Interlude 1 : Shower time
Patching together, patching together, patching together, fuck you Al, why did i have to patch in you too?
After realizing the nasty consequences of his interesting dream, Subaru jumps out of the bed and into the bathroom to shower. The instant he gets wet enough to not leave, he hears a voice echo in the bathroom.
? : 'Iiii~ JuSt WannUH tel yEE howim feelIN~! Gotte mayk yEu underSAND.. NevAH gonna giv yo Up!'
He hears loud singing horrible enough to induce intensive suicidal thoughts on the other side of the shower curtain and turns to see a silhouette that kind of looks like a '7'.
He throws the shower curtains to the side with a 'clink' from the shower rings and reveals a helmeted naked one armed man rickrolling him while failing to do a T pose of dominance.
Subaru : "Can't you do this another fucking time? And why the hell are you even naked?! The water just goes right through you since you're fake, can't you keep your imaginary cloths on!?'
Al : 'Hey stop interrupting, we had a deal i'd get to rickroll you for every time you've spawncamped me. Also i thought it would comfort you to not be the only one with their weiner out but it's kinda your fault for imagining me naked.'
Subaru : "Hell no, this is not comforting! Also i know about the payback agreement but i didn't agree to this shitshow! You said you'd sing me a song everyday, it sounded decent at once but not anything like this torture!"
Al : 'Too bad! It's my favorite song now, i've embedded it into my soul.' he proudly puts his hand to his chest and tilts his helmeted head up high.
Subaru : "Ok first of all, you time traveling helmeted onion man! That song came out 11 years ago and you were stuck in this water fountain hellhole for 18. Now why the hell do you know it again?"
Al : Well i'm not sure if you've noticed but when you absorb memories you are infused with a part of them, resulting in the delusions, schizophrenia and psychotic crap.
Subaru : "Ok yeah you sure took your time to call me insane, what's your point again, you perverted gay masochistic pedo?"
Al : 'You see, apart of you bleeds into us aswell.'
Subaru : ".. No wait hold on, are you kidding? How did i not notice this sooner?!" he sinks deeper into despair after realizing what this implies.
Al : 'Nope, all this came from you, bud.'
Subaru : "Out of everything you could've absorbed from me in my 18 real years, whether it be a boring day in class to me taking a dump or walking long roads with Shaula, you just had to absorb me getting rickrolled and the fact i hated it!? And now you're saying i'm just rickrolling myself?!"
Al : 'Well it's not like i'm totally a figure born from your imagination and all this totally gets traced right back to you i mean.' although his face is hidden behind a helmet it's obvious he has a smug expression.
Subaru : "Ugh, screw you, your crappy singing and sarcasm, i'm taking a shower now." he closes the curtains then instantly opens them again "Also where are the others? Why do i only get to see a old dude nude?!"
Al : 'Actually they are all fighting hard for you by trying to keep your top 3 girlsimps from studying your shower.' he puts up 3 fingers on his remaining hand.
Subaru : "Wait who's trying to see me naked? I might ask if they can replace you, even tone deaf Emilia-tan is by far a better singer than you."
Al : 'Shaula, Satella aand surprisingly Petra.' he puts down the 3 fingers one by one as if counting as he says their names
Subaru : "Ok i understand those 2 stalkers, but why the maid loli too?!"
Al : 'I dunno man, she kept claiming it's "her chapter" and should totally do whatever she wants.' which is understandable, he did say he was gonna go save her and be heroic and crap.
Subaru : "One more thing, if you're going to continue to Rick roll me every. fucking. day. until I finally cease my cursed existence, can't you atleast progressively get better at singing or something!? If you threatened the witch cult that you would sing for them if they don't stop being dipshits then this world would have eternal peace and prosperity."
Al : 'No can do bro, your delusion of me ain't getting updated unless you go get another one.'
Subaru : "AAAAGH!" he screams in mental pain and falls to the floor of the tub now knowing the nightmare will never get any brighter at this rate "you know what, screw this. I'm killing you again and going back to the tower if getting rem doesn't delete me.. Wait no, shit! Knowing this world it's totally gonna backfire horribly!" He quickly changes his course of thought as he imagines 2 naked Als with their daily rickroll and horrible singing forming a shitty asf out-of-sync duet.
Al : 'Damn, how did you guess it right?' he murmurs under his breath.
Subaru : "Anyways, screw you once more, i'm going to finish my shower and be done with it then try to repair this automatically ruined day with duct tape." he closes the curtain once more and resumes his cleansing.
Al : 'K i'm gonna continue on our agreement while you do that then.. Wait i forgot where i was. Oh well, back to the beginning i guess *Ahem* WHee Ar nu strayngerz to loov! yEE kno de rulz aand Soh do iE!'
Subaru turns up the water to maximum so it makes more noise to cancel out the horrible singing as much as possible however it doesn't help at all since the noise of despair comes from his own mind and penetrates across it, giving in to the depression he starts lightly banging his head on the wall. This goes on for 3 full minutes until he recognizes it's about to end and it's the last repeat.
Al : 'Neva gonna giv you soUP, neNver gonna let yuu clown
Nehver goNAna rUN aroOnD and defeEt you
NeVuh goonna maike yuo cri, never gonne sai gudbye jojo
NevEEr goomba smell a pie an hurt ye.'
Subaru loses all the hope of life he gained yesterday, his eyes go back to being dead. He hopes he can just speedrun getting Rem and end it all.
Subaru : 'Hey metallic shithead, you didn't even get half the words right you know..' He projects the thought instead of talking aloud again because he lost all energy he could ever have for a day that has yet to begin.
Al : 'Oh whoops, want me to try again?'
Subaru : 'NO! Now please just go, so i can focus on cleaning and stop smelling like soggy jizz already..' he clutches his aching head with tears streaming down his face while still crouched inside of the tub.
Al : 'Oh please what are you going to do if i don't, take schizophrenia meds? But fine, i'll be back tomorrow for the next day.' with that the silhouette disappears from his foggy left eye's sight.
Subaru gets up after a few minutes with a deep sigh and continues with his shower while dead inside, he thoroughly washes his white hair because dirty white hair looks really bad and turns old man grey, a problem he has only recently discovered.
After he finishes his shower and dries off, he rigorously washes his underwear in the sink due to it being his only pair of undies he has on hand right now then dries it out with a fire mana stone. Eventually he leaves the bathroom after a time that's more fit for a woman with his iconic tracksuit on and goes to the living room to consult with the voices in his head once more to elaborate on the 'go save the maid loli' plan.
i wasn't planning on making the 5th until next week but then i had this test chapter that i deleted yesterday that gave everyone an update notice which trolled a 100 of you into checking it out just to find nothing and so i felt bad and decided to do this filler thing.
also about that betelgeuse roast, i decided to leak one and the ending just because i think i got another one that's equally as good saved for later.
Betelgeuse : "You don't look like much, i can't understand why the lovely witch would ever choose you of all people!"
Subaru : "Oh screw that, comments on looks are the last thing i'll take from you. your cheeks are so indented that your face look like a fucking bicycle seat."
Then betelgeuse's soul got returned to the Od laguna, never to recover from the roast and everyone was saved and the stick returned and then subaru married the stick and had 43 stick babies
THE END
sorry Felt, i killed you off for no reason lol