Chapter One

I hauled myself out of bed and walked into my tiny bathroom, eyes half closed and grinding my teeth. Within seconds, I was under the freezing spray of water from my shower, shivering, as my erection shrank and softened. It was like this most mornings. Sometimes even the cold water didn't help, and I'd smash my head into the tiled wall until I saw stars. I couldn't let myself give in to the urge to touch myself. If I did that, those unwelcome thoughts would creep into my head. The thoughts that could end me. I finally opened my eyes and reached for the soap. It was over—for now.

Today a new group of initiates was to arrive, and I had to be on my game. I wasn't looking forward to meeting the bunch of weak, whining defects from Abnegation, Candor, and Erudite. It was unlikely we'd get any from Amity, but it wasn't unheard of.

I dried myself, shaved, and dressed. Then I went to join the other leaders and trainers in the dining area. A place was vacant opposite Four, and I took it.

"Morning, Eric," a couple of others greeted me. I nodded but didn't speak. Four stayed silent, but his brows drew together in a look of disapproval. I smirked. He hated me, and I'd made it my mission in life to wind him up. He was cool, unflappable, and fucking brilliant at everything. Getting under his skin and making him lose his temper amused me. But today, I didn't say anything. I helped myself to coffee, and some bacon and pancakes.

Later that morning, our oldest leader, Max, gave instructions in welcoming the new initiates. As usual, I was the first one they would meet. When it was time, I made my way up to the roof to wait for the train. I stood on the low wall surrounding the flat surface, observing the train rumbling closer. As it drew level with the building, a crowd of newcomers began to jump out onto the roof and slowly approach me. The last two were girls: a Stiff—what we called the transfers from Abnegation—and a small girl in a white jacket, who was obviously from Candor. They rolled onto the rough surface of the roof, laughing, and scrambled up.

I went through the usual routine, introducing myself and telling them they must jump. Surprisingly, the Stiff volunteered to go first and after a brief hesitation, dropped out of sight without a sound. Most of the remainder screamed and yelled on the way down. The last one was an unfit, heavy girl with dark hair. I'd heard one of the others call her Molly. She stood trembling on the roof edge, but then threw herself off and fell silently. I waited a minute for Four to get her off the net, then stepped off the edge. Usually, I went down the way I came up, but today I fancied the small rush of the fall.

"What are you doing?" Four scowled at me when I finished bouncing, and pulled the edge of the net down so I could scramble off it easier.

"What's it look like? Don't you ever jump for the hell of it?" I dropped to the ground and straightened up. We were the same height. "No, of course you don't. Still a Stiff at heart."

"You're an arsehole," he muttered. His brown eyes narrowed. "Doesn't it get boring after six years?"

I shrugged. "Got to find something to do for amusement in this place."

"If you hate it that much, you can leave. Go back to Erudite." His lip curled. "Oh, I forgot. You can't, can you? You'd be Factionless."

"Who says I hate it? I just find it entertaining to make you lose your cool."

"You're wasting your time." He pushed past me and followed the initiates into the training area.

Four and I had transferred in at the same time. I'd always resented him for finishing top of his class, while I was second. When we came up against each other in the fighting ring, I'd been sure I had him. I was stronger, had more muscle, but he was faster and somehow, he knocked me down. As I started to get up, he hit me again with a fist like a sledgehammer, and I didn't get up again. I'd always resented him for it, and that wasn't all. Twice, he'd been offered a leadership position and declined. I got it by default, and it infuriated me.

I turned away and punched the wall. My intention to amuse myself by pissing him off, finished with me being the one angered, which it often did. I pressed my forehead against the cold stone and huffed out a breath. My hand throbbed and rage filled me. I wanted to punch something other than the wall, but that wouldn't go down well. I couldn't start beating up the initiates, or challenge Four to a fight. He'd probably win anyway—again.

I wasn't needed for the rest of the day. Four would show the new people their accommodation and the training room and explain what would happen during the first few weeks. I went back to my room and paced, trying not to think. Four was right. I did hate this place. I fought my way through every day and wished it were different. It could never be different, but that was something I would have to live with. Happiness was for the weak anyway.

In the distance, I heard the cheering as the initiates were welcomed by the existing Dauntless. The rest of the afternoon had slipped away without me noticing. Reluctantly, I made my way back down to the dining room where a feast would be laid on for everyone. I wasn't in the mood, but people would ask questions if I didn't show. Max would probably be banging on my door within minutes.

The celebration meal ran its usual course. I ate and drank and didn't speak. The initiates sitting near me glanced at me nervously a few times and didn't bother me. The first jumper sat farther down the long table, next to Four. Unbelievably, she was teasing him. Maybe she wouldn't turn out to be so bad after all.

I was glad to escape at the end of the evening and shut myself away in my room and spend some time thinking about the first day's training—teaching them to fight.

The first week went the same way they always did. Most of them were weak, although some stood out. Molly, the last jumper, had some power in her punches, and easily slammed the Stiff—Tris—to the ground. Peter was smart, fast, and strong, and already top of the class. Al was terrified of failure from the first day. Christina was a mouthy little bitch who dared to ask for leniency when Molly hit and kicked her until blood fell. I taught her a lesson, dangling her from the balcony above the training area until she proved she had a little bit of determination.

Each day, they all checked the leader board for their positions, some with smug looks, and others in fear when their names appeared in red below the line. Tris was one of these, and when at first I'd thought maybe she would amuse me, now I'd developed a keen dislike for her. Four seemed smitten with her for some reason I couldn't fathom. Then again, he was an Abnegation transfer—perhaps they sought out their own.

"You two." Max stood up at the end of that day's dinner, pointing at Four and me, and giving a slight jerk of his head to indicate we should follow him. "And you." He beckoned our one female trainer, Ricki. We all rose and walked with him. The Stiff's gaze followed Four, I noticed, until we left the room.

"What's up, Max?" Four asked.

"Stage Two starts in a few days."

We all nodded.

"It's a long time since any of you went through a Sim. I want each of you to do at least one before the initiates start."

My stomach turned over and my breath caught in my throat. "What for?" I grunted.

"Practise." Max turned his gaze on me and raised an eyebrow.

"We don't need practise. We—"

"Enough, Eric. You'll all do it in the next two days. That will be all."

"Great," Ricki muttered, as she and Four walked away. "I'm sure he's just doing this to torture us."

"Of course." Four laughed.

"Max, can I have a word?" I caught up to him and he stopped.

"What, Eric?"

"Who's monitoring the Sims?"

"Four, obviously."

"So, he's going to monitor himself, is he?"

"Four can be trusted. I will see it later."

"But—" I ground my teeth. "He's never seen mine."

"Look, Eric. It's about time you got over this problem you have with Four. You'd do well to have him as an ally, rather than look for opportunities to fight him."

"I can't just—" I tried to stop scowling and look pleasant in an effort to change his mind. "You've always done mine."

"I have better things to do, Eric. That's my final word on this." He turned and walked away.

"Fuck," I muttered. I hurried to my room and slammed the door behind me. "Fuck!" The thought of Four seeing my fears horrified me. I had to think of a way to get out of it, and fast. If he had that to hold over me, I'd never hear the end of it, and I may as well pack up and go to join the Factionless. It wasn't an option for him to find out my secret.