trying to chip away at her Uncle, a bemused smile on her face. There were many ways to approach Mac Taylor, but Gus wasn't so sure the younger female was picking the best way.

Gus wasn't about to warn her, the woman essentially gunning for Adam's job, after all. Gus did have to give her tenacity, especially when Haylen pulled out the grant she had applied for and received.

"What do you think?" Mac asked on their way back to the lab and precinct.

"About what?" Gus replied, innocently.

Mac gave her a look. "You know what, do you think I should hire her?"

Gus gave a small snort, "I don't think she has given you much choice, Mac, she all but hired herself with that grant stunt."

"I'm not a fan of feeling like I don't have control over my lab."

"You could have stopped that sentence after control," Gus said with a laugh.

"True enough. There is something about her though..." Mac trailed off.

"Yes, gorgeousness, perkiness, oh so perfect academic record and that's not even mentioning she has the persistence of a hound dog going after a bitch in heat."

Mac gave her a smile, "I was going to say she reminded me a little of you."

Gus flushed, "er, yes, that then, must be the blond thing."

Mac raised his eyes, "must be."

"You aren't going to get rid of Adam, are you?" Gus looked at him with wide and worried eyes.

Mac shook his head, "Adam isn't going anywhere, why does everyone keep worrying about that? As I told Miss Bacall, even if I did hire her, there probably would not be anything after a year, but she did secure funding for a year and that shows initiative."

"Yes, initiative is exactly the word I would use," Gus mumbled.

"Augusta, don't take whatever is going on with you out on some poor tech. Are you planning on filling me in on what is going on with you?"

Gus sighed, "just stuff, you know. And yes, I suppose you should hire her, it is free labor and you can't turn that down. Just be careful, her initiative may make her more enemies than friends in the lab, Uncle Mac."

Mac raised his eyebrows again, "I have a feeling she can handle her own."

"I didn't say it was her I was worrying about," Gus said as they pulled into his parking spot.