I don't want to be here. My heart is literally broken. I didn't think it was possible to be in this much pain, not just physical pain but mental pain. I feel Wendy squeeze my hand trying to provide me with comfort. I look at her giving a weak smile to prevent myself from crying. My life has always been crazy and unpredictable but this….I lost my best friend last week, Kyle Broflovski.
Wendy helps me stand up as we head back to the Broflovski's for one final gathering. She looks nice in a black wrap dress with stocking and heels. She has this really nice dark heather grey peacoat pulling her look together with polished make up. Her long dark hair that is usually down is in a nice neat bun. I think about how I wanted to go to the casket one last time to see Kyle but I know I can't handle it. Seeing him like that…..I fucking cried just looking at him already. I ran to the bathroom because I didn't want anyone to see me cry. I don't even feel like going into the house, this is….just so upsetting. I get in the car next to Wendy as she is clearer headed to drive.
"How are feeling Stan?" she asked.
"How do you think I'm feeling," I replied almost snapping at her. "I just want to go home."
"I know you want to go home and grieve," says Wendy. "I think you will regret later not going." Deep down I know she is right but this is so hard. I never even got to say goodbye to Kyle. No nothing. We finally pull up to the house and I can see a lot of people have attended including extended family. Most people tend to fall off after the main service that seems to not be the case with Kyle. We walk inside the house I immediately look around spotting Kenny.
"Hey," I say walking up to him with Wendy close behind.
"How you doing?" asked Kenny. He now has his shirt unbuttoned at the top and his tie seems to be long gone. His hair is now falling in his eyes because he refuses to put gel in his hair. He says it dries his hair out or something. Kenny is the same height as me standing at 6 feet even.
"Will everyone stop asking me that!" I yell. I didn't mean to raise my voice at him, but I think it is pretty clear how I'm fucking feeling right now.
"Sorry…." apologized Kenny. "You were best friends with him after all, super best friends as you guys called it." I growl lowly about to walk away when Mrs. Broflovski walks to up to us.
"Thank you, boys, so much for coming," she smiles with dried tears on her face. She is wearing her signature hairstyle now decorate with a few gray's throughout but not many. She hasn't gained weight as she aged. She managed to lose weight instead. "Kyle would be so glad to know you all are here. Is it okay if I get a hug please?" As if I could say no to her. I hug her first, Wendy and then so does Kenny. "I want you all to have something of Kyle's."
"Are you sure?" asked Wendy.
"I want Kenny, Cartman, Stan, and Louis to have something of Kyle's" she explains. "It's what he would have wanted." I nod knowing she is right.
"Is it okay if we go into his room?" asked Kenny.
"Yes," she replied. "Ike is already in there currently. He could probably use some company. I haven't been able to get him to eat since this all happened." I can relate, I haven't had a proper meal in a week. "Louis should be here shortly."
"Let's get some food and eat up in Kyle's room," said Kenny. "It will give us some privacy."
"Alright," I agree. Wendy ends up fixing my plate as well as her own, I at least carry our beverages upstairs. We enter the room and Ike is sitting there with Karen hugging him. He does very much look like he was not eating, I have never seen him this small. Ike usually wears his hair like I do but it is looking unruly. Ike is actually taller than me at 6'1 which always had grown women looking at him. Karen's 5'2 height has him looking like a giant. Ike looks up seeing us enter the room. He doesn't say anything as he goes back to laying his head on Karen's shoulder.
"Glad to see you're taking care of Ike," stated Kenny. I think Karen is dating Ike. I'm not really sure. I do have to say they are pretty cute together. Karen and Kenny certainly got the looks in their family. Karen's hair is lightly wavy today but it's usually straight not falling past her shoulders.
"Thanks," said Karen. "Cartman was here but he got upset and left."
"Already?" asked Kenny sitting at Kyle's desk. I look around not sure where to even sit.
"Do you guys mind moving down?" asked Wendy. Karen helps Ike move further down on the bed so Wendy and I can sit down. Kenny starts to eat while I'm looking around trying to decide what of Kyle's do I want to take. I would give all of this shit away if I could have him back in a heartbeat. Kyle has a lot of stuff, I mean there is a lot to choose from. I want something that is a good memory of us though.
"So what do you have planned for the rest of the day Ike?" asked Wendy trying to lighten the conversation. Ike shrugs.
"I just want to sleep mostly," said Ike. "Did mom tell you guys to take something of Kyle's?"
"Yeah," I reply. "How did you know?"
"She asked me how I felt about it," explained Ike. "I don't mind you guys taking anything. Cartman wanted his game system or something."
"Of course he did," said Kenny rolling his eyes. Kenny never got over how Cartman wanted him dead to get his game system he busted his ass to purchase. He finishes his plate while I barely started eating. I know what I want now but where is it? I stand up walking to Kyle's closet. I open the door looking around. I appreciate at this moment how organized he always was. I spot his green hat on the hook. I take the hat into my hands as they begin to shake. I bring the hat up to my nose breathing in Kyle's scent. God, I miss him so much. It's amazing how he was able to still fit this hat even as a grown adult. We would wear our old hats from time to time when hanging out. The tears escape my eyes and I wipe them away not wanting anyone to see me crying. I walk out of the closet going to sit back down in my spot I had just left.
"His hat is a good choice," says Wendy.
"Did you want to take anything?" Ike asked Wendy.
"I don't know….." replied Wendy. "I have great memories and don't feel the need to take anything." Ike nods yes understanding. Kenny begins to look around.
"Mom and dad want to keep his electronics though," he says. "I'm not sure if she told you that."
"No she didn't," said Wendy. Kenny decides to take a book that was Kyle's favorite to read. It was something about finances. Kyle actually went to school to be an accountant and he is really good at it. I recall him hating the fact Cartman pointed out all Jews are good accountants. Kyle had been saving his money and was just about to move out on his own. Louis was not too happy about that wanting him and Kyle to get a place together. Kenny is looking in Kyle's desk when Louis finally comes through the door.
"How is everyone doing?" he asked. I roll my eyes. Louis is Kyle's boyfriend. I never liked the guy. He seems so stuck up and snooty. He is 6'4 lean muscle build, dark brown hair that is always slicked down with an undercut making him look older than he really is. Kyle met him during his freshmen year in college, they didn't start dating until close to the end of the school year. Louis is also a lawyer at the firm Kyle did accounting work for. God, they even work for the same company. I think Louis got him that job, I'm not really sure. I kind of blanked out a lot when Kyle would talk about his jackass boyfriend. He is standing there is his high designer suit, don't ask me the brand because I don't keep up with stupid shit that. I can tell you it looks tailored and expensive as fuck. "I hope no one took all the good stuff."
"We just got started," explained Wendy. Louis is looking around and his eyes land on me.
"You're taking his hat?" he asked as if offended.
"Yes," I replied as if he just asked me a stupid question. My hand tightens on the hat as I glare at him.
"As his boyfriend, I think I should be the one with his most prized possession," stated Louis walking over to me.
"I'm his super best friend and have known him since we were 4," I state standing up. "I'm keeping the hat."
"Kyle has plenty of stuff," said Kenny trying to ease things. "Do you think you want some of his clothes?"
"What is your problem with me?" asked Louis ignoring Kenny. "I have always been nice to you and you always snap at me when you get a chance."
"I got good reasons to be snapping at your ass today!" I state balling up my fist ready to knock his ass out. He's not taking this hat! Wendy stands up putting a hand on my shoulder.
"Louis would it be so terrible for Stan to have Kyle's hat?" she asked. "I understand that you were his boyfriend but this means a lot to Stan." Louis rolls his eyes.
"Fine," said Louis with a wave of his hand as if I'm some damn peasant. "I'm here to mostly grab the stuff I bought for him as gifts anyway."
"You're taking your gifts back?" asked Ike.
"Not really since he has passed," said Louis not sounding a bit sad. "I'm going to need you to hand over the watch."
"No!" exclaimed Ike holding the watch on his wrist.
"Kid, what are you really going to do with that 15k watch?" he asked.
"Remember my brother you fucking asshole," said Ike standing up. Louis is on a roll with pissing people off today I see.
"Alright," said Louis holding up his hands. "You all are very emotional and I understand why. I'm just going to grab the rest of my items and leave." Ike just gives Louis the meanest look he can. I sit back down feeling drained. We watch as Louis packs half of Kyle's clothes, some DVD's, and a few random things. I didn't realize he showered Kyle in so many gifts considering what a selfish asshat he is. "I'm going home to grieve. You all take care." He walks out of the room with a name brand duffel bags full of stuff.
"God I hate that guy…" mumbled Ike.
"He's gone," said Karen. "It's okay."
"That was really intense," said Kenny. "I would have taken some of his clothes but it felt wrong. I can only imagine how Louis would have reacted."
"We saw how he acted over Kyle's hat," I point out. "I don't even think he wanted it. I think he wanted to take it to piss me off."
"I don't think he meant any harm," said Wendy.
"Whatever….." I replied. "I'm leaving."
"Are you sure you don't want to stay longer?" asked Wendy. "I mean we just got here."
"I'm fine," I replied. "I can walk myself home."
"Stan," said Kenny full of concern. "I don't think you should be alone."
"I need to be alone," I reply. "Please just leave me be." I walk out of the room quickly bolting for the front door. I hold Kyle's hat firmly in my hand walking outside into the cold air. I could kill the drunk driver that hit him, fucking idiot. Kyle was working overtime at his job, left work to get hit head-on by this drunk driver. The impact was already bad but his car spin out hitting a pole. I put my hand over my chest as it begins to hurt again thinking about it. I wanted to say thank you to the Broflovski's but I see Louis kissing their asses as he always did which is why I just left. I seriously felt like I was going to have a damn anxiety attack. I got a long walk with my apartment is away from here but I don't care. I stuff my hands in my pocket wishing I did bring a coat but I was completely out of it this morning.
It's weird because I wish I would have spent more time with Kyle. We are still super best friends but once he started to date Louis I saw him less and less. We tried double dating more than once and that was a total disaster. The guy was constantly trying to flaunt how smart and rich he was. My dates always felt uncomfortable around us because Louis and I would end up arguing. I get close to my place when I hear a cry. It's so low and faint over the wind out here. I was going to go ahead and keep going but something tells me not to. I look around seeing some bushes nearby. I make my way over there and the cry becomes louder. I look down behind the bush gasping at what I discover.
A baby kitten is crying and looking like it is pain. The little body is shaking from crying and the cold I'm sure. It has the brightest red fur I have ever seen on a cat, it reminds me of Kyle's hair. I look around and no other kittens or cats are around. I pick the cat up realizing it is a boy.
"Come on little guy," I say soothingly. I don't know what to do. I have no idea if this is an indoor cat or an outdoor cat. A lot of people think all cats are the same trust me they are not. The first thing I decide to do go by the shelter since he is so small to get him checked out. I don't want to leave him here. I certainly don't want him to die in the cold, alone like my best friend did. I continue as my walk home has gotten a lot longer with my detour. I walk towards the shelter doing my best to shield the baby kitten along the way. I finally see the shelter come into view. I feel frozen over but push forward. I head into the shelter glad to see they are currently not busy.
Author's Note: I have had this story concept for well over two years. My author buddy KWriterInTraining told me about a unfinished fandom story where Kyle is reincarnated as a cat and Stan is his owner. I don't know the name of this author but I give them full credit of the concept. I never read their story as I wanted to expand on this concept and here we are. Not going to lie writing this story made me cry more than one time. Gah I can be so sensitive.