Chapter 90: China

Gus pressed the buzzer next to Mac's door, the bottle of wine clutched tightly in her hand. She had tried to duck his invitation to no avail. He swung it open, greeting her before heading back to the stove, pots steaming away.

"Where's Sheldon?" she asked, looking around.

"Out with an agent looking at places. I guess being roommates with your boss isn't the most ideal situation," Mac replied with a smirk.

Gus nodded, setting her belongings down and opening up the wine, pouring them each a glass, though Mac barely looked at his. Gus stood at the kitchen island, watching her uncle cook.

"I can help," she said, feeling useless.

Mac gave her a smile, "I know you can, you can also rest."

He took in his niece's appearance, she was drawn, dark circles under her eyes and her skin paler than he had ever seen it. The weight of the world pressing down on her slightly stooped shoulders and she looked lost.

"Not being able to work the Steele case was a rest, thank you very much for that by the way," Gus snipped, though she instantly regretted it. Instead of apologizing, she drained her glass of wine and poured another glass, ignoring the judgmental look from Mac.

"It wasn't just my call, Augusta," he replied with a warning tone, "Doyle and your Lieutenant didn't want you to work the case either."

"I'm banned from doing my job because the overprotective men in my life think I might break?" Gus slammed the wine bottle back down on the counter.

"You are not banned from your job and no one is being overprotective or saying you are going to break. Lieutenant Doyle simply suggested that distance from this case might be better for you in the long run."

"Lieutenant Doyle should mind his own damn business and his own team!" Gus snarled.

Mac turned the burner off underneath the pot he was stirring, dinner would have to wait. "He is worried about you, a sentimental that I and many other people share. You haven't been yourself in months, don't try to deny it. When was the last time you went out with Lindsay and Stella? Or returned Adam or Sheldon's calls? What about Reed? He asked me if you had moved to China the last time I saw him. Not to mention this business with Flack..." Mac trailed off, as Gus' head snapped up, her eyes full of fire.

"What are you talking about Mac?" she said, her voice on edge.

Mac sighed, "Parker told me you've covered for him, following him to make sure he doesn't get in trouble."

"That was Parker's idea in the first place," Gus deflected throwing her hands up.

Mac came out from behind the island, facing off with his niece. "How long has all this been going on, Augusta?" Mac's mouth set in a straight line.

Gus felt like a teenage getting caught sneaking out, she looked down at her feet while answering, "I don't know, a little bit."

She could feel Mac staring at her, the intensity causing her to finally make eye contact. "Months," she finally admitted, her eyes filling with tears.

"You aren't doing him any good, Gussie, Don has to deal with his own demons."

"Turn my back on him? I can't do that, Mac, I love him!" Gus implored.

Mac shook his head and sighed, "I know you do, but if you really love him, you have to understand you aren't saving him and you are hurting yourself. You are lying to your commanding officer, you are putting yourself in danger, you are digging yourself into a hole so deep, I am not sure you can even climb out of it."

"I'm fine," she mumbled, even though she knew she wasn't.

"You and I both know that isn't true. Do you even want to keep your badge, Gussie?" Mac asked, moving over to the couch and sitting down.

Gus remained standing, tracing the rim of the wine glass, "of course I do! I want Don to keep his as well, is that so bad?"

He motioned her over, though she wavered for a moment before sitting on the couch herself. "Don Flack is not your responsibility," he held his palm up as Gus started to speak.

"Please, just listen. I know you love him, I knew it before you two even did. Things have changed though, and the best way you can help is to stop helping. You are never going to know if Don is better if you keep picking up the pieces. If you want to keep being a detective, I highly suggest you tell your Lieutenant you need a new partner or consider transferring to another department."

Gus looked at him incredulous, "is Mac Taylor telling me to run away from my problems?"

Mac shook his head, "the exact opposite, Gussie, I am telling you to face them, your problems, not his, you two have to not be intertwined for that to happen."

"We're not," Gus started to protest, before realizing he was correct. "How did I get here, Uncle Mac?" Gus asked, feeling like a lost child.

Mac wrapped an arm around her, "I don't know, but we'll get you out," he said, drawing her in as her tears began to fall.

They ended up ordering a pizza, the pots abandoned on the stove as Gus fell apart on the couch.

Sheldon came in, almost leaving in again as he saw the tear stains on Gus' face.

Gus waved him in, "don't leave, Shel, please? I am sorry I've been such a crap friend lately."

Sheldon gave her a small smile as Mac retreated to his bedroom, leaving the younger detectives to catch up.

"Have you talked to anyone about this?" Sheldon asked, taking the offered glass of wine and sitting next to her.

Gus shrugged, "sort of," thinking of Doyle and her breakdown with Mac just now.

"You know you have PTSD, right?" Sheldon said, cutting to the chase.

"I haven't forgotten all of my psych training, Sheldon," Gus said with an empty laugh.

"So what are you going to do about it?" he pressed on, sincerely worried for his friend.

"I am currently trying to figure that out," she sighed, taking a small sip of wine before setting the glass down.

Sheldon rested his hand lightly on her knee, "you need anything, at all, you know you can call me."

"How can you be so sweet when I have been so terrible? I didn't even know you were homeless and I have a guest bed, hell I barely even use my bed!" Gus exclaimed.

"You haven't been terrible, you've been dealing with more than any one person should. You have been there for me, all of us in the past, Gus. We are family and the best part of family is you don't stop caring and you can pick up right where you left off."

Gus nodded absently, "I suppose so. I also suppose I should get going."

"Can you get home okay?" Sheldon asked.

"I haven't forgotten how to call a cab, Shel!" Gus said, forcing a smile and giving him a hug on her way out.

Gus stood in front of Mac's building, waiting on her ride, wishing she had something stronger than wine and desperate for a cigarette.

Something she had given up that first New Year's Eve because of Flack's teasing, even if she had briefly picked up the habit again in New Orleans.

if psychically connected, her phone started buzzing in her hand, his number coming up on the screen. She hovered over the reject call button, debating.

She knew Mac was correct, she wasn't ever going to know if Don was alright if she kept rescuing him. Yet she couldn't help but feel like he was her problem. Wasn't that part of loving someone, taking on their problems as your own?

Not to mention, she couldn't rid herself of the thought that if it had been her that day instead of Jess, everyone would be back to normal by now.

Gus couldn't tell if that thought was comforting or depressing. Probably both. Her problem was she couldn't decide between listening to her head or her heart. As her cab pulled up, she hit the answer button, ignoring the waves of instant regret washing over her.

Flack was outside his building as her cab pulled up, flipping his old Zippo open and closed, the flame catching in the ever cooling night breeze.

Gus couldn't help but give a small smile at how similar they could be. "I'm going to go broke paying for cabs, Flack," she said by way of greeting.

He raised his eyebrows at her, "you could take the subway, millions of people do every single day."

"I was at Mac's, this was easier, especially since I was planning on going home," Gus replied.

Flack gave a slight nod, slipping the lighter in his jacket pocket, but didn't say anything.

"Did you just call me to hang out in front of your building, because this is a little weird," she said, as she stood there, her hands shoved in the pockets of her jeans.

"Nah, I called you because..." Flack trailed off, moving closer enough that Gus could smell the whiskey and cigarettes on his breath as he hooked a finger through her belt loop.

He called her because every woman who approached him at the bar tonight reminded him of her, because he had seen how she had almost fallen to pieces during the Steele case but almost ripped off Daddino's head when he pulled her, because he wanted to be even a fraction of the safety net she had been for him, but mostly he called her because he was lonely and missed her.

"This was a mistake," Gus whispered as he moved in for a kiss.

"So what? We all make mistakes," Flack replied, his hand twisting in her hair as he pulled her to him.

Curled on the couch clad in his undershirt, Gus poured another slug of whiskey from the bottle on the coffee table, Flack passed out on his bed, a miracle they had even made it to the bedroom.

Depressed at that being an improvement, Gus quickly downed the amber liquid, pouring another one robotically.

Why had he called her to his place? He hadn't needed a ride home or someone to pay his bar tab or to break up a fight or to get some slut off of him. Was something different about tonight?

"You shouldn't drink alone, or so people keep telling me," Flack said as he padded into the living room, sitting on the couch beside her and taking a swig straight from the bottle.

"Classy," she replied, raising her glass to him. His raised eyebrows his only reply as he set the bottle back down.

"Why did you call me, Don?" she asked, curling up in the corner, resting her head on her palm.

He ran his fingers through his shorn hair, unsure how to answer her. "You just looked like you could use a friend," he replied finally.

"A friend, huh?" Gus pressed on, a smirk spreading across her face, "you have an interesting definition of friendship, Don Flack, that why you stopped hanging out with Messer after he got hitched?"

Flack couldn't help but share in her laughter, closing the distance between them on the couch, tickling her until she was out of breath.

"You're a mess," he said, covering her body with his own as she panted.

She looked up at him, her green eyes wide, gently tracing his jaw line. "We both are. Isn't that why we keep ending up like this?"

His expression softened before the walls came back up, but he remained on top of her, propping himself up on his elbows.

He thought about saying everything he had thought, everything that he had carried around in his heavy, broken heart this past year, but he couldn't make the words come out.

"We have to stop this, don't we?" she said, tears filling her eyes for a second time that night. But unlike Mac, Don didn't pull her into his arms.

He moved off her, unable to look at her. Taking another pull of whiskey and nodding in agreement.

"I don't know if I can," she said, swiping angrily at the tears she saw as betraying her.

"I know," Flack said, his voice hollow, the distance between them feeling like an ocean.

Chapter 91: Can't Stay Here

Gus arrived early for her shift, wanting to get to the precinct before Flack, before she could change her mind.

She knew this was something she had to do, not just for her but for the both of them. Mac was right, if she really loved Flack, she had to take a step back. Gus knew she wasn't strong enough to do it on her own. She only hoped Doyle was telling the truth about being willing to have her as part of his team.

Though she regretted cutting off any relationship potential with him, lord knows she was a wreck in that department.

"You gotta sec, Loo?" Gus asked hesitantly from Daddino's doorway.

He looked at her, seeing the look in her eyes. He had known for a while this day was coming.

It wasn't that he couldn't link Broussard up with someone else. Parker and Fletcher had both offered, even Lafferty and Thatcher were willing, the problem was his entire team had threatened to have their own blue flu if any of them got paired up with the volatile Don Flack.

He wasn't willing to call them on their bluff, not entirely sure it was one. Even though Flack had said he didn't want partnered with Gus anymore, Daddino felt better when someone had Flack's back, it was why he had lied to the younger detective about Brass telling him off.

"Come on in, Broussard, shut the door."

Gus did, slumping down in the chair in front of his desk, unable to keep up appearances. It was clear she hadn't slept, given the circles under her red rimmed eyes.

"You look like you've been twelve rounds with Mike Tyson, what's up?" Daddino asked, raising his eyebrows in concern.

"I think I need a transfer." Gus went straight to the point despite rehearsing a long speech. When it came down to it, she needed out from seeing Flack destroy himself piece by piece before it destroyed her as well.

"Been waiting for this," Daddino shrugged, "at least you didn't ship me your badge this time, shows some real growth."

He gave her a small smile to take the sting out of his words, he meant them though. He had half been waiting for her to just disappear, almost wouldn't blame her, though he knew if she had he wouldn't be able to cover for her this time. Daddino was glad she wan't burning bridges this time around.

Gus smirked back, "yeah, I really feel like I have grown over the last year plus." Her sarcasm was palpable, though her posture was that of a beaten dog.

"I know Doyle would be happy to take you off my hands over in Special Vics," Daddino paused, studying the detective carefully.

There had been some rumors about Doyle and Broussard, but he hadn't really paid them much mind. Broussard was still doing her job and who was he to say about her sleeping with someone not under his command. Though he hoped the Lieutenant would nip that in the bud if Gus ended up over there.

Gus didn't respond, knowing Daddino was telling the truth, there was really nowhere else for her to go in her current situation. Other departments saw her as unstable and wounded.

"That being said," Daddino finally continued, "you ever hear of the Law Enforcement Exchange Program?"

Gus wrinkled her brow, "LEEP, where they send over like third world cops to see how things get done in America?"

She wondered where he was going with this. She wanted to distance herself from Flack, but she wasn't planning on being shipped off to the other end of the planet.

Daddino gave a short bark of laughter, "Gus, you turning more cop on me than shrink? Old you would have been all 'developing nations' and crap."

Gus slumped further, regretting having stepped foot in his office. "Times are a changing, I guess."

"Anyway, yeah that, except it has grown a bit over the past few years and we are doing exchanges within the US too. I actually got a call a couple of months ago from a Lieutenant back down in your old swamping grounds. Apparently a little birdie told him about your work on our mess of cold cases here and he is more than a little interested in you."

Gus slit her eyes at Daddino. "What does that mean exactly, Tony?" She was trying to process what he was saying, but her emotions and lack of sleep where making things hard to comprehend.

Daddino sighed, interpreting her demeanor as her calling him on his shit, which was more like the old Broussard than he had seen in some time.

"It means I ran my mouth off one night at that conference I went to because I wanted to look good and some New Orleans Loo recognized your name and wants to reclaim you. I am not gonna let that happen, but I agree it might be a good idea for you to cool your heels somewhere other than here for a couple of months. Maybe I call him up and you can go down there for a few months and they can send up some moon-faced kid and we can try to turn them into a real detective."

"You actually want to send me back to New Orleans even though last year I-" Gus started in, pulling herself upright and trying to absorb what her boss was saying.

Daddino waved her off, "let the past stay in the past, something all my detectives apparently need to work on. This time would be official, Broussard, from the get go. You give me the go ahead, I make a call, and we can get things rolling." He stared at her, waiting for her answer.

Gus found herself unable to form words, choosing merely to nod consent instead while internally wondering if she was not making a huge mistake.

Things moved quicker than she could have imagined.

Daddino immediately picking up the phone in his office and magically being connected to the Lieutenant he had met despite the early hour. Gus didn't know whether to leave his office or stay, but she felt rooted to her chair.

"Yes, you were right about those New Orleans girls, I really didn't think she would agree to it, shows you I don't know squat. Oh, don't be smug Colston or I won't sign off on this. You better not send me a dud because I am sending you one of my best and I want her back in one piece."

Gus sat there, thinking Daddino was talking about her former self, not the person occupying the chair in front of his desk, continuing to listen in on her fate being planned out for her.

"I don't know, I can let her go in two weeks?" he looked up at Gus who shrugged, though she was secretly thinking two weeks sounded like eternity when she was trying to not answer Flack's calls or run into him at work.

"No, not tomorrow, Colston, cool your jets. Fine, fine, yeah, next week then. Hold on, what's his name? Got it. Yeah, she's got a place, probably nicer than whatever hovel your boy is living in."

Gus perked up at this, "make sure it isn't a FEMA trailer," she hissed, suddenly worried about agreeing to this.

Daddino replied by scratching an address on his pad and turning it to face her. She made a face.

"Yeah, her place is definitely nicer than his. You are getting the better end of the deal on this, I hope you know. I'm warning you, Colston, end of six months and I will get on a plane myself to come get her."

"Six months?" Gus squeaked out, dropping her head into her hands. What had she gotten herself into?

Gus hovered near Mac's doorway, waiting for him to get off the phone, he noticed her standing there through the glass and motioned her in. She opened her mouth to explain what she had just done, hoping he would talk her out of it.

Her heart sank as Mac wrapped up his conversation, "I agree, Tony, think this is the best thing for her. Talk to you soon."

Gus whistled, "word travels fast round these parts."

"I take it that is why you came up here?" Mac replied.

Gus nodded, standing in front of his desk. "Was sort of hoping you would tell me it was a dumb idea considering last time didn't work out so well there."

"Last time you ran away and worked yourself nearly to death for a corrupt Captain who is now in federal prison. This time it is an official exchange where someone will be keeping an eye on you," Mac said, staring her down as though she were a child.

"I know, but it seems awfully dramatic and a little like running away again. I could have transferred to Special Vics or Vice or Brooklyn," Gus shuddered at the last suggestion.

"Transferring to another department won't stop you from answering Flack's calls in the middle of the night," Mac pointed out.

Gus made a noise, hating that she was so transparent to him. "You always have to be right, don't you Mac?"

"Not always, just often," he retorted with a smile, "when are you going?"

"This weekend, enough time to get my place in order and ready for some stranger to live in it and pack for six months. Tony said a couple of months, not six!" Gus exclaimed.

Mac got up and walked around the desk, giving her a side hug. "You can come home for a visit or two, stay with me, Sheldon just signed a lease."

"Visit home, isn't that an oxymoron? I really should stop listening to you," Gus sighed.

"Last time you said that you ended up calling me from an embassy in Africa," Mac replied with a slight smirk.

"It wasn't my fault!" Gus protested, before giving him a long hug. "Thanks, Uncle Mac, for being there."

"No problem, Gussie, any time."

Chapter 92: Always Leaving

Gus was given the rest of the week off to get her affairs in order, which to her sounded more like she was dying than leaving New York for a few months.

She didn't tell anyone what was happening, despite Mac's protesting, unable to say goodbye to everyone and everything she loved, despite knowing it was the best choice for the moment.

"I just can't, Mac, please try to understand!" she pleaded as he helped her pack up a few sentimental items he was planning on storing for her.

"What I do I say to everyone when you just disappear again?" he asked, putting together another box.

"You'll think of something," she said, carefully wrapping up some of her mother's and aunt's jewelry.

She stood, returning Mac's stare. "I will explain it to everyone, but I have to do it, just not here or now. I can't deal with any big scenes now or I won't go through it and I need to leave. You were right when you said I can't help myself, I'll just keep running to Don every time he calls and that isn't helping either of us."

"So you aren't even planning on telling him?" Mac asked, unable to keep the shock out of his voice.

Gus tore off a piece of tape with her teeth, ignoring Mac's wincing, he and Claire having paid for her braces so many years ago.

"I don't know," she sighed, stacking the box atop another one. "I suppose he deserves an explanation this time more than anyone else, considering. But how do I even begin to explain this to him without making it seem like I am blaming him?"

"You aren't blaming him, you are helping him. Be honest, you are doing this for you both. He might surprise you, he might understand," Mac suggested.

Gus rolled her eyes, "yes, I am certain that is how it will go, he'll probably even offer to drive me to the airport."

"Give him some credit," Mac said, even though he agreed more with his niece than he cared to admit.

Don Flack was a powder keg as of late. That was why he was being supportive of this LEEP assignment, even if he worried about Gus being back in New Orleans again. He had called her friend Billy down there, ensuring that the younger man would be keeping a close eye on her.

Even though she had promised herself she wouldn't, she couldn't help but thinking of Mac's suggestion when Flack called her late that night. She answered his call on the first ring.

"How did you get time off?" he asked, sounding forlorn and at least a drink or two in.

"Daddino seemed to think I needed a break," she replied, almost having to laugh at the truth of it.

Flack didn't immediately reply, until finally asking "you want to come over?"

Gus sighed, "maybe for a bit. But Don, I'm not going to sleep with you."

"Didn't say you had to," he retorted, even though that had been his reason for calling, that and wanting to keep the monsters at bay, something Gus was able to do best of all.

"I'll be right there," she said, already heading out the door.

Flack met her at his door, a glint in this eye and a drink in his hand.

She took it as soon as he offered it, slamming it down in trying to keep her courage up, even if it made her resolve crumble.

"Not sleeping with me, huh?" he remarked as she moved past him to the bottle and poured herself another drink.

"I'm not," she said, offering him the bottle, which he greedily accepted.

"Yeah, because that isn't how this ends," Flack replied, motioned between them.

"We are both keeping our pants on tonight, Don. End of story, shut up and drink," she commanded.

They sat there, drinking, neither of them willing to break the tenuous silence between them, Gus still trying to muster up the courage to say what she had come here to say.

Finally she took and deep breath and came out with it. "I can't keep doing this Don, it isn't healthy for either of us."

"Whaddya mean?" Don slurred slightly.

Gus turned to him, resting a hand on his leg, her eyes full of pleading, "I mean I love you more than anything, but you are still hung up on Jess, Cade, everything! You got demons to work through on your own."

Flack brushed her hand off him, his confusion turning to anger in a beat. "So you aren't going to keep helping me?"

"This isn't helping you, blue eyes, this is rescuing you without saving you," Gus sighed, this wasn't the way she wanted this to go.

"You just gonna not pick up the phone when I call, stop following me, ignore me in the pit?" Flack was being belligerent, this new bitter side of him seeping out like poison.

He stood, towering over her in a way that made her uneasy enough to stand as well.

Gus shook her head, "see you know I can't do that, I've tried and failed. I'm sort of leaving town for a bit."

"Running away again?" Flack sneered at her, with an expression Gus wasn't used to seeing directed at anyone except perps. It broke her heart as she started to gather her belongings.

"Daddino worked out an official LEEP for me. Apparently New Orleans heard about my cold case system and wants my help."

"You're willing to leave for a city that has shit on you time and time again?" he said, his voice raising to a shout.

"Apparently I am good at getting shit on!" Gus shouted back, her resolve starting to break. T

his was exactly what she didn't want, them fighting again.

"We both need space, but I am not running away, I am taking a break. I can't sit back and watch you like this anymore. I truly do love you with all my heart, Don, but for right now the only thing you can do is break it and me."

She gave him a hug he refused to return and a chaste kiss before leaving, the sound of the door closing as hollow as both their hearts.

Mac pulled to the curb at the airport, helping Gus with her bags. "You sure you don't want me to just tell them all at once?" he asked, as she extended the handle on her suitcase.

"No, Mac, really. I will have letters in the mail to everyone the minute I touch down at MSY, promise. You'll give them the envelopes right?"

"Yes, Augusta, have them right here," he patted his suit jacket, "though why you can't just email..."

"Come on, Mac, I thought you would be the first to agree that letter writing is a lost art. And with six of you, everyone just needs to write 4 letters over six months, even y'all can't be that busy!"

Mac calculated, Gus shook her head, "I know what you are thinking, I didn't include Flack. We didn't exactly part on the best of terms."

"You told him then?" Mac said, he had been curious, but hadn't wanted to push.

"Yeah, he took it so well. Look, I better let you go before Homeland Security chases you off."

Mac drew her into a hug, "take care of yourself, Gussie."

"I will Uncle Mac, and don't forget to write," she said with a broad smile, trying to hold back her tears.

Mac returned it with a sad smile of his own, climbing in the truck, pointing it toward the latest crime scene on the East River. Never a dull moment in the city that never sleeps, he thought to himself as he pulled away from the curb, giving his niece one last wave, hoping she would be able to put some of her ghosts to rest.

A/N: Assuming this is your first read through *ducks*, I know I keep torturing them. I swear they have a happy ending, go read my latest Advent Calendar Challenge to clear your palate. The next in this series will be up soonish as soon as I edit. I gotta get rid of a little over the top stuff.